Make Room For The Stuttering

Posts Tagged ‘stuttering

Episode 232 features Naomi Howard, who hails from Mt. Olive, North Carolina. Naomi works as a teacher, recently promoted to Assistant Director, with a Montessori School. She is a musician, playing the piano since 8 years old, and some other instruments.

Naomi is new to the stuttering community, as she has late onset stuttering which only developed a year ago. She shares that it may have been triggered after removal of a pituitary gland tumor.

Naomi is also a little person. I asked which was more challenging to deal with, stuttering or dwarfism. She said definitely being a little person, as that’s consistent and she knows exactly what to expect everyday. Stuttering, as we know, is extremely variable, from minute to minute, hour by hour and day to day.

Listen in to this very inspiring episode. It was a fun conversation with a new friend.

Yesterday I had the opportunity to present a session on covert stuttering at the South Carolina Speech and Hearing Association. A good friend and SLP, Charley Adams, co-facilitated with me. Our session was titled “Deep Cover – Exploring Covert Stuttering.” The audience of 80+ consisted of licensed SLPs and SLP students.

It seems that SLPs look forward to learning about covert stuttering, as there’s not a whole lot of information out there in the research world. It’s especially helpful to learn about covert stuttering from someone who covertly stuttered for years. Me!

We had the first session of the day, on the first of the 3-day conference. We were given 90 minutes. At first I thought that was too much time, but actually we could have gone much longer.

We helped educate SLPs why people want to hide stuttering and we gave examples of avoidance behaviors.

I think the biggest take-away was considering the answer to the question “how do you help a stutterer who does not stutter?”

 

Episode 230 features Lucy Reed Ward, who hails from Foley, Alabama. She is a Speech Language Pathologist (SLP) and recently retired from a school SLP job.

But she actually didn’t retire! She now works with people who stutter via teletherapy. She tells us that she feels her career has just begun. She is also working on opening a private practice.

Listen in to this great conversation about covert stuttering, kicking shame and fear to the curb, and her experiences with her own therapy journey. Lucy shared an important revelation about shame. Once you speak your shame, it loses its power.

We also discuss self limiting career choices, meeting others who stutter, and learning how to stutter. Lucy also brought up how she met a lot of people who stutter from an old email listserv called “Stutt-L” which doesn’t exist anymore due to the rapid growth of social media. Stutt-L was also my first introduction to learning that many people stutter. It wasn’t just me! Like Lucy, it was so wonderful meeting in person those we’d already become friends with due to that ancient email group.

Don’t miss out – listen today!

With the election of Joe Biden as the 46th president of the United States, the stuttering community has our biggest platform yet for education and awareness of stuttering. The president who stutters can really raise awareness on the biggest stage.

But that’s only if Biden chooses to be open about his stuttering, rather than the often used “overcoming narrative.”

When Biden gave his inaugural speech last week, he was stuttering. Those of us with stuttering radar picked up on word changes, hesitations and filler words. It was OK, he is the new president and he delivered a great speech, conveying exactly what he wanted to.

The stuttering community at large is excited. Because a full presidential term is four years, the potential for stuttering awareness can be a sustained effort. The movie “The King’s Speech” did a lot for the community when it was released in 2010. But that buzz faded away pretty quickly.

During the 2020 campaign for USA president, the former president repeatedly mocked Biden and the media caught much of that. We could see it on TV and social media platforms. The former president had a “bully pulpit” and used it often to denigrate opponents and just about anyone he deemed as getting in his way. 

If we had to call it a contest between stuttering and bullying, stuttering clearly won!

 

 

Episode 228 features return guest Anita Blom. Anita is Dutch born, but has lived in Sweden long enough to consider herself as Swedish. She is a global advocate for stuttering, and has been since she was 27 years old, when she first met another person who stutters.

Anita was a guest 10 years ago, and we talked about how she was finally proud of herself. That episode came shortly after I had met Anita at a National Stuttering Association conference, where she was a keynote speaker.

A lot has changed for Anita over the years, but she remains a fierce advocate for people who stutter, especially children who stutter. Anita calls it her “crusade.”

Listen in as we discuss the positives that we have gained from the pandemic year 2020. While lockdowns and social distancing kept us apart, virtual meetings took off and Anita discovered that video chats (mainly Zoom) has enabled advocates to reach so many more people. People who cannot afford the expenses of an in-person conference suddenly were able to connect virtually, and did we ever.

We also talked about how virtual meetings can be exhausting, but the benefits are worth it. And we touch on how women experience stuttering differently than men, and how often women, especially women who stutter can feel “little” in men’s spaces.

Once we are able to resume in-person meetings again, we both agree that we should continue with virtual meetings as well, as we’ve seen the huge benefits of inclusion.

