Posts Tagged ‘Toastmasters’
Finding Confidence – Episode 109
Posted on: October 25, 2013
Episode 109 features Nelly Foster, who hails from Seattle, Washington. Nelly and I met at the National Stuttering Association conference in July 2013, her first conference.
Nelly recently graduated from college with a degree in psychology, but has decided she wants to pursue a career in speech language pathology.
Nelly attended the American Institute for Stuttering (AIS) in 2012 because she was looking to become more confident with her stuttering. At AIS, she met a SLP who stutters and was inspired by his confidence.
Listen in as we talk about job interviews, advertising stuttering, not letting stuttering define us, Toastmasters and the importance of role models.
We have a moment during our conversation where Nelly has a block and I am not sure when to resume talking. Nelly had to tell me she was done speaking. We were able to honestly discuss how that sometimes happens with two people who stutter.
I really enjoyed this conversation and the chance to get to know Nelly and hope you do too.
The podcast safe music used in this episode is credited to ccMixter.
Speaking Of Being Assertive
Posted on: October 10, 2013
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I missed a good opportunity to practice being assertive last week and seize a chance to raise some stuttering awareness.
I am participating in my Toastmaster’s club’s Fall Contest this session, and at last week’s meeting, I had to give an evaluation of a target speech. My evaluation “speech” was to go for 2-3 minutes, with a 30 second grace period. I clocked in at 3:11.
To help the contestants get good feedback and prepare for the next round of competition, everyone at the meeting was asked to give us speakers some verbal feedback. It’s called “Round Robin Evaluation.”
It’s a bit intimidating to have 10-12 people go around and share what they thought on how you performed. But it’s also excellent practice on how to receive constructive feedback. No one really wants to hear that you did something wrong or should improve this or that, but that is the whole point of Toastmasters, to help us learn and grow. If no one is brave enough to give honest feedback, then we miss opportunities to learn.
Mot people said I did a fine job – they highlighted the strong parts and several people mentioned one particular good idea I had suggested to the target speaker.
One guy shared his opinion that I seemed nervous and lacked the usual. confidence that I have. He noted that I tripped and stumbled over several words and knew that I “could do better, because he’s heard me do better.”
He was talking about my stuttering, which had been more pronounced than usual. I am usually very fluent at Toastmasters, because I project my voice and that seems to help with my fluency. But not that night. I was stuttering and he pointed it out as part of his feedback.
I was embarrassed, but don’t think I showed it. Not everyone in my club knows that I stutter, because there has been a lot of new people and I haven’t talked about it in a while.
My mind whirled after the feedback session. I didn’t want to be “judged” on my stuttering – but if he didn’t know, he could have attributed it to nerves.
I wanted to say something to him after the meeting, like “hey, I stutter!” But it didn’t seem appropriate. It was a Toastmasters meeting, not a meeting about stuttering. But it bothered me, and I feel like I missed an opportunity.
What do you think?
Breathe It In – Episode 104
Posted on: June 10, 2013
Episode 104 features Jessica Stone, who hails from New York City. Jessica has her Master’s degree from NYU in Mass Communication, and has been working as a copy writer in advertising for 16 years.
Jessica had set two goals for herself before she turned 30 – to get her master’s degree and to live abroad. Having accomplished the first, she set out to research the second.
She found herself leaving NYC to live in London, which turned out to be for 6 years. Through that experience, Jessica learned about networking, confidence and resilience.
Listen in as we discuss early memories of stuttering, covert stuttering, anxiety and breathing. We also talk about public speaking – both Toastmasters and Transformational Speaking – and Jessica’s experience with the McGuire program in London. And so much more.
Feel free to leave comments or ask questions, or just let Jessica know what a great job she did. Remember, feedback is a gift.
The podcast safe music used in this episode is credited to ccMixter.
Make Your Voice Heard
Posted on: May 16, 2013
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Today’s post doesn’t have a lot to do with stuttering. Or maybe it does in some way.
