Posts Tagged ‘talking about stuttering’
What Goes Unsaid
Posted on: August 30, 2025
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“When I am silent, I have thunder hidden inside.” ~ Rumi
This quote really resonates with me about stuttering. Sometimes I don’t say things because I worry the words won’t come out the way I intended.
I have always found it curious that stuttering can create such intimacy in conversation, if we allow ourselves to stutter openly and naturally.
Stuttering is not just what we hear. It’s also about what we don’t hear.
When we block, with no audible sound or word coming out, something is still being said. There is a connection, as we, myself and my listener, wait for my words, if the listener chooses to wait.
We should choose people who choose us. That is how intimate and meaningful conversations happen – when we choose and make time and space to listen deeply, regardless of how we sound or how long it may take.
I have spent a lot of time recently reflecting upon and sharing my stuttering journey and how I’ve arrived at the very good place I find myself today.
It has not been an easy path – it’s been filled with trauma, challenge and often a great sense of helplessness. I have always been somewhat of a perfectionist and I’ve tried to control the things in life that I could as stuttering is one of those things that I could not.
I don’t think I am a better listener because I stutter. Rather, I listen more deeply to stuttered speech and that includes stuttering that has no sound.
So much is said and shared in silence and we who stutter GET the opportunity to learn from silence and be patient and curious. How wonderful that is, to get opportunities like this.
Too often in our fast paced world, people rush to fill any moment of silence (however brief) because those moments can be uncomfortable and awkward. But allowing silence and giving space to reflect and process is the beauty of communication. There are challenges and opportunities. We can choose to stutter well. We can choose to struggle well.
When people who stutter feel safe with each other to wait with curiosity and process what has been said or not said, that is a beautiful and intimate connection.
When I am silent, there’s a lot of thunder inside, often bursting to come out. But at this very good point in my journey, I am comfortable with silence and the very deep connections that shared silence can foster.
Our Voices Matter
Posted on: November 17, 2024
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I recently had the great pleasure of attending the Canadian Stuttering Association annual conference for the first time last week. The conference was held in Montreal, Quebec and was less than a four hour drive for a friend and I so that clinched our decision to attend.
It was a joint conference with the ABC (Association begaiment communication) which is the French speaking arm of the Canadian stuttering associations. It meant that there were workshops in both English and French, which was richly inclusive to all.
I loved the conference. There was a total of 150 people, which opened the door to get to know people better than in situations where there are large groups of people.
The Workshops were fantastic, something for everyone, and anytime we were together as a group, announcements were made both in English and French.
I did a workshop on recovering from the shame many of us deal with stuttering, which turned into a great discussion about what if you’ve never been able to let go of shame. What if shame consumes your every moment?
My friend Nicole did a workshop on stuttering and grief, which gave people a different perspective to look at stuttering. She encouraged us to look at how we felt about perhaps having given up some of our dreams when we realized that stuttering made us better at some things than others.
I met a lot of first time attendees and thought what a great experience to step into the stuttering community in a smaller setting. Many first timers came up and spoke at the final open mic session.
The CSA’s motto is “Our Voices Matter” and I came away from the conference experience definitely feeling like that. Plus, it didn’t hurt that I saw friends that I hadn’t seen in quite a few years.
This was my first international conference and I am so glad I went.
Never Say Never – Episode 267
Posted on: May 21, 2024
Episode 267 features Lexi Hewitt who hails from Exton, Pennsylvania. Lexi just graduated with a Masters degree in school counseling and is looking forward to working with elementary school students one day.
She is active with the National Stuttering Association (NSA) as a family chapter leader and was a former intern and mentor. Lexi shares that both she and her brother stutter but she was more emotionally affected than he was. They both attended speech therapy as kids.
She looked up information about stuttering in 2019 and learned about the NSA and wound up attending her first conference with her mom and even did a workshop for kids, as a first timer.
As a school counselor, Lexi wants to create a safe space for ALL kids to share anything. Her final words: “Don’t be afraid to face challenges. Make room for all of the feelings.”
The Word Impediment
Posted on: September 1, 2023
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I recently had a couple of conversations where the word impediment came up. I find that people who stutter often describe their stutter with words that denote something negative. Like impediment, problem, disorder, or even defect. I honestly don’t remember using any of those words when referring to my stuttering. When I talked about it, I always called my stuttering “stuttering,” never speech impediment. I don’t remember anyone around me specifically saying I had a speech impediment.
