Posts Tagged ‘covert stuttering’
Episode 256 features Mide Oyindamola, PharmD, RPH, who hails from Palestine, Texas, by way of South Carolina and Nigeria. Mide works as a hospital pharmacist.
Listen in as we discuss how Mide came to choose pharmacy as her career. We also discuss covert stuttering, and what happened when Mide lost the ability to be covert.
She says it felt like a midlife crisis, even though she was only in her 20’s. Her stuttering frequency and severity increased seemingly overnight, and she also felt like she had “started to stutter for the first time.”
We talk about her positive therapy experience and finding support through the National Stuttering Association. And we wrap up with discussing how being vulnerable invites others to do the same, which helps build relationships.
Listen for how the title of this episode was chosen!
Episode 254 features Dr. Tracey Wallace, who hails from Brandywine, Maryland. Tracey is an educational audiologist for the Washington, DC public schools. She also works with her husband as an entrepreneur, with an event venue that they are growing.
Tracey spent more than half of her life managing the stress of trying to survive as a covert stutterer. She describes walking into stuttering moments, panicking, and falling apart.
One such moment led to a “rock bottom” experience as an audiologist. That lead to her finding and attending her first NSA chapter meeting (then known as the NSP) and later meeting a SLP who offered a non-traditional form of speech therapy, known as avoidance reduction. Listen as Tracey describes how this changed her life.
We also discuss stuttering and deafness, ASL, the costs of concealment, and “false fluency.”
Thank you Tracey for such a meaningful conversation.
Her Evolution – Episode 253
Posted on: January 30, 2023
Episode 253 features Elizabeth Escobar, who hails from Germantown, Maryland. Elizabeth is a busy mom and student, who speaks and stutters in three languages: English, Spanish and Arabic.
Elizabeth is studying International Studies with a minor in Information Technology. She likes advocacy work and understanding the socioeconomic statuses of other countries.
Listen in as we delve into adaptability, resilience and evolution. Elizabeth is learning how to take her power back. She doesn’t want to feel bad anymore about stuttering and wants to release herself from bad memories. She doesn’t want to go by her nicknames anymore – she wants to be vociferous and loudly proclaim “My Name is Elizabeth.”
We also talk about understanding self-sabotage and the strength it takes to enter into therapy.
Remember Elizabeth’s name. She’s going places!
I Was Ready – Episode 252
Posted on: January 2, 2023
Episode 252 features Callie Brazil, who hails from Irvine, California. Callie is the Director of Digital Marketing and Storytelling at UCLA Law School. Her focus is on social media storytelling and brand journalism.
Callie shares her story of how many doors open when one door closes. And this is not cliché at all!
Callie thought she was going to be a lawyer, but now realizes she is in the right place at the right time. She talks about endless speech therapy that was “fluency first” focused. There were times when she felt she had failed, so wanted to silence her voice. She started ASL classes to communicate.
Callie reached a point when she was truly ready for resources and support. Her life changed when her amazing SLP (shout out Loryn!) told her it was OK to stutter, something no one had ever told Callie. And be sure to listen closely as Callie talks about one special conversation with her grandmother.
Listen in to a great story that wraps up the 12th year of sharing powerful stories from and about women who stutter.
My Second Family – Episode 248
Posted on: July 22, 2022
Episode 248 features Lindsey Lambert, who hails from Kansas City, Missouri. Lindsey is in her 30’s and is an R.N. working as an assistant nurse manager on the oncology floor at a VA Hospital.
Lindsey recently attend her first National Stuttering Association conference, which she describes as finding the family you didn’t know you had.
Listen in as we talk about Lindsey’s experiences with avoidance and being covert. She says she practiced a lot of avoidance for a really long time. She was tired of walking through life not being who she was. She is still working on her journey to acceptance.
Lindsey’s conference takeaways include: she found empowerment in getting out of her negative mindset. She discovered overwhelming love and support, and the deep conversations with others who stutter to be so freeing. She challenged herself to maintain eye contact, and she did.
