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About Colors
Posted on: November 16, 2010
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I had the chance to see the Tyler Perry directed movie “For Colored Girls” on its opening weekend. It is the film version of a play written by Ntozake Shange called, For Colored Girls Who Have Considered Suicide When the Rainbow is Enuf. It ran on Broadway in the 70’s.
I had heard that it was a dramatic swing from the usual comedy of Tyler Perry, of “Madea” and” Diary of a Mad Black Woman” fame. I like message movies and the stellar cast promised brilliance, which did not disappoint.
It was a stunning movie – so much so that I wished I had seen the theater version. Perry adapted the play so that the film told the story of seven black women each going through their own private hell. Their lives dramatically intersect, and we see glimpses of joy and hope.
The stage version included what is called a “choreopoem”, the merging of about 20 poems which illustrates each woman’s story. Perry handled that masterfully in the film version, allowing the beauty of the poetry to help each woman speak her truth.
For that is what the movie was really about. I heard and read that some people thought it was just another “black movie” and that it was exclusively about the black female experience. I didn’t see it like that at all. What I saw and heard was the experience of person-hood from the perspective of women. So I did a little research.
The stage version had all of the characters represented as literal colors – there was the “Brown Lady”, the “Blue Lady”, the “Purple Lady”, etc. The authors original intent was to portray women in all the different colors of our lives, not necessarily just as “women of color”. The reference to “For Colored Girls” doesn’t mean just skin color – it is much more than that.
One reviewer of the film, (see full article here) writing about how Perry adapted the stage version and got it right, says, “It has to do with mood, heart, spirit, experience, emotion, and expression — our standing or the lack thereof. I think when we understand women correctly, society changes. When women understand ourselves correctly, we change society”.
I found this perspective, and the movie, to be so very insightful about women in general. Regular readers of this blog know that I am a woman who stutters. I started a podcast for women who stutter to tell their stories, and share their truths, and to recognize the value of just that, having a space to share.
All of us need to understand and be understood. This applies to both men and women, of course. Women have always had less space, less voice, and we need to seize the opportunities we can to tell our stories. The more we share our truths, whatever those truths are, the more we understand and help each other.
The more we talk about whatever it is that we previously felt only shame, guilt, fear or failure, the easier it gets to make it just a part of our truth and who we are.
That’s what this movie did for me. It reminded me that we are unique and complex. Our lives are fabrics weaved from our emotions, experiences and expressions. No matter what issue we have that makes us feel flawed, we need to express ourselves and our truth. Only then can we have an understanding of all of the “colors” of our lives.
If stuttering had been one of the colors in the stage version, I think I would have liked it to be “The Color Green”, representing harmony and peace.
My Covert Career – Episode 34
Posted on: November 12, 2010
Episode 34 features Patrice Nolan, who hails from Bennington, Vermont. Patrice and I have been good friends since meeting at a NSA conference several years ago. We realized we only lived about an hour from each other, and have visited each other many times over the last several years.
Patrice has been a Speech Language Pathologist (SLP) in the Vermont and Massachusetts schools for 33 years. She is also a certified teacher for the hearing impaired. Throughout her career as a SLP, she has kept her stuttering hidden. Until attending her first NSA conference, Patrice didn’t even realize what covert stuttering was, despite being in the speech field.
Join us as we discuss what Patrice refers to as her covert career and how she has managed to pull that off as a SLP. She shares honestly about how much energy she has spent on avoidance and rehearsal, her main techniques to appear fluent. We discuss how listening can be compromised when constantly rehearsing what she is going to say.
Patrice also shares about her first therapy experiences as an adult, which she refers to as “The Other Side of the Table.” And we discuss a TV program that Patrice loved as a kid. It may have been the first weekly television program that featured a regular character who stuttered, depicted positively.
This was a great conversation with a friend, who realized that it was not as hard as she thought to share her story. Feel free to leave comments or ask questions or just let Patrice know what a great job she did.
