Make Room For The Stuttering

Posts Tagged ‘feelings about stuttering’

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Care and Feeding Of Stuttering

Posted by: on: September 15, 2012

I was asked this week during a meeting to introduce myself and tell my “story” to a new team I will be working with. The Director wanted to know our work and personal backgrounds, and essentially what makes us tick and our values.

I chose to include some discussion about my stuttering journey, as how I handle stuttering impacts just about everything I do.

Reflecting back on what I said in that discussion and some questions asked, here is my list of how you should care for and feed your stuttering.

1. If you stutter, stutter. Don’t just say you stutter and then not stutter – you don’t look credible then.

2. When talking about it, relax, maintain eye contact and smile. It really does engage listeners.

3. If someone asks a question, answer it honestly. I was asked, “I don’t know much about stuttering, can you tell me a little more about it?” Do that!

4. Voluntary stutter periodically, especially if you are having a really fluent day. Sounds counter-intuitive, but that’s part of caring for your stutter.

5. Be sure to feed your stuttering – don’t be afraid of blocks or signs of tension. If you have disclosed, it will be expected. Your stuttering will eat that up and relax.

6. Acknowledge feelings you have about stuttering. Know that shame and fear of judgement still creep in from time to time. That’s why it’s so important to care for your stuttering by being good to it and not hiding it.

7. Don’t spend precious time and energy trying not to stutter – it rarely works. It’s more efficient to just stutter and move forward.

8. Thank others who take an interest and ask questions.

9. Thank your stuttering when it has a particularly good day. Say, “Thank you stuttering!”

10. Share these care and feeding tips with others – people who stutter or not.  It gives your stuttering more confidence.

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Choosing Her Path – Episode 90

Posted by: on: August 6, 2012

Episode 90 features Briana Pipkin who was born and raised in Dallas, Texas. Briana is 21 years old and currently a senior at Lamar University in Beaumont, Texas. She is studying to become a speech language pathologist.

Briana decided to study speech language pathology after ruling out other career paths and remembering a positive experience she had as a child.

Listen in as we discuss stuttering choices, disclosure and fear of judgment.

We also discuss covert stuttering as it relates to choices and the responsibility of educating others so they know how to respond. We also talk about the rise of on-line stuttering forums and support groups.

Feel free to leave comments for either Briana or me in the below comment section.

The podcast safe music used in this episode is credited to ccMixter.

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Who Determines Inspiration?

Posted by: on: June 13, 2012

About a month ago, I attended a meeting of a new stuttering support group. A SLP friend, who also stutters, wanted some of the people he has been working with to see the power of support.

Steve asked me to come to the first meeting, to meet some people and to share. I felt a little awkward going, as I most likely won’t be able to attend again, as the schedule doesn’t work for me.

I shared parts of my story with the group and answered some questions.

At one point in the conversation, Steve asked me how I had reached the point where I am comfortable advertising and stuttering freely at work.

In my answer, I mentioned that sometimes it bothers me when people tell me, “Oh, you are such an inspiration.”  I feel embarrassed by that, and even a bit annoyed. Sometimes, I don’t want to be singled out like that and told that I am inspiring.

To me, I am doing exactly what everyone else is doing – talking. I don’t want a big deal made out of what everyone does everyday.

I was quite surprised when one woman, Francis, who had previously said very little, said, “Excuse me, but what if you are? Who are you to determine that? To people who stutter, you are an inspiration. You can’t control how people think of you.”

That was a moment! She was looking a little teary eyed as she said it. I didn’t know what to say, so I just said thank you. And she smiled and said, “I wish I could be as confident as you.”

There was another SLP in the group and she commented that she also agreed with Francis. She too said she thought I was inspiring for people who stutter.

I have thought about that exchange for a couple of weeks. It reminds me of a similar comment another friend shared with me some time ago. Lisa mentioned that she hates it when anyone calls her inspiring for just doing what she has to do and living life.

Interesting food for thought. What do you think? Has anyone ever referred to you as inspirational when you don’t feel you are?

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Lying About Cause Of Stuttering

Posted by: on: June 7, 2012

This is an interesting story that brings up the issues of shame regarding stuttering.

