Posts Tagged ‘acceptance of stuttering’
His Courage Speaks Volumes
Posted on: June 3, 2012
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There was some discussion on one of the stuttering email groups about this young man’s choice to deliver a rap for his graduation speech.
A comment laments the fact that this kid, Colin, might give the impression to those that don’t stutter that he had no choice but to use a “trick” to deliver his graduation speech.
I applaud Colin’s very choice to take a risk and be innovative. It shows me that he did not let his stutter prevent him from participating in his graduation ceremony.
Wounded Inner Child
Posted on: May 14, 2012
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Sometimes I think about that sad, frightened little girl who stuttered and wish I could just give her a great big hug and tell her everything would be OK. If someone had told her that, things certainly would have been different.
She wouldn’t have grown up feeling so insecure, afraid and ashamed. Insecurity, fear and shame stays with those who don’t get early positive messages. How can we change that?
One of the earliest memories I have of stuttering is my father yelling at me to, “Stop that,” “no one talks like that,” or “Jesus Christ, shut up.” I don’t necessarily remember the stuttering, but I vividly remember how that criticism felt, stung!
I didn’t know how to cope. I was afraid of my father and his deep disapproval. He was ashamed of me. He never said that. He didn’t have to.
I wanted my father to love me and be proud of me. I never, ever felt I measured up in his eyes, not as that little girl and not as an adult.
Those feelings of hurt, of being a disappointment, and being disappointed, of not feeling loved, stayed with me a long time. Those early moments drove me to try and hide my stuttering.
I always tried to find that love and approval, which I didn’t think I could as a stutterer.
As an adult, I often still feel the pain and loneliness of that wounded little girl. The shame that still creeps in sometimes when I stutter leads right back to my 5 year old’s shame. I tell myself I am over it, but it comes back to remind me, haunt me, actually.
What can be done to ease the pain that is still there of the wounded inner child? Do you have a wounded inner child that you do not acknowledge, or tend to?
I try to be kind and gentle when she pops in unannounced! I wish I could give her that warm hug and tell her everything will be OK. I wish I could dry her tears and take the pain away.
The closest I can come is to try and embrace myself and remind myself that I am good and special and loved, just the way I am. Stuttering and all!
Can you do that?
She Actually Stutters
Posted on: March 30, 2012
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Finally, a person getting media attention who actually stutters! And she’s a SHE!
Swedish golfer Sophie Gustafson did a media interview that got lots of attention from the stuttering community this week. This was a big deal for her, as she has shied away from most public speaking due to her stuttering.
It is refreshing to see someone who has dealt with the physical, emotional and social aspects of stuttering actually talk about it, and stutter. She is not one of those who miraculously outgrew or overcame her stuttering.
She still stutters and lets it be known in this NY Times article published March 27 and her television interview (which made the rounds this week on social media, even though it aired back in November 2011.)
In this 2002 Sports Illustrated interview, she talks about how she has tried to manage her stuttering throughout her life, including therapy at the Hollins Institute.
A couple of my friends suggested I try to contact Sophie and see if she would consider being a guest on the Women Who Stutter: Our Stories podcast. I contacted her through her Twitter account, and she actually responded. When I asked her if she would consider being a guest and sharing her story, she said she wasn’t ready for that.
Those of us who stutter can certainly understand that!
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The story about Shaq (Shaquille O’Neal – former US basketball player) coming out as a person who stutters has got a lot of attention on the blogs and social media.
On March 3, a video clip was released featuring Shaq discussing that he stutters for a Dove (soap) commercial. I didn’t like it! I don’t buy it! Shaq was a huge media presence in his basketball prime and he never spoke about stuttering when legions of kids adored him and looked up to him. He would have ramped up his role model status if he had “come out” when he was actively playing hoops!
My fellow blogger and mentor Daniele Rossi, of Stuttering Is Cool writes his reflection about another famous stutterer getting attention, even though he doesn’t stutter. Daniele and I appear to agree on this issue.
I think if famous people are going to be asked to promote stuttering awareness, then they should stutter. At least on one or two words. Or have at least one person who actually stutters be a spokesperson for something. Hey, maybe even a woman!
I posted my thoughts about this on one of the stuttering Facebook groups, and I got a lot of heat. People said I should give him a break – that it’s great that there is one more avenue for stuttering awareness.
Here’s what my comment was:
Sorry Shaq! I don’t buy it! Ordinary people who stutter (and use Dove soap) can also be comfortable in our own skin!