Thank you Anita for being a return guest and for sharing so honestly. You’re definitely a stuttering force to reckno with.

Episode 227 features Rebekah Spencer-Maroon, who hails from Nottingham, England. Rebekah is a full time mum to two young children, both of whom stutter.

Listen in as Rebekah shares her embracing, loving way to look at her stuttering, which wasn’t always the case. Her stutter was the “innocent party” in the covert battle, as it really was the feelings and fear she had around stuttering that made speaking so difficult.

Rebekah shares that she is constantly shocked that she can speak, now that she has given herself permission to be authentic and just stutter. She even describes that her neural pathways are rewiring now that she speaks spontaneously without the heaviness of concealment.

We also talk about how “blocking” forces a person to stop and listen, and the intersectionality of all the pieces that make up our identity.

“We are perfect as we are.”

Episode 226 features Stephanie Nicolai, who hails from San Diego, CA, and presently lives in Peoria, Arizona. Stephanie is married and a mom to a 2 and 1/2 year old son, and works full time as a psychologist.

I wondered why Stephanie chose a profession where she literally talks all day. She explains taking a psychology course while still in high school and wound up loving it. She says she is passionate about human behavior. Stephanie also mentions the natural empathy she can pour into other people.

Listen in as we talk about stuttering trauma and how humans have more in common with each other than they think they do.

We also talk about how the National Stuttering Association was a game changer for both her and her parents. Stephanie’s first NSA experience was at a “Family Fun Day.” it was there that Stephanie first heard other people stuttering and then she and her parents were hooked. Stephanie describes her parents as very supportive and involved in the NSA. Her mom started NSA chapters for kids and teens, and both parents can be seen in some volunteer capacity at annual conferences.

We also discuss the unique, fun opportunity Stephanie had when she auditioned and landed a spot on the TV show “Wheel of Fortune.” Stephanie’s episode aired recently. We’ll let you listen in to hear how she fared on the show.

We marveled how a person who stutters can do anything, including appearing on a national TV show and do well. She says, “we are our own worst enemies.”

Go for what you want – don’t let stuttering stop you. Lemonade sure tastes good.

 

Episode 225 features return guest Alexandra D’Agostino, who hails from Ottawa, Canada. Alexandra is 27 years old, has recently become a Registered Nurse and is looking forward to a new job. Alexandra decided to get into nursing/medicine after realizing it would be a good career fit. She has always liked medicine, even going so far as watching surgeries on YouTube.

Alexandra was a guest four years ago, in September 2016, where we discussed the Cycles of Stuttering. As noted in her previous episode, Alexandra is still very much involved in the stuttering community, as are her parents. Alex notes that she had to miss two NSA conferences when she was still in Nursing school, but her mom went to the NSA conference anyway.

Listen in as we discuss advertising, disclosure, authenticity and volunteering.

Alexandra also shares about her involvement in the Canadian Stuttering Association hosting their first online virtual conference last month. It was a very successful event and drew people who might not have been able to attend due to distance. We talked about the potential of stuttering associations offering both in-person and virtual events so that more people can be included.

What a great conversation.

 

 

Over the last few weeks, I have had the opportunity to do some talks about covert stuttering and how hiding an integral part of me has shaped me.

I co-facilitated a session for the Canadian Stuttering Association in early November and one last week for the NSA global research conference.

And today I spoke to a small female only group of women who stammer.

In all of the talks, I emphasized how stuttering covertly essentially hijacked my personality which lead me down a rabbit hole of avoidance in all areas of my life, not just stuttering related stuff.

I shared with a friend that I had given several of these talks all in a relatively short time period. He said, “well, you’re not covert anymore, you do know that, right?” That gave me pause, as I suppose he’s right. What I’ve been sharing has been the journey I’ve taken to embrace my true self and become open with who I am and how I speak. One of the presentations I gave was aptly called, “Dropping the ‘C’ in Covert Stuttering.”

People who stutter and those who interact with people who stutter seem genuinely interested in how going from extremely covert to truly open is done and why.

At today’s talk, the topic of small talk came up, in relation to a comment that someone made about finding it hard to make friends as a person who stutters. I mentioned that many of us really never learned how to “make small talk” because we were always so busy hiding or rehearsing what we might be able to say fluently is we absolutely had to talk.

One woman asked me if it has become any easier to make small talk now that I stutter openly. I shared that it absolutely has become easier. I am more spontaneous now than I’ve ever been because I just stutter and get on with it. I don’t care as much as I once did and I didn’t worry so much about being judged.

And I shared that my fear had always been fear of rejection. I really think that’s what it boils down to – being rejected, not being liked, not feeling that sense of belonging that we all crave and need.

I’ve come to realize that indeed I’m not covert anymore and that I can enjoy spontaneity in conversation and really feel present in a conversation.

