Posts Tagged ‘covert stuttering’
Would You Take A Pill?
Posted on: February 13, 2017
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Last night in a Stutter Social hangout, we had a rousing conversation about whether one would take a pill to cure stuttering if it was available. There were 8 of us in the hangout and there was a lot of discussion on the pros and cons of suddenly being fluent.
Several people said they would take such a pill in a heartbeat. They want fluency and the ease of communication that comes with it. They couldn’t really fathom why someone who stutters would choose NOT to take the pill.
Several people indicated that they wouldn’t take the pill because they’re not sure they’d like the person they might become. After stuttering so many years, one of course gets used to being the person they are, stutter and all. And some said that stuttering has helped shape the person they are.
One person said that stuttering or suddenly being fluent brings us choices. Fluency would bring us choices that we don’t now have. We might choose to put ourselves in speaking situations that we’d never dream of now.
And it was mentioned that if we didn’t stutter, we wouldn’t have the rich connections and friendships we now have in the stuttering community. Of course, we’d have other friendships with people that don’t stutter that certainly could be just as rich as those we’ve made.
It’s certainly an interesting question. Personally, I wouldn’t take such a pill. Being covert so long, I hated my stuttering and did everything I could to deny it existed and to pretend that I was fluent. It worked but at a toll. It was physically, emotionally and spiritually exhausting to live a life of hiding. When I finally couldn’t take it anymore – when I felt so inauthentic I felt like a fraud – I made the decision that I wasn’t going to live like that anymore.
I embarked on a journey of self discovery that I could live, and even thrive, with stuttering. I learned how to stutter openly and to accept that it’s a part of me. I learned how to stutter fluently. It took me over 8 years to reach that point and as far as I ‘m concerned, there’s no going back. I like who I am. I like all the pieces that make up me. And stuttering is one of those pieces.
What about you? If there was a pill you could take that made you fluent, with no side effects, would you take it?
Just Be You -Episode 164
Posted on: September 27, 2016
Episode 164 features Sofia Espinoza, who hails from Atlanta, Georgia, although Sofia is originally from Peru. Sofia works for the Centers for Disease Control (CDC) in Atlanta. She is an engineer and works in IT, implementing systems.
Sofia went into engineering because she thought it would be a field where there wouldn’t be much talking. When she began her Masters program, she saw it was much more interactive and would require talking and class participation. It was at this time that Sofia began researching support opportunities and found the NSA and Toastmasters.
She threw herself into both at the same time, as well as seeing a counselor. All of these things helped Sofia to graduate.
Listen in as we discuss covert stuttering, baby steps, shyness and anxiety, and the pain of stuttering. We also talk about wearing armor to protect ourselves and how heavy that armor can be to carry around.
Sofia attended her first NSA conference this year, as it was held in Atlanta. We talk about her experiences and her favorite workshop.
The music used in today’s episode is credited to ccMixter.
Episode 158 features Jennifer Allaby who hails from Prince Albert, Saskatchewan, Canada. Jennifer retired from a career in social work, most recently working with First Nation communities.
Listen in as Jennifer describes how about a year ago she began to seriously look at the stuttering part of her life. For about 30 years, she had been covert. She says it had become like work to keep up the façade of not stuttering.
She explored the stuttering community and marveled at how open and welcoming people have been. She also shares that since becoming involved in the stuttering community, she’s learned a whole new language.
We also discuss Jennifer’s involvement in Toastmasters, which she describes as the best thing she’s done for herself. Jennifer’s initial goal with Toastmasters was “to stutter,” and to be the best communicator she could be as herself.
Jennifer also explains what Toastmasters is for those who may not know, and shares how welcoming and supportive other members are. Nobody expects perfection, she says. It’s gentle and you don’t feel pressured but you do feel accomplishment and appreciation for what you’ve done.
The music used in today’s show is credited to ccMixter.
Her Coming Out Year-Episode 156
Posted on: May 18, 2016
Episode 156 features Elizabeth Wislar who hails from Chicago, IL and now lives in Athens, Georgia. Elizabeth is a teacher of students with disabilities, is mom to amazing daughter Clare and is really into fitness.
Elizabeth has been teaching for 17 years and prior to this year, had been in denial and covert about her stuttering. This year has been her coming out year, as you’ll learn from listening to her story. Knowing another teacher who stutters and asking her students to embrace disabilities was the catalyst Elizabeth needed to come out of the covert closet.
Listen is as Elizabeth talks about introducing her class to Nina G, a comedian who stutters and also has learning disabilities. Nina spoke to Elizabeth’s class via video and the class also used Nina’s book, “Once Upon An Accommodation.”