To me, these above words are negative. They imply there is something wrong with us. Don’t get me wrong, I definitely have felt there was something different about the way I talked. I was often embarrassed if someone called attention to my stuttering, or if I did so myself by stuttering more than I usually did/do.
But the word impediment has always bothered me. I have never felt impeded in communicating. I have always been able to talk and get my point across, albeit differently than non-stutterers. I could ask for something, answer a question, and on the rare occasion, even poke light fun at myself. (I am able to do that much more today than I was when I was desperately covert. Even when hiding though, I could still convey my thoughts.)
I think about what impedes us regarding stuttering. I think the fear of judgement, of being laughed at, or not taken seriously can impede people who stutter (heck, anybody really) from engaging with the world around us.
I can answer the phone, chat with friends and family, place an order and talk to staff at medical appointments. I am not impeded from communicating. I get what I need and want. It’s not always smooth sailing, and I know that people who struggle more with stuttering than I do may disagree about whether we have an impediment or not
I hope we reach the point some day where how we talk is not seen as a problem, a defect or an impediment. It’s a difference, it’s how I talk and it’s OK. Really!
Stuttering Unmasked
Posted on: April 30, 2023
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Every year, National Stuttering Awareness Week is celebrated in the US during the second week of May. Stuttering advocates encourage people who stutter to stutter openly during this week, or advertise that they stutter in an effort to educate others and raise awareness of a still very misunderstood speech difference.
This year, the National Stuttering Association has chosen the theme of “Stuttering Unmasked” in the hopes that people who don’t stutter will better understand what’s behind stuttering and the masks that we who stutter often wear.
Stuttering is so complex. There are so many myths and false assumptions that could be reduced if people who stutter spoke up more and let people see and hear raw, unmasked stuttering.
But there lies the conundrum. Many people who stutter feel so much shame about stuttering that it’s easier to keep the masks on. The “fake fluency” mask, the “shy, introvert” mask, or the “I don’t know the answer” mask.
Stuttering continues to be a difference that people often mock or laugh at, or about, because people just don’t understand it.
I am hoping that people who stutter will feel brave enough during National Stuttering Awareness Week, and hopefully more often, to be open about stuttering. Talking about stuttering lets others see that we are OK with it, and often prompts questions and discussion that promotes better understanding.
I plan to be open about my own stuttering. What about you?
Looking Back, Looking Ahead
Posted on: December 31, 2021
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Today is the last day of another year. It was a tough year for me, as it was for everyone. I haven’t worked in two and a half years now, and it’s wearing on me. I haven’t done all the things I could’ve and wanted to do this year.
I didn’t get as involved with the stuttering community, which has been my lifeline for so many years. Especially since I’ve not been working – writing about stuttering and talking with others who stutter had sustained me, and truth be told, kept me sane. Writing, thinking and engaging becomes vital when you don’t have the structure and identity of paid work. It kept me sharp and feeling productive.
Until someone criticized me for it. It was implied that if I could write and use a computer, then I could work, should work.
So I cut way back and basically only wrote or talked with someone for my podcast about once a month, even though it was killing me to step back from something I love. Helping others has always been the way to help myself. I’ve written this blog and worked full-time for years. Now, I feel as though I’ve robbed myself. I’m practically doing nothing to keep myself well. Losing my outlet has heightened my depression. That might happen to anyone who involuntarily stopped working and then curtailed a passion as well.
I can’t do that anymore. I have to decide what’s best for me. And that is being engaged with my world.
So I hope to reset in 2022. I’m going to try and do more things that bring me joy, despite this not being such a joyful time. I can either sink deep into that rabbit hole or I can do stuff that will keep me out of there. Rabbit holes don’t smell all that great!
I’m excited that I’m going to help someone get a monthly women’s connect group up and running for women who stutter. It will hopefully kindle some of that fire and passion that I’ve seriously lacked for over a year.
Here’s to a new year of hope and helping others, which always helps me.
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Episode 241 features Ai Leen Choo, who is an assistant professor at Georgia State University, where she teaches classes in fluence and neuroscience. She earned her PhD in speech and hearing science and shares that she eats, drinks, sleeps and thinks about stuttering all of the time!
Ai Leen’s dad stuttered yet it never was talked about in the family. Her dad was successful, so it never occurred to her that stuttering would hold her back.
As a researcher, a lot of her reading really reflects her, which gives such meaning to her work.
Listen in as we discuss differences in stuttering between men and women, how society can become more accepting of stuttering, and how stuttering voices are not LOUD ENOUGH.
