Posts Tagged ‘stuttering’
Speaking Goals for 2017
Posted on: January 17, 2017
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How many of you have speech or speaking goals for 2017? I usually don’t set speech goals for myself, because I tell myself I am comfortable with, and accepting of, my speech.
However, I have given this a lot of thought and there are some things I’d like to work on in the coming year. Since I finished Toastmasters and really don’t have a desire to go back anymore, I find I don’t have as many opportunities to push myself out of my comfort zone. I miss those monthly opportunities to speak regularly but I was tiring of the structure of Toastmasters.
Don’t get me wrong! Toastmasters was one of the best things I ever did for myself as a person who stutters. I found courage and confidence I didn’t know I had. I highly recommend it for anyone looking for speaking challenges. I just found that 7 years of bi-weekly meetings was enough. I do miss the people though.
Some of you may recall that I tried improv in 2016 for the first time ever and found that I really liked it. That was a big time push out of my comfort zone. I liked the “in the moment” spontaneity of improv and being to able to create something out of nothing just by taking a chance and thinking on your feet.
In 2017, I really want to take a second level improv class and learn more about being comfortable with spontaneity. I don’t want my stuttering to hold me back from taking creative chances with speech. So far, a second level hasn’t come up yet, but I will keep my eye out and watch for it.
I have a big speaking challenge coming up in April. I submitted a proposal and was approved to speak at the New York State Speech Language and Hearing annual conference. I will be giving a two hour workshop on “Reclaiming Her Space: From Covert to Overt Stuttering.” I am really excited about this but anxious at the same time. My perfectionist self really wants me to be perfect for this audience of SLPs and SLP students.
I know it’s not realistic to have expectations like that for this talk. I can only tell my story as best as I can and hopefully relay important information to the audience that will help them in some aspect of their work with people who stutter.
I also want to find some other speaking challenge or goal for the year. Does anyone have any ideas? I’d love your feedback.
Spit It Out
Posted on: January 4, 2017
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It’s been a long time since someone told me to “spit it out” when I was caught in a stuttered moment. It happened this morning at work with a colleague.
She’s not someone that I am particularly close with, but I have mentioned to her that I stutter. So I was surprised this morning when she mocked the word I stuttered on and then said “spit it out.” She said it laughingly and while we were with someone else so I was taken off guard and just kind of smiled and walked away.
But it really bothered me!
I felt like I should have said something to her right away that I don’t like when someone says that when I’m stuttering but I let the moment go. I was kind of embarrassed because she said it in front of another colleague.
So, I plan to pull her aside and say something when I feel like it’s the right moment. I always am conscious of not embarrassing the “offender” because that’s not my goal. I just want to educate her so it doesn’t happen again. Hopefully, I’ll have the courage to find that right moment.
What would you have done in the moment?
Stuck In Your Own Head
Posted on: December 29, 2016
You can’t connect with other people if you’re constantly stuck in your own head. This goes if you’re anxious, depressed, self absorbed or if you stutter.
We fail to make meaningful connections with those around us when we become consumed with worry or fear about how people will react to us. We get so caught up in what we are thinking that we fail to learn what the other person is thinking. These can be self defeating behaviors.
I think it’s true that people who stutter can also be anxious or depressed. I’ve written about this several times before. While anxiety and depression are not the cause of stuttering, both can certainly exasperate the stuttering experience.
And I also think it’s true that people who stutter can be very self absorbed. There are times when we think about stuttering constantly, and not positively! I’ve heard people say they’ve gone to bed thinking about stuttering and wake up thinking about stuttering. For me, when I was extremely covert, it was like a prison. I felt suffocated by the constant thoughts and worries about how I sounded when I dared to speak.
My good friend J and I recently talked about anxiety and stuttering. He hates how he feels when he thinks about stuttering and feels that he thinks about it too much. He worries that he’s not connecting with others because he gets so preoccupied with stuttering.
One of the things we’ve talked about a lot is to find other things to do that gets you out of your head. Having something to do that connects you with other people is vital to getting “unstuck.” Some examples are Toastmasters, Improv or local meet ups where you can find activities that you have in common with other people.