We also talk about the relief Elizabeth feels from finally being open about stuttering, her father’s stuttering and the concept of stuttering being a disability. Elizabeth is going to be a co-leader for a new NSA chapter in Athens and will be attending her first NSA conference this July.
Music used in today’s episode is credited to ccMixter.
Episode 153 features Lisa Costello, who hails from Las Vegas, Nevada, although she is originally from the East Coast. Lisa works in real estate and enjoys yoga, cooking, traveling and poker.
Lisa is new to the “stuttering world.” She only began researching stuttering about 6 months ago and has pretty much immersed herself since then. Prior to that, Lisa led a covert life.
It was when she began to be overly tired and drained all the time and realized it was from the mental exhaustion of hiding stuttering, that she decided to take action.
Listen in as we talk about Lisa’s recent experience at the America Institute for Stuttering’s (AIS) 3 week intensive therapy program. She explains how she has pledged to herself that she is no longer going to hide and wants to be open. She talks about advertising, telling clients, “Don’t fret, I just stutter.”
Lisa also talks about how much she has done that keeps surprising her, in such a short time. Since returning from AIS, she has led two of her National Stuttering Association chapter meetings. And she says she’s more at peace than she’s ever been. She’s learned she’s an effective communicator.
Lastly, we talk a little about Lisa’s love for poker. This was a great conversation that went way too fast. Check us out.
The music clip used in today’s episode is credited to ccMixter.
I Still Stutter – Episode 150
Posted on: February 17, 2016
Episode 150 features Jia Bin, who hails from China. She is currently living in Michigan in the U.S. while studying for her Master’s degree in secondary education. Jia taught English in China for 9 years, and is currently teaching Chinese here in the U.S. to high school students.
Listen in as Jia describes why she wanted to come to the U.S. She was looking for a way out and thought she’d find the answers to stuttering in the U.S.
We have a fascinating conversation about the cultural differences between China and the U.S. Jia describes China as a “culture of shame” where it comes to being different. In China, it’s all about being the same. Differences are shameful and shame is hidden in China.
We also have a rich discussion about covert stuttering, finding support through the National Stuttering Association and stuttering with confidence. We also talk about Jia’s speech therapy experiences and the huge emotional attachment that stuttering really is. She talks of carrying her country on her back when she talks.
This was a great conversation that could have gone on for hours. Feel free to leave comments or questions.
The music used in this episode is credited to ccMixter.
Showing Up – Episode 148
Posted on: November 16, 2015
Episode 148 features Karen Krajcer, who hails from San Antonio, Texas. Karen teaches creative writing to high school students and is also working on her own novel, titled “Whisper, Sing.”
The novel is about two siblings who stutter, who make dramatically different choices about how they deal with their stutter. Karen shares that the emotional truth of the novel is based on real life experience.
Listen in as we discuss what it is like to be a covert stutterer and how it can take over your whole life. We discussed missed opportunities, “coming out,” acceptance, speech therapy and so much more.
We also discuss Karen’s involvement in the National Stuttering Association – she reinstated the San Antonio NSA Chapter. Karen talks about how important it is for people to just show up at support meetings, as it can change their lives, like it did hers.
And we discuss Karen’s part in the book “Turning Points” which was discussed in the last podcast episode. Karen wrote an essay which became a chapter in the book called, “The Problem of Passing,” about her experiences as a covert stutterer.
The podcast safe music used in today’s episode is credited to ccMixter.
Delving Deeply – Episode 147
Posted on: September 29, 2015
Episode 147 features Mona Maali, who hails from Austin Texas. Mona was the chapter leader of the Austin National Stuttering Association (NSA) chapter for four years, and was named the NSA Adult Chapter Leader of the Year in 2010. Presently, Mona is a bookseller at an independent book store in Austin.
Mona also compiled, edited and published a book called Turning Points, which features the stories of many people from the Austin NSA chapter.
Listen in as we discuss parts of Mona’s story, where she honestly and courageously shares her journey both with stuttering and ADHD. She has lived with ADHD as long as she has with stuttering and both have had a profound impact on her life.
We discuss whether Mona thinks there is a connection between stuttering and ADHD. Mona shares that both disorders are highly stigmatized and often the individual is “blamed for” having the disorder. Mona didn’t receive help for either stuttering or ADHD while growing up.
The second half of our conversation focuses on how the book, Turning Points, came to be. It was a two year process of gathering other people’s stories and at the same time overcoming and delving deeply into Mona’s own personal journey.