Lindsey wants to heal. I’d say her first conference experience and all the people she met puts her well on the path to that healing.
Open Doors – Episode 245
Posted on: February 10, 2022
Episode 245 features Caitlin Franchini, who hails from Atlanta, Georgia. Caitlin is a second year graduate student studying speech language pathology. She is currently participating in an externship with high school students and loves it. Caitlin is also a self professed foodie – she loves cooking and baking.
Listen in as we discuss all things stuttering. We talk about the changing relationships we have with our stutter, the journey to self confidence and acceptance and Caitlin’s own experiences with speech therapy.
Caitlin is new to the stuttering community and has gone from thinking she was the only who stuttered to realizing there is a huge network of support out there. We talk about disclosure and the importance of validating our identity as a woman who stutters.
Caitlin had the opportunity to work as a counselor at Camp Say last summer. It was a wonderful experience. “I thought I was going to change lives, but my life was changed.” Those epiphany moments are the best.
** Host note: As I listened back to this episode, I was stunned at the number of times I used filler words such as “uhm” and “you know.” I was in Toastmasters for many years and had worked specifically on recognizing and reducing filler words. For a long time, filler words were “run-ups” to words that I thought I was going to stutter on. An old avoidance tactic. Does anybody else find this creeping back in? **
Missing My Stuttering Friends
Posted on: July 7, 2021
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This year is the first time in 15 years that I have not attended the annual NSA conference. I found the NSA in 2006 and have gone 15 consecutive times. I see friends posting pictures on social media and I’m finding that I am fiercely missing the conference and my friends. Some of those friends I only see once a year, but it’s OK, as we pick up right where we left off.
For so long, I felt shame and fear about stuttering, thinking as many of us do, that I was the only one who stutters. It was never discussed in my family, so the feelings of shame, guilt, and fear kept me in hiding for a long time.
When I attended my first conference in 2006, it was like a weight had been lifted off my chest. There were other people and all looked normal, like me. We just talked differently. That profound experience helped me realize that I could now help people deal with shame and coming out of hiding.
This blog and my podcast gives me joy. I’m using my experience to help someone else peel that personal stigma off.
Friend Hanan has more than once told me that finding others who stutter has been like oxygen for him.
That and finding our tribe – where we can stutter openly with no fear of judgment. I am really missing my tribe, my friends, my mentors.
I am having surgery on my right hand this Friday, so I may not be able to type or text for a while. I needed to post this today. I love seeing the pictures friends are posting on social media, but it is also bittersweet.
Challenge? Yes Please – Episode 235
Posted on: May 3, 2021
Episode 235 features Lesley Brownlow, who hails from Liverpool, England, UK. Lesley works in a council-run Adult Education service, which she describes as very busy, stressful and productive. She says in a way, her career “chose her.” She wanted to take on a communication heavy job to help “bust the stigma” of stuttering.
Lesley says she always wanted to be a writer, and that she knew this that at the tender age of 5, when she began writing stories. Going forward, she realized you had to make money in order to actually make a career out of writing.
Lesley’s mantra is never saying no to a challenge. Early in her adult education career, she did worry that stuttering could be perceived by learners that she didn’t know what she was talking about. She quickly let that go.
Listen in as we discuss authenticity, disclosure, the “fluent voice in our head,” and how stuttering can create an intimacy in communication that helps spark real relationships. We also discussed the benefits of meeting others who stutter and how liberating that can be.
This was a wonderful, inspiring conversation that could have go on for hours, but we were mindful of listener attention spans these days!
Thank you Lesley.
Change Takes Change – Episode 233
Posted on: March 11, 2021
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Episode 233 features McKenzie Jemmett, who hails from Salt Lake City, Utah. McKenzie is a SLP working with pre-school children. She has a long held interest in counseling and believes that plays a part in speech therapy. She also teaches Zumba on the side, a great release outlet while helping others.