Thinking about stuttering all of the time is going to keep you in your head. You’ll miss out on engaging with other people and you’ll run the risk of people thinking that you’re unfriendly, unapproachable or shy, when none of those may be the case.
Getting out of your own head is easier said than done. But talking about your worries and fears with someone else is always a good idea, as well as finding things to do that take you out of your comfort zone and give you a chance to genuinely connect with others.
Try it. Try one new thing. Set it as a goal for 2017.
Stuttering Rockstar
Posted on: December 23, 2016
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I got a wonderful birthday gift from one of my sisters last week. It was a complete, thoughtful surprise. She had come to my home and left a gift bag on my dining room table, so I saw it immediately when I got home. (She has a key to my place!)
I opened the gift bag and pulled out a mouse pad that was decorated with my initial P and then my full name (Pamela) and underneath the words “Stuttering Rockstar.”
This meant so much to me for several reasons. First, because she made the effort to get something and bring it over to my place so that it would be an after work surprise.
But more importantly, this was so meaningful because it had something to do with stuttering. My sister and I never talk about stuttering. In fact, I’ve always thought she found it uncomfortable and that’s why we never talk about it.
But she clearly sees how important it is to me and must have noticed that friends on Facebook often refer to me as StutterRockStar and she picked up on it. That meant the world to me, that she notices and pays attention and figured that this would be something that I’d really like. And she was right. I really like it and will proudly use it at work.
Maybe this will open the door to talk about stuttering with her once in a while. Or with other members of my family too.
Has anyone in your family ever done something cool and completely surprising like this that has to do with stuttering?
I Can’t! I Stutter!
Posted on: December 12, 2016
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Last week I was meeting with some students who had been recommended by their teachers to help me with outreach presentations. The students will co-present with me at their home school and share their experience as a current student enrolled in one of our career areas.
I was meeting with two young men from one of our programs, describing the details of the presentations. One of the guys said no right away. He said he wasn’t comfortable at all with standing up in front of people and speaking. I encouraged him to look at it as an opportunity to get some practice. He was adamant that he didn’t want to speak. This is a voluntary speaking opportunity and I let him off the hook.
Another student was in my office at same time, overhearing this conversation I had with his classmate. When I asked him, he expressed apprehension and said he didn’t really think he could do it, because he stutters. I leaped at the opportunity to let him know that I stutter too. He looked at me with surprise, as if he couldn’t believe that a staff person could also stutter.
I assured him that I do these presentations all the time and don’t let my stuttering interfere with conveying my message. He agreed to help out. We are doing the presentations at his school tomorrow. I am proud of him for deciding to take a chance and push himself out of his comfort zone.
I was surprised to learn that there is a student who stutters in my school. I haven’t run into any students that stutter in my 9 years here. I am glad that I shared with him right away that I stutter too!
Full Disclosure
Posted on: December 2, 2016
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This is the time of year that I visit schools and do a lot of presentations about program options for students entering their junior and senior years of high school. Over the course of 2 months, I make about 50 presentations.
I usually hesitate to disclose that I stutter to these high school students because I worry that it will detract from what I’m talking about. I’m not going to make a presentation about stuttering so I don’t ever plan to talk about stuttering.
Sometimes though it’s unavoidable!
Yesterday while doing my second presentation of the day, I was stuttering exceptionally well. Like on almost every word. I felt really self-conscious and was ultra aware of how I sounded. I worried that the kids were going to think something was wrong, as I was in full-on repetition mode and also hesitating and pausing a lot.
So I decided to stop for a moment, took a deep breath, and said to the students, “Hey guys, I want you to know something. I stutter and I’m having a real stutter-y day. So if you hear stuttering, that’s all it is, just stuttering. OK?” And then I went right back to where I left off in my presentation. And it was OK.
The students didn’t bat an eyelash. No one commented or made funny faces or anything. They just took it in stride.
I was so relieved. Putting it out there like that made it easier for me to continue stuttering and actually I noticed that I gradually stuttered less. And I was relieved that I actually disclosed, because I’m not really comfortable doing that while making work presentations.
