Archive for the ‘Posts’ Category
Be Memorable!
Posted on: December 2, 2011
- In: Posts
- 12 Comments
I really don’t want to be identified as the lady who stutters at work. But I know darn right well that is how some people know me and remember me.
I stutter during one-on-one conversations, I stutter on the phone and I am known to stutter when making small or large group presentations. Contrary to what I used to think, most people in my world know I stutter.
There’s certainly worse things to be known for, right?
I could be known as the one everyone hates dealing with because she never follows through.
Or I could be the one that everyone knows is always late.
Or I could be known as the one that you can’t tell anything to because she can’t be trusted.
On one of the stuttering forums I visit, someone was talking about how it’s too bad some people reach “old age” and never come to terms with the fact that they stutter.
He shared an observation that he had when he had a group of people over to his home recently. People were gathered around, talking, laughing, chiming in when they had something to contribute. He also noted that there were several different conversations actually going on at the same time.
He found it interesting to watch how people jockeyed for the right moment to jump in and add something to a conversation when they had something they wanted to contribute. Sometimes people talked over one another and interrupted.
He also mentioned that he didn’t contribute much because he really didn’t have much to say, and was rather busy keeping people “watered and fed.”
But when he did have something to say, the conversations stopped and everybody listened. Because this guy insists that he not be interrupted when he speaks. Sometimes he struggles to get his words out, so when he does want to contribute, everybody listens.
I likened this to being memorable. People remember people who stand out and say something compelling and valuable, even when stuttering while sharing their point.
A friend and I talked about our stuttering last night. He was venting how frustrating it feels to him to have conversations at work with colleagues or people in authority. He feels like no one knows who he is.
I told him what I thought about that! My take is that he feels that way because he rarely takes opportunities to initiate conversation and “make people want to hear more from him.”
When I said this, he looked at me with this “raised eyebrow look” of his that means, “What the hell are you talking about?”
I said to him, “You have to be memorable. You stutter, so be so compelling in what you say while stuttering, that people will definitely remember you.” I had his attention. I could see his wheels churning.
There’s worse things, right?
Blogging On Another Blog!
Posted on: November 30, 2011
- In: Posts
- 3 Comments
I had the honor of writing a piece for another blog, Hiten Vyas’ wonderful The Stuttering Hub. This is the first time someone asked me to write a guest piece on their blog!
Hiten published it yesterday. Be sure to check out his site. In addition to offering regular gems of wisdom about managing stuttering, Hiten also offers mentoring for others who stutter/stammer.
I wrote about my experiences so far at my new job, which I started two weeks ago. I shared how I have gone about disclosing and advertising my stuttering to new colleagues and students.
Those same colleagues and students taught me how the human spirit is still alive and well. See my post here.
My job experiences so far, and being featured on another blog, reinforce to me how powerful human connection really is.
What Makes You Tic?
Posted on: November 25, 2011
- In: Posts
- 8 Comments
Last week I went to a presentation on tolerance. The name of the program was called “What Makes You Tic?” The speaker was Marc Elliott, a man in his twenties who was diagnosed with Tourette’s Syndrome when he was 9 years old.
He has lived with strange physical tics for many years, as well as inappropriate outbursts of name calling, cursing, and loud, odd noises.
His most-notable tic is/was the slamming together of his teeth, loudly enough to hear his upper and lower teeth grind and make contact. Imagine doing that for over 20 years!
His talk was very inspirational. He shared about how he often found himself explaining to people in school or out in public that his weird movements or sounds were not intended to bother or offend anyone, but that they were involuntary.
He also has lived with a rare intestinal disorder, making the “taken-for-granted” bodily task of relieving himself a particular challenge as well. He talked about never wanting to use a public restroom. He always felt he was being judged. Even when all he could see, and others could see, were ankles and shoes at the bottom of a stall.
If he heard someone come in to the bathroom, he would make himself stop “his business” in mid-action, in order not to be judged (or so he thought, in his mind.)
This is very similar to stuttering. How often have you chose not to speak, or switched words, for fear of how someone would react?
During his talk, Marc made reference to stuttering. I was not surprised. I knew there was some closeness ( in the brain area) between stuttering and Tourette’s syndrome. And I am always interested in how people with differences manage in their daily lives.