Yesterday I had a conversation with someone who challenged me to find a way to make my voice heard. That was hard to hear, as I like to think my voice is loud and clear.
I am open with my stuttering, and have a voice in that community. I let my voice be heard in the Toastmasters community and my voice is certainly heard through this blog and various social media platforms.
But this was not a challenge about my literal voice. He was pushing me to find a way to have my figurative voice be present in a tough environment with a lot of pushback. We talked about the different meanings of voice, which did not include stuttering at all.
For the first time in a long time, I am considering stepping away from a tough situation, instead of “shaking it off and stepping up.” I’ve prided myself on doing that and encouraging others to do the same.
I mustered up the courage to say I think I need to bow out gracefully from a tough work situation. After much self talk, I had arrived at the decision that self-preservation and being happy was more important than the daily grind. That life is too short to be miserable every day.
But this individual would not let me off the hook! He pushed back and debated with me. He is convinced that I am supposed to be right in the thick of things and that my leadership and voice will strengthen and that I will be better for sticking it out. And that the work is important and worth it.
He challenged me to find new ways to collaborate, communicate and problem solve.
My insides are screaming that I’ve had enough, that as long as I can save face, it’s OK to bow out and still stand tall.
But I’ll admit I’m struck by this individual’s confidence in me that I can stay the course and emerge better, stronger and with new skills.
Having your voice heard means being active, not passive, which I am trying to convince myself is OK at this stage in my life and career.
My white flag was not accepted. So I have to figure out how to raise my voice another octave. And do that with grace.
Hey, You Can’t Say You Stutter
Posted on: January 9, 2013
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Last night at my Toastmasters meeting, we were all asked to introduce ourselves and tell each other what Toastmasters has done for us. Guests or new members were asked to share how they hoped to benefit from joining Toastmasters.
Two people who spoke before me both used the word “stutter” in their introductions.
A veteran of the club said Toastmasters has helped him be more confident and effective, and not bumble and stutter with words.
A newer member said she hopes to learn to not stutter when she is nervous and to not panic as much when she does any public speaking.
This made me bristle! I felt like saying to them, “Hey, you don’t stutter! You don’t know what it’s really like to know what you want to say and have your speech disrupted or blocked.”
I felt offended that they used the word stutter so casually, when to me stuttering is so personal and has significantly shaped who I am today. I wanted to correct them, to educate them, to defend all stutterers who really stutter.
But I didn’t! It wasn’t the time or place. People weren’t there to learn about stuttering. They were at a Toastmasters meeting, where we all come to get better at communication and leadership.
I kept my bristly thoughts to myself. Maybe I need to do a speech soon on what stuttering is and isn’t!
Episode 18 of the conversations with men features Ray Welchman, who hails from South Australia. Ray is a systems engineer in a defense company.
He also runs “Feel The Fear” workshops as a licensed trainer for Susan Jeffers training. Jeffers wrote the wonderful book Feel The Fear and Do It Anyway.
Listen in as we talk about different therapy experiences, the McGuire programme, avoidance, denial, hiding and so much more.
We talk about courage, growth and Toastmasters. Ray is the president of his Toastmasters club and and often finds himself privately exclaiming “look what I’m doing now.” Confidence and courage help us expand our comfort zones and grow.
Speaking of growth, see this video of Ray performing in a Toastmasters Humorous Speech Contest.
This was a great conversation. Feel free to leave comments or ask questions. Feedback is a gift.
Music used in this episode is from DanoSongs.
Producer note: apologies for the abrupt beginning. Technical difficulties resulted in a few seconds of Ray’s introduction being “cut off.”
Episode 17 of the conversations with men who stutter features Robert Lucas, who hails from a small town in South Australia.
Robert worked for 26 years in the gas pipe lines industry. He had worked his way up to an Inspector, before retirement.
Robert shared how participating in engineering meetings was always tough for him. He dreaded introductions, and often manipulated others to attend and speak for him. He spent lots of time thinking about how he might manipulate others, including family. Manipulation is an interesting way to look at avoidance.