Credit for the podcast safe music clip “Echoed” goes to ccMixter.
Eating Lightbulbs
Posted on: November 9, 2010
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Have you ever dealt with painful stuff that you just hoped would go away if you just ignored it? I used to be an expert at it – trying to push pain away, hoping it would just disappear. But sadly, it doesn’t work like that. We have to feel it if we are ever to move past it.
Part of the reason I was so good at being a covert stutterer was that I had learned from a very early age how to pretend everything was OK when it really wasn’t. How it felt to stutter, to struggle, to feel different, to not be able to talk about things.
The same with the childhood stuff. Covering up my mother’s alcoholism, my father’s abuse, and his crazy religious ideas, and not being able to talk about any of that, ever. Everything was covert, not just the stuttering.
I had myself convinced for a long time that if I just pushed the painful stuff away and denied it, that it never really existed. But it never went away, it just stayed buried in a deep down place. Lately its been surprising me by exploding all over, much like a dormant volcano when ready to erupt.
Funny how these things happen. You begin to work on one thing and you find yourself dealing with everything else. Opening Pandora’s box about stuttering has allowed an opening for the other stuff to seep out. I can’t process how I felt about hiding my stuttering all those years without also talking about how it felt to hide the other stuff too.
I had myself convinced that not feeling, being numb, was safer, easier somehow. I did not want to feel yesterday’s pain anymore. But what I have learned is this: in order to heal and keep moving forward, I have to feel those painful moments and give voice to those painful memories. I have done well with facing my fears and shame about stuttering, by talking about it and being open, not hiding any more.
Now I have to do the same thing with the other stuff, in order to continue my healing and rid myself of guilt. Maybe I really am on the path to forgiveness. Then I won’t have to be so uncomfortable with feelings anymore. Because that’s what most of my journey has been about – being numb and not dealing with feelings.
J has been helping me with this. As we go deeper and deeper into that inner space of mine, the feelings are coming up. I have been really angry at my parents for a long time, and sad for that little girl that I still identify with, who was lonely and scared and confused.
When these feelings surface, and they have more and more lately, J pushes me to identify what I feel. I used to just swallow the feeling, push it down, but now I am letting myself feel, even when it causes real pain.
I talked with friend Jill recently and we shared some deep stuff. She used the phrase “eating light bulbs”. I knew exactly what she meant. Every time I feel the wave of sadness or anger or guilt come up, I feel like I am swallowing shards of a light bulb or a Christmas ornament that was dropped.
Tiny, jagged pieces of glass ripping at my throat and insides as I swallow. It hurts. But it hurt way back then too and I need to acknowledge it. Maybe that’s what I am learning here – how to eat light bulbs the right way.
Why Be Angry? – Episode 33
Posted on: November 5, 2010
Episode 33 features Sadia Khan, who hails from Brampton, Ontario, Canada, by way of Pakistan when she was just 3 years old.
Sadia is a Grade 3 teacher, which was a life-long dream. Teaching is meaningful for Sadia, as she was told in high school that she should not be a teacher because of her stuttering. Her guidance counselor told her she would be a poor role model.
Listen in to this fascinating conversation about being a teacher who stutters despite having a very negative experience herself in school. Sadia shares about her fear of judgment and largely keeping her stuttering hidden from work colleagues. She shares how important it is for her today as a teacher to create a place of comfort and safety for all of her students.
We also talk about how angry she was with her dad for many years, and how she finally let go of that anger and forgave her dad. Sadia tells us about how she was naturally left-handed and her dad forced her to become right-handed. She thought maybe that trauma of having that change forced upon her was why she started stuttering.
Sadia has been involved with the Canadian Stuttering Association, and gave a speech about her journey with being a woman and teacher who stutters. She has also spoke on the radio about stuttering.
At the end, we have a great back and forth about learning how to build confidence as women who stutter.
