Posts Tagged ‘acceptance of stuttering’
Building Confidence
Posted on: August 1, 2014
I participated in a great conversation this week about ways to build confidence if you stutter. During a Stutter Social chat, a young person asked how some of us more “seasoned stutterers” deal with the anxiety of stuttering in certain speaking situations.
Some people shared their experiences from speech therapy, some shared from their perspective on acceptance and two of us talked a little about Toastmasters.
The following are some of the ideas that we shared about building confidence. Maybe you’ve tried some of them. Maybe you’ve got a suggestion to add.
- Don’t obsess or rehearse before hand. That increases anxiety and decreases spontaneous conversation.
- Consider advertising and letting listeners know that you are a person who stutters.
- Try using voluntary stuttering to help you gain some control during the speaking situation.
- Seize opportunities to speak, such as Toastmasters clubs or other speaking forums. Practice helps reduce anxiety and build confidence.
- Remind yourself that you have as much right to be in that speaking situation as the next person, that your voice deserves to be heard.
- If someone interrupts you, calmly let them know you’re not finished speaking yet and then proceed to complete your thoughts, no matter how long it takes.
What do you think? Do you have anything to add?
Embracing Our Uniqueness
Posted on: June 29, 2014
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I’ve been working on a talk I will give at a workshop this week at the annual NSA conference. It’s about being memorable and using what makes us different as an asset.
I’ve talked about this before on this blog – the idea that stuttering makes us memorable. My talk for the workshop centers on the premise that if we have something that makes us stand out, why not use it to our advantage?
Stuttering is unique. It applies to only 1% of the population. It makes us different. We stand out because of it. Is that a bad thing?
I remember when my sister told me about six years ago that she was jealous that I stuttered and she didn’t. I had to really wrap my brain around that at the time.
But it makes sense. In today’s world, we need to be remembered in order to get ahead.
Why not use what makes us unique? What do you think?
A Gradual Coming Out – Episode 120
Posted on: June 17, 2014
Episode 120 features Gina Davis who hails from Oakland, CA. She has a doctorate in clinical psychology and is working on getting licensed. She plans to start off gradually with a small private practice in psychotherapy.
Gina is also a writer and film maker. She has a book, True Rock, scheduled to launch this fall. The book is about a rock band who wants to be terrible, in order to desensitize themselves to their fears of failure and being held back. The book has many parallels to stuttering, which we discuss, of course.
Gina has also started a blog, which showcases her writing, her book and her film making. Check out Cracklebash here.
Listen in as we discuss the covert lifestyle, perfectionism and dealing with the tough emotions of fear and shame. Gina shares an interesting observation about stuttering she once heard: “Stuttering is a disorder of self-presentation.” This was a deeply honest and insightful conversation.
Feel free to leave comments for Gina here on the blog, especially since she is not on Facebook. Remember, feedback is a gift.
The podcast safe music used in today’s episode is credited to ccMixter.
You can see the You Tube video we discuss in this episode below.
A Moment Of Courage
Posted on: February 26, 2014
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At a recent Stutter Social Hangout, I had the chance to witness a powerful moment of courage. It was two weeks ago, but the impact still resonates.
Real quick, a hangout is a virtual group video chat where up to 10 people can talk with each other about stuttering, or anything for that matter.
I host a Hangout every other Sunday, which lasts for 90 minutes. People are free to “come in” when they can, and stay as long as they wish. There are no time pressures.
As a host, I try to welcome people as they come in, and if they are new, facilitate introductions, just like we would at a real-time support group.
As we know, introductions can be very stressful for those of us who stutter. The pressure may be magnified for some because we use microphones and video.
A newcomer, Sydney, joined the hangout and during a lull, I welcomed her and asked her to introduce herself to the group of about 8.
Sydney found herself in a mighty, stubborn block as she attempted to say her name and where she was from. We could see her effort and struggle as she stopped and started several times. The darn block was digging in its heels. Sydney stayed with it, for several minutes, and maintained eye contact and a smile.
You could feel the energy of the 8 of us who waited for Sydney. That energy seemed to fuel Sydney as she stayed courageously in the moment and waited out the block and she told us her name and where she is from.
Sydney smiled, we all smiled and we carried on in conversation.
What a moment of courage! Maybe not to the average person who doesn’t stutter, but it was. A powerful moment of courage and self-truth.