Here are some of the responses:
Love this clip, any one that puts themselves forward to talk and advertise their own stuttering, as Americans call it, deserves applause in my eyes, whether they are celebs or ordinary folk. In fact celebs can get criticised and people assume its for their own gains, which is often wrong. The way the media has spun it about being comfortable in his own skin is just advertising, that’s the way I look at it.
Pam- I think you are over thinking this. Remember it is after all an ad campaign. Remember he is being paid to use Dove products, of which there are many besides soap. Is anyone trashing Vice President Biden because he came out of the stuttering closet later in life, as did James Earl Jones? I for one think it’s great that he’s out of that closet. The youths out there love him and he is a wonderful role model, far better than Kobe Bryant, Charles Barkley or the other bad boys of basketball. This man is a gentle giant and I applaud him.
I’m thinking that you would like to see “regular” people cast in the limelight as people who stutter and “overcame” stuttering, correct?
Not sure what the big hooplah is…yes, celebrities endorsing a product is always a bit cheesy, but I think that the ad raises stuttering awareness in a light-hearted and approachable way to a mass audience. I applaud him and I make no claims to know whether or not he uses Dove soap or truly stutters, and find myself truly concerned with neither. I suppose we could raid his shower in a soap detection effort and personal files for formal diagnosis documentation, but why? He’s a relatively positive public figure and he’s not only raising awareness, but also promoting positive self-image and self-acceptance. A bit kitschy? Maybe. But, effective, nonetheless.
I understand the frustration regarding predominantly male PWS role models who are mostly/completely recovered. It’s definitely a sore point–however, since there tend to be more males who stutter than females [to our current knowledge], I suppose I have come to just not fixate on that particular disparity in public portrayals of stuttering. And, yes, it would be desirable and healthy and refreshing to see someone stutter openly–onscreen, on camera, etc. Perhaps, one day we will arrive at that point. For now, I suppose that any progress toward giving stuttering a somewhat positive, vocal, national, viral platform is progress in my book.
I like the fact that he said he was comfortable in his skin, AND he still stutters. It’s Dove’s tag line, but I think it’s a great message for PWS – that we can be comfortable in our skin AND stutter. Being comfortable with our speech is part of being comfortable in our skin. This may be the first time he’s talked about it, and I think it’s a great thing.
The last comment reflects that Shaq says he is comfortable in his own skin and he still stutters. Wouldn’t it have been great if he had stuttered, just once, in this clip?
What do you think?
Episode 6 of this series of conversations features Zachary Sterkel, who hails from Oklahoma City, Oklahoma. Zachary is 26 years old and works as a lead baker, with a focus on pastry work.
Zachary and I met on a stuttering forum on-line and chatted on Skype soon after meeting. We quickly scheduled a date for him to share his story here.
Listen in as Zachary very candidly discusses how he once let stuttering limit him, and why it no longer does. He talks about not liking it when people are too nice to him. You have to listen – he describes it best, and I am sure all of us who stutter can relate to this.
We discuss the value of stuttering groups and sharing experiences. Relating with others who stutter has helped Zachary better understand his own stuttering and how his stuttering affects others and even influences their behavior. We also discuss confidence, courage and pink elephants.
I took the name of this episode from a photo that is front and center on Zachary’s Facebook page. These words are shown on the side of a building: “Speak the truth, even if your voice shakes.”
Please feel free to leave comments or questions for Zachary (or me!) Or just let Zachary know how impressed you were with his honesty, as I was.
Music used in this episode is credited to ccMixter.
Letting You Stutter
Posted on: February 16, 2012
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This was very interesting to me. In a very succinct way, this quick comment by a friend sums up the covert stuttering experience for some people.
A friend asked how my new job was going. I started a new position in mid November, something that is quite different for me and out of my area of expertise. Part of my responsibilities include providing resources and support to 15 adult education teachers.
In an email, my friend commented, “Wow Pam, you are amazing. You have to manage 15 staff and they let you stutter the way that you do. That is very inspirational.”
To me, this spoke volumes about how we hide our true selves, and how we feel about exposing our differences at work and in professional environments.
What do you think?
Episode 5 of this series of conversations with men who stutter features John Paskievich, who hails from Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada. John is an award winning stills photographer and documentary film maker
When trying to find his life’s work, John picked up a camera and realized he enjoyed working with still images. He went on to pursue a free lance career as a photographer and documentary film maker, despite being told early on that he shouldn’t, due to his stuttering.
