Posts Tagged ‘acceptance of stuttering’
Out Of Hiding-Episode 96
Posted on: December 13, 2012
Episode 96 features Kelsey Smith, who hails from Springfield, Illinois. Kelsey is currently a student at the University of Wisconsin at Stevens Point. Kelsey will graduate in May 2013 with a history degree.
Kelsey loves to travel and is considering involvement with the Peace Corps.
We met in July in Tampa, FL at the National Stuttering Association (NSA) conference. It was Kelsey’s first conference. We talk about her experience as a first timer and how the conference helped her move towards acceptance.
Listen is as we also discuss interviews, phone calls versus face to face conversations, advertising and disclosing, and Kelsey’s recent public speaking success.
This was a great conversation. Feel free to leave comments or ask questions or just let Kelsey know what a great job she did. Remember, feedback is a gift.
Music used in this episode, “Per Anima,” is credited to ccMixter.
Speed Networking And Stuttering
Posted on: December 8, 2012
- In: Posts
- 3 Comments
Tried something totally outside of my comfort zone this week. I attended a professional networking group meeting, where the theme was “speed networking.” I was apprehensive before the meeting, as I had no idea what to expect. All I knew was that it involved talking and meeting people, quickly.
Upon arrival, I was warmly greeted by the organizer, who quickly filled me in on how it works.
People sit across from each other at a long table, and in 2 minutes (one minute each) you and the person directly across from you tell as much as you can about your self and your business. You also exchange business cards.
Then one side of the table moves down a seat so you are talking to the next person.
It’s designed so that you can meet 25 or 30 people in 90 minutes, and the format “forces” you to talk, so that you can’t hang back in a corner and not participate. It’s actually quite a great idea, once you get past the nerves.
I was worried that this would be a nightmare for me, as a person who stutters. Talking fast to strangers is not anything I have “always wanted to do.”
But it wasn’t a nightmare – it went just fine. Once I chatted with the first person, I felt comfortable and confident. Did I stutter? Yep, throughout, but nobody seemed to notice or care.
This was a valuable event for me. What do you think? Could you be comfortable at this type of networking event? Share your thoughts.
Episode 95 features Caitlyn McSally, who grew up in Monroe, Connecticut and went to undergraduate school in New Paltz, New York, about an hour and half from where I live.
Caitlyn is currently in Columbia, South Carolina, studying for her Master’s degree in Speech Language Pathology. When asked why she chose this field, Caitlyn shares it wasn’t because of her speech, like one might think.
When Caitlyn was deciding on college and careers, she didn’t knew she stuttered. She recalls first “hearing herself stutter” about two years ago.
She shares her boyfriend’s response, “Wow, I bet you couldn’t do that again if you tried,” which Caitlyn thought was a great way to address the “odd” thing that had just happened.
Listen in as we discuss Caitlyn’s unique journey, her current therapy experience, covert behaviors, pet peeves and what’s important to her about stuttering.
This was a great conversation. Please leave feedback for Caitlyn in the comment section. Remember, feedback is a gift.
Music used in this episode is credited to ccMixter.
I’m The Guest This Time
Posted on: November 9, 2012
I am proud and delighted to be a guest on my friend Evan Sherman’s blog and podcast that he started recently.
Evan and I have a conversation about involvement in the stuttering community, and the “evolution” of my journey. You can listen to it here.
For purists, you can also access it from this direct link – http://www.istuttersowhat.com/a-discussion-with-pam-mertz/. Evan says it drives more traffic to your site if you provide the actual link.
I am happy with how it came out. Take a listen. You can find out a little more about me and my stuttering journey. I rarely “tell my story” as I am usually asking others to share their story.
Thanks Evan!
The Devil You Know
Posted on: October 8, 2012
- In: Posts
- 3 Comments
One of the papers on this year’s International Stuttering Awareness Day (ISAD) online conference resonated strongly with me. ISAD 2012 presentations can be found on The Stuttering Homepage.
The paper is titled Relapse Following Successful Stuttering Therapy: The Problem of Choice, by Ryan Pollard. In it, he discusses how difficult it is to change our identity, even after successful therapy for whatever the issue is-stuttering, overeating, or leaving an abusive relationship.
I commented on Pollard’s paper with a post that I titled “The Devil You Know.” People often stay in bad situations because we believe what we know may be better than the unknown. Change is scary, as is uncertainty and second guessing whether we can survive whatever change it is that may (or may not) need to be made.