It would have been so easy for Sydney to give in and not stay with it. But at that moment, Sydney showed the rest of us a quiet moment of grit, persistence and courage. And she won – not that darn block!
I was glad I was there to see it. Go Sydney!
(Author’s note: Sydney gave me permission to write about this and to use her name.)
Being A Stutter Social Host
Posted on: February 7, 2014
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When I was asked to be a Stutter Social Hangout host last July, I figured it would be something I’d try and do for about three months. I wasn’t sure I would like it and I also wasn’t sure if I could make the commitment to host every other week.
I’ve been hosting since August and find that I really like it. In fact, I find myself looking forward to it when my turn to host rolls around.
For those of you unsure what a Hangout is, here’s a quick description.
The Hangouts run through Google + Hangout software, which is free and easy to download. Using a computer or mobile device equipped with a microphone and some type of camera device, up to 10 people can meet up in a video conference and have a conversation about anything and everything.
It’s like having a support group that you don’t have to drive to. You can “hangout” from the comfort of your own home, car, office or where ever you are, and dress casually too. You can even wear your pajamas!
I like the diversity of people that come into the hangout sessions. In some of my hangouts, I’ve had people from as many as 6 different countries hanging out and talking at one time. We talk about stuttering, and lots of other things. Sometimes we don’t talk about stuttering at all.
But everybody stutters and everybody feels comfortable stuttering. It’s a safe and supportive environment to talk with other people. And you can come in to the group when you can, and leave when you have to. It’s a wonderful sense of support and camaraderie, among people who “get it.”
If you’re interested, visit the Stutter Social website for a calendar of when hangouts are held during the week.
I host every other Sunday, from 7:30-9:00pm, EDT. I host this Sunday. I’d love to see you there. It’s a great experience.
Book Review: Stuttering Is Cool
Posted on: January 2, 2014
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I had the recent privilege to read my friend Daniele Rossi’s first book, Stuttering is Cool: A Guide to Stuttering in a Fast-Talking World.
Rossi’s book can be purchased at his Etsy shop. If you enjoy reading books about stuttering, I encourage you to pick this one up. It is a light, easy read full of surprises.
I first met Daniele through the stuttering community on Twitter, and later learned of his website Stuttering is Cool. His website houses his podcast of the same name, and 101 links about stuttering.
A book seems a natural extension of Rossi’s podcast and website. His premise is that stuttering is nothing to be ashamed of and it is possible to stutter with confidence.
So, does he convey the same premise in the written book?
Answer: A resounding YES. The book is a fun, inspiring look at managing stuttering. Daniele infuses humor throughout. He uses his own comics to illustrate the book, and puts comments in the margins so you sometimes have to turn the book upside down and around in order to read it.
He also uses a genius page numbering system that once again conveys the humor that can be found with stuttering.
Daniele recounts his own personal experiences with stuttering and shares how he went from being fearful of stuttering and trying to hide it at all costs to now embracing stuttering in his life.
Daniele shares benefits of stuttering, as well as tools and “secret weapons” that a person can use to stutter with more confidence. He also shares a piece about change and how important it is to include family and friends on your stuttering journey, especially as you make key changes about acceptance.
I really enjoyed this book. I read several sections more than once and found myself nodding and saying “uh huh” as parts resonated with me. And of course I enjoyed being mentioned and having my thoughts about change included in such a positive, inspiring book.
As I previously mentioned, if you enjoy reading books about stuttering, get this one and add it to your library. It’s well worth it and will have you smiling about stuttering.
Kudos to you Daniele for a great first book! Congratulations!
Nobody’s Perfect
Posted on: December 18, 2013
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I have spent a lot of valuable time in my life trying to be perfect. About lots of things – I always tried to be perfect in school, never satisfied unless I had a perfect score on a test or essay.
I’ve tried to be perfect on work assignments – spending time doing things over and over to ensure perfection, often doing work tasks at home during my free time in order to achieve the perfection I thought I had to have.
And I spent a lot of time trying to be perfectly fluent with my speech. I would switch words, rehearse over and over and avoid speaking situations where I feared I would stutter and not be able to cover it up.
Finally, I’ve reached a point in my life where I’ve come to accept my imperfections and actually embrace them. My imperfections are what make me uniquely me. I know longer try so hard to be fluent – I am what I am and if people don’t like it, that’s their loss.