Marc shared that in the last 5 months, he has gained such a level of acceptance for his tics, that he rarely tics in public anymore. He said he almost never thinks about the fear of how others may perceive him, which has given him control over his tics. This is where he made reference to stuttering. And what surprised me, frankly.
He indicated that like Tourettes, if people who stutter could just forget that they stutter, like we do when we sing (!), we would be able to reduce or eliminate stuttering, like he has done with his tics.
He never quite told us how he has eliminated his tics. He said we could read about that in his book, (of the same title, “What Makes You Tic?“) which is due out by the end of the year.
At the end of the program, many people started lining up to speak with him. I got in line, deciding to let him know (gently) what I thought of his comment about stuttering.
I was close to the front of the line, and listened while some young girls cooed about how amazing and inspirational he was. An excited group of three got another friend to take a picture of them with Marc.
When it was my turn, I introduced myself, using some voluntary stuttering until real stuttering took hold. I told him I enjoyed his talk, but was a little curious about his reference to stuttering. I shared with him that if not thinking about stuttering was all it took for me to not stutter, like he no longer tics, then I needed to know the secret right away.
I also said, “I bet you didn’t think anyone who stutters would be in this audience, huh?” He did seem genuinely surprised and commented that he was glad I had come up to him. He also said he was grateful that I had shared a little about stuttering, and that maybe he needs to get more information before he “uses that connection” again.
We spoke for just a few minutes, but I knew I had his attention. While we spoke, he “ticked” quite obviously – his mouth clamped tight a couple of times and his gaze was all over the place. Maybe it was because I was stuttering freely, or like me (with my stuttering), he tics more one-on-one with someone than he does/did when he was on the stage talking and using a microphone.
I think he was actually surprised that I came up to him and had the guts to gently point out (for me anyway) that his analogy about “not thinking” about stuttering wasn’t the answer.
He thanked me and gave me a hug before I left.
I was glad I went up to him and was honest and stuttered openly. We all learn from each other.
Self-Help In India
Posted on: November 23, 2011
- In: Posts
- 2 Comments
The Indian Stammering Association (TISA) is having their first National Conference to promote self help and community for Indian people who stutter at the end of this year.
The conference will take place from December 28, 2011 to January 1, 2012. It is being held at the Institute of Health Sciences (IHS), Bhubaneswar, Orissa, India. Details for meals, lodging and the purpose and agenda can be found here.
I am happy to pass this information along to anyone who regularly visits my blog or listens to any of my podcast episodes.
Stuttering/stammering is universal. We may live in different countries and have different accents, but anyone who stutters understands the fear, shame and stigma that can result from trying to deal with our stuttering in isolation.
I have been very fortunate on many fronts. I found and got involved in the United States National Stuttering Association (NSA) in 2006. I learned how empowering it is to connect with other people from different cultures who experience communication differences in a world where we take talking for granted.
I started writing about my stuttering journey on this blog in February 2009 (almost 3 years!) and have regularly been supported by people who stutter in India. We have shared resources, perspectives and ideas.
I have also had the good fortune to talk with several people who stutter from India via Skype. This has been a wonderful opportunity to prove how important self-help is, as well as paying it forward to others.
If you are an Indian person who stutters who wants to discover the power of meeting others who stutter, do everything you can to attend this first ever Indian National Conference.
Or if you love someone who stutters or are a professional or like me, a person from another country who would like to attend and can afford to do so, GO. (I wish I could!)
It will be a life changing experience.
Shoes That Don’t Fit
Posted on: November 15, 2011
- In: Posts
- 4 Comments
Have you ever worn shoes that don’t fit right? So tight, it hurts to walk? Or even to stand still? I’ve bought shoes sometimes that are too tight, hoping either they would loosen or my feet would shrink.
Especially leather shoes. I’ve hoped that the leather would soften with wear and conform to my foot. I have stubbornly endured foot pain for days. And blisters. Sometimes it worked. The shoe did soften up and became comfortable. Other times, I realized I wasted my money.
What about shoes that are too big? Have you ever fell in love with a certain pair that didn’t come in your size and you bought the next size up? I have, thinking I could wear fluffier socks or even two pair.
I remember one time wearing shoes that were so wide, I feared falling out of them. And I did! One of the shoes FELL OFF as I climbed stairs!
So what do you do when shoes don’t fit? You don’t wear them! You get rid of them, ideally passing them on to someone who can use them.