We also talk about accommodations at work for people who stutter and the need to expect more from our communication partners, as there should be no burden of fluency. Communication is a two-way street.
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I’m lucky. I am involved in several opportunities this month to help raise awareness about stuttering.
International Stuttering Awareness Day is October 22 every years. Coinciding with that, there is an online stuttering conference that runs through the month of October. People who stutter, parents, SLPs and researchers contribute submissions in any media style for others to learn from and react to. This year we have close to 50 submissions from people all around the world.
This years theme is “Speak the change you wish to see”. Here is my paper on Change Changes Everything.
I also had the opportunity to be a guest speaker at The Indian Stammering Association’s national conference on October 2. I was asked to share my story and speak on my “moments of truth”.
I received a wonderful feedback email from the group. It made me feel so good.
On behalf of TISA, I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for taking time from your busy schedule to be the guest speaker at TISA National Conference. It was our honor to host you.
Your splendid presence and wise words helped magnify the cause in the most magnificent way. Your session was a massive success. The audience loved your moments of truth and especially the poem you recited.
All thanks to your enlightening words based on your years of research & activism, depth of understanding of stuttering and your wonderful ability to present the subject in such an interesting way that produced one of the most memorable evenings in our Conference’s history.
I am also participating in a 2 day practice interview session through 50 Million Voices October 18-20. We will have over 100 people serving as interviewers and interviewees for this wonderful global event.
I am also leading an international conversation on ISAD October 22 for the National Stuttering Association. I will moderate a panel composed of people who stutter from five different countries. I am really excited with this.
And I’ll close out the month doing a talk on Hidden Disabilities at the MITRE organization. I spoke with them in person last year, a few weeks before the pandemic started. I’m happy to be asked a second time. This will be a virtual meeting.
This may seem like a lot of stuttering activity, but it helps me stay connected with the stuttering community. And that’s very important to me. 🙂
Episode 232 features Naomi Howard, who hails from Mt. Olive, North Carolina. Naomi works as a teacher, recently promoted to Assistant Director, with a Montessori School. She is a musician, playing the piano since 8 years old, and some other instruments.
Naomi is new to the stuttering community, as she has late onset stuttering which only developed a year ago. She shares that it may have been triggered after removal of a pituitary gland tumor.
Naomi is also a little person. I asked which was more challenging to deal with, stuttering or dwarfism. She said definitely being a little person, as that’s consistent and she knows exactly what to expect everyday. Stuttering, as we know, is extremely variable, from minute to minute, hour by hour and day to day.
Listen in to this very inspiring episode. It was a fun conversation with a new friend.
Episode 231 features Sherrika Myers, who hails from Baltimore, Maryland and presently lives in Charleston, South Carolina.
Sherrika is one busy lady. She is certified life coach, a children’s author, a national speaker and founder of Every 1 Voice Matters. She is the creator of Lil Herbie, an African American mascot she uses to help children build their self-esteem and love themselves. She created Lil Herbie when her grandson began to stutter. Lil Herbie represents the little kid in Sherrika who stuttered.
Sherrika also has a YouTube channel which features the Lil Herbie Series. Lil Herbie looks like her grandson!
Listen is as we talk about stuttering awareness, anti-bullying initiatives and importance of loving your voice. Sherrika is doing things now that she wanted to do a kid. She says, “I’m playing catch-up.”
We also talk about reaching parents so they are prepared to help their kid who may stutter. Sherrika tells us that parents should be patient, listen to their child and “allow them to find their way.” More importantly, Sherrika’s universal message is “Be sure kids love themselves.”
Stuttering’s Biggest Platform
Posted on: January 26, 2021
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With the election of Joe Biden as the 46th president of the United States, the stuttering community has our biggest platform yet for education and awareness of stuttering. The president who stutters can really raise awareness on the biggest stage.
But that’s only if Biden chooses to be open about his stuttering, rather than the often used “overcoming narrative.”
When Biden gave his inaugural speech last week, he was stuttering. Those of us with stuttering radar picked up on word changes, hesitations and filler words. It was OK, he is the new president and he delivered a great speech, conveying exactly what he wanted to.
The stuttering community at large is excited. Because a full presidential term is four years, the potential for stuttering awareness can be a sustained effort. The movie “The King’s Speech” did a lot for the community when it was released in 2010. But that buzz faded away pretty quickly.
During the 2020 campaign for USA president, the former president repeatedly mocked Biden and the media caught much of that. We could see it on TV and social media platforms. The former president had a “bully pulpit” and used it often to denigrate opponents and just about anyone he deemed as getting in his way.