As always, please feel free to leave comments for Sadia. Please tell her what a great job she did sharing her story. I think many teachers who stutter will be inspired by Sadia’s courage to share.
Credit for the podcast safe music clip “Firebabies” goes to ccMixter.
On Fatigue
Posted on: November 3, 2010
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How does fatigue affect your stuttering? For me, I can almost predict that my smooth speech will “fall apart” towards the end of a long speaking event. I hate that phrase “falling apart”, but that is exactly what it feels like when I am tired and still need to press on.
I had a bunch of presentations to do yesterday, three in the morning and two in the afternoon. I do not specifically practice any techniques, but when speaking for a long time, I do tend to be more aware of my pace, try to pause more and use vocal variety (Toastmasters strategies). I also drink a lot of water.
As I tire, I can feel my speech change, despite paying attention to what I need to do to feel comfortable. I lose the energy needed to project my voice, which helps me maintain what I consider my “comfortable speech”. The change happens noticeably – I have more repetitions, which when I notice and “feel”, I then lose my train of thought and start word finding.
It’s really not that big of a deal, because no one seems to notice but me. But I notice that I am noticing, as funny as that sounds, and I just don’t like being so aware of how my speech breaks down.
I stutter more when I am tired. Nothing profound, but I really notice it. What about you?
Episode 32 features Leana S. Wen, who currently lives in Boston, MA. She was born in China and lived in Shanghai until she was 9,when her family moved to the United States.
Leana is a resident physician at the Harvard Affiliated Emergency Medicine Residency at Brigham & Women’s/Massachusetts General Hospital. A Rhodes Scholar and graduate of Washington University School of Medicine, Dr. Wen has worked at WHO and has conducted research in the UK, Rwanda, South Africa, and China. She is deeply interested in public health and influencing world health policy.
From 2005 to 2006, Dr. Wen served as the national president of the American Medical Student Association, which has over 65,000 members. At that time, Leana recalls deeply reflecting on her stuttering. She had many public speaking challenges and worried if she had what it took to be a physician and president of the prestigious AMSA.
Listen in to an inspiring conversation about covert stuttering and confronting fear,and learning how to be a person who stutters. We also chat about focusing on fluency to the detriment of other things and why she sought speech therapy as an adult.
In spite of her accomplishments and her acceptance of stuttering, Leana honestly admits that it is very hard to show stuttering to her colleagues in medicine.
Besides being a wonderful speaker, Leana is also a dancer and a gifted writer. Check out this blog she co-wrote for the New York Times, Two For The Road. She also wrote about her stuttering journey for the National Stuttering Association’s May/June issue of Letting Go 2008. Leana’s article is on pages 4-5.
Credit for the podcast safe music clip “Echoed” goes to ccMixter.
Feel free to leave comments or questions for Leana. And for Pam – it is important for me to get feedback too!
Stuttering Is Like Walking Naked
Posted on: October 27, 2010
I had to smile when my friend Bob W used the phrase “walking naked in a fluent parade.” Bob and I are both in Toastmasters and have participated in Toastmaster Demo meetings at the annual National Stuttering Association (NSA) conferences. We also both contribute to the covert-s email group. There has been a lot of lively discussions there recently.
I had mentioned on the covert list that I had recently competed in my first ever Toastmasters contest. What an emotional roller-coaster that was! Bob commented that anytime a person who stutters speaks publicly at a Toastmasters event, it is like walking naked in a fluent parade.
The imagery of Bob’s simple statement grabbed me right away. I knew exactly what he was talking about, because Toastmasters is all about public speaking and communication, and when you stutter and risk letting your stutter out, you expose yourself.
I immediately visualized walking down a street in my birthday suit with all these other people clad in business suits. Yes, I would stick out, and everybody would notice.
That was the very reason why I would not compete in a Toastmasters contest for my first four years. I was afraid to stutter publicly in front of fluent people. Plus, I was afraid I couldn’t stay within the stringent time frames of Toastmaster competitions.