Stutterer and country singer Tim Poe auditioned for the reality TV show  “America’s Got Talent” in Texas this past week. Before performing his song, his pre-interview showed him stuttering. So what, you might say.

Mr. Poe is a military veteran who claims he was injured in combat in Afghanistan and suffered a traumatic brain injury (TBI.) He claims the stuttering is a result of the TBI.

Within 24 hours of his television audition, the media reported that Mr. Poe lied about being injured and that his stuttering was not the result of an injury, which would have made it neurogenic stuttering. It appears that Mr. Poe has indeed been a life-long stutterer and was so embarrassed that he felt he need to create an elaborate lie about his circumstances.

A lie that illustrates the shame of stuttering and a lie that illustrates disrespect to military veterans who have indeed been gravely injured.

I have heard of people who stutter who make up other reasons to explain stuttering, so they don’t have to admit or acknowledge the stuttering. People have coughed, cleared their throat, said they swallowed wrong, pretend to word switch.

Some people are so embarrassed and ashamed of their stuttering that they will do anything to hide it.

This example is extreme. What do you think?

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His Courage Speaks Volumes

Posted by: on: June 3, 2012

There was some discussion on one of the stuttering email groups about this young man’s choice to deliver a rap for his graduation speech.

A comment laments the fact that this kid, Colin, might give the impression to those that don’t stutter that he had no choice but to use a “trick” to deliver his graduation speech.

I applaud Colin’s very choice to take a risk and be innovative. It shows me that he did not let his stutter prevent him from participating in his graduation ceremony.

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Saying It

Posted by: on: May 5, 2012

Recently, a friend shared a favorite poem as the invocation at our Toastmasters meeting. She read “Saying It” by Phillip Booth. As I listened, the first lines really spoke to me.

Saying it. Trying to say it.

Not to answer to logic, but leaving our very lives open to how we have to hear ourselves say what we mean.

The first part of this poem could have been written about stuttering. That’s not why a fellow Toastmaster chose to share this at our meeting. She was no doubt relating to how we communicate and choose our words, as that is a focus in Toastmasters.

But I heard struggle, vulnerability, and guilt. I wasn’t just listening, I was relating and processing, on a deep, personal level.

Maybe other Toastmasters heard the same, for of course it’s not only stutterers who struggle with saying what they want to say.

As a person who stutters, those simple words – “Saying It” – struck such a chord with me. Sometimes we can’t say it, or don’t say it, or change what we were going to say.

We are afraid of what the struggle will look like as we try to say it, and how we, and our listeners, have to hear ourselves say what we mean. I know I have been afraid to just “say it.” I worry about what others will think, still.

And there are times when I really don’t like having to hear myself say what I mean.

What about you? What do you think?

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The Blame Game

Posted by: on: April 17, 2012

Do you ever blame yourself for stuttering? Why do you suppose that is? Is it because of how other people react to us?

My stuttering is very variable. Sometimes my stuttering is hardly noticeable, other times it seems I stutter or block on every other word. I have had people comment to me something like, “do you know just now you didn’t stutter at all? How come you can’t do that all the time?”

I can’t do that all the time because it takes too much energy and time to think about breathing and light contact when I am ready to speak. I just speak, like everyone else. And sometimes my words don’t come out smoothly or at all for a moment (or few.)

What about stutterers who stutter severely – with struggle behavior and blocking on every word, all of the time? What do you think listeners think when listening?  “Damn, they’re just lazy. If they worked on their speech, they wouldn’t sound like that.”

Does a listener listening to stuttering think we can turn it off and on with ease? Or does the listener think we could if we tried harder. You know, tried our “speech tools” or our “targets.” Practiced more, focused more, concentrated on being fluent.

A friend shared recently that he blames himself for stuttering. “Why?” I naturally asked. “People look at me and judge me and think I’m messed up because I stutter.” (he actually used a stronger word than “messed up”)

He thinks he could have, or should have, done something about “it” – and because he didn’t or couldn’t, it’s his fault that he stutters. He’s to blame!

He said, “people don’t look at people in a wheelchair and think if they tried harder, they could walk. But they do think that about stuttering – if I went to therapy, I wouldn’t stutter like this. It’s my fault. I blame myself for stuttering.”

