Author Archive
Life Gets In The Way – Episode 7
Posted on: June 8, 2010
Ep
isode 7 features Lesley Kodom-Baah, who hails from London. I first met Lesley on the covert list-serv,where she posted a lot of questions and shared her stuttering experience.
Soon enough, Lesley and I began following each other on Face book and Twitter. One social media account is never enough!
Lesley is a college student, majoring in Sociology. She shares what being young and in college with a stutter is like for her. Stuttering is like a taboo in England, so Lesley largely lived her life as a covert. We talk about that as well. She was eager to talk with someone about admitting and being a covert.
Lesley reveals some powerful insights in this episode. She discusses having felt locked in a prison,and the contrasting feelings she now has of being liberated. We discuss fears of not being liked or loved,and how stuttering makes you humble. Lesley also freely discusses her family life and her goals for the future.
Lesley attributes a major change in her life to having listened to other stutterers on the podcast Stuttertalk.
Musical credit for the song “Today Then Tomorrow” goes to Dano Songs.
Feel free to leave comments or feedback. The discussions are always great.
Doing It Anyway
Posted on: June 4, 2010
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I got through the awards ceremony at school on Wednesday night, as I knew I would. It went well, considering the people element and human nature. What do I mean?
I had instructed the students who were to participate in the induction ceremony to arrive by 4:15, so we could rehearse. I figured most would arrive by 4:30. When 5 of the 15 were a half-hour late, I had to kick in with Plan B. Re-assign some of the student roles.
This would be our only rehearsal, as the students were coming from three different programs with different schedules. By show time, the last two eased in and took their seats. I asked the students to fill-in the late comers.
I went up on stage to the podium, took a deep breath, smiled and opened the proceedings. As soon as I began speaking the scripted lines, I noticed I was stuttering more than usual. My heart was beating a little faster, but I just kept breathing and moved forward. I stuttered on the first sound of many of the scripted words, which I could not substitute, and had some stuttered moments during multisyllabic words.
The candle lighting ceremony went well, considering we only had 5 minutes practice. Only one student fumbled with the switch on the fake candles. (Not allowed to use flames in a public building).
As I called the names of each student to come and get their certificates, I stuttered on most of the names. I could see out of the corner of my eye one student begin to rise and then sit again until I had finished his whole name.
Towards the end, after three students had each read a piece on courage, achievement and not limiting themselves (which I had thoughtfully selected and conned them into doing), I decided to be bold and make a comment about my stuttering. I started by saying that it takes courage to come up on stage and speak to a large audience.
And that I was proud of the student’s courage. And that I was showing courage myself, by not allowing stuttering to hold me back from what I needed to do.
After the ceremony, our Assistant Superintendent came up to me and congratulated me on a job well done. He commented, “you were pretty nervous, huh?” I said “no, I was just stuttering.” He looked surprised and said he never noticed that I stutter.
Then he asked a couple of questions, like had I done any work on my speech. And then he commented, “Oh, now that we are talking about it, I pick it up”. I think my face flushed at that. He concluded with telling me that he was glad that I do not let stuttering holding me back.
The following morning he sent me this note via email: “Just a quick note to again say ‘Fantastic Job’ last evening. I was very impressed with your advance preparation and presentation throughout the Induction Ceremony. We are lucky to have you working here! ”
The school psychologist came to me as well and said that she was impressed how I chose to mention my stuttering and tie it into the student’s theme of courage. She said it made a lot of sense to be upfront, put it out there and not leave anyone wondering.
This was the first time I had occasion to mention stuttering with these two people. It made me feel good!
With risk comes growth, right? And more and more acceptance.
It’s OK To Stutter – Episode 6
Posted on: June 2, 2010
Episode 6 welcomes Gloria Klumb from Madison, Wisconsin. Gloria is a NSA and Face book friend. She is leader of the Madison NSA Chapter.
She often reads my posts on this blog and takes the time to comment. So it was a no-brainer that she and I would eventually chat and put our great minds together.
We talk about different things. Her friend Bernie pestered her for a year to attend her first NSA conference. That conference was so life-changing that Gloria wound up moving from one city to another in Wisconsin so that she could be close to a NSA group, and then wound up being chapter leader. Another friend Bob “conned” her into eventually co-leading a stuttering workshop.
Gloria also tells about why she couldn’t tell her own children where she went or why when she attended NSA events. And she talks about her “freedom trail”, work and even Botox.