I’ve heard myself time and again these past few weeks mention that I truly feel that authenticity invites reciprocity. And that we all yearn to allow ourselves to be vulnerable, as that is the foundation of real belonging.

 

Episode 224 features Gim Dhee who hails from Sri Lanka. Gim always saw challenges as opportunities and tried to push boundaries to achieve her dream goals. Gim is working in neurology and wishes this to be her specialty as she hopes to one day help with the causes and treatments for stammering.

Listen in as Gim shares her journey of fear and shame, and how she managed stammering. She tells us that being extremely focused on her work helps because then stammering is not so much an issue.

Gim also shares that stammering is quite stigmatized in Sri Lanka, mostly due to preconceived notions. She says raising awareness is critical in under resourced countries and she hopes to inspire others to not limit themselves.

Gim talks about her experiences with the McGuire Program which provided her with tools to combat both the physical and psychological elements of stammering.

I asked what message does she wish to share about stammering. Gim wants parents to know that they should accept their child who stammers as they are, so kids who stammer will have an easier time growing up.

This was such an inspiring conversation.

The folks over at the British Stammering Association, now known as Stamma, have launched a brilliant campaign to change the language used to describe stuttering or stammering.

Very often, stuttering is described using negative, derogatory language, resulting in personal and public perceptions that stuttering is bad and something that must be overcome.

Check out this wonderful brief video to see what they did to “find the right words,” and reduce the stigma about stuttering.

 

Episode 223 features Alexis Keiser, a 20 year old college junior. She is from New Jersey, but is attending Sacred Heart University in Fairfield, CT. Alexis is majoring in Hospitality, and declares herself a real “people person.” Her dream job is to work for Walt Disney Company in Theme Park Operations.

Alexis is super involved and busy in college, actively participating in leadership positions in several clubs. All of her involvement includes lots of communication, which she acknowledges is not easy as a person who stutters.

Listen in as we discuss speech therapy goals, meeting other people who stutter, feeling towards stuttering, the journey to acceptance and finally, learning to be unapologetic about stuttering.

Oh, and Alexis is a huge podcast fan, and never could have imagined even two years ago that she’d be a guest on one of her favorite podcasts.

I wrote this paper for this year’s International Stuttering Awareness Day online conference.

I’d love your thoughts and feedback.

“She stood in the storm and when the wind did not blow her way, she adjusted her sails.” (Elizabeth Edwards)

I love this quote above. It gets to the very core of resilience. For a long time, I allowed stuttering, which I perceived as a flaw, to hold me down and prevent me from living my best life. I did not think it was possible for a stutterer to live a life of meaning and purpose. I was so smothered in shame that I never even considered that I could do something about shame, that I could get up when knocked down.

I was knocked down a lot due to stuttering. I remember times I was laughed at, mocked, dismissed, and excluded. I remember how I reacted when these things happened. I cried and ran away, careful to not let others see how much it affected me. 

Stuttering began taking control of me in many ways that I was not consciously aware of. I did not raise my hand, volunteer to speak or even allow myself to be out front. I always hid in a corner, sat at the back of class, and avoided eye contact so that I would not be called on to speak. I had convinced myself that when I spoke, people would laugh and not take me seriously. It took me a long time to realize that I was the one leading the shame parade.

I have shared my story of hiding my stuttering many times. I have written articles for past online conferences such as this, I have made videos, I host a podcast about stuttering, and I have blogged about stuttering for more than 10 years. But it took me a long time to get to this point where I now willingly share my story and stutter openly.

I had a pivotal event in my life that paved the way for me to stop automatically equating stuttering with something bad, or believing that I was bad, flawed, or imperfect. Prior to this event, I did not know what resilience was.

I was fired from a long-held job because of stuttering in 2006. As you can imagine, that rocked my world. It was such a blow to my identity and self-esteem, for I had carefully constructed myself as someone who did not stutter, even though I do. I had successfully hidden my stuttering for so long that not many people in my world knew that I stuttered. 

In the process of crafting this “self who did not stutter,” I had unwittingly compromised my real self and tried to pretend that I was OK with being perceived as nervous, shy, quiet and a wallflower. I had created a “Fake Pam,” which I let the world see but I was totally unhappy with. 

Getting fired for stuttering was the beginning of shedding “Fake Pam” and letting “Real Pam” out. The whole process of reconciling the two vastly different versions of myself was the very definition of resilience. I just did not realize it in 2006. It took me a few years to say goodbye to “Fake Pam” and to welcome “Real Pam” to her forever home. 

Once “Real Pam” was out, there was no stopping me. Not only did I shed the fake persona, I also became real in other parts of my life. I learned that while hiding stuttering, I had also been hiding any open expression of emotions, which had suffocated me. If you have ever read the book “The Velveteen Rabbit,” you know that the stuffed rabbit became a real rabbit, which was very much like my own transformation.