Now that I did it like this, I feel like I’ll be more comfortable doing it again if need be.
The disclosure was for my benefit, not my audience. I said what I did to make myself more comfortable while stuttering so well. It was a small form of self-care that I really needed to do.
What do you think about how I handled it? Have you done something similar?
Treasure Your Voice-Episode 165
Posted on: November 28, 2016
Episode 165 features Emily Purkey who hails from Portland, Oregon. Emily is 17 years old and a senior in high school. She is applying to colleges and plans to create her own major. Emily is actively involved in leadership activities in school and is passionate about raising awareness about stuttering.
Listen in as we talk about experiences with speech therapy, the importance of working on confidence, and Emily’s involvement in several stuttering associations. She talks about The Stuttering Association for the Young, or SAY and the National Stuttering Association or NSA. SAY helped Emily find her way and changed her life.
We also discuss the importance of finding community, stepping out of your comfort zone and the value of your voice. Below you can see Emily’s TED Talk, which she delivered in April of this year. Talk about stepping out of your comfort zone!
Music used in today’s show is credited to ccMixter.
Reading To His Daughter
Posted on: November 21, 2016
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This video is making the rounds of the stuttering sites on social media and for good reason. A dad with a stutter is seen reading to his daughter before she falls asleep and it is clearly a challenge for him. But he perseveres and does what he wants to do for his child.
I applaud this dad for doing what thousands of parents do with their children – read to them before bedtime. The fact that he decided to record this for others to see took a lot of guts. I am glad he did, so you can see it here. He allows us to see the very vulnerable side of stuttering.
Don’t Let Them See You Sweat
Posted on: November 17, 2016
Earlier this week, I gave 4 presentations to high school students about career planning and options for scheduling for their last two years of school. This is something I do every year as part of my job as Outreach Specialist. Every November and December, I go out to school districts in my area and present about vocational programs that students can choose.
As I’ve been doing this now for many years, you’d think I would be totally used to the challenges of public speaking with a stutter. Right? Wrong! I still feel self conscious when I have lots of stuttering and sometimes my mind wanders with thoughts that the students are thinking there is something wrong with me.
Monday happened to be one of those days where I stuttered a lot and was very aware of it. I did not disclose to the audience ahead of time like I sometimes do, because I didn’t want students focusing on my stuttering. I wanted them paying attention to the information I was sharing.
In between two of the presentations, I overheard two students whispering (loudly enough for me to hear) and laughing about speech impediments. Clearly they had heard me stutter and were talking about it. I felt very uncomfortable but didn’t react or say anything to them. Maybe I should have. Maybe I should have disclosed that I stutter at the beginning of the presentations and just trusted that the students would take it in stride and act respectfully. Maybe I didn’t give them enough credit.
It bothered me that I let stuttering and someone’s reaction to it bother me as much as it did. I did a pretty good job of not letting it show though. I’ve always believed that when you’re speaking in public, you should never let the audience know that you’re uncomfortable or “sweating something.”
Someone told me yesterday that there will always be another day where I’ll have a more positive experience. He’s right. I’ll have plenty more opportunities to present in the coming weeks and choose to disclose my stuttering if I think that will be helpful.
What do you think? How do you handle the challenges that come with public speaking and stuttering?
Stuttering In Boston
Posted on: October 24, 2016
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On Saturday, I had the pleasure of attending a one-day NSA conference sponsored by the Boston chapters of the NSA. The conference was held at Boston University, where one of the coordinators of the stuttering program arranged for space to be used for the day.
I drove over to Boston from Albany, NY where I live. It was about a 3 hour drive, and most of it, both to and from, it rained. It even snowed a little on the way back, which I was totally not ready for in October.
I had no expectations of the one-day conference, except that I was looking forward to spending the day with other people who stutter. And what better day for this than International Stuttering Awareness Day (ISAD) which is recognized every October 22. I met lots of people from the Boston area as we spent the day together in workshops and at lunch. I really enjoyed hearing so many Boston accents!