I went through all of that, 3 and 4 times over. I am an adult child of an alcoholic, and as with many ACOAs, it was hard to let go of invalid beliefs, self-criticism and the constant need to please others.
I also began my journey to accept myself as a person who stutters several years ago, after spending a lifetime trying to pretend I didn’t stutter and denying how much it bothered me that I wasn’t being true to myself. As I grew to like myself more, I grew more confident and began to shed the need to defer to others and pretend to be someone I was not.
And I stayed in an abusive relationship for many years, as I thought I couldn’t ever leave and be happy, or that I just couldn’t make it on my own. I preferred the devil I was living with to the devil I didn’t know yet.
All of this leads to this: just knowing the alternatives we have in our life is often not enough for a person to make a change. I knew there was help available to leave a bad relationship, but I stayed. I knew my parents’ alcoholism was not my fault, yet I believed that for many years. I knew I could learn tools in speech therapy which would greatly minimize my stuttering, yet I chose to allow myself to stutter openly.
I remember several years ago writing a piece about “my arrival.” How would I know when I had arrived at the place in life where I would truly be happy. I also wrote about changing, and asked myself 2 questions: “what if I didn’t like the person I might become if I changed? what if I didn’t even recognize her?”
Sometimes if easy to see why we might stay with the devil we know.
What do you think?
Shared Secrets
Posted on: September 29, 2012
- In: Posts
- 7 Comments
All of us have secrets – those deep dark thoughts that we keep to ourselves because we are embarrassed or ashamed or we think we’re the only one.
With the rise of the stuttering community, many of us now know that we are not the only one. Maybe our secrets are similar to others who stutter. Maybe we share the same secrets!
For this post, I would really like if you could add your secret about stuttering to the comment section, and I will add it here to the post.
When we share our secrets, we feel less isolated and vulnerable.
I’ll start! Here are a couple of my secrets.
- For a long time, I would never answer my phone. I would always let the voice mail click in, so I could call back and initiate the conversation on my terms, and with words I thought I wouldn’t stutter on.
- Sometimes when I block on a word, I feel like I have disappeared for a moment and no one even notices. That feels so helpless and lonely.
- I once told a person that I went to a different college than I really did because the name of my college just wouldn’t come out that day.
Your turn! Do you have a secret about your stuttering that you’d like to share?
Lisa shared: “I always used to introduce myself as ‘Sarah’ as it was easier to say.”
Healthandheart shared: “I selectively stutter and often feel uncomfortable stuttering in front of other black people sometimes, including my family, depending on who it is.”
Tom shared: “Whenever a friend or colleague asked me to make a phone call, I would always make some excuse, but never say the real reason (that I was afraid to because of my stuttering.”)
Julia shared: “When making a phone call, I sometimes still panic and put the phone down as soon as the person answers. I ring back straight away but old feelings surrounding the phone die hard!”
Annetta shared: “I wanted to change my name from Annetta to Marie because I stutter so much on Annetta. I also had a problem with saying hello on the phone and would have a mini panic attack whenever my phone rings.”
Episode 17 of the conversations with men who stutter features Robert Lucas, who hails from a small town in South Australia.
Robert worked for 26 years in the gas pipe lines industry. He had worked his way up to an Inspector, before retirement.
Robert shared how participating in engineering meetings was always tough for him. He dreaded introductions, and often manipulated others to attend and speak for him. He spent lots of time thinking about how he might manipulate others, including family. Manipulation is an interesting way to look at avoidance.
We talk about how Toastmasters and acting helped Robert become more comfortable and confident with his speech. He shares about the success he found by participating in the McGuire program.
We also enjoy quite a few laughs and talk about the importance of humor, expanding boundaries, advertising and reading other people’s minds.
It was a delight chatting with Robert. He has a terrific attitude and a wicked sense of humor. Please leave comments or questions. Feedback is a gift.
The music clip used in this episode is credited to ccMixter.
- In: Posts
- Leave a Comment
Make your plans now to check into this years’ International Stuttering Awareness Day (ISAD) on-line conference that starts on October 1 and runs through ISAD, 
October 22,2012.
This is always one of the marquee conferences of the year, because of its unique format. Presenters submit papers or presentations that are available to be read and commented on for three weeks. There are live threaded discussions where you can post a comment or question to an author, where you will get an answer.
There is also a section called “The Prof Is In” where a team of noted professionals and researchers in the field of communication disorders are available for three weeks to answer questions. This is a great way for parents to ask questions from some of the top stuttering specialists in the country, as well as a great way for SLP students to learn.