Well, through my journey with self-discovery, I realized how silly that was. I was only afraid of me. I wanted to see if I could do it – if I could compete with some of the best speakers in my Toastmaster area. So I did.
On October 18, I competed in the Division F-6 Speech Evaluation Contest. I did fine. I got up in front of an audience I didn’t know, and gave an evaluation of a speaker’s speech I had never heard before. And I stayed within time.
I was nervous and my heart was pounding so loud I was convinced everybody could hear it. Like in Edgar Allen Poe’s classic, “The Tell Tale Heart”. But of course, I was the only one who heard it. And I am sure I am the only one who heard my stuttering.
Did I win? No. Was I devastated? No. Was I glad I did it? You bet!
It was a good experience and helped me cross off another item on my list titled “I can’t do this because I stutter”.
Sure, stuttering publicly around others who don’t stutter can feel like we are naked in a crowd. It can feel scary and lonely and very vulnerable.
But it is also kind of special! Why? Because we are unique. We make an impact every time we find the courage to do something that we had been afraid to do.
In the words of my good friend Joe K, “stutter naked”. Chances are you are the only one who feels naked!
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I was honored to get an email from a reader of the Covert-S email group asking permission to share the article I wrote about kids who stutter on her blog. Liana shared that she does not stutter, but has friends who do, so she subscribes to several of the stuttering lists to learn more about stuttering.
How great is that? She wants to understand more about stuttering so she can better support her friends. So she asked me if she could re-post my story on her blog – Liana’s Place – A Blog About Life, Lies, Laughter and Love. Of course, I gave permission. Great to have more potential readers. And greater that she asked for permission. Lots of people on the internet just pilfer other people’s content without permission nor do they give credit.
Of course, I checked out Liana’s blog, and found it to be a wonderful place. Liana is a published author who has won awards for her romance novels. But she does more important work by writing and blogging the story of a friend’s faith journey.
She writes weekly about her friend Louis. He was a covert stutterer for a long time, but now stutters openly. Liana shared with me that my published story reminded her of things that Louis had shared with her about his stuttering. Liana’s writes on Fridays about Louis and gratitude and inspiration.
I am honored to be featured as a guest on Liana’s blog today, Sunday October 24, 2010. Talking about stuttering anywhere gets the word out and raises awareness. Thanks Liana and please say hello to your friend Louis for me!
Addendum: I have included some comments that I received directly from readers of the TU article, and also some comments from Liana’s blog, from readers who don’t stutter (with her permission of course).
Episode 31 features Darlene Brown, who hails from Beltsville, MD, by way of Buffalo and Albany, New York. I first met Darlene in Albany several years ago, when we both attended therapy at The College of St Rose.
Darlene took a break from college when she was studying speech language pathology. She came home to Albany to spend time with her family and attended group at St Rose when I was there.
One vivid memory I have about meeting Darlene was the night when her parents came to observe group. She wanted her parents to understand that her feelings and attitudes about stuttering were not just “her thing”, but that other stutterers shared similar feelings. That was so significant to me, that she felt comfortable enough to have her mom and dad there. She talks about that in our conversation.
Listen in as we also chat about the challenges and opportunities of being a SLP who stutters, being an adult in therapy, designing your own “therapy outside of therapy”, and what Darlene has learned about Darlene.
Credit for the musical clip “Scott Waves His Salty Grace To April” goes to ccMixter.
Please feel free to leave feedback for Darlene. She would love to hear what you thought. (There are a few squeaks and squelches from static that I could not remove. I still have so much to learn about audio editing!)
Trying To Fix You
Posted on: October 18, 2010
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I have been face book friends since the summer with Elissa, a brilliant writer. Elissa wrote a heart-tugging essay about her young daughter Charlotte’s stuttering. I linked to this essay before. Check out “Fighting Words” if you missed it.