Listen in as we talk about how that made John feel, as well as his insecurities about stuttering and his self-denial that his stuttering wasn’t bothering him. It was! We also delve into talk of acceptance, that stuttering is “not our fault” and that fluent people should “get over” their own anxieties about what to do when one encounters someone who stutters.
We also chat about the film John made about stuttering, that he titled “Unspeakable.” He chose it for the double meaning that it connotes – that if you stutter, you sometimes feel you can’t speak, as well as the taboo associated with stuttering. And we talk of the tendency that stutterers have of trying to please our listener.
This was a great conversation, filled with lots of laughter and humor. I enjoyed this very candid conversation with a guy who has come a long way on his stuttering journey.
Please leave comments for John or myself in the comment section. Feedback is a gift.
Music used in this episode is credited to ccMixter.
Good Confident Stuttering
Posted on: January 5, 2012
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My friend Devayan from India made me smile when he asked if I would be able to meet up with him and his brother when they arrive to New York this weekend.
It seems Devayan’s older brother has not been around too much stuttering, other than his brother’s, so Devayan thought it would be a good idea if he met me. As he put it, then his brother would be exposed to some good, confident stuttering.
That made me laugh when we discussed it over Skype this past weekend. We were chatting about Devayan’s pending move from Mumbai, India, to New York, USA. He had lots of questions, including how cold is it here, where could he find some inexpensive pots and pans, and does the local grocery store sell good chicken and eggs?
During our conversation, Devayan had several very good stuttering moments! It seems excitement and stress increases his stuttering, just like it does for most of us. (I had been under the impression that Indians who stutter don’t get stressed! Only kidding!)
So when he asked if I could meet them on Sunday for coffee before his brother returns home, I smiled and laughed. Devayan considers my stuttering to be of the good and confident type.
It struck me how great it was that we were able to have this conversation about stuttering – him telling me mine is confident and me telling him that he had some “great stutters.”
It also made me ask myself: “what is confident stuttering?” And it made me think he is well en route to becoming a good future speech therapist!
Confident stuttering is natural and open, staying with the block or repetition, making eye contact and smiling during the stuttering moments. I will be the first to admit that I don’t always do this, but I strive to anyway!
Maybe your definition is different! What do you think? How do you define “good confident stuttering?”
P.S. Devayan arrives in New York this weekend, and I am confident that we will both be cold and stutter well when we finally meet in person!
She Loves To Talk – Episode 77
Posted on: January 2, 2012
Episode 77 features Lotte Klene, who is 28 years old and hails from Rotterdam, The Netherlands. Lotte’s native language is Dutch and throughout our conversation, it is clear that Lotte is more fluent in Dutch than English.
Luckily, we have a translator available to help us! Early in to our conversation, we hear Lotte ask her boyfriend Jeroen to translate for her. Later in the conversation, I ask Jeroen to introduce himself and we chat a bit.
Jeroen Vuijk works for the local government in Rotterdam, and gives us a great perspective of what it’s like to date a woman who stutters.
Lotte talks about what it’s like to stutter in The Netherlands and how its perceived. We talk about therapy, shame, negative reactions, acceptance, and being able to communicate freely and confidently. Lotte shares that her mother also stutters and how stuttering is normal in her family.
Lotte loves to speak and be socially involved. We talk about the Facebook group Stuttering Arena and how helpful it has been for her to connect with other people who stutter. We also discuss Lotte’s involvement with The Netherlands stuttering association and the European League of Stuttering Associations (ELSA.)
Feel free to leave comments for Lotte or Jeroen! They both did a great job, especially Jeroen for his translation. Remember, feedback is a gift.
Music used in this episode is credited to ccMixter.
Living Her Passion – Episode 75
Posted on: December 19, 2011
Episode 75 features Kelsey, who hails from Biggar, Saskatchewan, Canada. Kelsey is 22 years old and currently attends Trinity Western University in Langley, British Columbia. Kelsey plans to graduate in April 2012 with an undergraduate degree in Religious Studies, with a minor in Psychology.
Kelsey has always been fascinated with learning about people and understanding differences and similarities. She has just returned from a unique experience studying abroad for a full semester in the Middle East. She spent the majority of her time in Israel and Palestine, as well as two weeks in Turkey and Jordan.
We have a great discussion of life in the Middle East, how Western women are received, and how Turkey is the only secular Muslim state. I ask questions about the food, cultures and how visitors should dress.