If we had to call it a contest between stuttering and bullying, stuttering clearly won!
Episode 229 features Leah Graham, who hails from Charlotte, North Carolina. Leah stays busy through her work as a Childcare Financial Aid Social Worker. Her wife and two dogs keep her busy too!
Listen in as we discuss the challenges of using the phone more (because of the pandemic,) advertising and disclosure, Leah’s therapy experience, and being non-apologetic about stuttering.
We also discuss effective communication. Leah says, “When I stutter freely and let it flow, I believe I am at my best as an effective communicator.”
Leah also speaks about career aspirations. She used to keep a mental list of jobs she couldn’t do. She doesn’t think that way anymore. She wants to be a lawyer, and has shed the belief that she cannot do this. Leah just took the LSAT exam, the first step towards achievement of her goal.
We wind up this great conversation talking about authenticity and being willing to strip away the layers of doubt and shame. Once those layers are broken down, Leah proudly exclaims, “The world is my oyster.” Yes it is, for Leah and for any of us who stutter.
Inclusion – Episode 228
Posted on: January 15, 2021
Episode 228 features return guest Anita Blom. Anita is Dutch born, but has lived in Sweden long enough to consider herself as Swedish. She is a global advocate for stuttering, and has been since she was 27 years old, when she first met another person who stutters.
Anita was a guest 10 years ago, and we talked about how she was finally proud of herself. That episode came shortly after I had met Anita at a National Stuttering Association conference, where she was a keynote speaker.
A lot has changed for Anita over the years, but she remains a fierce advocate for people who stutter, especially children who stutter. Anita calls it her “crusade.”
Listen in as we discuss the positives that we have gained from the pandemic year 2020. While lockdowns and social distancing kept us apart, virtual meetings took off and Anita discovered that video chats (mainly Zoom) has enabled advocates to reach so many more people. People who cannot afford the expenses of an in-person conference suddenly were able to connect virtually, and did we ever.
We also talked about how virtual meetings can be exhausting, but the benefits are worth it. And we touch on how women experience stuttering differently than men, and how often women, especially women who stutter can feel “little” in men’s spaces.
Once we are able to resume in-person meetings again, we both agree that we should continue with virtual meetings as well, as we’ve seen the huge benefits of inclusion.
Thank you Anita for being a return guest and for sharing so honestly. You’re definitely a stuttering force to reckon with.
You’re Not Covert Anymore
Posted on: November 23, 2020
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Over the last few weeks, I have had the opportunity to do some talks about covert stuttering and how hiding an integral part of me has shaped me.
I co-facilitated a session for the Canadian Stuttering Association in early November and one last week for the NSA global research conference.
And today I spoke to a small female only group of women who stammer.
In all of the talks, I emphasized how stuttering covertly essentially hijacked my personality which lead me down a rabbit hole of avoidance in all areas of my life, not just stuttering related stuff.
I shared with a friend that I had given several of these talks all in a relatively short time period. He said, “well, you’re not covert anymore, you do know that, right?” That gave me pause, as I suppose he’s right. What I’ve been sharing has been the journey I’ve taken to embrace my true self and become open with who I am and how I speak. One of the presentations I gave was aptly called, “Dropping the ‘C’ in Covert Stuttering.”
People who stutter and those who interact with people who stutter seem genuinely interested in how going from extremely covert to truly open is done and why.
At today’s talk, the topic of small talk came up, in relation to a comment that someone made about finding it hard to make friends as a person who stutters. I mentioned that many of us really never learned how to “make small talk” because we were always so busy hiding or rehearsing what we might be able to say fluently if we absolutely had to talk.
One woman asked me if it has become any easier to make small talk now that I stutter openly. I shared that it absolutely has become easier. I am more spontaneous now than I’ve ever been because I just stutter and get on with it. I don’t care as much as I once did and I didn’t worry so much about being judged.
And I shared that my fear had always been fear of rejection. I really think that’s what it boils down to – being rejected, not being liked, not feeling that sense of belonging that we all crave and need.
I’ve come to realize that indeed I’m not covert anymore and that I can enjoy spontaneity in conversation and really feel present in a conversation.
I’ve heard myself time and again these past few weeks mention that I truly feel that authenticity invites reciprocity. And that we all yearn to allow ourselves to be vulnerable, as that is the foundation of real belonging.
Make Room For The Stuttering 
What people are saying!