Posts Tagged ‘stuttering’
The People You Meet – Episode 202
Posted on: June 28, 2019
Episode 202 features Ariel Mahlmann, age 23, who hails from Olney, Maryland. Ariel graduated from the University of Maryland with a degree in Economics and she works full time for a Cyber Security start-up. Ariel also writes a blog about lifestyle and stuttering. Her blog title illustrates her stuttering.
Listen in as we discuss networking and interviewing, advertising stuttering and ways we manage our stuttering. Ariel also talks about the very positive experience she has had in avoidance reduction speech therapy. She describes the goals and objectives of this non-traditional therapy perfectly and explains why it suits her so well.
We also talk about Ariel’s first time experience at last year’s National Stuttering Association annual conference and it’s impact. Ariel wrote a great blog post describing what that first-timer experience was like. Ariel is planning to go back for her second conference and is prepping for it by intentionally setting goals to ensure she gets the most out of it and has fun. What a great idea! I plan to set a goal as well to meet a certain number of new people.
This was such a fun conversation and I look forward to meeting up with Ariel in person in Fort Lauderdale.
The music used in today’s episode is credited to ccMixter.
NSA Conference 2019
Posted on: June 24, 2019
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It’s almost time, unbelievably, for the annual conference of the National Stuttering Association. The 2019 edition will be in beautiful, warm Fort Lauderdale, Florida, officially beginning Wednesday July 3. I am arriving a day ahead to have time to “ease into” all of the activities. This will be my 14th consecutive conference. My first one was in 2006 and I haven’t missed one since.
I almost thought I would have to miss this year’s conference. I have been weathering a physical illness for months now that still seems to be a mystery in it’s root cause. It’s something fancy called “small fiber polyneuropathy” which basically means chronic pain and inflammation. It began in my ankles and legs and has migrated to my hands, wrists and fingers. It’s been really frustrating because I have worked with a team of medical professionals and no one can seem to find a cause. It’s sort of like stuttering in that there’s no known cause. Lucky for me, right?
I missed a month of work this past fall and since have had a lot of follow up appointments so I can function and manage as well as possible.
But the “shit hit the fan” when I learned that my job has been eliminated effective June 30. Along with loss of income comes loss of health insurance which is a huge concern at the most medically vulnerable time for me.
So I have had to think long and hard about spending money to come to the conference, as quite understandably, I’m a bit panic stricken about losing health care access. The United States has a broken health care system. But you know that already.
Ultimately, I have decided to attend anyway, for my mental health. To miss out on the conference after the rough few months I have had would devastate me. I have been actively involved in the NSA’s workplace stuttering initiative and I want to see out the end of my term on the Board of Directors of the NSA. I still have work to do, with lots of ideas to continuously improve outcomes for people who stutter.
So I need to be at the NSA conference next week. The support and empowerment and the many friends I consider family is way too important for me to miss. I need to see my people, my tribe and ask for help from some of those individuals who might just help me find my next opportunity.
This will be the first year since 2007 that I am NOT doing a workshop. That feels a bit weird but at the same time empowering because now I will have time to attend a lot of workshops that sound intriguing and meet new people. To me, that is always the best part. The people, the connections, the love.
So I will be there next week and I can’t wait. I’ve got things to do and people to see and hug. My chaotic world will still be here when I get back, right where I left it.
Looking forward to seeing you.
Improving The Wheel – Episode 201
Posted on: June 11, 2019
Episode 201 features Juliette Blondeau, who hails from Cypress and presently lives in Paris, France. Juliette is 21 years old and she is setting the world on fire. She is in her last year of her undergraduate degree, studying politics and Islamic Theology. She is also a newly elected member of the Board of Directors of the French Stuttering Association.
Juliette and a fellow newly elected French Stuttering Association Board member are working on two challenging projects for people who stutter. They just completed a very successful eloquence contest over a course of seven weeks and are now developing a guidebook so that other countries can benefit if they wish. This is a great example of “improving the wheel,” instead of “recreating the wheel.” They are also working on an ambitious workplace stuttering awareness project.
Listen in as we discuss the benefits of disclosing your stutter, collaboration, the importance of empathy and connection, and how stuttering can be a really powerful and useful “people compass.”
It was so wonderful to chat with Juliette, as her enthusiasm and passion is contagious.
Note: there are a few awkward moments in the audio, due to a poor internet connection. Juliette is in France and I am in the USA, after all. I did not want to edit out too much of Juliette’s thoughts so there is a bit of static throughout, but it’s not too distracting.