Recently, Elissa posted a link to the song “Fix You” by Cold Play that played at a party she was at for really sick kids. She wondered if the song had just been coincidence. Elissa recalled how fervently her brother and his colleagues had tried to “fix” a young patient 7 years earlier.
For some reason, I commented on Elissa’s post that the song “Fix You” reminded me of the stuttering journey. We then shared this exchange, which really touched me. We have not met, yet we both spoke from a similar place.
She, the parent of a young child who stutters, anxious to make the right decision for her daughter. And me, an adult who stutters, who is still affected by my parents’ choices years ago about my stuttering.
Me: This song so reminds me of the stuttering journey. I met a family 2 years ago. Both sons stutter. The dad is a surgeon who for years thought he had failed as a parent, because as a surgeon, he is so used to fixing his patients. He could not fix his sons and it haunted him. Finally, he (they) reached a point where he knows he does not need to fix his kids . . . they are perfect just the way they are.
When I see this family, I am reminded of how I felt for a long time that I needed to be fixed. Now, when I see them, I hug mom and we watch her children laugh and play and enjoy life . . . And we know, that not needing fixing is the real prize. Thanks for sharing the story about the sick kids and the song.
Elissa: I’m so glad you wrote! I don’t know if you saw my post of last week, where I was struggling with exactly this question: wanting to get speech therapy for Charlotte because she is in so much distress, …yet not wanting to send her the message that she needs to be fixed. In some unspoken way, I believe my brother chose not to spend a tremendous amount of his precious energy on the attempt to fix his stuttering.
I truly understand and honor that choice. She’s far too young to make or even understand that kind of choice, though. I’m in the wildly uncomfortable position of needing to make it for her. The hardest parenting moments for me have been ones in which every course of action is a potential betrayal. I’m tempted to ask you what you would do if she were your child. No one person can tell me what to do, but I really welcome all the perspectives I can get.
Me: Well, you didn’t officially ask, but I will share my opinion anyway! I grew up thinking the awful thought that my father was ashamed of me. When I stuttered, he would yell at me, or tell me to “stop that”. In my 5-year-old mind, which I can still remember, getting negative feedback from my dad was the worst thing imaginable. I thought, “was I so horrible that even my own father was ashamed?” I learned years later that my mom felt incredible guilt for not standing up to my dad and insisting that I be allowed to get some help, because he wouldn’t allow it.
Needless to say, I had a hard time with my self-image and expressing feelings as a child. What would I do for Charlotte? Its different, because I stutter and you don’t. I would try to set an example for her that it is OK and that stuttering is just a different way of talking. You can’t model that for her, but maybe you can have her meet other kids who stutter, and get as comfortable with stuttering as possible so that her struggle behavior naturally decreases. I have no idea how I would have reacted to therapy as a kid, but it would have made a huge difference to meet and know others like me. Your heart will guide you for what is best for Charlotte.
Elissa: Thank you. My God, I can’t help feeling enraged at your father for his response to you as a child. Not that my rage is of any use to you now, but… if I picture Charlotte hearing those words, my heart could just crack in half. I’m …so sorry that your formative years were spent in that situation. I will definitely be attending the Friends events from now on… this past year was a little too soon, I felt, and that’s unfortunate, especially since the convention was in Chicago! My brother’s city! I know that he almost went himself.
This might sound completely messed up, but Charlotte’s lovely and wonderful teacher let me know that two other kids in her class have severe speech impediments also, and God help me, I was ecstatic to hear that.
Me: Your response does not sound messed up at all – we need others to be like us so we feel some normalcy.
What do you think? What would you have told Elissa? She welcomes all the perspectives she can get.
Episode 30 features Nina Zito, who hails from Queens, New York. Nina is 21 years old and is in her last year at St Joseph’s College in Brooklyn NY. She is studying to become an elementary school teacher.
I was introduced to Nina through friend and NSA member, Dr Mitchell Trichon. Mitch had met Nina at a NSA support group and told me that this young woman had an amazing story and that I should meet her.