Mona shares quite eloquently why she didn’t include her own story, and how she feels very hopeful to have published a book. She is very pleased with how it turned out. You can purchase the book at Amazon or at the NSA online store.
Today’s music is credited to ccMixter.
Avoidance Spill Over
Posted on: August 6, 2015
People who stutter tend to be very good at avoiding. We avoid speaking situations in which we fear we’ll stutter. We avoid certain words and switch to words we can say without stuttering.
For a long time, as I’ve written before, I was extremely covert and avoided situations where I’d be vulnerable and exposed as a person who stutters. I always had the fear of being negatively perceived or judged or labeled.
As I’ve gotten older, I find that I don’t care as much about my stuttering and am largely open about it. I stutter openly, without apology, and feel I am living a much more authentic life, at least as far as stuttering goes.
But what I’ve found is that avoidance has seeped over into other parts of my life. I’m sure many of you have found this as well. How could it not? Practicing stuttering avoidance for many years becomes such a strong habit that it almost seems to become default behavior.
What am I talking about? Well, I find that I avoid difficult conversations. I avoid conflict. I sometimes avoid change. I sometimes avoid making decisions. I sometimes avoid being too assertive at work, for fear of rocking the boat and being perceived or judged negatively, much like when I was covert and avoiding stuttering.
I’d like to say that I have transcended all of this now that I am overt with my stuttering but I can’t. I keep noticing pockets of avoidance that I am positive relates to my stuttering. This is something that I am continually working on. I am mindful of when I seem to be avoiding something big and acknowledge that it’s happening.
Acknowledging avoidance is only half of the battle. The other half of the battle requires action and courage. I’m working on both. How about you?
Episode 144 features return guest Briana Pipkin who hails from Dallas, Texas. Briana is 24 years old, and is looking to transition in her work to become a classroom teaching assistant. She had been a speech therapist assistant but really wants to be in a classroom setting.
Briana was on the show three years ago and wanted to come back on so she could stutter more openly, something she’s been working on over the last several years.
Listen in as we talk about interview preparation, covert stuttering and advertising stuttering. This episode focuses a lot on the recent conference of the National Stuttering Association, and about an advertising workshop that Briana attended.
We also talk about work, feared stuttering situations and transitioning from covert to overt stuttering.
The podcast safe music used in this episode is credited to ccMixter. Feel free to leave comments or ask questions, for feedback is a gift.
Name Shame
Posted on: June 8, 2015
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Last week, I had the opportunity to emcee an awards event at my school. I call it an opportunity because I try to seize every chance I get to do public speaking. I enjoy it, while many of my fluent colleagues hate it and avoid it all costs. My co-workers were glad that I was willing to do it.
I have had years of experience with public speaking, through my association with Toastmasters and no longer dread it like I once did when I was really covert and afraid to stutter openly. But I still get a little anxious, like anyone would. My adrenaline gets flowing because like anyone, I want to do the best that I can at events like these.
As a stutterer, my biggest challenge is reading names aloud and introducing people. That was to be my primary role as emcee at the awards event – introducing each person and keeping the ceremony moving and flowing.
I was anxious about saying people’s names – as I knew I would stutter on them. And stutter I did. Some with light, easy repetitions, a couple with blocks.
No one seemed to care, as the event was about celebrating success and I was just a cog in the wheel to make sure everything went smoothly. The people whose names I was calling were getting certificates of appreciation – that’s what they focused on.
But it bothered me. It always does when it comes to names. I feel getting a person’s name right is important. Our name is our identity and it’s important. I feel bad when I stutter on a name and it “doesn’t come out right.” I feel like pronouncing someone’s name correctly is a show of respect.
I always worry about this – perhaps needlessly, as like I said, no one seemed to be bothered by it except me. It’s important to me that people get my name right, so I think I should get their’s right too.
What about you? Do you find it difficult with people’s names? Just your own name? Do you place importance on getting someone’s name right?
Fall Down, Get Back Up – Episode 142
Posted on: June 4, 2015
Episode 142 features Suzanne Tubman, who hails from County Leitrim,on the west coast of Ireland. Suzanne is a wife and mother of two baby girls and just recently secured a part-time job as a legal secretary. She is also an avid jogger.
Listen in as we talk about covert stuttering, “riding the wave of fluency and then taking a sky dive,” and choosing or not choosing to work on our speech.
Suzanne talks about her involvement with the Irish Stammering Association and how much that has enriched her life. She also shares a great analogy about the movie “The Wizard of Oz.”
Grab a cuppa and listen as we also discuss how stuttering is cool, how an adverse comment became a motivator, honest questions and reactions from listeners and so much more.