There’s been a lot of talk in some of the Facebook stuttering groups about covert vs. overt stuttering. For me, covert always had to do with me thinking I had to be perfect. I’ve let that go, and openly stutter at work and socially. Nothing horrible has happened and people just accept me for who I am.
I’m glad that I have accepted me for who I am, because nobody’s perfect in this world.
Good Analogies For Stuttering
Posted on: November 18, 2013
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A great blog piece came out last week, written by Madeline Wahl for The Huffington Post. Her piece is called “What It Actually Feels Like To Stutter.”
She uses such descriptive language to nail the feelings we have during stuttering moments. She describes stuttering as “dashing to make a connecting flight but being too late.” And “making it to the subway just to have the doors close in your face.”
She describes fluent conversation as a back and forth volleyball match, with the words flowing just right, until an “out-of-bounds” is called when stuttering emerges.
Wahl’s descriptive language and imagery perfectly describes those stuttering moments where we feel helpless and out of control.
The article has been shared numerous times in the stuttering community via social media posts, garnering lots of “likes” and comments.
Wahl writes that over time she has come to terms with her stuttering. She knows she is going to stutter every day. Yet she doesn’t focus on acceptance. She focuses on the moments when she is able to execute her words fluently.
She writes about “the exhilarating, skydiving-through-the-air moments (that) occur whenever (she) says a sentence without stuttering.” She practices tongue twisters in front of a mirror in order to perfect her speech and not stutter.
I don’t think she has really come to terms with her stuttering if she is celebrating her fluent moments and endlessly practicing to not stutter.
I would have liked to see her say something about acceptance.
What do you think?
Advice For Kids Who Stutter
Posted on: September 4, 2013
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I am thrilled to be featured this week on my friend Daniele’s site, Stuttering is Cool. Daniele is working on a book offering advice and coping strategies for people who stutter. He is aiming for a Spring 2014 release of his book.
Daniele interviews me on who I am, what I do, my stuttering history and what advice I offer to kids who stutter. Check it out HERE!
Check out the drawing of me Daniele has done. He has done caricatures of people in the stuttering community that will be included in his book.
Very cool!
Reentry Can Be Hard
Posted on: July 16, 2013
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Last week was the annual NSA conference held in Scottsdale, AZ. It was a wonderful week, filled with talking, stuttering, workshops, stuttering, socializing, stuttering, and keynote speakers who stuttered.
For me it was a great chance to recharge, spend quality time with good friends and revisit my relationship with my stuttering in a healthy way.
During the year, I don’t always engage with my stuttering like I do when attending a conference with hundreds of other people who also stutter. At the annual conference, I allow myself the time to think about my stuttering, talk about it with others, both the good parts and not so good parts, and I allow myself to stutter freely.
That is one of the strongest benefits of attending a 3 or 4 day conference about stuttering. We are free to stutter openly, free of techniques if we wish. With that freedom to stutter openly also is the freedom from judgment and fear that many of us feel during “everyday life.”
After returning home from the conference, I felt like I was on “cloud nine.” I still felt the energy of the support and camaraderie from the people at the conference, and the acceptance that is fostered at such an event. I watched all of the Facebook posts from friends who were posting that they were feeling the same way.
I messaged and texted a few friends and we “debriefed” a bit and talked about the recharge and energy we felt.
And we also talked about how the reentry was. Reentry back to the “fluent world,” and the world where stuttering is the minority once again, can feel like a huge letdown. All of a sudden we’re back to reality and the “high” of the conference has dissolved and we’re back to the sometimes isolating existence of being the only one who stutters.
Reentry can be hard. It’s important to stay in touch with people from the conference, through social media, texting, phone or Skype. Staying in touch allows us to keep the positive feelings of support and acceptance longer. I have been in touch with friends Annie and Hanan, which has helped me stay grounded.
How do you deal with reentry after returning from such an empowering, affirming conference?
It’s A New Life – Episode 106
Posted on: July 14, 2013
Episode 106 features Amey Herrin, who hails from McDonough, Georgia, where she lives with her husband and young daughter.
Amey has a BS degree in psychology and did graduate work in UTEP (Urban Teaching Education Program). She plans to finish her degree in counseling and become a psychologist when her daughter is older.
Amey has been actively involved in stuttering advocacy and education for many years, speaking to schools, universities and SLP groups. She takes great pride in representing the stuttering community and helping people.
Listen in as we discuss Amey’s experiences with intensive speech therapy, covert to overt stuttering, and confident stuttering. We also talk about fear and pride.