We talk about how Toastmasters and acting helped Robert become more comfortable and confident with his speech. He shares about the success he found by participating in the McGuire program.
We also enjoy quite a few laughs and talk about the importance of humor, expanding boundaries, advertising and reading other people’s minds.
It was a delight chatting with Robert. He has a terrific attitude and a wicked sense of humor. Please leave comments or questions. Feedback is a gift.
The music clip used in this episode is credited to ccMixter.
Works For Me – Male Episode 12
Posted on: May 31, 2012
Episode 12 of the series of conversations with men who stutter features Lott Hughes, who hails from Temple, Texas. Lott served in the US Army for nine years and now works as an IT Specialist for the Veterans Administration.
Lott has a great story. As a tank driver in the Army, he felt that he was putting lives at risk when he was sometimes not able to communicate well.
His command sent him to a six-month intensive speech therapy program in Germany, which literally changed Lott’s life. It was there that he learned the fluency techniques that he needs to achieve his goal of 90-95% fluency.
Listen in as we discuss what has worked for him – facial muscle and breath control and handling his anxiety. Lott also got support from Toastmasters.
We talk about the upcoming NSA conference, and how his focus will differ than last year, his first time. Lott recently welcomed his first child into the world. He worries his son might stutter and wants to interact and learn from other parents.
I was happy that Lott shared his story with us, and look forward to meeting him in person at the 2012 NSA conference. Please feel free to leave comments or questions, for feedback is a gift.
The podcast safe music used in this episode is credited to ccMixter.
Ability
Posted on: May 28, 2012
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How many of us have ability that we are not using? Sometimes we don’t allow our skills and talents to shine through because we think (or fear) that our stuttering will overshadow everything else.
I used that excuse myself for a long time. I was afraid people wouldn’t see me or my ability if I stuttered openly. Of course, I also used the excuse that it was safer.
When I stayed quiet, no one had the opportunity to react negatively. In an earlier post, I wrote about choosing to be anonymous. That protects us from negative social consequences, but it also often keeps us from growing.
Never in all the years that I was covert could I have imagined that I would have a job that requires regular public speaking. And that I would also volunteer for speaking challenges through my affiliation with Toastmasters.
I knew deep down that I had ability that I purposely was not using just because I stutter. Along with ability, I also had ambition. I wanted to be successful and do the things I knew I could and not let anything hold me back. I have a voice that I wanted heard.
Recently, I heard or read something about ability which really struck a chord and got me thinking about this. I do not know the source, but I hope it gets you thinking about your abilities and ambitions.
“Ability without ambition is like kindling wood without the spark.”
What do you think?
Saying It
Posted on: May 5, 2012
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Recently, a friend shared a favorite poem as the invocation at our Toastmasters meeting. She read “Saying It” by Phillip Booth. As I listened, the first lines really spoke to me.
Saying it. Trying to say it.
Not to answer to logic, but leaving our very lives open to how we have to hear ourselves say what we mean.
The first part of this poem could have been written about stuttering. That’s not why a fellow Toastmaster chose to share this at our meeting. She was no doubt relating to how we communicate and choose our words, as that is a focus in Toastmasters.
But I heard struggle, vulnerability, and guilt. I wasn’t just listening, I was relating and processing, on a deep, personal level.
Maybe other Toastmasters heard the same, for of course it’s not only stutterers who struggle with saying what they want to say.
As a person who stutters, those simple words – “Saying It” – struck such a chord with me. Sometimes we can’t say it, or don’t say it, or change what we were going to say.
We are afraid of what the struggle will look like as we try to say it, and how we, and our listeners, have to hear ourselves say what we mean. I know I have been afraid to just “say it.” I worry about what others will think, still.
And there are times when I really don’t like having to hear myself say what I mean.
What about you? What do you think?
Do We Obsess Too Much?