Being resilient means facing pain, and choosing to walk through it, instead of around it or choosing to go down a different street. As I became real, I began to recognize powerful moments of resilience in my life. 

After getting fired, I had to go on interviews again to find a new job. I faced the fear of being judged because of stuttering by choosing to openly disclose that I stutter during interviews, for the first time ever. I quieted the inner chatter in my head that said I was not being hired because of stuttering but rather it could very well have been true that I just was not the right fit.

When I did get a job, I openly shared with supervisors and coworkers that I stutter and was still liked and accepted. I learned that I had worried about stuttering far more than anyone else did. Being real and true to myself was such a new and triumphant feeling. I wanted more of that. I wanted to take chances. I wanted to start living my best life.

I joined Toastmasters, attended stuttering support groups, and even found myself hosting a virtual stuttering support group for almost six years. I found myself doing lots of public speaking and making efforts to normalize stuttering as much as possible. I was asked often to speak to college graduate classes about covert stuttering, being asked to come back year after year by the same professors. I was afraid of rejection each time, but I persevered and let “Real Pam” come out and be heard. I liked her voice, my voice, the one that I had always thought no one could ever like because it shakes and shudders and stops and blocks. But I was at a point in my life where I could say “so what?”

I have learned that I can sail in a storm and adjust the sails to another course when I must. This is no longer fear but strength. And a belief that “I can do this.”

I have always had the resilience necessary to meet life’s challenges head on. I just did not know it for such a long time. “Real Pam” did the proper thing and introduced herself to “Fake Pam,” and “Real Pam” said “Nice to meet you, but you are not needed anymore. Get out of here.” And “Real Pam” never looked back.

 

 

 

Episode 222 features Aisha Haynes, who hails from Columbia, South Carolina. Dr. Aisha Haynes is the Assistant Director for the Center for Teaching Excellence. She teaches two online courses at the university. For fun, Aisha enjoys traveling, trying and eating new food, and adventurous activities.

Aisha had been a covert stutterer for many years. She shares that it’s only been over the last 5 years or so that she has given herself permission to “stutter really well.”

Listen in as we discuss disclosure and advertising, not being able to hide stuttering anymore, and being more comfortable in her stuttering skin. The title of this episode comes from an article that Aisha was featured in at her university, which she describes as her “coming out story.”

Below please find a video of Aisha and colleague Dr. Charley Adams discussing stuttering at the university.

We all are probably lining up to kick 2020 to the curb as soon as we can. It’s been an awful year for everyone. Lock downs, quarantines, social distancing and wearing masks. All of it has been relentless since early March 2020 when the USA joined other countries trying to battle the Covid pandemic. Most of us alive today have never experienced such a year of grave losses, of people, employment and our basic interactions with each other.

I am a hugger and I have not been able to hug anyone for 6+ months.

Almost all of our interactions with others has been virtual, using the many options for video chats. That’s been a great way to at least talk to people.

The stuttering community has felt all these losses, some more acutely than others. I’ve heard countless stories of people who stutter experiencing difficulty when masked up and trying to speak. But we’ve stood and fiercely showed our resilience.

The stuttering community has stepped up and many of the stuttering support groups have hosted quite a few virtual sessions to help people feel connected.

This brings a nice transition into my announcement. Every year in October, a small by mighty team coordinates a 3 week online conference that runs from October 1 – October 22, which is the annual “International Stuttering Awareness Day.” This is a day that people from all over the world celebrate stuttering in their countries to raise awareness and educate communities.

I want to draw your attention to the annual online conference. It is interactive, meaning people will have the chance to interact with authors of papers, videos, poems and other media platform. This is the one a year that people come together for a global conference.

This year’s theme is “Resilience and Bouncing Back,” a theme that many people who stutter can relate to. We have around 50 submissions, submitted by PWS ourselves, SLP’s and other professionals, and family members of a person who stutters.

It’s a great theme – I was excited to find out about the theme and I enthusiastically wrote a meaningful piece that speaks to me about my journey of resilience.

The conference will go live on September 30 at noon, since it will be October 1 somewhere in the world. Check it out – you’ll be happy with the many superb contributions and you’ll so many different things about stuttering.

The online ISAD Conference begins October 1, 2020.


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© Pamela A Mertz and Make Room For The Stuttering, 2009 - 2021. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Pamela A Mertz and Make Room For The Stuttering with appropriate and specific direction to the original content. Same protection applies to the podcasts linked to this blog, "Women Who Stutter: Our Stories" and "He Stutters: She Asks Him." Please give credit to owner/author Pamela A Mertz 2021.
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