The innovative Tech Valley High School in my area held their Open House recently to celebrate their opening in their own new space. For the past two years, the school has been operating in shared space. The creators of this school always visualized the school having a place of its own. It is now housed in a building on the Albany State University campus, and also has as neighbors many of the emerging, high tech businesses that one day hope to employ these kids.

The Open House was celebrated by school leaders, parents, the community and business. It was a huge celebration that concluded with a dramatic Chinese Lion Dance. In the Chinese tradition, the lion dance signifies new beginnings, happiness and good luck. Indeed this school is celebrating its new beginnings in a home of their own. They are also celebrating being on the cusp of exciting new technologies that will attract more business and jobs to the upstate New York area.

I too am celebrating new beginnings. I want to dance the Chinese Lion Dance  myself. This video will have to do! Please watch for a minute and see how exciting the dance is.

I have entered a new part of my life. Just as I did three years ago, when I stopped denying my stuttering and started welcoming it into my life. It was hard and scary and emotional to do that. Change is like that. Sometimes we would rather stay stuck and miserable, because it’s what we know and we fear the change and the uncertainty.

It was the same in my relationship. I stayed stuck in a relationship that had ceased to fulfill me a long time ago. I was afraid to leave. Guilt and obligation held me hostage for a long time. Slowly, I felt my very spirit being sucked right of me and I knew I had to make a change, as scary and overwhelming as it would be. I had long felt that I wasn’t good enough and would never find the right person to share my heart with. I felt I didn’t deserve happiness. Part of that came from a difficult, loveless childhood. Part came from my own feelings of self-contempt because of my stuttering. And part came from a deep fear of being alone.

But this person was smothering and hurting me and I felt it more and more everyday. My feelings for him had long ago been extinguished. I was numb, just as I had been for years as a child. I stayed in this bad relationship out of fear and financial dependence. Wrong reasons to stay with anyone! I knew it for a long time and just needed a bolt of courage to finally “walk the walk” and do what is right for me, for my soul. I found the courage to embrace my stuttering and slowly that ignited my inner reserves of strength regarding other things. I deserve to be happy. We all deserve to be happy. And I do not need another person for that. Sure, its nice to share your heart and soul with another person, but it has to be the right person,and for the right reasons. There has to be a connection. A real one, not one that I thought there should be.

I made a decision about my life. I am responsible for me. I am now living alone. I control my destiny and my life. I am responsible for me. Sure, its scary. I worry about finances and having to cut back, like everyone else. But it is liberating and empowering to know that I did it!  I ACTUALLY DID IT! I found the courage and power to take control of my life, and who I am. I am going to watch the Chinese Lion Dance over and over again, and remind myself that I am who I am, and that I am OK.

Have you ever faced a momentous change in your life, and felt the fear grip you tight? Did you do it anyway? How did it feel? Special, I am sure. It is special.