The first workshop of the day was on self-advocacy, something that is near and dear to my heart. I believe that everyone who stutters should advocate for themselves because no one else is going to do it for us. Jess facilitated this workshop by sharing some scenarios she created to use as discussion points. Our group only got through 3 of 8 scenarios because we all shared our experiences with advocacy – both what we found easy to do and what may be more difficult.
The next workshop focused on choosing activities that we could participate in that would stretch us out of our comfort zones or be a real peak performance for us. People shared what they were willing to try when they got back home. One guy said that he wants to get up the courage to ask a question at a meeting that usually is comprised of 200 people. He wants to be able to do that with no shame of stuttering openly. Another guy said he wants to check out a Toastmasters meeting. Another guy said he wants to make more phone calls than always relying on the internet or email.
The last workshop that we attended was the screening of the short film “Stutterer.” We watched it as a group – adults, parents and SLP students. I had already seen the film but delighted in seeing it again with people who were seeing it for the first time. We had a great discussion about whether we thought the film portrayed stuttering realistically. We also talked about how it made us feel and what we thought about the ending, which had a surprise twist.
It was a great day of coming together, sharing experiences and supporting each other. We wrapped up with watching a video the kids had made about stuttering and how they want to be treated by others when they are stuttering. The kids were amazing with their open and shame-free stuttering.
The Boston NSA chapter leaders Sarah and Jess did an amazing job putting this conference together. I was very glad I went and got to spend time with other amazing people who stutter on International Stuttering Awareness Day.
I Want You To Meet A Friend
Posted on: October 17, 2016
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On the last night of improv class, one of my classmates came up to me to talk for a minute. She had a sheepish look on her face, as if she was wasn’t sure how I’d react to what she was about to say.
She said, “You know, how, like you stutter” and she had her hand cupped over her mouth as if she didn’t want anyone else to hear it. She went on to say, “I have a friend who stutters too and I really think you two should meet. She’ll be here tonight.” I said, “OK.”
Well, we got busy with the show and performing and all and before we knew it, the night was over and I was saying my goodbyes. My classmate mentioned that I hadn’t met her friend. I told her I had to get going, as I was driving my mom home. She said maybe another time then, as she was sure we’d hit it off.
I laughed to myself. How many times has this happened to you? That someone wants to introduce you to someone just because you both stutter. Like we’d be fast friends because we have stuttering in common.
Note to readers: just because two people stutter doesn’t mean they will be best friends. Just like with anyone else, you may not like each other, one might rub the other the wrong way or maybe one is a jerk, (not me of course!) despite being a person who stutters.
It is true that people who stutter definitely have something in common, but it doesn’t automatically mean they will hit it off and become best friends. I just think it’s funny that people automatically want to introduce me to someone else who stutters because they’re sure we’ll hit it off.
This has happened to me several times. What about you?
Yes And Stuttering Didn’t Matter
Posted on: October 12, 2016
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Last month, I wrote about how I had joined a beginners improv class. I was nervous and apprehensive at the beginning of the class, for several reasons. I had zero experience with improv and was afraid I’d make a fool of myself. And I worried about how my stuttering would play into it.
Well, last week I completed the class and actually performed with my group in front of a live audience, after just four weeks of learning and practicing. Guess what? It was fun and I really enjoyed it.
I had disclosed that I stutter in the first week of class, so got that out of the way quickly. Then I just went with the flow and let myself be creative and have fun with my classmates. My worry about making a fool of myself was unfounded because that’s exactly what you’re supposed to do in improv.
Here’s what I learned in improv. You don’t have to be funny to do improv. You just have to be open to what a partner says and respond and build on what they’ve said. One of the rules of improv is “Yes, And.” This means to agree with your partner and add to what they’ve said, whether or not it makes contextual sense.
I also learned that I have the ability to be a deep listener, which is an essential tool of improv and of life. I think stuttering has taught me to be a great listener, because I used to always prefer listening to talking.
And I learned how to be more mindful and in the present moment, which is also helpful in all aspects of life. Being grounded means we can develop better relationships and we need that more than ever in today’s world.
The performance went great. Our group was called the “Slippery Alligator Udders.” We had a supportive audience who laughed and enjoyed our show. My initial nerves dissipated right away as I relaxed and leaned into the creativity and playfulness of our group.