McKenzie became interested in stuttering due to her curiosity about how the brain works. She describes herself as having a “mild overt stutter.”
For a long time, McKenzie tried to deny she stuttered and tormented herself trying to appear fluent. It took the help of an incredibly honest and caring friend who told her she was a mess and needed to take care of herself. It was then that she began confronting her demons.
Listen in as McKenzie shares about her worth as a person (it’s not based on cupcakes) and her wish for being more brave. We also discuss what it takes to change, and doing for self what is done for others.
McKenzie is now involved in several stuttering initiatives – she is a committee member of the online ISAD conference held every October and is also a Stutter Social host.
It was great chatting with McKenzie and putting a face to a name.
Deep Cover
Posted on: February 12, 2021
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Yesterday I had the opportunity to present a session on covert stuttering at the South Carolina Speech and Hearing Association. A good friend and SLP, Charley Adams, co-facilitated with me. Our session was titled “Deep Cover – Exploring Covert Stuttering.” The audience of 80+ consisted of licensed SLPs and SLP students.
It seems that SLPs look forward to learning about covert stuttering, as there’s not a whole lot of information out there in the research world. It’s especially helpful to learn about covert stuttering from someone who covertly stuttered for years. Me!
We had the first session of the day, on the first of the 3-day conference. We were given 90 minutes. At first I thought that was too much time, but actually we could have gone much longer.
We helped educate SLPs why people want to hide stuttering and we gave examples of avoidance behaviors.
I think the biggest take-away was considering the answer to the question “how do you help a stutterer who does not stutter?”
Speak Your Shame – Episode 230
Posted on: January 29, 2021
Episode 230 features Lucy Reed Ward, who hails from Foley, Alabama. She is a Speech Language Pathologist (SLP) and recently retired from a school SLP job.
But she actually didn’t retire! She now works with people who stutter via teletherapy. She tells us that she feels her career has just begun. She is also working on opening a private practice.
Listen in to this great conversation about covert stuttering, kicking shame and fear to the curb, and her experiences with her own therapy journey. Lucy shared an important revelation about shame. Once you speak your shame, it loses its power.
We also discuss self limiting career choices, meeting others who stutter, and learning how to stutter. Lucy also brought up how she met a lot of people who stutter from an old email listserv called “Stutt-L” which doesn’t exist anymore due to the rapid growth of social media. Stutt-L was also my first introduction to learning that many people stutter. It wasn’t just me! Like Lucy, it was so wonderful meeting in person those we’d already become friends with due to that ancient email group.
Don’t miss out – listen today!
We Belong Here – Episode 227
Posted on: January 1, 2021
Episode 227 features Rebekah Spencer-Maroon, who hails from Nottingham, England. Rebekah is a full time mum to two young children, both of whom stutter.
Listen in as Rebekah shares her embracing, loving way to look at her stuttering, which wasn’t always the case. Her stutter was the “innocent party” in the covert battle, as it really was the feelings and fear she had around stuttering that made speaking so difficult.
Rebekah shares that she is constantly shocked that she can speak, now that she has given herself permission to be authentic and just stutter. She even describes that her neural pathways are rewiring now that she speaks spontaneously without the heaviness of concealment.
We also talk about how “blocking” forces a person to stop and listen, and the intersectionality of all the pieces that make up our identity.
“We are perfect as we are.”
You’re Not Covert Anymore
Posted on: November 23, 2020
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Over the last few weeks, I have had the opportunity to do some talks about covert stuttering and how hiding an integral part of me has shaped me.
I co-facilitated a session for the Canadian Stuttering Association in early November and one last week for the NSA global research conference.
And today I spoke to a small female only group of women who stammer.
In all of the talks, I emphasized how stuttering covertly essentially hijacked my personality which lead me down a rabbit hole of avoidance in all areas of my life, not just stuttering related stuff.