Posted on: April 26, 2012
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Yep, I obsess sometimes. I know I do. When I speak publicly and communicate very well, I almost never focus on how well I did if I also stuttered. Like many of us, I tend to focus on the one tiny little thing that I didn’t like instead of all the good things that did happen.
Take last night, for example. I was at a Toastmasters meeting and volunteered to facilitate the Table Topics section of the meeting. This is the part of Toastmasters meetings where we practice impromptu speaking.
I thought of some questions during break and proceeded to skillfully carry out this part of the meeting. I also had a couple of moments where I had an uncomfortable block. Where nothing came out for about 20 seconds and I also squeezed one eye shut at the moment of the block.
As I drove home from the meeting, that’s what I thought about. Not how great I did at filling the role at the last-minute, but what did the two visitors think of me when they saw that weird blocking behavior? I obsessed about whether I should have said anything to acknowledge that I had stuttered.
As people who stutter, we also seem to obsess a lot over the conversational use of the word stuttering when it does not apply to what we know as a speech disorder.
For example, recently on the popular TV show “American Idol,” a 16 year-old contestant sang a song called Stuttering. She has a beautiful voice and sang the hell out of the song.
The next day, the Facebook forums were full of comments from people who stutter who felt offended by the song. Many stated they didn’t like the song because it implied the wrong reasons why people stutter.
Often in the news, especially regarding sports, we will hear or read accounts of a team or player getting off to a “stuttering start.” I have heard people who stutter comment that they are offended by these casual uses of the term stuttering, as it implies negativity about stuttering.
I understand (to a degree) why I sometimes obsess about my own speech and focus more on when I have had uncomfortable stuttering moments and blocks. I always wish it hadn’t happened at that particular time.
But I don’t always understand the reactions the stuttering community has when the non-stuttering public uses “our” word for our speech in another context.
What do you think?
Did I Stutter?
Posted on: April 6, 2012
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I have been attending a lot of Toastmasters meetings lately. As part of my role as Area Governor, I visit each of the clubs in my area at least twice a year, as monitoring visits. This means offering support and guidance so club leaders can make their clubs the very best they can.
I have tried to visit each of my clubs more than the minimum required. That’s the best way to lend support and see what the pulse of the club really is.
Last week, I visited a corporate noon time club. Corporate clubs in Toastmasters are unique in that they are only open to employees of the sponsor organization. Many companies pay part of member dues, and let them conduct (and attend) meetings during the work day, usually lunch time.
This meeting was to have two planned speakers. The first person was planning to do a Powerpoint presentation and was trying to get it ready before the meeting actually commenced. The technology wasn’t cooperating and she was unable to get her images to project on the screen.
After several attempts, finally something appeared on the screen. But it wasn’t what she was expecting. The screen was flashing very fast and the images were jumping all across the screen. She was getting frustrated, and finally someone else came up and tried to help her.
He did something and the screen continued freezing up and jumping back and forth, all staggered and unclear. Someone from the audience found this particularly funny and yelled out, “Did I stutter?” and laughed out loud, poking the guy next to him, getting him to laugh too.
I was sitting across from these two guys and felt my face flush and my chest and shoulders tensed up. I did not like what I had just heard. It was just an innocent, ignorant comment, using the phrase “stutter” to denote something negative, to be laughed at.
I didn’t say anything, as I didn’t want to draw attention to myself nor embarrass this guy.
What would you have done?
Out Of The Mouths Of Babes
Posted on: April 2, 2012
Friday night I went to a youth public speaking event. Sixth grade kids have spent the last 21 weeks working with two Toastmasters on developing confident communication skills. This night was their final night and their chance to show off their skills to friends, teachers and parents.
These kids were all 10 or 11 years old and have been willingly learning public speaking skills that will be lifetime tools for success.
This was such an exciting event. The program was facilitated by two veteran adult Toastmasters who volunteered to work with these kids over the last five months. The kids learned how to deliver planned speeches, impromptu speeches and how to offer valuable feedback.
Toastmasters offers a program called Youth Leadership that is offered to high school students. That this program was offered to sixth grade students was so impressive.