But sometimes that’s hard to do. Even when we should get rid of something that doesn’t fit or we don’t even wear anymore, it’s hard to give up what we know.
I remember years ago when a brand of shoes called “Docksiders” was all the rage. I just had to have a pair. They were leather boat shoes, flat, like moccasins. They had sturdy hard cords as laces. I wore those shoes to death. They became scuffed and the cords broke. I couldn’t find the exact replacement laces, so I tied the broken cord together and still wore them!
I outgrew those shoes, but had a hard time getting rid of them. I kept them in my closet for years, finally parting with them when packing up to move.
I had a conversation with my mentor the other day. I was complaining about how dizzying my life seemed lately. I lost a job that I loved, had a serious bike accident, had to move suddenly due to flooding, and had a temporary job that also ended abruptly. All in the course of 4 months.
I was moaning (crying) about how all of this was way too much to handle and it wasn’t fair. When would I catch a break?
He just looked at me very calmly and said, “Pam, stop. This doesn’t fit you anymore. You know better than most how to navigate changes in life. You’re an expert at it. It doesn’t fit you anymore to bemoan change.”
He stopped me dead in my tracks. Of course he was right. Whining and complaining does nothing to change any of the “drama” that has gone on in my life. I can’t hold on to the old ways of reacting and panicking. That’s not me any more.
Like shoes that don’t fit, we have to get rid of strategies that don’t work or we outgrow. My mentor calmly said, “That’s it. I give you permission to stop carrying all this and just let it go. Can you give your self permission?”
I thought about this long and hard. I want to gently acknowledge all of these things going on in my life and let them go. But it is so hard. I still find myself fighting it, as tough as that is to admit.
When something doesn’t fit, we need to get rid of it and make room for newer things that fit better.
Like stuttering, loss, change and pain – we have to take control, not let “things” control us.
What do you think? Do you still have a pair of old shoes in your closet (like me) that you can’t part with? Why is it so hard?
Coach? Who? Me?
Posted on: November 10, 2011
- In: Posts
- 6 Comments
I had an interesting proposal last week. A colleague from a prior job emailed me out of the blue and asked if I would consider coming on with them (for hire) in a coaching or consulting capacity.
He said, “this is going to sound kind of funny, but we need a self-esteem coach, and the first person we thought of was you.”
He had my attention.
It seems my colleague is working with an amazing young man who has mild Aspergers syndrome and OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder.) The young man has several part-time jobs, friends, and is involved in an adult sports league. He is accepted by co-workers and friends.
But he doesn’t believe that! He is having a hard time reconciling his difference and being able to present himself as “normal” to the world. In his mind, being different and being perceived as normal by the world just doesn’t compute.
My friend thought I could maybe help him as a coach, since I have worked my way through similar experiences very successfully. I was like, “huh? what are you talking about?”
He told me he thought I must have worked through the feelings of “being different'” that comes with stuttering, because I am so open and confident and have such a healthy perspective on who I am. (If he only knew how I sometimes feel and don’t let on!)
I was momentarily stunned. I don’t recall ever having a significant discussion with this colleague about stuttering. He knows I stutter obviously because I stuttered openly at that job. He was my supervisor.
Then I felt pleased. We haven’t talked much at all over four years. Yet, he thought of me as a good resource to be a “self-esteem coach” for this young person.
We talked over the phone and brainstormed. He is looking for someone in a non-clinical capacity who can just share with this young person how I came to terms with my own “difference”, some of the feelings and challenges I have dealt with, and how I did/do that. That’s all. Just sharing my experience, in a mentoring/coaching capacity.
The young man has clinical people in his life. He doesn’t need anyone else like that. The thought is maybe he might benefit from an ordinary person who has struggled with similar self esteem doubts.
I am very interested in this opportunity. Who would have thought? Never me, in a million years.
This journey we are on . . . . . . when we share, it does make a difference!
Can you see how your experiences with stuttering might/could help others?
Never Lose Who You Are
Posted on: November 5, 2011
- In: Posts
- 8 Comments
I feel inspired to write this post based on two things I have encountered recently.
One comes from a discussion on the email list group Stuttering Chat. I have been a long-time member of this list. It is an eclectic mix of people who stutter, from all walks of life, different countries, different ages, and most of the regular contributors are male. Some of the comments get very . . . . hmmm, how to say this politely . . . . . they can get quite nasty.