The music clip used today is credited to ccMixter.
Educating Employers
Posted on: June 9, 2019
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Recently, on May 28, I had the amazing opportunity to present an awareness session about stuttering at the NYC Mayor’s Office of Employment for People with Disabilities. I had been invited by the director of the department after he heard me speak at another event in NYC.
The team was keenly interested to learn about the wealth of resources that are available to stutterers in the NYC metro area, including six local NSA chapters where people who stutter meet up in person for support and solidarity.
I talked about my own personal experiences with bias and discrimination in the workplace and shared the employment advocacy program that the National Stuttering Association recently launched to help individuals who stutter and prospective employers through education about stuttering.
It was an exciting day. The NYC Mayor’s Office is committed to help spread awareness about stuttering to employers who may be afraid to hire someone who stutters. And that’s a big deal – because there is about 80,000 people who stutter in NYC.
Our Vocal Footprint – Episode 200
Posted on: May 21, 2019
Special note: It’s so exciting and gratifying for me to share this 200th episode of the voices of women who stutter from all over the world. I never believed in 2010 when I started this that it would still be going strong nine years later. I have talked to women from 41 different countries around the world. So this latest episode is a proud milestone.
Episode 200 features Betony Kelly, who hails from Kent, England, in the United Kingdom. Betony keeps quite busy. She is a new mom to her first child. She enjoys connecting with interesting people. She works with the UK Civil Service in a behavior change and engagement role and chairs a stammering network. She also works with the British Stammering Association to help support people who stammer in the workplace.
Listen in as we talk about how there is really something beautiful about stammering and that it should be OK, but it’s really not yet in our workplaces. There is such an emphasis on sounding slick and competent and being an impressive speaker. Stammering is such an integral part of who we are yet so many of us still are compelled to hide it. Particularly women. Why?
We take a deep dive into authenticity and how employers say they want that but really only want the version of ourselves with boundaries. Employers don’t want our emotional baggage, do they? They want us to be our “adult selves” and leave our real selves at home. We talk about inclusion and what it really means and that it can’t just be “token” inclusion. There is absolutely a continued need for crucial conversations such as this, especially with those who don’t stammer and still take fluent communication for granted.
The music used in today’s episode is credited to ccMixter.
Ending Ignorance About Stuttering
Posted on: May 20, 2019
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I wrote an article about my experience with being laughed at and insulted by a nurse.
It was published by The Mighty and also picked up by Yahoo News.
The article is called What Will It Take To End the Ignorance About Stuttering?
I am proud for standing up and speaking out. I just hope that it makes a difference.
Stand To Your Stutter – Episode 199
Posted on: May 13, 2019
Episode 199 features Anje Herde, who hails from Berlin, Germany. Anje is 36 years old and has been involved with stuttering self help for 15 years. She currently sits on the Board of Directors of the International Stuttering Association and has been active with the German Stuttering Association. She is also part of a new global initiative – as am I from the US – for improving employment for people who stutter all around the world called 50MillionVoices.
Anje is currently studying to become a certified Coach to help people realize their full potential and is also a trainer for companies in communication and collaboration, professions most people who stutter shy away from. One of her goals is to change leadership culture in the world to become more human and values based.
Listen in to this inspired conversation about when her “new life” started, the importance of “opening your heart” at work and that it can be done, and the magical moment when her own father who stutters spoke openly in public about it for the first time.
Anje also shares about her love of traveling and the growth she has experienced every time she stands outside of her comfort zone. And of course we talk about efforts made to increase understanding of stuttering around the world so that people who stutter can be themselves, feel like they belong and find career success.
The music clip used today is credited to ccMixter.
Be The Change You Want To See
Posted on: May 1, 2019
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Several weeks ago, I wrote about the very uncomfortable and embarrassing experience I had at my doctor’s office when a nurse laughed at my stuttering and made a very sarcastic comment about it. I stood up for myself and said something right there and then to her, but she denied that she laughed because of my stuttering, despite it being clearly obvious.
Two days later I had emailed someone in Patient Engagement with the medical group to express my concern that a medical professional had been so insensitive and disrespectful. I spoke with someone two days later and again at the end of the week to the Office manager.
I was told that my concern was being taken seriously and that Human Resources would be in touch, as they thought my offer of doing an education session was very appropriate and would fit in well with their commitment to compassion, diversity and inclusion.