We talk about advertising stuttering with different groups. Kelsey touched on how insecurities re-surfaced, especially while she was taking an Arabic language class. We talked about how women often feel inferior because of stuttering and often feel we need to compensate or prove our worth.
Kelsey has deep faith, and talks about how her faith has helped her accept her stuttering. Kelsey shares how she has always felt inspired by Moses, who is thought to have stuttered.
We also talk about Kelsey’s other interests. She is actively involved with wheelchair basketball, and talks about how enriching it is to be fully accepted as an able-bodied player in the wheelchair basketball culture. She has been involved in competitive league play for over a year.
Kelsey loves being welcomed into communities that she is not naturally part of. This was an incredibly fascinating conversation, that illustrates how you can ask personal questions about others after sharing experiences.
Be sure to listen in, and feel free to leave comments or questions for either of us. Remember feedback is a gift! Music used in this episode credited to ccMixter.
Stuttering And Being Weird
Posted on: December 16, 2011
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This is my friend Lisa giving a talk at a local TEDx conference in Albany, NY last month. I had the privilege of being there in person to see and hear her talk, and more importantly, the audience reaction. They loved her. She was the best presenter by far, of 16 speakers.
TED talks are global. If you have never heard of them, check them out. It’s a simple, yet profound idea. Get people who have something to say to say it. Like Lisa does here.
I met Lisa a little more than a year ago, after “stalking” her (her words!) and convincing her to meet me. We found out through email and social media that we live and work very close to each other.
Lisa has a severe stutter, and works in an industry where she helps other people find their voice. As we began to get to know each other, Lisa shared that she has never talked publicly like this. Until this year. Like NOW!
She spoke at a major industry conference in LA about a week before she did this talk. I think it’s safe to say Lisa has found her voice.
I am glad I stalked her and we have become friends. She inspires me. She has also been a guest on my podcast!
Self-Help In India
Posted on: November 23, 2011
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The Indian Stammering Association (TISA) is having their first National Conference to promote self help and community for Indian people who stutter at the end of this year.
The conference will take place from December 28, 2011 to January 1, 2012. It is being held at the Institute of Health Sciences (IHS), Bhubaneswar, Orissa, India. Details for meals, lodging and the purpose and agenda can be found here.
I am happy to pass this information along to anyone who regularly visits my blog or listens to any of my podcast episodes.
Stuttering/stammering is universal. We may live in different countries and have different accents, but anyone who stutters understands the fear, shame and stigma that can result from trying to deal with our stuttering in isolation.
I have been very fortunate on many fronts. I found and got involved in the United States National Stuttering Association (NSA) in 2006. I learned how empowering it is to connect with other people from different cultures who experience communication differences in a world where we take talking for granted.
I started writing about my stuttering journey on this blog in February 2009 (almost 3 years!) and have regularly been supported by people who stutter in India. We have shared resources, perspectives and ideas.
I have also had the good fortune to talk with several people who stutter from India via Skype. This has been a wonderful opportunity to prove how important self-help is, as well as paying it forward to others.
If you are an Indian person who stutters who wants to discover the power of meeting others who stutter, do everything you can to attend this first ever Indian National Conference.
Or if you love someone who stutters or are a professional or like me, a person from another country who would like to attend and can afford to do so, GO. (I wish I could!)
It will be a life changing experience.
Episode 73 features Jeni Cristal, who hails from Long Beach, California. Jeni is 22 years old and attends the University of Long Beach, majoring in Health Care Administration.
Jeni will graduate in spring 2012, and plans to go on for her Masters degree in Public Policy. Then she wants to apply to law school, with the long-term goal of becoming a prosecutor.
Jeni is from a very large family – she has 10 siblings! Two of her brothers stutter. Listen in as Jeni shares her poignant story of growing up not being allowed to talk to her mother – because her mother thought Jeni’s stuttering was contagious! She was only allowed to talk to her mom if she was fluent.
We talk about how tough it was for Jeni to not talk about any of this for years, and the changes in her relationship with her mom. We also discuss disability resources for college students, speech therapy, forgiveness, letting go and acceptance.
Jeni and I had a great conversation. We both got choked up at the end of our chat, as we realized we had made a real emotional connection. Sharing our personal stories does that!
Please feel free to leave comments for either of us, and especially let Jeni know what a great job she did. Feedback is such a gift.
The podcast safe music used in this episode is credited to ccMixter.
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