Author Archive
Episode 19 features Laura San Martin, who grew up in New York but now calls California home. Lori, as she is known to friends, is co-leader for the NSA Chapter in Los Angeles.
I met Lori at this year’s NSA Conference in Cleveland. I participated in a workshop that she and Joseph Diaz co-presented for teens about stuttering fears. Lori used examples from her own life to illustrate how she has learned to cope with fear.
Lori has an interesting story. Stuttering runs in her family, on her mom’s side. Four women in her family share the stuttering experience.
Lori is a civil engineer and she explains what that is for us non-engineers. She also candidly shares how she allowed her speech to somewhat dictate her career choice.
Listen in as we discuss covert stuttering, feelings about stuttering and the importance of having to be ready for therapy in order for it to really work.
We also discuss Sky Diving, which is Lori’s extracurricular passion! She talks about her first jump from the plane (sounds scary just typing it!), and what heightened senses and sensory overload feels like.
I feel so privileged to chat with such diverse women. It gives me goose bumps every time to realize that all that is needed is to ask and women keep telling these wonderful stories. Story-telling is magical.
Feel free to leave comments here on the blog for Lori. Feedback is important. It lets me know you are listening.
Musical credit for this clip of “Fireproof Babies” goes to ccMixter. As always, I use podcast safe music, under Creative Commons license.
At A Crossroads – Episode 18
Posted on: August 11, 2010
Episode 18 features Samantha Gennuso, who hails from New Jersey. Sam came to a workshop I facilitated at the 2010 NSA conference about change. Afterward, we talked about how we have experienced many of the same things in our personal journeys.
Sam just completed her graduate studies in Mass Communications at Boston University. She wrote a wonderful article for BU’s graduate magazine about her stuttering, called “What It’s Like To Forget Your Name”. She did her undergraduate work at NYU in anthropology and gender studies. Sam believes she is at an exciting, fun, but also scary crossroads in her life.
Listen in as we chat about a number of things, including effective therapy. She shares about her experiences at AIS, the American Institute for Stuttering. We also talk about career choices, job interviews and disclosure, acceptance, and stuttering as a social filter.
Sam also shares about how the NSA has helped her and how she feels strongly about “giving back” to young people who stutter. Sam likens it to “talking to her 17-year-old self”. Watch for Sam in the future as she crafts a career out of her passion for music.
The musical clip used in this episode is called “Echo” and is podcast safe music under Creative Commons Licensing.
Please feel free to leave comments or questions for Sam and Pam here on the blog. Your feedback is valuable!
Reclaiming Her Space – Episode 17
Posted on: August 6, 2010
Episode 17 features Nina G: Comedian, who hails from the San Francisco Bay area of California. This is a place I hope to visit someday.
Nina is the world’s funniest female comedian who stutters (at least until she finds another one). She performs at comedy clubs and events in her community.
Nina also does motivational speaking and keynote presentations. She blends a combination of humor, activism and education about the experience of people with disabilities.
I got to know Nina through on-line social media (Face book) and spoke with her by phone. I was quite intrigued with someone who stutters willing to test the vulnerable waters of stand-up comedy.
We have a great conversation and cover a lot of ground. As always, the time flies when chatting with women who reveal their stories. Nina will most certainly be a repeat visitor to the show. We barely scratched the surface.
Listen in as we chat about how Nina got started in comedy and the positive use of humor to teach people about disabilities. We mention one of my favorite television programs (and admitted guilty pleasure), Glee. We also mention the rather glaring absence of women who stutter (actually stutter, not used to stutter) as role models in the media.
You can learn more about Nina, upcoming performances and booking information on her Face book fan page.
Leave comments or questions for Nina. Feedback is good. For me too! It lets me know people are listening and I am getting it right.
The musical clip used in this episode is called “Scott Waves to April’s Salty Grace” and is podcast safe music under Creative Commons licensing. No copyright infringement here!
Doing The Work
Posted on: August 4, 2010
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I have been having this back and forth email discussion with someone who thinks that I should continue to do work on my stuttering. I have not been involved in any formal support or therapy for about six months.
Informally, I have been chatting with women who stutter at least weekly for the last three months. This is my therapy right now. I can stutter freely with others who understand me and I get to talk about feelings as well.