Almost three weeks then passed without hearing anything, so I called and left a message with the Office manager, just wondering where we stood with this. She got back with me yesterday and said that the HR manager was now sort of back pedaling and not sure if an education session could happen, as they get multiple requests for training all the time.
The Office manager gave me the name and email address of the HR manager, so I crafted a carefully written request to her, that it would be nice to get a positive outcome from a very unfortunate encounter with a nurse. That person emailed me back pretty quickly thanking me for taking the time to share and reiterated that they do have competing requests for training.
I had done more than just “share.” I asked for an opportunity to educate and teach those who people come to for help how to best interact and respond to someone who stutters.
I had attached three brochures from the NSA, including one written specifically for physicians and pediatricians. And I noted that medical staff don’t get any training about stuttering and for that matter, neither really did speech therapists.
I am going to persist. This is one of those “teachable moments” that I can’t just let pass. It’s incomprehensible to me that a nurse at a Catholic hospital group whose website is loaded with their values of compassion, dignity and respect for all they serve, would so cavalierly laugh at and mock an adult patient. What about children who stutter, who are not good at self-advocacy? At the very least, an apology would have been nice.
Nothing ever changes unless we be the change we want to see, right?
Episode 198 features Alecia Stewart-Myers who originally hails from Kingston, Jamaica. Alecia presently lives in Connecticut and commutes to her full time job as a middle school math teacher in NYC. She also works part-time as a consultant for Mary Kay Cosmetics.
Alecia and I met at her first National Stuttering Association conference in Baltimore in 2015. She’s been hooked ever since!
Listen in as Alecia talks about educating others about stuttering but always trying to give people the benefit of the doubt. We also talk about the intentional choices she has made to pursue her dreams. As Alecia says, “It’s more than stuttering. It’s who do you want to become?”
This was a great conversation and so inspiring. Be sure to listen in!
The music clip used in today’s episode is credited to ccMixter.
Seeing Myself – Episode 197
Posted on: April 3, 2019
Episode 197 features Madeleine Maccar, who hails from Central New Jersey. Madeleine is a writer for a trade magazine. She started off in journalism and reporting. Madeleine found writing at a young age to be her “life raft” of confidence.
“When I wrote, I could use any word or all of the words. I didn’t have to change anything. Writing gave me a voice.”
Listen in as Madeleine talks about learning that her stuttering was a much bigger deal to her than it was to others. She says that a speech therapist helped her realize that stuttering is magnified three-fold in our heads: we think we will stutter, then we do stutter, and then we think about the fact that we did. We talk about the tremendous amount of head space that we give to stuttering.
Madeleine seems really happy to have found the stuttering community. We’re glad that she has too!
The music used in today’s episode is credited to ccMixter.
It’s Not A Trick Question
Posted on: April 1, 2019
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A lot of us who stutter have had to deal with people who react negatively when they hear us stutter. I have had people laugh, mimic, roll or avert their eyes and say things that have made me feel hurt, frustrated and angry.
Over the years, I’ve gotten better at standing up for myself and using tough moments like that to educate the listener, which sometimes actually resulted in listener embarrassment and then apologies. I have also learned to pick my battles and sometimes I just let stuff go, especially if I will likely not see that person again.
Sometimes though I am still shocked when this happens, especially in the case of adults.
A few days ago, I visited my physician’s office for an appointment that they fit me into rather quickly because I was having a serious medical issue. So, I wasn’t feeling well when I went in.
When I was called in by the nurse, she had me go through the routine and stop to get weight before heading to the exam room. As I was putting my stuff down before stepping on the scale, she asked me for my birth date. I always stutter on numbers and have stuttered on my birth date many times. As I began and stuttered on the “tw-tw-twelve,” she started laughing. I was so not in the mood for this. I glanced up at her and continued on with “thir-thir-thir-thirteen,” and she laughed some more and said, “it’s not a trick question.”
I said, “what do you mean? I stutter and I’m stuttering. You’re laughing at me.”
She said. “no, that’s not what I’m laughing at.” I said, “Oh, then what’s so funny?” She said, “you looked confused when I asked you your birth date.”
I said, “I know my birth date. I stuttered on it. I stutter. And that’s when you laughed.” She looked away and said, “that’s not what I meant.”
And then silence. I didn’t say anything else. Neither did she. She didn’t apologize. I wasn’t expecting her to but I guess I did expect to see her register some acknowledgement that she had laughed and made a stupid comment towards a person with a speech impairment.
