Posts Tagged ‘validation’
Listen To Your Mother
Posted on: February 28, 2011
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That was heard Sunday night a few times as Academy Award winners picked up their Oscars and gave acceptance speeches. It was an extraordinary night for people who stutter. We now have a dignified face put on that which we often hide out of fear and shame.
The King’s Speech won for Best Actor (Firth), Best Director (Hooper), Best Screen Play/Writer (Seidler) and Best Picture. Sweet!
Stuttering is hard to talk about, but has been made easier these past few months and will surely continue in light of this triumph!
My own mother, who doesn’t often say anything about my stuttering, or what I have done with being open about it, did so tonight. Using social media, she posted this on facebook just a few minutes after The King’s Speech won Best Picture.
“Very good night that you really deserve and I know people (including me) appreciate how much you have done to break down walls and shatter secrets and shine a light in some dark corners.”
That was more important to me than anything else I heard the Hollywood people say. Thanks Mom! That touched me!
And below is David Seidler accepting his academy award and thanking people who stutter all over the world.
Need To Be Validated
Posted on: May 21, 2010
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I am always surprised when I hear myself express the need to be validated because I still don’t do it directly. I don’t come right out and ask someone, “Hey, can you validate me?’ I will dance around whatever it is that I need, until I hear either directly or indirectly that I am a good person or am loved.
We all need to hear that, right? This may be one of the most basic of human needs, yet for me, one of the hardest. I always believed I wasn’t good enough, or didn’t measure up, or didn’t even count enough to deserve good things said or felt about me.
A lot went into that: the ingrained belief I had that I was no good, that I didn’t matter and that my feelings weren’t valid. And of course, the fact that I stuttered. Putting that all together left me feeling I had no choice but to close myself off from the world.
Now I have opened myself to the world and allowed feelings to be felt. I let things seep in that I had always pushed away. I am beginning to see how good it feels when people affirm me, tell me I am good, and that I matter. Sometimes I still feel uncomfortable or embarrassed, maybe like I don’t deserve it, and other times it makes me feel warm and glowing inside.
I have almost reached a point when I can tell when I need that. And I will dance around the issue with a good friend or loved one, until they tell me something that makes me feel good.
I wish I could be direct enough to just let someone know, “hey, I need someone to tell me I have done a good job. Will you do that for me?” I guess I also wish that I really didn’t need to hear that at all – that I just know it, that it comes from within.
But we are human. And need to hear others affirm us. We need to be validated. It feels good.
Make Room For The Stuttering 
What people are saying!