Posts Tagged ‘stuttering’
Episode 95 features Caitlyn McSally, who grew up in Monroe, Connecticut and went to undergraduate school in New Paltz, New York, about an hour and half from where I live.
Caitlyn is currently in Columbia, South Carolina, studying for her Master’s degree in Speech Language Pathology. When asked why she chose this field, Caitlyn shares it wasn’t because of her speech, like one might think.
When Caitlyn was deciding on college and careers, she didn’t knew she stuttered. She recalls first “hearing herself stutter” about two years ago.
She shares her boyfriend’s response, “Wow, I bet you couldn’t do that again if you tried,” which Caitlyn thought was a great way to address the “odd” thing that had just happened.
Listen in as we discuss Caitlyn’s unique journey, her current therapy experience, covert behaviors, pet peeves and what’s important to her about stuttering.
This was a great conversation. Please leave feedback for Caitlyn in the comment section. Remember, feedback is a gift.
Music used in this episode is credited to ccMixter.
Episode 18 of the conversations with men features Ray Welchman, who hails from South Australia. Ray is a systems engineer in a defense company.
He also runs “Feel The Fear” workshops as a licensed trainer for Susan Jeffers training. Jeffers wrote the wonderful book Feel The Fear and Do It Anyway.
Listen in as we talk about different therapy experiences, the McGuire programme, avoidance, denial, hiding and so much more.
We talk about courage, growth and Toastmasters. Ray is the president of his Toastmasters club and and often finds himself privately exclaiming “look what I’m doing now.” Confidence and courage help us expand our comfort zones and grow.
Speaking of growth, see this video of Ray performing in a Toastmasters Humorous Speech Contest.
This was a great conversation. Feel free to leave comments or ask questions. Feedback is a gift.
Music used in this episode is from DanoSongs.
Producer note: apologies for the abrupt beginning. Technical difficulties resulted in a few seconds of Ray’s introduction being “cut off.”
Falling Off A Cliff
Posted on: October 27, 2012
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What does the actual moment of stuttering feel like to you?
Yesterday in a training, we were talking about metaphors and the trainer was asking us to apply metaphors for things we were feeling.
We were then to dig deep to see if we could identify the feelings behind the metaphor we chose. No one volunteered, so I took a chance.
I shared that a common metaphor for me is that I often feel like I’ve fallen off a cliff and no one has even noticed. As this was a work training on change, everyone believed I was referring to a work situation. I was not. I was referring to how I sometimes feel when I get caught in a good stuttering block.
However, since it was change we were refferring to, I let the trainer dig deeper with me and allowed her to think it was a work issue. It could have been.
She asked how it feels when I fall off the cliff. I said it feels scary and helpless. She asked if there was anything that let me know I was about to fall of the cliff. I said anxiety usually triggered it.
She asked if I knew why I was falling. I said because I wasn’t in control. Everyone was believing this was a work situation. She asked what I could do to prevent the fall. I said I could talk to someone about how I feel before the anxiety tips me over the edge.
She asked what kept me from talking about the way I felt. I said it was fear of being laughed at. She asked who was my direct report. I told her the guys name – he was right in the room. She asked what could I do to feel comfortable talking with him.
I told her I felt comfortable talking with him – that wasn’t it. She kept pushing for me to dig. I didn’t want to admit I was talking about stuttering. She asked again what was I really afraid of, still thinking I was referring to work.
I finally surprised myself and said judgement. There, I had said it. I feel like I am falling off a cliff when blocking and I fear someone is negatively judging me.
But the metaphor surprisingly fit into a pretend work scenario too. I get anxious when I feel someone at work is judging me.
The trainer felt good that I had risked and shared and felt my colleagues had learned from my share. She encouraged us to dig deep when we are feeling the impact of change in our lives. And to use metaphors to help us dig deeper.
I thought long and hard after the training and was happy that I shared this metaphor that I often feel – even though I didn’t come out and directly say I was talking about stuttering. I didn’t have to – it still related to a general fear of judgement, which is a universal fear. We all want to be accepted and not seen as different from the norm.
What about you? How do you feel in the stuttering moment? Is there a metaphor you could use to describe that feeling?
The Devil You Know
Posted on: October 8, 2012
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One of the papers on this year’s International Stuttering Awareness Day (ISAD) online conference resonated strongly with me. ISAD 2012 presentations can be found on The Stuttering Homepage.
The paper is titled Relapse Following Successful Stuttering Therapy: The Problem of Choice, by Ryan Pollard. In it, he discusses how difficult it is to change our identity, even after successful therapy for whatever the issue is-stuttering, overeating, or leaving an abusive relationship.