This was such an insightful episode and both of us agreed we could have talked on for hours. Feel free to leave comments or ask questions, as feedback is a gift.
The podcast safe music used in today’s episode is credited to ccMixter.
Life Is Short – Episode 140
Posted on: May 4, 2015
Episode 140 features Debbie Riordan, who hails from Dresser, Wisconsin. Debbie is a therapy aid at a nursing home. She really wants to get into writing, and is thinking of pursuing a college major called “Professional Communication and Emerging Media.”
Debbie shares many observations and insights about having lived with stuttering. She says, “I haven’t lived my life the way I could have.” We talk about covert stuttering and the price one pays to live in hiding.
Debbie also candidly talks about social anxiety and wonders if it is because of her stuttering.
Listen in as we also discuss fears, namely being afraid of rejection. Debbie shares that she is “in her head a lot and needs to get out of there.” Debbie also mentions how she realizes she hasn’t measured her speech based on her stuttering but on her silence. This is powerful as it relates to covert stuttering.
The podcast safe music used in this episode is credited to ccMixter. Please feel free to leave feedback.
Do We Ever Forget We Stutter?
Posted on: April 15, 2015
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I participated today in a great conversation about all things stuttering on the weekly Wednesday Stutter Social hangout.
We were talking about stuttering with confidence and whether practicing our speech increases confidence.
A couple of people mentioned that they intently practice speaking every day for one to two hours, to themselves. This practice helps those particular individuals feel more confident when they are speaking to others.
One guy mentioned that sometimes after practicing and feeling more confident, when he is speaking with others that he actually forgets he stutters.
I did a double take and mouthed “what?” I couldn’t wrap my brain around this.
The facilitator of the hangout asked us to reflect on “forgetting that we stutter” and think of a time where we might have experienced this.
To be honest, my first instinct was, “Nope I have never forgot that I stutter.” For years I tried to hide my stutter. I dealt with the mental gymnastics of word substitution and avoidance,which was a constant reminder of stuttering.
Now that I no longer do that (mostly) and stutter openly – more on some days than others- I am reminded every day that I stutter. Sometimes those stuttering reminders come at the most inopportune times.
But after the hangout was over and I thought about this some more, I found myself thinking that I sort of knew what the guy meant. There are times when I am very fluent and if I have a stuttering moment, it’s not really noticeable. At those times, when I’m not thinking of stuttering, I can understand how you can actually forget about stuttering.
At these times that I am not thinking about stuttering, I am also not acknowledging it. Perhaps by not acknowledging it, for a brief time, we can actually forget we stutter.
What do you think? Can you fathom ever forgetting that you actually stutter?
Validation
Posted on: February 24, 2015
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This comment was left on my blog last night. I wanted to share it with readers, because, it has to be shared. This could be any of us!
I am considering joining Toastmasters, something I’ve been advised to do for years, but am now getting nervous because I’m finally going to do it. So..I’m here researching what to expect from Toastmasters and I came across your blog.
I have been a closeted stutterer most of my life and the fear of being exposed as a stutterer is often greater than the actual emotional pain of stuttering. Your blog is very inspiring to me and I hope that one day I can reach your level of acceptance. I think you make great points about how choosing not to hide your stutter can open up a new world for you.
For some reason, when I was approaching middle school, it didn’t bother me to tell people that I stuttered when they’d ask (usually with a grin or impending giggle on their face) “why do you talk like that?” It was nothing, back then, for me to respond by saying “well, because I stutter!”..a year later, my stutter went away for some reason.
I remember volunteering to read aloud, always thinking that my stutter might present itself–but I didn’t care, I spoke freely. I joined the Spelling Bee, I could show my classmates and teacher just how articulate I really am; I was confident, for real, for once. Then, for whatever reason, my stutter and all of its insecurities came back the next year.
I began stuttering when I was 9 and throughout the course of my life, thus far, my speech impediment has gone away 3-4 times in my life. I have finally reached a point, now that I’m pushing 40, that I am not trying to ‘make it go away’–I am merely trying to be the best person I can be. I am finally ready to eliminate my fear and conquer what I have allowed to hold me back in so many ways throughout my life.
I will not allow this to control me, instill fear in me or take hold of me any longer. I’ve “dumbed it down” and relaxed myself in slang because it proved to be an easy out for me. I could navigate that, and all the persona that comes with it much easier than I could master working on speech techniques and trying to overcome the only thing I needed to overcome–my fear of being laughed at. My fear of being pointed at. My fear of being rejected for something that is a part of me.
Your blog gave me the validation I needed to go ahead and join a Toastmasters chapter and work toward becoming that articulate person once more. Thank you!
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