Author Archive
Don’t Force It
Posted on: December 31, 2012
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On this last day in December 2012, I looked back at some of the many posts I’ve written since February 2009. It’s wondrous to me that I’ve kept up with blogging for almost 4 years. Not everyone can say that. It’s easy to start something. The hard part is sticking with it, and sustaining it.
Writing takes effort, time and persistence. We write in the hopes that other people will read and be moved. We’ve either inspired them, given them something to think about outside of their experience or have called them to action.
Writing about a pretty narrow topic for four years also takes something else – the ability to know when I have something to say and when I don’t. And to not force it when there’s nothing there. I learned that the hard way. When I first started blogging, I thought I had to write everyday.
Then I began to question that. Who said I had to write everyday in order to be a success? Being a success in my book began to mean sticking to it – persisting with writing good content. And how did I know I was writing good content? Because people were reading and leaving comments.
That was good enough for me.
Now, I see that “Don’t force it” also applies to my topic itself – stuttering. When I have something to say and I am having a particularly “stutter-y” day, the best thing to do is not force it. When caught in a block, I try to remind myself (as hard as that can be) to not force myself to push through it. Sometimes it makes the block worse.
The best thing is to stop, compose myself and breathe through the block. Taking a moment to just breathe, and not force anything, seems to help me to move forward, freely.
So it is with writing. Don’t force it – write when there is something to say. And don’t write when there is nothing to write about.
Oh, if only stuttering, and life, were so simple.
Out Of Hiding-Episode 96
Posted on: December 13, 2012
Episode 96 features Kelsey Smith, who hails from Springfield, Illinois. Kelsey is currently a student at the University of Wisconsin at Stevens Point. Kelsey will graduate in May 2013 with a history degree.
Kelsey loves to travel and is considering involvement with the Peace Corps.
We met in July in Tampa, FL at the National Stuttering Association (NSA) conference. It was Kelsey’s first conference. We talk about her experience as a first timer and how the conference helped her move towards acceptance.
Listen is as we also discuss interviews, phone calls versus face to face conversations, advertising and disclosing, and Kelsey’s recent public speaking success.
This was a great conversation. Feel free to leave comments or ask questions or just let Kelsey know what a great job she did. Remember, feedback is a gift.
Music used in this episode, “Per Anima,” is credited to ccMixter.
Speed Networking And Stuttering
Posted on: December 8, 2012
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Tried something totally outside of my comfort zone this week. I attended a professional networking group meeting, where the theme was “speed networking.” I was apprehensive before the meeting, as I had no idea what to expect. All I knew was that it involved talking and meeting people, quickly.
Upon arrival, I was warmly greeted by the organizer, who quickly filled me in on how it works.
People sit across from each other at a long table, and in 2 minutes (one minute each) you and the person directly across from you tell as much as you can about your self and your business. You also exchange business cards.
Then one side of the table moves down a seat so you are talking to the next person.
It’s designed so that you can meet 25 or 30 people in 90 minutes, and the format “forces” you to talk, so that you can’t hang back in a corner and not participate. It’s actually quite a great idea, once you get past the nerves.
I was worried that this would be a nightmare for me, as a person who stutters. Talking fast to strangers is not anything I have “always wanted to do.”
But it wasn’t a nightmare – it went just fine. Once I chatted with the first person, I felt comfortable and confident. Did I stutter? Yep, throughout, but nobody seemed to notice or care.
This was a valuable event for me. What do you think? Could you be comfortable at this type of networking event? Share your thoughts.
Dictation Apps and Stuttering
Posted on: December 1, 2012
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How many of you have the iPhone 4S with Siri? Do you use it? Do you like it?
Today I got together with a couple of friends who stutter and we hung out over lunch and caught up, with lots of laughing and stuttering.
We got talking about the dictation apps on smartphones and one friend wanted to know how it works with someone who stutters. He wanted to know if the application “heard the stuttering” and “typed” that out. I told him I didn’t know, as I don’t stutter when I’m alone!
We decided to try it at the restaurant. I don’t have Siri, but I do have “Dragon Dictation” on my smartphone. You can speak into the recorder and the application types your words, which you then can send as a text message or post to social media.