I felt belittled and disrespected in just that 60 second encounter. I stood up for myself but still walked away feeling like crap. I’m not sure what I could have done differently to feel better about the situation.
Thoughts?
You Never Know
Posted on: March 22, 2019
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I have to share this.
Three days ago I received an email out of the blue from someone I communicated with about stuttering quite a few years ago. We last chatted in 2012.
This is what she said (with just some minor edits)
I have a very important job interview this Thursday for a position that I really want. I have been considering being completely open and honest about my stutter during the interview, something that I have never done before. I know you are a big advocate for being open about our stuttering, so I was hoping you could pass along some wisdom or advice. I am terrified. It’s a corporate position and while they state that inclusion and diversity is a part of their company values, I am so terrified of not getting this job because of my stutter.
I feel like I will be taking a gargantuan risk by letting my interviewer know about my stutter. I am also just simply terrified because I know how “badly” I stutter during high-stress events, and nothing could be more high-stress than this job interview. I would really appreciate any advice or words of encouragement you might offer.
Of course, I emailed her back and shared my thoughts. I asked her to let me know how the interview went.
I heard back from her today. The interview went well and she did disclose that she stutters right at the beginning. She said the interviewer wasn’t phased at all, which she found comforting. In fact, when she asked the interviewer if she had any questions about stuttering, she was a little bummed out that she didn’t because she was ready to be open and share.
I wished her luck on the second round of interviews and asked her to let me know how everything goes. I thanked her too for remembering me and reaching out.
She said she reached out to a couple of friends locally who stutter but also wanted to reach out to me. She said “you are very well known in the stuttering community.” I can’t tell you how good that made me feel.
You just never know. When we talk about our stuttering and share our stories and put ourselves out there, people listen and pay attention and remember.
And that makes a difference. And means a lot.
Being Curious – Episode 196
Posted on: March 5, 2019
Episode 196 features Yuka Fukuoka who hails from Tokyo, Japan and presently resides in NYC in the United States. Yuka is a professional designer by day and on weekends she works on app development to benefit people who stutter and increase awareness of stuttering for people who don’t.
Listen in to this great conversation and hear what Yuka is up to. While in Japan, she worked on a “wearable device” that allows fluent people to experience what it actually feels like to stutter. And here in the USA, she is developing a prototype app for people who stutter to practice speaking situations that also create anxiety for stutterers.
We talk about workplace stuttering, preparing for job interviews, whether to disclose stuttering or not, and using your stuttering as a strength. We also discuss the importance of changing mindsets about stuttering and breaking down biases.
Finally, we give a shout out to SMBC, a financial powerhouse with a location in NYC, who offered mock interviews to people who stutter. High level managers served as interviewers and talked about how helpful it was to openly talk about stuttering at work. Yuka attended this event and found it extremely helpful.
The music used in today’s episode is credited to ccMixter.
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I have been reflecting a lot on the value of being authentic in all of my places. I have been reading and boning up on being courageous at work.
I came across this great Forbes article called The Importance of Being Courageously Vulnerable at Work.
The author, Patrick Williams, a leadership coach, asks, “Is there a gap between who you say you are and how you reveal yourself in the world of work?”
We all have things we hide due to shame, embarrassment, guilt or even unexpressed dreams we may have given up on, and we often put those in our shadow. Williams challenges us to acknowledge and own your (shadow) or it will own you.
This really resonated with me. I try to be authentic at work, as I truly believe it invites others to do so as well and then stronger relationships are forged.
I have been actively involved in the National Stuttering Association for about 12 years now. I am proud to share that a workplace advocacy initiative that I’ve been championing for over a year has launched. We Stutter @ Work is ambitious, new and requires that people who stutter be willing to be open and stutter nakedly at work.
I do that. I stutter openly and nakedly at work. It’s OK. People are listening to what I say and not how I say it. Occasionally I might get unsupportive remarks or reactions when I stutter on the phone. I usually say something, like “Oh, I stutter. No biggie, right?” I don’t apologize. I used to, years ago. I never do today. There’s nothing to apologize for.
The workplace is no longer the 9 to 5 we used to view it as. It’s at least one-third of our daily life. We are “human beings”, not “human doings.” More of our “being” needs to be present in the workplace, and we should encourage others to do so as well. It makes workplaces better, stronger and helps people feel like they belong. Right?
What do you think? Have you had any experiences where you’ve been courageously vulnerable at work? How did it make you feel? Do you and can you stutter openly at work?
Make Room For The Stuttering 
What people are saying!