To the point that any new-comer to the group might feel intimidated and maybe unwilling to post an experience, which then defeats the purpose of a stuttering support group, in my humble opinion.
Anyway, we often have what we call “lurkers” on the list, those who read all of the posts, but rarely, if ever post a comment of their own. For a number of reasons, including, I am sure, feeling somewhat intimidated.
This past week, we did have a young girl post for the first time, looking for support as to how best go about setting up a volunteer experience for herself to gain work experience while waiting to get into college. She laments that because of her severe stutter, she has a hard time phoning people and arranging things herself, so she is having her mom do it for her.
The young girl seemed to express remorse and guilt for “letting” someone else handle her affairs. She failed her entry exams for college and will need to retake them next year. She wants to become a doctor, but again, fears her stutter will hold her back.
She was looking for responses, which I interpreted as “she was looking for support.”
I wrote and suggested that she try to re-frame stuttering and see if she could see the strengths she has developed because of stuttering. Things like courage, compassion, effective listening, excellent writing skills (which she obviously possesses, based on her eloquent post.)
One person on the list responded to me, telling me how irritating it is for him to read posts like mine. That it is ridiculous to tell a young person that things will get better, to try to find some good from her situation and focus on her abilities rather than her disabilities.
He stated responses like mine “sugar-coat” everything and are not really helpful to young people. He suggested we tell young people how it really is – that stuttering sucks, that it is hard to be made fun of and feel like you can never raise your hand in class and make routine phone calls.
I admit, I was kind of stunned. How does that help a 17-year-old looking at her future and weighing options, based on things that have not worked for her yet? When I was her age, I was scared, lonely, and felt no one understood me. I would have loved to hear from someone older who had gone through the same experiences and survived, and had the courage to share some of that.
I think that’s important to do. To share our stories about our past with others. I have turned myself around to the point I barely recognize the scared, isolated and withdrawn woman I was merely 5 years ago. Who almost never talked. Who was content to let others do the talking, all because I hated my stuttering and feared negative reactions from others. I hardly ever risked getting a reaction of any kind from others, because I didn’t want to talk, and stutter.
Now, I could care less. A lot of things changed for me. I talk regularly now, (maybe too much) and stutter openly. And most people don’t care, because I appear confident. That’s what is different for me now. And I want to share that with others.
I don’t ever want to lose who I am or was. Because the lessons I have learned along the way can help other people who stutter, especially young people.
The other reason I was inspired to write about this today was that I went last night to see a magnificent, moving theater production of “The Diary of Anne Frank.”
I had asked several people if they wanted to join me. Two said it would be too depressing, two had to work, so I went alone. In a way, I was glad I did. Because then I can feel my emotions unabashedly.
I knew the story: a 13-year-old Jewish girl and her family go into hiding from Nazi Germany. They live in an attic for over two years, and just before they are to be liberated, they are betrayed and captured. The entire family, except the father, perish in the Nazi death camps.
The young girl kept a diary, which was published seven years after her death, and has been produced in movie and stage versions since then.
In one scene of the play, young Anne is talking with 16-year-old Peter, and they are talking about what they would do once they became free. Peter says he would like to experience life not as a Jew, so he can experience freedom and life free of the hardships they endured.
Anne says she would never want that. She would not want to deny her roots. She said, “I would never want to lose who I am.”
That line profoundly impacted me last night, spoken from a young actress portraying Anne Frank, a young girl who left her legacy through words in her diary.
When I got up to leave the theater at the end of the show, tears were streaming down my cheeks. The woman seated next to me turned to look at me. She too had been crying. We just looked at each other,saying nothing. We didn’t need to.
(Writer’s note: I am in no way implying here that Anne Frank’s harrowing story of being a victim of the Holocaust can in anyway be compared to stuttering. There is no comparison.)
What If You Offend Someone?
Posted on: November 3, 2011
Recently, I posted a piece about procrastination and stuttering. The topic had been discussed on Facebook after another blogger wrote about procrastination, using stuttering as an example.
Many people in the stuttering community were offended with the blogger’s comments, as they appeared to casually associate stuttering with procrastination, which has negative connotations.