I commented on Pollard’s paper with a post that I titled “The Devil You Know.” People often stay in bad situations because we believe what we know may be better than the unknown. Change is scary, as is uncertainty and second guessing whether we can survive whatever change it is that may (or may not) need to be made.
I went through all of that, 3 and 4 times over. I am an adult child of an alcoholic, and as with many ACOAs, it was hard to let go of invalid beliefs, self-criticism and the constant need to please others.
I also began my journey to accept myself as a person who stutters several years ago, after spending a lifetime trying to pretend I didn’t stutter and denying how much it bothered me that I wasn’t being true to myself. As I grew to like myself more, I grew more confident and began to shed the need to defer to others and pretend to be someone I was not.
And I stayed in an abusive relationship for many years, as I thought I couldn’t ever leave and be happy, or that I just couldn’t make it on my own. I preferred the devil I was living with to the devil I didn’t know yet.
All of this leads to this: just knowing the alternatives we have in our life is often not enough for a person to make a change. I knew there was help available to leave a bad relationship, but I stayed. I knew my parents’ alcoholism was not my fault, yet I believed that for many years. I knew I could learn tools in speech therapy which would greatly minimize my stuttering, yet I chose to allow myself to stutter openly.
I remember several years ago writing a piece about “my arrival.” How would I know when I had arrived at the place in life where I would truly be happy. I also wrote about changing, and asked myself 2 questions: “what if I didn’t like the person I might become if I changed? what if I didn’t even recognize her?”
Sometimes if easy to see why we might stay with the devil we know.
What do you think?
The River’s Flow – Episode 92
Posted on: October 2, 2012
Episode 92 features Ruth Mead, who hails from Dallas, Texas. Ruth is a writer, and before that she ran a car business.
Ruth started writing when she was 33, and wrote non-stop for 3 months. She reached the point where she had entered “the flow,” meaning that she was just free writing and not having to change anything.
Ruth feels that writing helped improve her speech, as she began to think about this flow. She wasn’t thinking about changing anything when she wrote and she began to realize the same was possible when speaking.
You can read Ruth’s book “Speech Is a River” here, which as you can see, is freely available. You can also read this review of Ruth’s book by Barbara Dahm.
Listen in as we talk about effortless talking, what being “cured” and “transformation” means, holding back, humor and so much more. Ruth gets me talking a little about my feelings growing up thinking my father was ashamed of me.
This was a great conversation. Feel free to leave comments or questions for Ruth or both of us. Feedback is a gift.
Music used in this episode is credited to Dano Songs.
Shared Secrets
Posted on: September 29, 2012
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All of us have secrets – those deep dark thoughts that we keep to ourselves because we are embarrassed or ashamed or we think we’re the only one.
With the rise of the stuttering community, many of us now know that we are not the only one. Maybe our secrets are similar to others who stutter. Maybe we share the same secrets!
For this post, I would really like if you could add your secret about stuttering to the comment section, and I will add it here to the post.
When we share our secrets, we feel less isolated and vulnerable.
I’ll start! Here are a couple of my secrets.
- For a long time, I would never answer my phone. I would always let the voice mail click in, so I could call back and initiate the conversation on my terms, and with words I thought I wouldn’t stutter on.
- Sometimes when I block on a word, I feel like I have disappeared for a moment and no one even notices. That feels so helpless and lonely.
- I once told a person that I went to a different college than I really did because the name of my college just wouldn’t come out that day.
Your turn! Do you have a secret about your stuttering that you’d like to share?
Lisa shared: “I always used to introduce myself as ‘Sarah’ as it was easier to say.”
Healthandheart shared: “I selectively stutter and often feel uncomfortable stuttering in front of other black people sometimes, including my family, depending on who it is.”
Tom shared: “Whenever a friend or colleague asked me to make a phone call, I would always make some excuse, but never say the real reason (that I was afraid to because of my stuttering.”)
Julia shared: “When making a phone call, I sometimes still panic and put the phone down as soon as the person answers. I ring back straight away but old feelings surrounding the phone die hard!”
Annetta shared: “I wanted to change my name from Annetta to Marie because I stutter so much on Annetta. I also had a problem with saying hello on the phone and would have a mini panic attack whenever my phone rings.”
Episode 17 of the conversations with men who stutter features Robert Lucas, who hails from a small town in South Australia.
Robert worked for 26 years in the gas pipe lines industry. He had worked his way up to an Inspector, before retirement.
Robert shared how participating in engineering meetings was always tough for him. He dreaded introductions, and often manipulated others to attend and speak for him. He spent lots of time thinking about how he might manipulate others, including family. Manipulation is an interesting way to look at avoidance.
We talk about how Toastmasters and acting helped Robert become more comfortable and confident with his speech. He shares about the success he found by participating in the McGuire program.
