Presence is extremely important in our everyday lives. It is when we are with someone fully, paying attention only to them, listening patiently, allowing what ever needs to happen, to happen. It is rare to find people able to be present with someone else, especially in our multi-tasking worlds.

How many times have you been on the phone with someone and heard the tell tale tapping of the keyboard? Or been face-to-face with someone in an intense conversation and they answer their cell phone? Or in that same conversation and the listener has that blank look about them, like they have no idea what you just said?

To me, presence is special. It says that the other person is with you, respects you enough to put everything else aside and is connected to you. How do you know when someone is present? I can always tell.

My emotions have been seeping out more and more lately. Uncomfortable for me sometimes, so surely uncomfortable for the other person. Here’s some examples.

Last week, I was talking with mentor J and hit on something painful. My tears started to flow. He did not say anything, just maintained eye contact and silently passed me a tissue. I could see his eyes getting moist too.

I was on the phone yesterday with a close friend and got caught in a pretty good stuttering block. She did not interrupt, attempt to finish my thought, or make any impatient sounds. She just stayed with me, for as long as it took. (And it seemed forever, although it was only seconds.)

I was out to dinner about a week ago with a close friend and we were recalling some of the moments that we have shared. She got teary and choked up. I said nothing, just leaned in a bit and smiled, and listened. Her tears subsided and she looked at me and smiled. We said nothing , but both understood that presence.

I know I need unconditional love and support. We all need that. It is one of our most basic of developmental needs. Unconditionally loving someone includes being present with them at those key moments. It also means sometimes just being silent in the moment, and letting us both absorb what presence really is. The essence of presence is just that – silently sharing those moments that matter the most.

What does being present mean to you? Can you recall the last time you were really present with someone? Or someone was present with you?