These conversations with women are turning into exactly what I had hoped for. We don’t need “famous” people to inspire us with their stuttering stories. Ordinary people lead amazing lives every single day, and it is important to listen to these stories. Gloria’s “tell” is wonderful!
Musical credit for the intro and out-tro of the song “I’m Gonna Go” goes to Dano Songs.
Feel free to leave comments and feedback for Gloria. (And me too!)
Trying Not To Stutter
Posted on: May 31, 2010
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My school’s annual awards night is this Wednesday. Which means that I get to be up on stage, facilitating part of the program as adviser for our school’s chapter of the National Technical Honor Society.
I will be conducting the induction ceremony for the kids elected in to this prestigious club. I will lead them in a candle lighting ceremony, and then call each students name as they come on stage and receive their certificates.
This will be my third time doing this. So I should be totally comfortable with it, right? Wrong!
If you recall, I wrote about this at around this same time last year. When I did it for the first time in 2008, I felt very disrespected when my boss told me I had butchered the kids names when reading them at the ceremony. What he referred to as butchering was actually stuttering on the first letter or sound of the names.
I stuttered last year when I did it as well. But I had thrown in a quick humorous line about my stuttering to put me and the audience at ease.
So this year, it is two days away and I am feeling anxious. I would prefer not to stutter as I call the student’s names. So, I am practicing the names, to be sure I have the pronunciation correct and perhaps even a bit of timing or cadence so that it doesn’t “sound so much like stuttering”.
Ridiculous, isn’t it? I know in my head that it is ridiculous to worry about stuttering on the names, because I stutter, and it is what it is. But I do. I can’t seem to “turn off” the human propensity to worry about things that really aren’t that big of a deal. For I will probably be the only one thinking it is a big deal.
Everybody else (as they should be) will be reveling in the excitement of the night. And I will be obsessing if I sounded all right calling some names off that no one will probably remember in a day or two anyway.
So maybe, knowing that, I can just relax and get on with it and not make such a big deal out of it.
Whats the worse that can happen? My boss may call me in for some feedback again. Maybe this time, if he insults me, maybe I will have the courage to tell him how that makes me feel.
In the meantime, I am going to try to enjoy the rest of my Memorial Day holiday. Thanks to all the heroes who make it possible to even have the freedom to express myself in this way.
Episode 5 welcomes NSA friend Stacey Fitzenrider, who hails from Seattle, Washington. I e-met Stacey several years ago through various stuttering groups and met her in person last year at the NSA Scottsdale conference.
She and 5-year-old daughter Ava came to the Open Mic session that I hosted at 8:30 am on Thursday, as a favor to a good friend who asked me to fill in for him at the last minute.
Always the good sport, I was at the ready at 8:30am. Not too many other people were (!), so I had the chance to chat it up with Stacey and Ava. We chatted as if we had known each other for ever. And Ava did a good deal of the chatting. It was a treat getting to know them.
Really cool fact – Stacey’s “handle” is chattygirl. Don’t ya love it? And you will love Stacey’s gut honesty as we chat about all kinds of things, including choices, parents that stutter, feeling whole, and living life.
Musical credit for the intro song “Today Then Tomorrow” goes to Dano Songs.
Feel free to leave comments. As a matter of fact, I encourage it. Let Stacey know your thoughts.
New Book – Hooray For Aiden
Posted on: May 27, 2010
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A new friend to the stuttering community has self-published her very first book. Karen Hollett has written Hooray For Aiden, a story book for children ages 4-9.
It is a touching story of self-discovery as young Aiden moves to a new town and worries about how her second-grade classmates will react to her stuttering.
At first, Aiden tries to hide her stutter from her classmates, which makes her sad. She has a caring teacher who helps her learn that it is OK to stutter and OK to be herself.
Karen is a person who stutters herself and knows first hand how challenging it can be for a young person in school dealing with any kind of difference. Karen sought advice and guidance from members of the stuttering community to make sure the book would help children, and parents and everyone else, get the message that stuttering doesn’t have to hold you back.
Hooray For Aiden has received positive reviews from professionals in the stuttering community and is sure to be a wonderful resource for kids who stutter. See some of the reviews here!
I am looking forward to hearing more about Karen’s journey with her stuttering. She will join me on an upcoming episode of the podcast “Women Who Stutter: Our Stories” . She will, of course, tell her story.
For more information about Karen and to buy the book, visit Hooray Publishing. Looks like Karen’s on to something.