Many papers are written by consumers as well, meaning that you get a smorgasbord of different perspectives on all different issues of stuttering.
You can find all of this years action, as well as all of the past year’s conferences in archives at The Stuttering Home Page. Do check it out, participate and read a variety of different papers.
Thanks to Judy Kuster for all the work she does to coordinate these annual conferences of the international stuttering community.
Perspective Shift
Posted on: July 21, 2012
I am sitting in my hotel room in Aurora, CO at the end of the last day of the FRIENDS conference. Soon, we will gather for dinner and the kids will dance and sing karoeke and have fun being kids.
Having fun being kids is what the FRIENDS conference is all about. Kids who stutter gather for three days to savor the moments where they can just be kids, free from worrying about being teased or judged.
This 3 day conference was marked by senseless tragedy yet the kids who stutter are showing resiliance, grace and dignity. They have showered each other with love and support and have been talking and sharing their feelings.
We adults are pondering how random life is and re-examining our priorities. When tragedy strikes close to home, we look at things differently. Our perspective shifts – we realize how tomorrow is never guaranteed, and we must live each day as if it were our last.
For we know it can be. Senseless violence is random and can affect anyone anywhere.
Kids who stutter learn how to handle challenge and adversity every day just by living their lives as stutterers. They learn how to handle teasing and bullying and that life is not always just or easy.
The kids at FRIENDS who were touched by the violence in Colorado this week have shown how strong they are and how powerful support is.
These kids have taught me a thing or two about life. Life is about living and sharing and being true to self. No matter what you are faced with.
They Can Bloody Wait – Episode 89
Posted on: July 18, 2012
Episode 89 features Mandy Taylor, who hails from Belfast, Northern Ireland. Mandy returned to college about 5 years ago to study accounting.
Mandy felt unsupported by her family, especially her father. Her journey began when she left home at 18.
After seeing the movie “The Kings Speech” she felt empowered to research stammering for the first time and learned about the British Stammering Association. She attended her first BSA conference last year, meeting other women like herself.
We discuss raising stammering awareness, the support group that Mandy started herself, stuttering as a disability, employment discrimination and the need for advocacy. Mandy concludes by sharing her belief that persons who stammer have to be the ones to tell others about stammering, so people will understand and know what to expect.
I had so much fun chatting with Mandy and hearing her story. Feel free to leave comments below for either of us.
The podcast safe music used in this episode is credited to ccMixter.
NSA Conference Memorable Moments
Posted on: July 9, 2012
- In: Posts
- 2 Comments
First open mic session of the conference: a first-time adult stutterer from Mexico gets up and talks about the warmth and emotion he felt so quickly by being with so many people who stutter. His wife got up and shared that she couldn’t have realized how great support feels and burst into tears, with no shame at all.
Workshop: “Inviting Women Who Stutter to the Table” – about 25 women talked about issues unique to women. We discussed claiming our space, strengthening our voice, and how stuttering affects our femininity. Many shared that it was a very powerful workshop, that it’s important for women who stutter to share with women who stutter. Many came up to us suggesting that this be a staple at future conferences.
Presentation: “The Stuttering Monologues” – first time ever trying something new, a story telling performance that included lessons learned, inspiration, humor and dignity. The room was packed, standing room only, until someone finally decided to raise the wall and open another room. People came up to me saying how great it was. It was such a good feeling to see that this worked as well as I had hoped it would. Hope we get to do it again.
First-timer moment: met Kurt from Austria, as he was heading up to his room about 9pm on Tuesday night. I introduced myself and asked him where he was going. He said he didn’t know what to do and how to meet people. We chatted for a while and I suggested he come with me to the hotel lobby and I introduced him around. By Friday’s first-timer luncheon, he looked right at home and shared that he was so glad he had not gone upstairs that night.
First-timer moment – met Ali from Montreal, Canada in person after having only talked over Skype and briefly communicated via Facebook. It seemed like we already knew each other, as we had an instant connection.
Impact moment: seeing Anita from Sweden in person after several years. She told me that she heard from a lot of people that I have made an impact on their lives. That was a shared “cry” moment.
Impact moment: Tracy called me over to show me a picture on her cell phone that she has kept since last year. It is me wearing my tee-shirt that says “I Stutter. Deal With It.” She says she shows people that all the time. Made me feel really good!
Impact moment: had quite a few people come up to me and say “Are you Pam?” I’ve heard your name so much I really wanted to meet you in person.” So humbling to know that a lot of people know me from how “out there” I am.