I never thought I’d say this, but improv was good for me. it helped me get out of my head and enjoy something without worrying about stuttering. I’d recommend it for anyone looking to push out of their comfort zones.
I am looking forward to taking the 201 level class and seeing what I can create next.
Just Be You -Episode 164
Posted on: September 27, 2016
Episode 164 features Sofia Espinoza, who hails from Atlanta, Georgia, although Sofia is originally from Peru. Sofia works for the Centers for Disease Control (CDC) in Atlanta. She is an engineer and works in IT, implementing systems.
Sofia went into engineering because she thought it would be a field where there wouldn’t be much talking. When she began her Masters program, she saw it was much more interactive and would require talking and class participation. It was at this time that Sofia began researching support opportunities and found the NSA and Toastmasters.
She threw herself into both at the same time, as well as seeing a counselor. All of these things helped Sofia to graduate.
Listen in as we discuss covert stuttering, baby steps, shyness and anxiety, and the pain of stuttering. We also talk about wearing armor to protect ourselves and how heavy that armor can be to carry around.
Sofia attended her first NSA conference this year, as it was held in Atlanta. We talk about her experiences and her favorite workshop.
The music used in today’s episode is credited to ccMixter.
Episode 163 features Chani Markel, who hails from Teaneck, New Jersey. Chani just moved to NYC for a new job as a school-based speech language pathologist (SLP) with the NYC public schools. Chani also keeps busy with yoga and writing.
Listen in as we discuss the transformative experience Chani had with therapy which she sought out on her own when she was a senior in high school. This experience led her to pursue a career in speech language pathology.
We talk about the National Stuttering Association and the impact it has had on her life. The NSA has helped her both personally and professionally.
Chani also shares about her experience with starting a writing group, that combines writing about stuttering, communication and identity.
Chani offers words of wisdom for anyone who stutters thinking about becoming a SLP and offers to talk with anyone who’d like to explore this with her.
The music used in today’s episode is credited to ccMixter.
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Well, I took a big risk and joined an improv class. I had heard improv was a great way to get out of your comfort zone, practice being in the moment and have fun.
My first class was this week. I had googled a few articles on improv so had a general idea as to what it was, but really had no idea what to expect when I walked into the classroom. I was nervous and excited at the same time. I was nervous about looking foolish in front of others and about how to handle the fact I stutter.
It was important for me to find a way to let my classmates know that I stutter so they wouldn’t be surprised when they heard me stuttering.
We started out with doing some warm-up exercises to get to know each other. They were a combination of saying our names and doing a fun action. Before we knew it, everyone was laughing and seemed somewhat comfortable. Turns out, I wasn’t the only one who was nervous.
We then moved into learning some of the basics of improv, like establishing relationships and places so that onlookers can get a sense of the scene you’re creating. We worked on collaborating with each other, using the improv strategy of “Yes, and.” This strategy has us agreeing with what our partner gives us and adding to it, forging onward with what we are given. In other words, much of improv is going with the flow.
At one point, the teachers wanted all of us to get to know one another, as our selves, not characters we were creating. We paired up and just talked to each other, asking questions to get to learn about each other.
My partner asked me how my summer was and if I had done any thing fun. Here was my opening to talk about stuttering. I mentioned that I had gone to Atlanta for a conference and naturally she asked what type of conference.
I told her it was the annual NSA conference for people who stutter and that I stuttered. She went with the flow and said that was very interesting. Everyone was watching our “introduction piece” so I advertised it to the group as well. After that, I felt more comfortable letting my stuttering out and just going with the flow.
I am really looking forward to seeing how this class goes. I’ve been looking for something to challenge me since finishing with Toastmasters and this definitely will be a challenge. I’ve been worried about the fact that I am not naturally funny and I’ve read that I don’t have to try and be funny. I can just be natural and work with classmates and think in the moment and work as a team and funny will naturally happen. I’m hopeful that’s true.
Wish me luck. We do a performance in front of an audience at the end of the class, live on stage. I’ll really be stepping out of my comfort zone and hopefully having a blast!
Make Room For The Stuttering 
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