Congratulations, Karen!
Episode 4 features my friend Lori Melnitsky, who is a Speech Language Pathologist (SLP) and a woman who stutters. Lori and I first met at a National Stuttering Association annual conference two years ago. She is a co-leader for the Long Island NSA Chapter. We have kept up with each other by phone and email.
Lori has her own private practice, All Island Speech & Stuttering Therapy. She also maintains a blog, which can be accessed directly from her web page. Her blog details her personal journey with stuttering and provides updates for people she works with and anyone who may be interested in therapy.
In this episode, Lori talks about how she overcame severe stuttering, and how that motivated her to want to help people who stutter. We also share our opinions on fluency therapies, how tough it is sometimes to accept compliments,and how important it is for women to communicate and share with one another.
Musical credit for the intro “I’m Gonna Go” goes to “Free Royalty Free Music” by Dano Songs.
Please feel free to leave comments. We welcome your feedback.
Need To Be Validated
Posted on: May 21, 2010
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I am always surprised when I hear myself express the need to be validated because I still don’t do it directly. I don’t come right out and ask someone, “Hey, can you validate me?’ I will dance around whatever it is that I need, until I hear either directly or indirectly that I am a good person or am loved.
We all need to hear that, right? This may be one of the most basic of human needs, yet for me, one of the hardest. I always believed I wasn’t good enough, or didn’t measure up, or didn’t even count enough to deserve good things said or felt about me.
A lot went into that: the ingrained belief I had that I was no good, that I didn’t matter and that my feelings weren’t valid. And of course, the fact that I stuttered. Putting that all together left me feeling I had no choice but to close myself off from the world.
Now I have opened myself to the world and allowed feelings to be felt. I let things seep in that I had always pushed away. I am beginning to see how good it feels when people affirm me, tell me I am good, and that I matter. Sometimes I still feel uncomfortable or embarrassed, maybe like I don’t deserve it, and other times it makes me feel warm and glowing inside.
I have almost reached a point when I can tell when I need that. And I will dance around the issue with a good friend or loved one, until they tell me something that makes me feel good.
I wish I could be direct enough to just let someone know, “hey, I need someone to tell me I have done a good job. Will you do that for me?” I guess I also wish that I really didn’t need to hear that at all – that I just know it, that it comes from within.
But we are human. And need to hear others affirm us. We need to be validated. It feels good.
Lots Of Tough Stuff-Episode 3
Posted on: May 17, 2010
Episode 3 welcomes Annetta Price from Trinidad and Tobago. I first came to know Annetta when she started commenting on this blog and began sharing some of her own feelings about stuttering,which she had rarely made public.
We do a lot of honest talking about how stuttering makes us feel. We cover a lot in a short time, including some of the tough stuff, like feeling flawed, vulnerable and inadequate.
Annetta starts off by explaining that she prefers to be affectionately called Marie, because she can say that, instead of always stuttering on the “A” in the name Annetta. I was very impressed that she shared that right off the bat – as that certainly is not easy to publicly admit.
This episode features my first attempt at adding a little intro music. It took me a long time to add a 15 second clip. I am confident that I will get better at this each week. Musical credit for “Silver Shine” goes to “Free Royalty Free Music” by Dano Songs.
Annetta authors a wonderful blog herself, called Finally A Mom. Her blog has been commended by the community health blog-o-sphere, as her personal experiences helps many, many women. Check it out!
Feel free to leave comments or ask Annetta questions.
If Anyone Stutters, We’ll . . . .
Posted on: May 14, 2010
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At my Toastmasters meeting last week, I winced a little when a member stood up and explained his meeting role to the group. We do that in Toastmasters -we have people fulfill roles, and always explain what it is we are doing and why. Its good protocol and helps guests and new members to understand what is going on.
The guy who was to be the “Ah Counter” and grammarian for the evening stood and introduced himself and began to explain what his role for the evening would be and why it mattered. The “Ah Counter” has the dubious job of keeping track how many times filler words -such as uhm, ah, like, you know-are used throughout the meeting.
This is so people are more aware of doing this, so that we can encourage speakers to pause briefly or use transition phrases. The grammarian report is to help people use grammar and sentence structure more effectively.
So I was a bit surprised when the guy adds to his explanation, “if anyone stutters, we’ll hit them over the head with this (Toastmasters) manual”. Not one person in the room batted an eyelash or seemed to react that this was anything negative, except me. Of course! I felt my face flush, and said to myself,”what did he just say? No, he didn’t!”