I did get the chance to meet Nina and her mom and brother at the NSA conference this summer in Cleveland. I was so impressed that Nina’s family came with her for her first conference, and I was so happy to meet such an enthusiastic, ambitious young woman.
Nina has some huge speaking challenges ahead of her this year. She is student teaching and is President of her Student Government at her college. Listen as she explains how she manages this and makes room for stuttering in her life.
Listen in also as we chat about advertising, fluency communication and all that it entails, and Nina’s very inspiring story about being high school graduation salutatorian. She also offers heartfelt advice to teen girls who stutter.
Music used in this episode is podcast safe music from Dano Songs.
Feel free to leave comments or ask Nina questions.
Craig Shares: Fight or Flight?
Posted on: October 11, 2010
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This post is written by guest blogger Craig Stevenson. Craig and I “met” through the on-line support group Covert-S. His comments appeared on a threaded discussion last week, and I loved his insight and honesty and asked him to share his piece here. Craig is from Idaho and manages two recycling plants.
To me, the old saying, “you can run but you can’t hide”, may be true, but serves no purpose. I think managing stuttering is different for men than women. I went to school with the same kids for ten years. I got teased in school all the time. One kid in Earth Science class teased me so much we finally fought it out. I had been afraid of him for years. My first punch bloodied his nose and the fight was over just that fast, and he never teased me again.
There were many more fights, some I lost, some I won. I got in a lot of trouble for some! I do not condone or recommend violence as a solution to managing stuttering, but gently to suggest boys will be boys and sometimes without any other support, fighting happens. I know there are different ways of facing our stutter.
The worst part for me was getting in a shoving match between first and second periods and agreeing to settle it after school and having to go through the rest of the day thinking and worrying about what the outcome would be. Not wanting to get in trouble for fighting, we always did it after school, thinking no one would notice a black eye the next day.
For me, I learned a fight is a fight and a cousin taught me that in a fight, if you don’t throw the first punch you’ve missed half the fight. I think what he was trying to say was “meet it head on right then and there.” I never started a fight and I never ran from one either and whether I took a beating or gave one, I always felt better after. I almost always cried whether I won or lost, and I can’t remember anyone I did not become fast friends with after.
I think at some point in your life you have to make friends with your stutter. Every time you run from it, it wins. I think the way you make friends with your stuttering is to meet it head on. Some days it kicks your butt and some days you kick its butt, right? It doesn’t really matter who wins as much as knowing the fight is essential.
To put it bluntly, I would rather be dead then spend the rest of my waking moments, days and years, wondering about when I was going to die. I spent my youth hiding and I regret every day I did. The “wait till your father gets home” was much worse than what father did when he did get home. I think waiting and hoping we don’t stutter is so much worse and painful than the stutter itself is, and the really sad part is, we do it to ourselves.
Some days you’re the windshield and some days you’re the bug. But, you have to keep the windshield clean if you want to miss more bugs. I got an old green tea-shirt from a past NSA convention from Judy Kuster. It’s dark green and on the front in big white letters it say’s “I STUTTER SO WHAT?” You don’t have to wear it (although it’s a great idea), but I think it does say the right thing about how we should FEEL about our stutter.
Don’t waste time trying not to stutter! Don’t feel bad or afraid of it when you do meet stuttering head on. For me, learning how to control my fear of stuttering did more for me than trying to stop the stutter.
Please feel free to leave any messages or comments for Craig here. Thanks for sharing with us Craig!
Episode 29 features Suzana Jelčić Jakšić who hails from Zagreb, Croatia. Suzana has been a speech therapist for over 20 years, and currently works in a children’s hospital.
Suzana shares an important turning point in her life – both as a person who stutters and professionally as a therapist. She attended a workshop for specialists in stuttering and realized that she “didn’t have to be fluent”. That other therapists who stuttered were talking and expressing themselves.