This does not come as a surprise, as there are constant negative uses of the terms stuttering or stammering in the media. People who actually do stutter often get frustrated with the resulting poor perception mainstream then has of people who stutter. It is often thought we are lazy, intellectually impaired, nervous or just plain weird.
What does come as a surprise (and a pleasant one indeed) is when a blogger takes some time to reflect on how his words may have been perceived, and writes a thoughtful response on what to do if you have offended someone, whether intentionally or not.
That is the case with Mike Reeves-McMillan’s post titled “What To Do When You Offend Someone.” In this post, he writes about some of the push-back his guest post (on another blog called Change Your Thoughts, Change Your Life) got from people who actually stutter. Some of us, me included, were annoyed to see the term stuttering used in such a way that it could be potentially misinterpreted.
Mike does a great job in his post explaining what you should do when you unintentionally offend someone. He did not get defensive, he did not inanely apologize, nor did he minimize feelings. He reflected that sometimes a writer will say something that triggers a backlash, and when that happens, the best thing to do is acknowledge, validate and respond.
He also reminds us that we cannot own other people issues or feelings. That is not healthy. We have enough of our own stuff to deal with.
I was pleased to read Mike’s post, and share it here. Like I said on my original post, stuff like this keeps healthy dialogue about stuttering, and other issues, alive.
Always a good thing!
Guest Post: Positive Reframing
Posted on: November 1, 2011
- In: Posts
- 3 Comments
The following is a guest post written by a good friend of the stuttering community. Hiten Viyas, from England, writes regularly from his blog, the Stuttering Hub.
Hiten is known for his short, powerful posts on managing stuttering in our every day lives. He writes just enough to make us really think about the topic at hand and how it may apply to stuttering (or stammering, as it is known in the UK and other parts of the world.)
Hiten also offers his services as a Mentor/Coach for people who stutter. I am pleased to have Hiten as a guest writer today, sharing how we can turn negative thoughts about stuttering into a more positive perspective.
Hiten titled his piece: 10 powerful reframes to deal with stammering
Dealing with the emotional aspects of stammering can be tough. Sometimes you can be so ‘into’ an emotion, it feels like no way out. Below are 5 common beliefs about stammering you may find yourself in, along with different ways of looking at each one.
1. Because I stammer, it means I’m lesser than other people
Society has falsely led people to believe they need to be as good as others. It’s a comparison thing.
But is the world really like this? I’m 5’7 in height and am from England. You might be 5’9 in height and from the United States. Is there any point in us trying to compare our heights when one of is already taller than the other?
One person might speak fast. Another might speak a bit slower. Where’s the sameness in this? There isn’t any. It’s all different. It makes no sense to compare yourself to others and wanting to be the same as others, because everything is already so different.
2. Stammering stops me from doing what you want to
How does this work? I don’t think stammering would stop you from doing what you want to. What would stop you from doing what you want to, is if every time you got up, an invisible force kept holding you back. Now surely that would stop you from doing what you wanted to, wouldn’t it?
3. If only I stopped stammering my life would be perfect
Exactly how do you define perfect? Being fluent perhaps? But that’s your definition of perfect. Another person’s definition might be to get 100% marks in every exam. The point is no universal definition of ‘perfect’ exists. Otherwise we would all define ‘perfect’ as meaning the same thing. So go ahead, believe that by being fluent you will be perfect. Only please don’t expect many others to believe the same as you.
4. Every time I stammer I get humiliated
If your statement ‘I get humiliated’ holds true then surely every part of your mind and body must be humiliated right? So which part of you gets humiliated? Is it your left arm? Or your big toe on your right foot? Or perhaps the toe on left foot is feeling bad? Does one toe get humiliated more than the other? How humiliated does that birthmark you have feel? Ask it to tell you a scale of 1 to 10 how strong the humiliation is.
5. I just can’t pick up the phone
OK. What stops you? Oh, I see! You’re afraid you will stammer, so you don’t pick up the phone…
What’s the worst thing that will happen if you pick up the phone? You will stammer? OK, I can see how this works… And by stammering, what does this mean? It means the other person will become impatient? How do you know? Oh right, you don’t know?
But you still think the person will become impatient? And by the person becoming impatient what does that mean? It means they might put the phone down? Alright! And by them putting the phone down, does your life automatically come to an end? It doesn’t? Are you sure? You are? Good.