But he did and I didn’t say anything! I am sure he meant no disrespect and may not even have been aware that he said it. I was aware and so flirted with the idea of saying something quick like, “unless of course you’re me and can’t help it”.
It didn’t seem appropriate to embarrass him, if he would have even been embarrassed by any reaction by me. It’s a moot point now, as I let it pass.
Except it just reminds me that it is up to us, those who stutter, to keep educating and raising awareness so people don’t think its acceptable to make flip comments like that.
Because it’s not!
In this second episode, Pam is joined by Sarah Bryant, a woman who just recently graduated from college and is looking for a teaching job. Sarah talks about some of the challenges she faced while stuttering in school. We also talk about advertising and acceptance, and how stuttering influences social relationships.
Sarah recently contributed her story to this blog in a written form, where her raw emotion and authenticity really resonated with readers. Her courage at still a young age is commendable. Read her blog entry here!
Sarah also shares how worried she gets about creating a poor first impression with people she has just met, because of the stuttering. We reflected on how many people worry about first impressions, stutterers or not! And Sarah acknowledges that she no longer focuses on the goal of attaining fluency.
So listen in as Sarah and Pam chat about how stuttering influences us. Feel free to leave a comment.
NPR Radio Interview
Posted on: May 11, 2010
My live interview today on NPR radio went well. I was happy with the flow of our conversation. Round Table host Joe Donahue does a great job of making guests feel comfortable in the studio. It helped that I have been on the program before, so I was familiar with the set-up, how to use the microphone, how far away to sit.
The producer had me send some talking points, but Joe basically crafted the interview so it was a good back and forth flow between the two of us.
I was very happy that our local radio station, WAMC, and NPR welcomed me on to the show to discuss stuttering. Take a listen. I would love your feedback!
National Stuttering Awareness Week
Posted on: May 9, 2010
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This week is National Stuttering Awareness Week in the United States, specifically from May 10 – May 16, 2010. (It was proclaimed as such in 1988 by President Ronald Reagan). May also happens to be Better Speech and Hearing Month. So this is our week to talk about stuttering, raise awareness and educate others who may not understand the stuttering experience.
For the last three years, I have tried to do something “public” to help spread the word about stuttering. In 2007, I was a guest on my local area’s NPR station during this week to talk about stuttering.
In 2008, I got the chance to appear on a public television station’s health channel to promote stuttering. Later that year, I got to do a similar community television program for our local library. They aired it continually during October, to mark International Stuttering Awareness Day.
In 2009, I wrote an article about stuttering and had it published in the Albany NY daily newspaper, The Times Union. I also had a blurb about stuttering run in the weekly “Check Up On Health” column right before stuttering awareness week.
This year, the features editor for the health column at the Times Union, Jack Leadley, ran my small piece again yesterday to remind people about what stuttering is, some tips for listeners, and links for support and resources.
And I will be a guest again on Albany’s NPR station’s program “The Round Table” with host Joe Donahue on Tuesday May 11, 2010 at 10:35am. Here’s the station and channel information. I am looking forward to coming back on NPR radio, and gratified that they find it important enough to dedicate some air time to stuttering awareness.
I will point to the link when WAMC posts it, probably by the next day.
What will you do to spread the word and raise awareness about stuttering? One of the best things we can do is talk about our stuttering openly and often.
Pilot Episode – The Women’s Podcast
Posted on: May 6, 2010
I am really excited to add an audio section to this blog that I hope will be at least weekly. Good friend Daniele Rossi, creator of the site Stuttering is Cool, encouraged me to start a podcast that would just focus on women who stutter and our stories. There doesn’t appear to be any other podcast devoted specifically to women and our stuttering journeys.
Danny has helped guide me through the basic steps of launching a podcast and adding it to this site. He may not realize it, but he will probably become my podcast mentor. He helped me get some (free) recording software and was patient with me as I worked with my first audio file longer than 10 minutes. I met Danny on Twitter, along with lots of other really amazing people who just happen to stutter.
I pretty much know this will be a work in progress. I hope to get better each week with the logistics of posting audio files. The most important thing is the honest dialogue with women who stutter as we share our stories.
I am pleased to welcome my very first guest, Tamara Nunes Williams. She is a wife, mother, daughter, college student, and care giver to persons with disabilities. And she happens to stutter. She has an amazing story. Please listen to Episode 1.
Make Room For The Stuttering 
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