She felt free to speak and to stutter if it happened. From then, she began accepting invitations to speak publicly. She felt comfortable to educate others about her specialty – stuttering.
Ten years ago, Suzana created and founded the Croatian Stuttering Association. She served as the Chair of the association up until last Spring. She is currently on the Board of the International Stuttering Association.
Listen in as we discuss Suzana’s early memories of stuttering, her parent’s reactions and early therapy experiences. We also discuss how stuttering is perceived in Croatia and important people in Croatia who stutter and have served as role models.
Suzana also mentions Marilyn Monroe and about the difference between her female and male clients. She believes that women seem to be able to deal with stuttering easier than men!
Credit for the podcast safe music clip “Echoed” goes to ccMixter.
As always, feel free to leave comments and let Suzana know what a great job she did by sharing her story!
“G” Is For Guilt
Posted on: October 4, 2010
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There is a thought-provoking article on this year’s ISAD conference about chronic sorrow. It is a personal story written by Scott Palasik. He shares how he found out that his parents, especially his mother, blamed themselves for his stuttering and carried around an enormous amount of guilt for many years.
I commented on Scott’s paper and we wound up sharing back and forth about how we had similar parent stories. I highly recommend you read Scott’s story – it resonated with me and I am sure it will with a lot of you.
I have written about guilt on here before, but not in the way that Scott’s poignant story reminded me. I know my mother has carried around a lot of guilt for many, many years. She has told me she feels tremendous guilt for what we dealt with as children. She is an alcoholic, and proudly in recovery now. She helps many, many people who have been touched by alcoholism.
She didn’t achieve sobriety until I was in my late teens. Childhood was chaotic, because mom drank all the time. We tried to act like everything was ok, but it wasn’t. My siblings and I covered for her all the time. Covertly, much like my stuttering became. My mother and I have had some conversations about the impact alcoholism had on all our lives, but those have been strained, quick, clipped.
But we have NEVER talked about stuttering. NEVER. The few times I have tried, she has always quickly changed the subject. I learned from a sister, or maybe even in a hurried conversation with my mother (I don’t remember), that she always felt guilty that she didn’t stand up to my father and insist that I be allowed to participate in speech therapy.
I have often wondered what a heart-felt conversation about stuttering would be like with one of my parents. Because I have never talked with my father about it either. I have always wanted to know what they thought. Were they confused? Did they know it was stuttering? Were they embarrassed? Were they ashamed? (Like I have thought!)
Was it easier for them to pretend there was nothing wrong? Did anyone ever talk to them about it? What did the relatives think? Why was it kept so hush-hush? Was it that bad?
Have any of you ever thought about any of this?
Speaking Of Courage – Episode 28
Posted on: October 1, 2010
Episode 28 features Carolina Ayala,who hails from Toronto, Ontario, Canada. Carolina works supporting people with intellectual disabilities. She is passionate about putting a positive spin on the label”disability”, and shares her personal perception of stuttering as a disability.
Carolina attended York University in Toronto and fulfilled the requirements in 2009 for a Master of Arts in the graduate program in Critical Disability Studies. She wrote a thesis research paper on stuttering, identity and acceptance.
I met Carolina at a NSA Conference in New Jersey in 2008, but really got to know her better this year at the NSA Conference in Cleveland. We spent a lot of time talking and she gave me a copy of her thesis research paper. I read it over the summer and asked Carolina to consider sharing her story in this forum.
Listen in as we discuss self image, friends and fitting in, discrimination, authenticity, or as Carolina puts it, being robbed of her true self. Carolina also discusses her role as a child in a documentary about stuttering called “Speaking of Courage.” And she reminds us of the importance of “listen to what I say, not how I say it.”
Credit for the podcast safe music “Scott Waves to April’s Salty Grace” goes to ccMixter.
Feel free to leave comments. Carolina would be especially interested if anyone would like to further discuss her thesis research on stuttering as related to a disability. She welcomes feedback or questions.
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