Should we blame our selves for stuttering? Should blame even enter into conversations about stuttering?

What do you think?

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Do People Think Of You?

Posted by: on: April 11, 2012

Many of us in the stuttering community were happy to see stuttering realistically portrayed on the television show “What Would You Do?”  On the April 6, 2012 show, there was a segment about a teenage girl who stutters trying to simply order in a local ice cream shop.

Actors were hired to make fun of her, mimic and bully her while she was speaking. The premise was to see if ordinary, unsuspecting people would stand up and confront the bullies. You can see what happened here.

This was one of the most realistic portrayals of stuttering in the media I have ever seen. Why? Because the young girl actually stutters. She wasn’t acting. And the bullying she faced, along with rude remarks and general impatience, are faced by people who stutter every day.

It was refreshing to see ordinary people come to her defense, and confronting the people bullying the person who stutters.

My question today: how many friends of yours came up to you and said they saw the show and thought of you? Does that happen?

I had at least 5 people mention to me they had seen the show, and asked if I had. They said they thought of me while watching it.

Is it because I stutter that people I know automatically think of me when they see this stuff? Apparently yes!

At work yesterday, one woman said she thought of me when watching it Friday night. She asked if I  had seen it and had something like that (bullying) ever happened to me. Two other women said they had missed it. So we put on the video and all watched it together.

I asked them, lightheartedly, “do you guys always think of me when you see or hear something about stuttering?” They said, “YES.” I said, “Why?’ They said, “because you are so open about it.”

They then asked me if anything like that had ever happened to me. I shared the time a few years ago when a deli clerk made fun of me when I couldn’t say “ch-ch-ch-cheese.” The guy went on to say if I couldn’t say cheese, I’d have to take chicken wings.

My friends  were shocked and asked me how I had reacted. I said I felt humiliated and didn’t do anything – left as quickly as I could and was in tears by the time I left the store. They said I should have called the manager and complained. It’s easier said than done. This happened with 3 people standing in line behind me. No one said anything or came to my defense.

Anyway, does this ever happen to you? Friends see or read something about stuttering and they mention it to you? Or cut the article out of a magazine and give it to you? 🙂

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Did I Stutter?

Posted by: on: April 6, 2012

I have been attending a lot of Toastmasters meetings lately. As part of my role as Area Governor, I visit each of the clubs in my area at least twice a year, as monitoring visits. This means offering support and guidance so club leaders can make their clubs the very best they can.

I have tried to visit each of my clubs more than the minimum required. That’s the best way to lend support and see what the pulse of the club really is.

Last week, I visited a corporate noon time club. Corporate clubs in Toastmasters are unique in that they are only open to employees of the sponsor organization. Many companies pay part of member dues, and let them conduct (and attend) meetings during the work day, usually lunch time.

This meeting was to have two planned speakers. The first person was planning to do a Powerpoint presentation and was trying to get it ready before the meeting actually commenced. The technology wasn’t cooperating and she was unable to get her images to project on the screen.

After several attempts, finally something appeared on the screen. But it wasn’t what she was expecting. The screen was flashing very fast and the images were jumping all across the screen. She was getting frustrated, and finally someone else came up and tried to help her.

He did something and the screen continued freezing up and jumping back and forth, all staggered and unclear. Someone from the audience found this particularly funny and yelled out, “Did I stutter?” and laughed out loud, poking the guy next to him, getting him to laugh too.

I was sitting across from these two guys and felt my face flush and my chest and shoulders tensed up. I did not like what I had just heard. It was just an innocent, ignorant comment, using the phrase “stutter” to denote something negative, to be laughed at.

I didn’t say anything, as I didn’t want to draw attention to myself nor embarrass this guy.

What would you have done?

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Out Of The Mouths Of Babes

Posted by: on: April 2, 2012

Friday night I went to a youth public speaking event. Sixth grade kids have spent the last 21 weeks working with two Toastmasters on developing confident communication skills. This night was their final night and their chance to show off their skills to friends, teachers and parents.

These kids were all 10 or 11 years old and have been willingly learning public speaking skills that will be lifetime tools for success.

This was such an exciting event. The program was facilitated by two veteran adult Toastmasters who volunteered to work with these kids over the last five months. The kids learned how to deliver planned speeches, impromptu speeches and how to offer valuable feedback.