Is there some other type of work I should be doing? Is my stuttering getting worse? I don’t think it is, and I feel like I have a healthy and positive attitude right now. OK, it is summer and I am not as engaged in speaking situations as I am doing the school year. But no one has said to me, “Geez, you’re stuttering is getting out of hand. Maybe you should be working on it.”
The person who thinks I should continue to “do the work” hasn’t seen or talked to me in six months. She doesn’t stutter. I don’t know if she listens to my podcasts. I doubt it, but you never know.
I think living with stuttering and managing it every day and not letting it interfere with the choices I make IS doing the work.
What do you think?
Be Open To The World-Episode 16
Posted on: August 1, 2010
Episode 16 features Irina, who hails from Burgas, Bulgaria. She is a published author and journalist, and has also worked in the disability sector.
I met Irina on Face book through another friend in Belgium. It still amazes me how technology allows us to reach out and talk with others all around the world, as easily as if we are sitting in the same room together.
Something special happens when people who stutter reach out to one another. You can hear it as we chat! Especially women! We realize immediately that we are not alone and that our feelings are very similar.
The three books she has published are I Stutter (2005) and the novels Almost Intimately (2007) and Annabel (2010). Irina stutters confidently in six languages. Her hobby and passion is Argentinian tango and she dances it regularly, also when traveling (always a pair of tango shoes in her bag).
We chat about many things in this wonderful conversation. We discuss how acceptance came into Irina’s life, her discovery of the Bulgarian Stuttering Association, and what led her to writing. This is a short essay that Irina wrote for a contest about stuttering.
Irina was also former Deputy Mayor for “Health Care, Social Activities and Integration of People with Disabilities”, Sofia Municipality (Bulgaria).
She is a woman who has touched many lives with her own story of stuttering and her advocacy.
I am proud to know her and have her share part of her story with us! She will have to visit again to share what we didn’t get to!
You are welcome and encouraged to leave feedback for us!
I use podcast-safe music under the Creative Commons license. No copyright infringements here!
Why Friends Is Deep Down Powerful
Posted on: July 27, 2010
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I was in Chicago for the Friends Convention this past weekend. For the third year in a row, I came home feeling inspired, empowered, and emotionally drained. It is hard to describe what happens at a conference with 150 kids who stutter and their parents and other people who care about stuttering. It is the most accepting, caring environment that you can imagine. New comers feel loved, welcomed and supported within minutes of walking through the door. Really. Someone scoops the kids up and parents greet parents.
The Friends convention has such a special feel. You feel it right away. Everything about Friends is low-key and family friendly. From the homemade “program-in-a-binder” to the buffet style chicken nuggets and macaroni and cheese meals, you know this is about the kids.
As an adult who stutters coming to a Friends event, motivation is very different. Adults are not there for themselves, or our needs or some type of therapeutic transference. Nope, we go to help, and talk to kids and parents and facilitate workshops and reassure new-comers that stuttering is not a bad thing. How can it be with all these kids stuttering freely, with absolutely no fear or shame or time constraints? And surrounded by their parents.
That is the key. Families and parents talk together about stuttering, and what works. And that it is OK to accept stuttering and still strive to be the best communicator possible, at the same time. They are not mutually exclusive goals.
All the kids go to the same workshops at the same time. And adults and parents go to one at the same time. Everything is done with a sense of cohesiveness, and the purpose of getting to know one another. We all eat together, there is only one tour on Friday night,and there are even hospitality rooms, one for teens, one for adults, encouraging everyone to hang out and socialize together, instead of going off in separate groups.
At the dinner dance on the last night, shorts, bare legs, flip-flops or even bare feet were the norm. Kids packed the dance floor and hogged the karaoke machine, as it should be. We all got in a great big circle, with arms around each other, and sang, “That’s What Friends are For”, and “Wind Beneath My Wings” to each other.
You can’t help but feel powerfully connected when engaging like this with each other. Little kids, teens, siblings, parents, grad students, SLP’s – all just become people in one big circle touching and swaying to the music, and letting tears drip a little because we had no free hand to swat them away.