I was invited to attend as an area leader in Toastmasters.
I was so impressed with what I saw on several levels. The kids were enthusiastic, proud, and supportive of each other. They were all dressed for success. The girls wore dresses or skirts, the boys dress shirts and ties!
The school encouraged and fostered this partnership with Toastmasters. The parents were obviously thrilled that their kids had developed such confidence. I knew this because several parents shared feedback at the end, and two said they wished they had this kind of program when they were this young. One mom got choked up with emotional pride.
I was not sure if I was going to be asked to say a few words or not at the event. I was prepared to if asked. As it turns out, there wasn’t time at the end, so I did not speak.
If I had, I probably would have stuttered, naturally or voluntarily, or mentioned something about stuttering. Would that have been appropriate? Maybe, maybe not.
One of the kids said something that struck a chord with me when she was evaluating (offering feedback) another kid who had delivered a prepared speech. All the kids had a speaking role.
This young girl said something like, “In Toastmasters, we know there is always room for improvement. I noticed that you seemed to stutter on a couple of words. Try not to do that next time.”
I tensed up as I heard that. I shouldn’t have, because it was a totally innocent comment made by an 11-year old girl who was offering feedback to another 11-year old girl. They were all nervous. And giving feedback is hard to do. You want to be positive, but you also want to give the speaker something they can take away and grow from for the next time they speak.
I found myself having an inner dialogue with my self. I thought, “wow, this kid is using the word stutter to connote something negative. We don’t want that. But what can I do?”
Then I thought, “well, if I have to say anything, and I stutter and wind up acknowledging that I stutter, that little girl might feel bad, so if I do have to speak, I hope I don’t stutter.”
Then I thought,” you idiot. This would be the perfect time to educate people quickly about stuttering. What if one of those kids actually stutters and no one knows, because like I did, the kid tries to hide it in school?”
Then I thought, “Stop talking to yourself, Pam. You are making too much of this. It’s not that big of a deal. You are taking yourself way too seriously.”
I was glad that they ran out of time and I was not asked to say anything on behalf of Toastmasters.
What do you think?
Introductions
Posted on: February 27, 2012
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I have been involved with Toastmasters for almost six years. I love it! It has changed my life and I tell people that all the time, especially new members and those who may be interested in learning more about Toastmasters.
This year, I have been serving as an Area Governor, which means that I lend guidance and support to several clubs. I have to visit each club a couple of times a year and provide support and feedback as needed to help the members and the club grow.
I visited one of my clubs a few evenings ago and had a great experience. Whenever a Toastmaster leader visits a club, we are always asked to speak a few minutes. I noticed there were newer members and at least one guest. I chose to include in my introduction how much Toastmasters has helped me grow in confidence and courage, especially as a person who stutters.
To my amazement, two other people in the group also stutter. After I spoke, everyone else introduced themselves. One young man, a member for only a month, shared that he could relate with me. He said it was good to hear a Toastmaster leader talk about stuttering, as he also stutters.
And then, the guest at the meeting shared that he too stutters. He is from Copenhagen, Denmark and is here for a semester as an exchange student. He stuttered openly and shared that he too was happy to hear a Toastmaster leader openly acknowledge stuttering. He mentioned he had heard about Toastmasters through the McGuire (speech therapy) program he had taken in Denmark.
After the meeting, this young man said he felt comfortable and planned to join Toastmasters and then transfer his membership when he returned home to Denmark.
This made a great impact on me that night. I wondered if I had not shared about my stuttering in my introduction, would these two young men have shared? Maybe, maybe not. They might have felt no one could understand and might have felt they needed to keep it hidden.
I felt inspired that my choice to share personal information about my stuttering might have inspired those two young men to feel comfortable enough to disclose.
And what are the odds that 3 people who stutter would end up at the same Toastmasters meeting, totally unaware of the coincidence? Something tells me we were supposed to be there that evening to encourage and inspire each other!
What do you think?
Make Room For The Stuttering 
What people are saying!