Toastmasters offers a program called Youth Leadership that is offered to high school students. That this program was offered to sixth grade students was so impressive.

I was invited to attend as an area leader in Toastmasters.

I was so impressed with what I saw on several levels. The kids were enthusiastic, proud, and supportive of each other. They were all dressed for success. The girls wore dresses or skirts, the boys dress shirts and ties!

The school encouraged and fostered this partnership with Toastmasters. The parents were obviously thrilled that their kids had developed such confidence. I knew this because several parents shared feedback at the end, and two said they wished they had this kind of program when they were this young. One mom got choked up with emotional pride.

I was not sure if I was going to be asked to say a few words or not at the event. I was prepared to if asked. As it turns out, there wasn’t time at the end, so I did not speak.

If I had, I probably would have stuttered, naturally or voluntarily, or mentioned something about stuttering. Would that have been appropriate? Maybe, maybe not.

One of the kids said something that struck a chord with me when she was evaluating (offering feedback) another kid who had delivered a prepared speech. All the kids had a speaking role.

This young girl said something like, “In Toastmasters, we know there is always room for improvement. I noticed that you seemed to stutter on a couple of words. Try not to do that next time.”

I tensed up as I heard that. I shouldn’t have, because it was a totally innocent comment made by an 11-year old girl who was offering feedback to another 11-year old girl. They were all nervous. And giving feedback is hard to do. You want to be positive, but you also want to give the speaker something they can take away and grow from for the next time they speak.

I found myself having an inner dialogue with my self. I thought, “wow, this kid is using the word stutter to connote something negative. We don’t want that. But what can I do?”

Then I thought, “well, if I have to say anything, and I stutter and wind up acknowledging that I stutter, that little girl might feel bad, so if I do have to speak, I hope I don’t stutter.”

Then I thought,” you idiot. This would be the perfect time to educate people quickly about stuttering. What if one of those kids actually stutters and no one knows, because like I did, the kid tries to hide it in school?”

Then I thought, “Stop talking to yourself, Pam. You are making too much of this. It’s not that big of a deal. You are taking yourself way too seriously.”

I was glad that they ran out of time and I was not asked to say anything on behalf of Toastmasters.

What do you think?

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She Actually Stutters

Posted by: on: March 30, 2012

Finally, a person getting media attention who actually stutters! And she’s a SHE!

Swedish golfer Sophie Gustafson did a media interview that got lots of attention from the stuttering community this week. This was a big deal for her, as she has shied away from most public speaking due to her stuttering.

It is refreshing to see someone who has dealt with the physical, emotional and social aspects of stuttering actually talk about it, and stutter. She is not one of those who miraculously outgrew or overcame her stuttering.

She still stutters and lets it be known in this NY Times article published March 27 and her television interview (which made the rounds this week on social media, even though it aired back in November 2011.)

In this 2002 Sports Illustrated interview, she talks about how she has tried to manage her stuttering throughout her life, including therapy at the Hollins Institute.

A couple of my friends suggested I try to contact Sophie and see if she would consider being a guest on the Women Who Stutter: Our Stories podcast. I contacted her through her Twitter account, and she actually responded. When I asked her if she would consider being a guest and sharing her story, she said she wasn’t ready for that.

Those of us who stutter can certainly understand that!

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What It Feels Like To Be Covert

Posted by: on: March 22, 2012

Like a swan . . . . graceful and elegant on the surface, but frantically thrashing and kicking below the surface to keep it looking that way.

Like I fell off a cliff in mid-sentence . . . .  and no one even noticed.

Like observing life through a two way mirror . . . .  seeing and hearing everything other people are doing and saying, but feeling unable to participate in the conversation.

Like playing a game of hide and seek . . . .  and always being terrifed that my hiding place would be discovered. 

I gave a talk last week to master level SLP students. I was asked to talk about what it felt like to be covert.

I used some of these examples, and also talked about the shame involved with stuttering and trying to cover it up.

I don’t think the SLP students got it. I don’t think SLP students get enough information on what it’s like to cover up stuttering.

Have you ever tried to cover up your stuttering? How did it feel?

I got some of these examples from some of my friends who share the covert experience. Thank you!