I shared with a friend that I had given several of these talks all in a relatively short time period. He said, “well, you’re not covert anymore, you do know that, right?” That gave me pause, as I suppose he’s right. What I’ve been sharing has been the journey I’ve taken to embrace my true self and become open with who I am and how I speak. One of the presentations I gave was aptly called, “Dropping the ‘C’ in Covert Stuttering.”
People who stutter and those who interact with people who stutter seem genuinely interested in how going from extremely covert to truly open is done and why.
At today’s talk, the topic of small talk came up, in relation to a comment that someone made about finding it hard to make friends as a person who stutters. I mentioned that many of us really never learned how to “make small talk” because we were always so busy hiding or rehearsing what we might be able to say fluently if we absolutely had to talk.
One woman asked me if it has become any easier to make small talk now that I stutter openly. I shared that it absolutely has become easier. I am more spontaneous now than I’ve ever been because I just stutter and get on with it. I don’t care as much as I once did and I didn’t worry so much about being judged.
And I shared that my fear had always been fear of rejection. I really think that’s what it boils down to – being rejected, not being liked, not feeling that sense of belonging that we all crave and need.
I’ve come to realize that indeed I’m not covert anymore and that I can enjoy spontaneity in conversation and really feel present in a conversation.
I’ve heard myself time and again these past few weeks mention that I truly feel that authenticity invites reciprocity. And that we all yearn to allow ourselves to be vulnerable, as that is the foundation of real belonging.
Nothing To Hide – Episode 222
Posted on: September 24, 2020
Episode 222 features Aisha Haynes, who hails from Columbia, South Carolina. Dr. Aisha Haynes is the Assistant Director for the Center for Teaching Excellence. She teaches two online courses at the university. For fun, Aisha enjoys traveling, trying and eating new food, and adventurous activities.
Aisha had been a covert stutterer for many years. She shares that it’s only been over the last 5 years or so that she has given herself permission to “stutter really well.”
Listen in as we discuss disclosure and advertising, not being able to hide stuttering anymore, and being more comfortable in her stuttering skin. The title of this episode comes from an article that Aisha was featured in at her university, which she describes as her “coming out story.”
Below please find a video of Aisha and colleague Dr. Charley Adams discussing stuttering at the university.
The “S” Word – Episode 220
Posted on: September 2, 2020
Episode 220 features Cathy Olish Maciejewski, who hails from Grosse Ile, Michigan. Cathy works in Human Resources at Ford Motor Company. Her job entails recruiting and on-boarding senior level hires, which requires a lot of communication. Cathy does a lot of her “point of contact” work with new hires via email.
Cathy is, and always has been, a person who stutters covertly. It’s fascinating to hear her story of the extremes she takes to hide her stuttering. She has been attending National Stuttering Association (NSA) conferences since the year 2000 and never tells friends or coworkers where she is going “on vacation.”
We talk about a number of things in this eye opening and inspiring conversation about covert stuttering.
Listen in as we discuss the self taught tricks and techniques Cathy uses to appear fluent, the preparations she undergoes a few days ahead of a speaking situation, the iceberg analogy of stuttering, and her admission that sometimes she’s OK with appearing less intelligent than she really is just to appear fluent.
I met Cathy at my very first NSA conference when I attended her workshop “Covert Stuttering Exposed,” which was the first time I heard a word describing what I had been doing for so many years to hide my stuttering. Cathy shares that long time NSA member Russ Hicks approached her and two others and pegged them as covert and encouraged them to run this first of it’s kind workshop.
Cathy has two young children, both of whom stutter. She recalls one time when an acquaintance commented that her son, Luke, had a speech impediment. Cathy explained, “oh, that, he stutters, I do too,” which was a big moment of being open for Cathy.
Cathy also wrote an article many years ago that resonated with me, called, “Hello, My Name Is Cathy, But You Can Call Me Anne: A Story Of A Covert Person Who Stutters.”
This was a great conversation with someone I’ve always wanted to know better. Cathy “tells all” in this episode. I am so grateful.
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