According to Amey, “we can choose what kind of stutterer we’re going to be.”
This was a great, robust conversation. Feel free to leave comments or just let Amey know what a great job she did.
The podcast safe music used in this episode is credited to ccMixter.
Words
Posted on: July 9, 2013
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This is the original piece that I shared at The Stuttering Monologues at the 2013 NSA conference. Several people asked me if they could have a copy. I decided to share it here.
Words
Dance silently in my head
Aligned with the stars
Pleasing to the ear
Playing to an audience
Of one or many
Words
Never much thought
Just flowing like the river
Then river meets ocean
And the words swirl around
and waves crash on shore
Words
Start crashing
No longer just silent dancing
They come alive
Now heard
Audience leans in,
Listens closely
For waves crashing on shore
Come to life
They are rhythmic and lilting,
ebb and flow
Like our words
No need for perfect cadence
The waters tell us so
They rock and roll
From our tongues and land
Right where they should
And our listeners listen and wait
For the next wave
For waves and words and sounds
Are uniquely unique
No two sounds the same
And they dance an imperfect dance
Of words, our words, all words
And in that imperfection we find perfect
Perfect word dancers
As we’ve always been.
The Cat’s Out – Episode 103
Posted on: May 29, 2013
Episode 103 features Rachel McCullough, who hails from Bucks County, Pennsylvania. Rachel works in government with law enforcement.
Rachel wrote an article called “When Police Encounter Persons Who Stutter,” which was published in her agency’s newsletter and was also picked up by The Stuttering Foundation. She was recognized with a first place journalism award from The Stuttering Foundation for her piece.
Rachel is also a musician, sharing that “music for me is like breathing.” Rachel is a singer-songwriter and plays guitar for the band Black Cat Habitat.
Listen in as we have a great conversation about disclosure and advertising, and how Rachel first learned about covert stuttering at her first full National Stuttering Association conference in Cleveland in 2010.
We also chat about pretending to be fluent, how the only thing permanent with stuttering is that it is constantly changing, stuttering in the workplace and how Rachel is also known as Debra.
Feel free to leave comments or questions for Rachel, as we barely scratched the surface of her great story. Or just let her know what a great job she did. Remember, feedback is a gift.
The podcast safe music used in this episode is credited to DanoSongs.
Episode 100 features Tamara Nunes, who hails from Maryland, via Brazil. She works in the disability field. Tamara was the very first guest on this podcast back in May 2010.
We discuss acceptance and confidence, communicating at work, and speech therapy experiences. Tamara discusses being close to the University of Maryland, where Vivian Sisskin works, who was featured in episode 81, talking about her avoidance reduction therapy.
We talk a little about the shared experience we had working with people with developmental disabilities who also stutter. And we talk about the value of hearing other people’s stories, the National Stuttering Association, and the empowering feeling that comes from “climbing over that wall.”
We also talk about the contestant currently on American Idol who stutters. Tamara remembers being told when she was younger to sing her words instead of talking.
I am proud to have reached this milestone 100th episode, and was so happy to have caught up with Tamara. Please feel free to leave comments for either of us. Remember, feedback is a gift.
The podcast safe music used in this episode is credited to ccMixter.
Hey, You Can’t Say You Stutter
Posted on: January 9, 2013
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Last night at my Toastmasters meeting, we were all asked to introduce ourselves and tell each other what Toastmasters has done for us. Guests or new members were asked to share how they hoped to benefit from joining Toastmasters.
Two people who spoke before me both used the word “stutter” in their introductions.
A veteran of the club said Toastmasters has helped him be more confident and effective, and not bumble and stutter with words.
A newer member said she hopes to learn to not stutter when she is nervous and to not panic as much when she does any public speaking.
This made me bristle! I felt like saying to them, “Hey, you don’t stutter! You don’t know what it’s really like to know what you want to say and have your speech disrupted or blocked.”
I felt offended that they used the word stutter so casually, when to me stuttering is so personal and has significantly shaped who I am today. I wanted to correct them, to educate them, to defend all stutterers who really stutter.
But I didn’t! It wasn’t the time or place. People weren’t there to learn about stuttering. They were at a Toastmasters meeting, where we all come to get better at communication and leadership.
I kept my bristly thoughts to myself. Maybe I need to do a speech soon on what stuttering is and isn’t!
Make Room For The Stuttering 
What people are saying!