Impact moment: chatting with the wife of a second-timer who stutters on the hotel veranda Saturday night. We got talking about how much she learned in such a short time. She said, “I never knew how much he really goes through with his speech, because he never told me. Being here has completely opened my eyes. I will be a more patient listener.” She had tears in her eyes.
Workshop: “Using Story Telling to Create a Culture” – participants paired up and shared a personal story with each other. It was so special to see the oldest guy in the room, a stutterer, paired up with the youngest guy in the room, a 14-year-old guy whose brother stutters. These two actively shared stories with each other, and then were seen exchanging contact information with each other.
First-timer moment: meeting Kervin (originally from St. Lucia) in the hallway of the hotel, as he stopped me and asked, “excuse me, what do we do now?” We chatted for a bit and I took him and introduced him to a bunch of people, who I later saw him with throughout the weekend. We touched base every day, and on the last day, he came up to me and told me he knows we are going to be great friends for a long time. We have already emailed each other since being home!
Impact moment: getting the chance to really spend time with Hanan (from Israel) and realize how much we have in common even though we come from different worlds.
First-timer moment: meeting Connie (from Alberta, Canada) who had emailed me a few weeks ago to tell me that she was scared to get up in front of others at an open mic session, but really wanted to do it. We had also talked on the phone before the conference, and talked about what to expect. I was so proud to see her speak with confidence at two open mic sessions.
It’s these little moments that paint the picture of how significant it is to come together in a community of support.
Grateful – Episode 87
Posted on: June 25, 2012
Episode 87 features Molly Tkacik, who hails from Coopersburg, Pennsylvania. Molly is 23 years old and works as a Certified Nurse Assistant with Alzheimer’s patients.
Molly just recently returned from an eleven month mission trip to eleven countries. What a feat for a young person! Amazing!
Listen in as Molly describes how she found this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to travel the world and engage in ministry work.
Molly shares her journey with stuttering and the perspective shift she has had as a result of her physical journey. We also discuss building up and tearing down walls, acceptance, confidence and gratitude.
To learn more about the work Molly was involved in, please visit her blog at worldrace. I was very inspired by Molly’s story. Please feel free to leave comments for Molly (or me!) Remember, feedback is a gift.
The podcast safe music used in this episode is credited to ccMixter.
Conversational Use Of The “S” Word
Posted on: June 18, 2012
- In: Posts
- 3 Comments
You all know that I write about my experiences involving stuttering. I have wondered what will happen when the day comes when I don’t have anything more to say. Well, I am not wondering today.
Last week, I presented a training to a professional audience on public speaking and communication. The group consisted of speech therapists, occupational therapists and training coordinators who are all terrified of public speaking.
As an ice breaker, I asked everyone to introduce themselves and use one word or phrase to describe what public speaking means. Like expected, most of the responses were negative. We heard words like nervous, anxious, stressful, shaking, sweating, fear, and embarrassment. The last person said she didn’t want to stutter when speaking.
I felt my face flush when she said that. I had not yet disclosed my stuttering. She provided my cue. I reintroduced myself and said my word for public speaking was opportunity. I then added, “oh, by the way, I stutter, and I am OK with it. I hope you all are too.”
No one said anything, but I did notice a few glances toward the woman who had mentioned stuttering. I did not say this to embarrass her. It just seemed like the perfect time to disclose and advertise.
As soon as I did, I put it out of my mind and proceeded. Towards the end of the training, someone asked me why I had used the word opportunity.
I was the only person who had chosen a positive word to describe public speaking. I replied that it allows me to grow and push outside of my comfort zone, and that I don’t let stuttering hold me back.
This past week, I facilitated the second of two adult education graduations in one week. I had coordinated both events, arranged for speakers, and was the emcee at the first one. One of our district superintendents spoke at both affairs. He spoke on the same theme, changing the second speech up just slightly from the one he gave earlier.
After the ceremony, and before we proceeded to join the graduates for a reception, the administrators were chatting and I happened to be close by.
I overheard one assistant superintendent say to the one who had spoke, “hey, you did a nice job. You didn’t stutter as much as last week.” And she laughed. I glanced at them both – she was laughing, he was not.
I felt uncomfortable. It seemed like an insensitive remark to make, given that I had stuttered openly when I had emceed last week.
Maybe I am overly sensitive. What do you think? Would you have said anything?
Make Room For The Stuttering 
What people are saying!