And remember the next time you sense a person is becoming impatient with you over the phone, he or she might be desperate to go to the toilet! As much as you like to believe your stammering is important, if someone was to choose either giving attention to this, or to a call of nature, both you and I know which will one win.
From the 5 beliefs and the responses above, I hope you get the message I’m trying to convey. You may believe that your beliefs and views are the way things are, period. The truth is, there could be at least 10 different beliefs and views as well.
Peacocks And Penguins
Posted on: October 28, 2011
- In: Posts
- Leave a Comment
Several years ago I read a great book on diversity called A Peacock in a Land of Penguins. It’s one of those fables that teach life lessons about being different. The story refers to workplaces and organizations, but its lessons apply to everything in life.
This book made a great impact on me when I first read it. I bought it for work, and applied some of it to a staff workshop I did on diversity. I remember thinking I was a peacock in a land of “everyone looks and acts the same” penguins.
I hadn’t thought about peacocks and penguins in a long time. Until I found I had used that phrase in a cover letter I wrote for a job I applied to this week. I was talking about me, describing my willingness to take risks and put myself out there, even when my ideas and opinions are contrary to the majority.
In other words, being a Peacock!
Many organizations today are still run by penguins – people who all look, sound, dress and think alike. Penguins say they want creative thinkers, but actually many prefer the status quo.
Those who are different – talented peacocks with unusual flair and style – make penguins uneasy.
I went through my bookcase to see if I still had the book and sure enough, I do. I started to re-read parts of it.
I think people who stutter are peacocks in a land of penguins. We are unique. We sound different and we make people be better listeners.
Peacocks represent diversity. Think about it. In all of your groups, there are penguins. In schools, sports, media, business and government.
Penguins all look alike. They all wear the same uniform to represent their particular penguin group. You know what I mean, right?
And then one of us comes along – a PEACOCK! Loud, bold, different, unique, smart, funny and full of life. And hugely valuable. Peacocks keep the world from being boring!
I am happy to be a peacock! What about you?
Procrastination and Stuttering
Posted on: October 19, 2011
- In: Posts
- 12 Comments
My good friend Nina G, who is an amazing role model for “differently-abled” people, including people who stutter, found this blog post called Procrastination: Do You Stutter or Stammer? The author tries to correlate procrastination to stuttering or stammering.
The name of the blog is Change Your Thoughts, Change Your Life, and focuses on re-framing negative self-talk into ways to make positive changes in our lives.
Good stuff! Everybody has negative self-talk that can consume us if we let it. It’s always good to find ways to re-think things so we don’t get and stay “stuck.”
Except when we find the use of the words stuttering or stammering to imply something negative, that needs to be fixed or changed.
Here’s the comment I wrote on Mike Reeves-McMillan’s post. Figured I’d put it here, in case they don’t publish it!
What about those of us who really stutter? It’s not quite so simple unfortunately. I am a fast talker and a fast thinker – and I stutter. Have since I began talking. And I am an amazing communicator. I don’t procrastinate more than the average person, I don’t “stop” and “start” with my speech. I just happen to stutter sometimes, as do 1% of the adult population here in the United States (about 3 million of us) and 1% in the UK as well, and worldwide in fact. That’s a lot of people!
We are not intellectually or emotionally impaired, nor are we nervous, anxious, shy or withdrawn. What we are is this: fed up with people who casually use the words “stuttering” or “stammering” to convey a negative connotation. Sports teams get off to “stuttering starts.” A nervous teenager on his first date “stammers” hello. Employees on interviews should take care not to “stutter or stammer” their way through the first question, or risk making an indelible negative first impression.
I am all for people such as yourself selling books to help people manage their time better or figure out what obstacles exist that result in procrastination, which afflicts all of us at some point in our life.
For those of us who stutter (as it is routinely referred to here in the U.S.) or stammer (as it is routinely referred to in Europe), it is not a routine fix. Many of us struggle every day against negative social consequences, educational and vocational discrimination and exclusion. I stutter and I am very successful! I stutter and am actively involved in Toastmasters! I stutter and help people every day! I stutter and work with youth and young adults! I stutter and live and work and play in the same world as everyone else! And it’s OK!
What do you think about the use of the word “stuttering” or “stammering” when relating it to something that can be perceived as negative?
Let me know what you think!
Biological or Psychological?