We also enjoy quite a few laughs and talk about the importance of humor, expanding boundaries, advertising and reading other people’s minds.
It was a delight chatting with Robert. He has a terrific attitude and a wicked sense of humor. Please leave comments or questions. Feedback is a gift.
The music clip used in this episode is credited to ccMixter.
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Make your plans now to check into this years’ International Stuttering Awareness Day (ISAD) on-line conference that starts on October 1 and runs through ISAD, 
October 22,2012.
This is always one of the marquee conferences of the year, because of its unique format. Presenters submit papers or presentations that are available to be read and commented on for three weeks. There are live threaded discussions where you can post a comment or question to an author, where you will get an answer.
There is also a section called “The Prof Is In” where a team of noted professionals and researchers in the field of communication disorders are available for three weeks to answer questions. This is a great way for parents to ask questions from some of the top stuttering specialists in the country, as well as a great way for SLP students to learn.
Many papers are written by consumers as well, meaning that you get a smorgasbord of different perspectives on all different issues of stuttering.
You can find all of this years action, as well as all of the past year’s conferences in archives at The Stuttering Home Page. Do check it out, participate and read a variety of different papers.
Thanks to Judy Kuster for all the work she does to coordinate these annual conferences of the international stuttering community.
Episode 16 features Geoff Johnston, who hails from Strathalbyn, South Australia. Geoff is presently the Regional Director for the McGuire program.
“There is so much more to stuttering than speech.” Geoff talks about how fears, anxieties and self-limiting beliefs are well addressed in the McGuire program and how satisfying it is to see people’s lives change. You can watch Geoff in action in this video.
Listen in as we chat about self-esteem, confidence, voluntary stuttering, relapse, social anxiety and embracing speaking situations.
We also talk about having a “compelling reason to change” and the bravery and effort needed to maintain change.
Feel free to leave comments or questions for Geoff (or for me!) in the comment section.
The podcast safe music used in this episode is credited to ccMixter.
Stuttering To Win Votes
Posted on: September 7, 2012
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An interesting story came my way yesterday. Friends from the stuttering community passed this article around – “Did Michelle Obama Fake A Stutter?” to see what “real stutterers” think of someone who may have used stuttering to exude sincerity.
Stop for a minute and think about that. Why would someone giving a powerhouse political speech at the Democratic National Convention “purposefully stutter?” To add sincerity and impact to her speech? To win the hearts of her audience members? I don’t think so.
Michelle Obama doesn’t need to try and win over her audience. She already is a strong speaker, and knows how to connect with her audience.
This is just one more way to confuse people about stuttering. As we know, the average person has normal dis-fluent moments while speaking. Even presidents do!
If Obama did have word repetitions, it wasn’t to purposely stutter so she could come off as more sincere or authentic or likeable. She had a few moments of imprecise speech like everyone does. She wasn’t using stuttering to win votes.
That’s just ridiculous!
Planting Seeds – Episode 91
Posted on: September 4, 2012
Episode 91 features Annie Bradberry, who hails from Corona, California. Annie was the Director of the National Stuttering Association for 10 years. She has been involved with the NSA all of her adult life.
Presently, Annie works as the Director of Development of The 100 Mile Club, a physical fitness and lifestyles program for kids in schools.
We talk about her involvement in the stuttering community and the growth she has seen over the years. Annie also shares what it was like transitioning from being the face of the NSA to “Annie who stutters.”
Listen in as we also chat about therapy experiences, moments of vulnerability, self talk, small talk and how stuttering has been an asset sometimes. And we really touch on being more open to our authentic self. We also laugh a lot in this conversation.
We invite you to leave comments, or just let Annie know what you thought of her story. Music used in this episode is credited to ccMixter.
Episode 15 of the series of conversations with men who stutter features Hanan Hurwitz, who hails from Ra’anana, Israel, via South Africa.
Hanan is an electrical engineer, and works for a company that makes server control equipment.
Hanan attended his first National Stuttering Association conference in 2010. We discuss the power of support and community and what a relief it is to realize that we are not alone.
Listen in to a rich conversation about Hanan’s journey, one which he describes as one of incremental steps. He is excited about sharing his story, as it has been so valuable for him to hear others who have shared their stories.
We talk about avoidance, “mental gymnastics,” losing track of conversations, and talking about stuttering. One thing (among many) things that I loved in this conversation was when I asked Hanan if he does any advertising of his stutter.
His response: “People know I stutter because I stutter.”
Please leave comments for either of us in the comment section, or just let Hanan know what a great job he did. Feedback is a gift.
The music clip in this episode is credited to ccMixter.
What people are saying!