I was busy most of the weekend. I ran a workshop for adults, attended several, and did videos of parents. They are wonderful. Can’t wait to get them posted. I also did some videos with kids on “inspiration”. These will be featured as part of a video montage of people who stutter from around the world for the International Stuttering Association in October. How inspiring is that? Some of the Friends kids will be featured telling their stories around the world.
I still found time to connect emotionally with my own feelings. I was fine the first two days. Friday evening, I chatted with very good friend Heather G and found myself getting emotional as we chatted about some recent stuff I have been working on. Then on Saturday, my emotional dam burst and I just could not stop the spill.
It started with hearing the very inspiring Dr Alan Rabinowitz share his story of connecting with and saving Big Cats because they couldn’t speak for themselves, just as he felt as a kid growing up stuttering. I was choked up and teary for most of his talk. I remained so when I went to talk to him personally for a few minutes afterward. His disclosure of not feeling whole at one point in his life really struck a chord with me.
Shortly after, I listened to a panel of young people, parents and adults tell of “living successfully with stuttering”. When Bob Murphy, a tough, “wears-his-heart-on-his-sleeve” firefighter, told his story of seeking therapy himself as an adult(he has a kid who stutters) so he could have a chance at becoming a lieutenant with the Fire Department, I got a huge lump in my throat. When he shared that it paid off and he became a lieutenant just last month, I didn’t try to hold back the tears and just let them flow. I was so moved. My heart leaked.
Then I listened to a powerful closing speech by a therapist who had been a covert stutterer. She spoke with such passion, deep from her heart. The tears rolled down my cheeks. I was so happy to be in this place of acceptance and support, but at the same time I felt mournful and sad that I had never had any of this as a child.
For the third year in a row, my insides were touched in that deep down place that so wishes I had this kind of peace as a young person. I went to talk to Kristen Chemela after her speech, thanked her and let her know how her words had so moved me. And then I started crying and she stayed present with me for a few powerful moments.
Friends has a way of doing this. Of connecting all the dots – even the ones we thought we had pushed deep down. I am so happy to be part of the Friends organization and happy to give a little part of myself to these daring, courageous beautiful children and their parents.
Episode 15 features Lisette Wesseling, who hails all the way from Wellington, New Zealand. I met Lisette two years ago at the NSA conference that was held in Parsippany, NJ.
Since then, we have stayed in touch through various social media and the covert email group. I was delighted to spend some time again with Lisette when she returned to the US to attend the recent NSA conference in Cleveland, OH.
Lisette is a woman of many talents and of course has a wonderful story to share. Lisette is a Soprano singer, a singing teacher, and also works in a non-profit organization that disseminates information for Braille users.
We talk about a number of things related to the covert stuttering experience and how important it is, that when ready, you receive the right treatment approach. Lisette shares how for a while she received the wrong treatment and what impact that had on her. She shares her experiences with “Smooth Speech” which is the common therapy for stutterers in New Zealand and a bit about the therapy she is currently doing now.
We also discuss the differences in how stuttering may be perceived in the “artsy creative” world vs. corporate culture. And we visit voluntary stuttering, holding and looking at a stuttering moment and how the evolution of the internet has allowed for shared self-help, resources and therapy approaches.
Listen in, agree or disagree and feel free to leave feedback for Lisette, and me as well, if you wish. The comments left here often generate great discussion.
Musical credit for “Silver Shine” goes to Dano Songs.
Friends Who Stutter
Posted on: July 21, 2010
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I will be leaving today for my 3rd Friends convention, held this year in Chicago, IL. If you have a child that stutters, Friends is a wonderful support organization that focuses on acceptance of self as is. There is nothing better than to see kids, teen and young adults spend time together, laughing and loving each other and themselves.
This is a parent driven organization and it is clearly evident when you participate in a Friends event. The convention details are handled by families from the host city, and attendees feel welcome and supported the minute you walk in the door.
Parents are the backbone of this organization, under the guidance of Director Lee Caggiano. Lee is the mother of a son who stutters, and the whole Caggiano family is deeply involved in Friends. Dad Tom helps with all kinds of logistical things, including chief photographer during events. Daughter Jessie, herself a Social Worker, works with the kids and runs a siblings group every year.