Posted on: October 18, 2011
In yet another current media article about stuttering, this time in the Huffington Post, psychoanalyst Peter Wolson suggests that the cause of stuttering may be psychological. Read his complete piece here: Is Stuttering Biological or Psychological? (10/16/2011)
In part, he writes: “There is abundant research evidence for a biological predisposition for stuttering; however, environmental stressors, such as family relations, can produce internal psychological conflicts that cause stuttering.”
There were quite a few comments, including mine. I heard from some readers in the stuttering community that their comments were not approved to be posted on the article.
What do you think? There are many perspectives on this topic.
What Do You Think?
Posted on: October 10, 2011
- In: Posts
- 2 Comments
Kudos to my young friend, Philip Garber, who is featured in this New York Times article today, A Stutterer Faces Resistance, From the Front of the Class.
I know Philip, who is 16 years old, from the NSA. I have known him for a couple of years, so have had the opportunity to see him “grow up” as a young person with a profound stutter.
I also know Philip’s mom, Marin, who is mentioned in the article. I got to spend more time getting to know Marin at this year’s NSA conference in Ft Worth, Texas. We ran into each other at the airport on the way to Texas (!), and hung out quite a bit, sharing some meals together.
When this discouraging incident happened with Philip last month, Marin emailed me and asked my opinion of how Philip might handle the matter. We bantered a few thoughts back and forth, but ultimately Philip decided how it would be handled. He is quite skilled at self-advocacy.
I suggested that Philip should do a presentation to the faculty on stuttering awareness, and am pleased that he IS going to do this at some point.
Please take the time to read this article and the many comments (355 the last I saw!) The reactions are mixed.
What do you think? Do you think Philip was discriminated against? Do you think that the professor was reasonable in asking that Philip not speak in class? Is the article too one-sided? What lessons can be learned from this scenario?
Here’s a video that Philip did last year to commemorate International Stuttering Awareness Day, which is October 22. Hard to remember he is only a kid!
On Leadership And Toastmasters
Posted on: October 7, 2011
Many of you know I have been involved with Toastmasters for over five years now. It has been a great experience for me. I have taken so many risks and expanded my comfort zones time and time again. I have given over 50 speeches and have helped to promote Toastmasters to people interested in joining.
Many people have asked me why do I stay involved? Right now, I am serving as an Area Governor for Toastmasters, which is a voluntary leadership position. I have several clubs in my area, and it’s my job to visit the clubs, file reports, provide support, help membership building and help facilitate speaking contests. It takes a lot of time! To say the least!
The sappy answer why I stay involved is because I want to give back. Having the support of an organization that pushes you to set goals and cheers for you along the way is priceless. I have done things I never dreamed I would or could. I have met great people from all walks of life who are also doing things they never thought possible.
People who stutter think they cannot succeed in Toastmasters. It’s too risky, fluent people won’t understand, I’ll embarrass myself, no one wants to hear a stutterer trying to give a speech. Well, that’s just not true. I have written about this before here and have engaged with people who ask questions about Toastmasters in several of the stuttering forums.
Toastmasters helps build better communication and leadership skills for all who choose to push themselves and get involved.
I visited a club last week and listened to a 24-year-old young man share why he joined Toastmasters. His reason made me smile. He said he thought it was high time he find a “grown up” club or activity to join.
He said he wanted to graduate from playing angry birds, hanging out with his buddies and going to the gym. Now, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with any of those pursuits, but they likely won’t help him along his career path.
Building confident communication and leadership skills will help him, and anyone else, achieve career, social and life goals. If I wasn’t in this current leadership role, I would not have visited his club, met him and listened to his story. His story that made me smile and reminded me why we must share our successes with others.
And I was there to cheer him on when he entered his club contest for Table Topics and won! He advanced to the next level, after just being in Toastmasters for several months. That’s what Toastmasters does – gives you the confidence and support to take chances. And it has done it for many years. Check out this Toastmasters timeline.
Because everyone wants to change and grow, and Toastmasters is a great vehicle for that. It’s all about personal growth and guts.
Please check out the article – I Stutter! How In The World Can I Join Toastmasters? – I wrote for this year’s International Stuttering Awareness Day (ISAD) on-line conference. The conference is “live” until October 22,2011. Feel free to share the link with anyone, stutterer or fluent, who wants to learn more about how Toastmasters can change their life.
Make Room For The Stuttering 
What people are saying!