My friends suggested I try it to see how it would work. Interestingly, I felt self-conscious doing some voluntary stuttering in front of them. I needed to do that in order to stutter enough in order for our little experiment to be valid. After a few seconds of voluntary stuttering, I found myself full-on blocking.
The recorder picked up almost exactly what I said perfectly, because it apparently took the “blocks” as just pauses. We decided that wasn’t good enough, as I hadn’t had any repetitions.
Another friend tried it. At first, he spoke as he typically does, with blocking and few repetitions. The application flashed the message “could not process.” We didn’t like that.
He then did a lot of voluntary repetitions instead of blocking. The dictation application picked up the stuttering and typed out “did did did did” as part of one of his phrases. We all said “Boo” and decided we’d had enough of this little experiment. We declared that obviously smartphone dictation applications weren’t designed by people who stutter, nor to be well used by people who stutter.
What do you think? Is there a modication that can or should be made with dictation apps for people who stutter?
Episode 19 features John Harrison, who “ran away from home at age 25.” He went from New York to California with nothing but a 5 day hotel reservation.
John wanted to go to California to find himself and his identity, and understand his stuttering, which took the form of silent blocks.
Listen in as we discuss how John found the National Stuttering Project (now the National Stuttering Association) and his involvment in the self help community over the years.
We also talk about how John came to see his stuttering as a system, which he details in his book “Redefining Stuttering: What The Struggle To Speak Is Really All About.” This is available as a free download on his website, HOLDING BACK: for people who stutter.
We also chat about Toastmasters, helping others and the richness of sharing our stories with each other.
Music used in this episode is credited to Dano Songs. Feel free to leave comments or ask questions. Feedback is a gift.
Episode 95 features Caitlyn McSally, who grew up in Monroe, Connecticut and went to undergraduate school in New Paltz, New York, about an hour and half from where I live.
Caitlyn is currently in Columbia, South Carolina, studying for her Master’s degree in Speech Language Pathology. When asked why she chose this field, Caitlyn shares it wasn’t because of her speech, like one might think.
When Caitlyn was deciding on college and careers, she didn’t knew she stuttered. She recalls first “hearing herself stutter” about two years ago.
She shares her boyfriend’s response, “Wow, I bet you couldn’t do that again if you tried,” which Caitlyn thought was a great way to address the “odd” thing that had just happened.
Listen in as we discuss Caitlyn’s unique journey, her current therapy experience, covert behaviors, pet peeves and what’s important to her about stuttering.
This was a great conversation. Please leave feedback for Caitlyn in the comment section. Remember, feedback is a gift.
Music used in this episode is credited to ccMixter.
I’m The Guest This Time
Posted on: November 9, 2012
I am proud and delighted to be a guest on my friend Evan Sherman’s blog and podcast that he started recently.
Evan and I have a conversation about involvement in the stuttering community, and the “evolution” of my journey. You can listen to it here.
For purists, you can also access it from this direct link – http://www.istuttersowhat.com/a-discussion-with-pam-mertz/. Evan says it drives more traffic to your site if you provide the actual link.
I am happy with how it came out. Take a listen. You can find out a little more about me and my stuttering journey. I rarely “tell my story” as I am usually asking others to share their story.
Thanks Evan!
Episode 18 of the conversations with men features Ray Welchman, who hails from South Australia. Ray is a systems engineer in a defense company.
He also runs “Feel The Fear” workshops as a licensed trainer for Susan Jeffers training. Jeffers wrote the wonderful book Feel The Fear and Do It Anyway.
Listen in as we talk about different therapy experiences, the McGuire programme, avoidance, denial, hiding and so much more.
We talk about courage, growth and Toastmasters. Ray is the president of his Toastmasters club and and often finds himself privately exclaiming “look what I’m doing now.” Confidence and courage help us expand our comfort zones and grow.
Speaking of growth, see this video of Ray performing in a Toastmasters Humorous Speech Contest.
This was a great conversation. Feel free to leave comments or ask questions. Feedback is a gift.
Music used in this episode is from DanoSongs.