People ask me how come I attend both conferences, NSA and Friends. They are so close – within two weeks of each other. It can be expensive. My response is always: how can I not.
When I first met Lee four years ago, her unconditional love, support and respect for people who stutter came shining through. She made me feel that my stuttering has purpose, value – before her, no one had made me feel that way about stuttering.
I went to the Friends conference in New Orleans in 2008, and was warmly embraced. Literally. When I walked in to the Friends area in the hotel, a parent of two kids who stutter, Gloria, warmly embraced me and made me feel so welcome. I will never forget that. I have been hooked since.
Countless times I wonder what my life would have been like if I had something like this when I was little girl, feeling so alone and scared with my stuttering. If I had known other kids my age who sounded like me – I know things would have been very different for me. I would not have felt like I had to fight the demons all by my self.
If you stutter, even as a adult, or know someone who stutters, take an opportunity to check out Friends. You will see why it is such a special place for kids and thier families. There, they are not kids who stutter. They are just kids. And we adults become kids at heart.
Visit Friends today. You will be happy you did!
Women Who Stutter – Episode 14
Posted on: July 19, 2010
Episode 14 has been removed from the podcast archives.
This episode featured a woman that I got to meet when I visited the UK for the first time a few months ago (March/April 2010.) It was such a delight to meet her in person, and her family, after having only “met” S on-line through social media.
She invited me and and two other new friends into her home for a beautiful luncheon. After lunch, we had a tour of her home town and the seacoast of England. We also sat around her kitchen table over tea talking about everything women everywhere talk about.
It was one of the best experiences in my life. I look forward to when our paths cross again.
My First Solo Workshop
Posted on: July 16, 2010
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I did a solo workshop at the NSA conference last week, and also helped with the Toastmaster Demo meeting. Both of these workshops were back-to-back on Saturday afternoon.
On Saturday morning, I worked with a small group of teens. We did some video recording, which will be posted on YouTube and the NSA website (front page, I hope, as these young people’s messages are outstanding).
I gave a speech at the Toastmaster meeting, which I really enjoyed doing. I spoke about my recent visit to England and what it was like visiting a meeting of the British Stammering Association. I thought it was great to speak about this at a US stuttering convention, as it serves as a reminder how global stuttering is.
Doing a Toastmaster Demo meeting is a great opportunity for toastmasters. We get to explain what Toastmasters is all about and the benefits to be gained by becoming a member. It is also very empowering to facilitate a Toastmasters meeting where all the roles are filled by people who stutter.
Toastmasters is highly recommended for people who stutter to gain valuable experience with public and impromptu speaking. You also get meaningful feedback from others which helps you set goals for future improvement.
This workshop was recorded by Judy Kuster’s husband, Tom. (I did not know it would be recorded until I saw him setting up the recording equipment). Judy is the guru of The Stuttering Home Page. It will be available for sale on DVD. (Eeeeks!)
The other workshop I facilitated was called, “Ch-Ch-Ch- Changes: Sometimes Change Can Change Everything”. A friend and I had talked about wanting to do a workshop like this since last year. She was unable to attend this year’s workshop, so I did the workshop myself.
My focus was on how one little change in our lives can change everything in our world. And the change doesn’t only happen to us. People around us – family, friends, co-workers, significant others – can be profoundly affected by a change we make or that happens unexpectedly. Entire families are affected when a member is an alcoholic or drug addict. Everybody learns how to cope, or deny, in some way.
And when the alcoholic or drug addict enters recovery, that change again affects the whole family. Suddenly, you have to adapt to a whole new person and new family dynamics. It’s not easy – I speak from personal experience.
Same with stuttering. I behaved and thought one way when I was covert for so many years. When I finally embraced my stuttering and let it out, I changed completely. I grew stronger, more assertive and confident, and less fearful. I grew into another person, and people in my life had to learn how to relate to this new person. Or choose not to.
Profound change happened in my life in just four short years. Change that also affected everyone around me. I discussed this in my workshop and shared parts of my personal journey that I had not shared with too many people.
Change is hard. Change is scary. Change is part of life. Change can change everything in an instant. Be ready for it!
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