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International Women’s Day

Posted by: on: March 8, 2012

Today is International Women’s Day. This year’s theme is “Connecting Girls, Inspiring Futures.”

Each year around the world, International Women’s Day is celebrated on March 8. Thousands of events occur not just on this day but throughout March to mark the economic, political and social achievements of women.

The achievements of women and girls who stutter have been celebrated on the podcast Women Who Stutter: Our Stories for almost two years.

We have heard courageous and previously hidden stories from women who stutter from all over the world. This is truly an international community of women, and we happen to stutter. We have heard from Sweden, Mexico, Ireland, Croatia, Bulgaria, Iceland, Canada, New Zealand, Slovenia, Australia, West Africa, Trinidad & Tobago, England, The Netherlands and The United States. We have also recorded from Poland and China.

These are stories of shame, discrimination, isolation, perseverance, triumph and acceptance. These are stories of ordinary women doing extraordinary things.

Several young girls have shared their stories here, which IS inspiration and connection. If you want to hear inspiration, listen to Aileen and Claire.

Today is International Women’s Day and March is Women’s History Month. Celebrate the accomplishments of the girls and women in your life, our daughters, sisters, mothers and friends.

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Minority Within A Minority (Old News)

Posted by: on: March 5, 2012

A SLP friend emailed me the following article that was printed last month in the ASHA Leader, the newsletter of the American Speech and Hearing Association. The article is entitled “Perspective: A Minority Within A Minority” and written by a professor and a doctoral student from the University of North Carolina at Greensboro.

I was excited to read the article, at first.

The article discusses the lack of research about women who stutter, and cites the only research done in the field was in the 1970’s and 1980’s, by just ONE researcher. Of course, a lot has changed in 30 years in the world that exists for women who stutter.

What has not changed is that we women who stutter continue to feel very underrepresented, isolated and misunderstood, both in the world in general and in the speech therapy world.

This article points to the woeful lack of resources and support for women who stutter, because, YES, there are gender differences. Ask any woman who stutters!

And there are even research studies starting to surface about brain differences between men and women who stutter. I participated in this brain study at the NIH in 2006. I blogged about this last January (here!)

The main reason I was not excited with this article was that the authors failed to specifically mention, and credit, what is out there in the grass-roots world of support for women who stutter.

The authors mention that electronic blogs and podcasts have become an acceptable source of support for women who stutter. I have been hosting the ONLY podcast for women who stutter since May 2010. It would have been nice if the authors cited this as a reference, instead of just allude to it.

As we know, training programs for SLPs often only require graduate students to take one course on fluency, and sometimes even that is not required. Generations of future SLPs have no idea that women who stutter feel unheard and hugely isolated. What about little girls who stutter? Where will they get the support and inspiration they need? And hope?

I believe we will continue to see a widening gap between the speech therapy field and organic, grassroots venues where women who stutter are given a voice.

More research is needed. I hope when the next professional article is written about women who stutter that the author (s) will talk to some of the women who stutter who are already telling our stories that need to be heard.

What do you think? I’d love to know!

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She Asks For Help

Posted by: on: February 5, 2012

I saw this question posted on Yahoo Answers by a young girl who was looking for alternatives she could try to help with her stuttering.

I am a 15 year old girl who stutters. Lately, I have been letting it get the best of me. Last year, I didn’t care who thought I was weird if I stuttered and if someone did, than they are an idiot. But now that I am in high school, I have been figuring out that people don’t want to be friends with someone who is different…if you understand what I mean. The sad thing is though, I understand them and frankly agree (in my 3rd person world). I took speech therapy for 13 years and it has had no effect. I was wondering if there is anything different than the speech easy and therapy? (Both haven’t worked in the slightest.) I have lost most of my friends because I am afraid to talk to them now… Katie

A couple of people recommended this young girl try practicing reading out loud, singing, or Reiki.

I posted a response to her on the Yahoo site. Rather than just reprint what I posted, (which is not one of the above ideas) I wondered what some of you might suggest to her!

Please leave comments or give some ideas for this 15-year old. What have you learned about making room for your stuttering that might help Katie?

I will try to post some of these to her original question on Yahoo in the hopes that she will see them, or link over here so she can see your comments!

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