Producer note: apologies for the abrupt beginning. Technical difficulties resulted in a few seconds of Ray’s introduction being “cut off.”
Falling Off A Cliff
Posted on: October 27, 2012
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What does the actual moment of stuttering feel like to you?
Yesterday in a training, we were talking about metaphors and the trainer was asking us to apply metaphors for things we were feeling.
We were then to dig deep to see if we could identify the feelings behind the metaphor we chose. No one volunteered, so I took a chance.
I shared that a common metaphor for me is that I often feel like I’ve fallen off a cliff and no one has even noticed. As this was a work training on change, everyone believed I was referring to a work situation. I was not. I was referring to how I sometimes feel when I get caught in a good stuttering block.
However, since it was change we were refferring to, I let the trainer dig deeper with me and allowed her to think it was a work issue. It could have been.
She asked how it feels when I fall off the cliff. I said it feels scary and helpless. She asked if there was anything that let me know I was about to fall of the cliff. I said anxiety usually triggered it.
She asked if I knew why I was falling. I said because I wasn’t in control. Everyone was believing this was a work situation. She asked what I could do to prevent the fall. I said I could talk to someone about how I feel before the anxiety tips me over the edge.
She asked what kept me from talking about the way I felt. I said it was fear of being laughed at. She asked who was my direct report. I told her the guys name – he was right in the room. She asked what could I do to feel comfortable talking with him.
I told her I felt comfortable talking with him – that wasn’t it. She kept pushing for me to dig. I didn’t want to admit I was talking about stuttering. She asked again what was I really afraid of, still thinking I was referring to work.
I finally surprised myself and said judgement. There, I had said it. I feel like I am falling off a cliff when blocking and I fear someone is negatively judging me.
But the metaphor surprisingly fit into a pretend work scenario too. I get anxious when I feel someone at work is judging me.
The trainer felt good that I had risked and shared and felt my colleagues had learned from my share. She encouraged us to dig deep when we are feeling the impact of change in our lives. And to use metaphors to help us dig deeper.
I thought long and hard after the training and was happy that I shared this metaphor that I often feel – even though I didn’t come out and directly say I was talking about stuttering. I didn’t have to – it still related to a general fear of judgement, which is a universal fear. We all want to be accepted and not seen as different from the norm.
What about you? How do you feel in the stuttering moment? Is there a metaphor you could use to describe that feeling?
Are We Better Off? -Episode 94
Posted on: October 22, 2012
Episode 94 is a special “monologue” version, where it’s just me, without a guest. Today, on International Stuttering Awareness Day, I offer my thoughts on a question I have pondered.
Are we, as a stuttering community, better off than we were before we had so many support and self-help resources available?
We can answer that two ways. From an individual perspective and from a larger perspective. I’m interested in knowing if you think the world, our little corner, is more knowledgeable about stuttering since there has been an increase in stuttering awareness over, say, the last 5 years.
Or are our awareness efforts only benefiting the stuttering community?
What do you think? I’m really interested in hearing your thoughts.
The music clip used in this episode is credited to ccMixter, where podcast safe, creative commons music can be found and freely used.
Episode 93 features Barbara Dahm, a Board Recognized Specialist in Fluency Disorders, who alternates between New Jersey and Israel. She has been a speech clinician for 40+ years.
Barbara talks about a 17-year old girl she worked with early in her career who had a severe stutter. She talks about trying to find the answer to help people who stutter.
Her present work is rooted in Gestalt therapy. Barbara believes that neurological function and habits cannot be separated from how the mind works. She also thinks that feelings, thoughts and behaviors are all linked together. Traditional therapies seem to overlook that stuttering is a systems problem.
We discuss Barbara’s belief that stuttering is “over control.” She works with people on thinking about speech as automatic and as a natural process. She helps people to try not to be fluent. But the result IS fluency.
“It’s not just that I’m not stuttering, it’s a different experience.” Barbara wants to help people “quiet the editor” in their brains.
This was a great conversation. For more information on Barbara’s work, please see her website, Stuttering Online Therapy. Barbara would love for people to study, research and critique her program.
Feel free to leave comments or questions for Barbara. Feedback is a gift. Music used in this episode is credited to ccMixter.
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