Posts Tagged ‘acceptance of stuttering’
Guest Post: Positive Reframing
Posted on: November 1, 2011
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The following is a guest post written by a good friend of the stuttering community. Hiten Viyas, from England, writes regularly from his blog, the Stuttering Hub.
Hiten is known for his short, powerful posts on managing stuttering in our every day lives. He writes just enough to make us really think about the topic at hand and how it may apply to stuttering (or stammering, as it is known in the UK and other parts of the world.)
Hiten also offers his services as a Mentor/Coach for people who stutter. I am pleased to have Hiten as a guest writer today, sharing how we can turn negative thoughts about stuttering into a more positive perspective.
Hiten titled his piece: 10 powerful reframes to deal with stammering
Dealing with the emotional aspects of stammering can be tough. Sometimes you can be so ‘into’ an emotion, it feels like no way out. Below are 5 common beliefs about stammering you may find yourself in, along with different ways of looking at each one.
1. Because I stammer, it means I’m lesser than other people
Society has falsely led people to believe they need to be as good as others. It’s a comparison thing.
But is the world really like this? I’m 5’7 in height and am from England. You might be 5’9 in height and from the United States. Is there any point in us trying to compare our heights when one of is already taller than the other?
One person might speak fast. Another might speak a bit slower. Where’s the sameness in this? There isn’t any. It’s all different. It makes no sense to compare yourself to others and wanting to be the same as others, because everything is already so different.
2. Stammering stops me from doing what you want to
How does this work? I don’t think stammering would stop you from doing what you want to. What would stop you from doing what you want to, is if every time you got up, an invisible force kept holding you back. Now surely that would stop you from doing what you wanted to, wouldn’t it?
3. If only I stopped stammering my life would be perfect
Exactly how do you define perfect? Being fluent perhaps? But that’s your definition of perfect. Another person’s definition might be to get 100% marks in every exam. The point is no universal definition of ‘perfect’ exists. Otherwise we would all define ‘perfect’ as meaning the same thing. So go ahead, believe that by being fluent you will be perfect. Only please don’t expect many others to believe the same as you.
4. Every time I stammer I get humiliated
If your statement ‘I get humiliated’ holds true then surely every part of your mind and body must be humiliated right? So which part of you gets humiliated? Is it your left arm? Or your big toe on your right foot? Or perhaps the toe on left foot is feeling bad? Does one toe get humiliated more than the other? How humiliated does that birthmark you have feel? Ask it to tell you a scale of 1 to 10 how strong the humiliation is.
5. I just can’t pick up the phone
OK. What stops you? Oh, I see! You’re afraid you will stammer, so you don’t pick up the phone…
What’s the worst thing that will happen if you pick up the phone? You will stammer? OK, I can see how this works… And by stammering, what does this mean? It means the other person will become impatient? How do you know? Oh right, you don’t know?
But you still think the person will become impatient? And by the person becoming impatient what does that mean? It means they might put the phone down? Alright! And by them putting the phone down, does your life automatically come to an end? It doesn’t? Are you sure? You are? Good.
And remember the next time you sense a person is becoming impatient with you over the phone, he or she might be desperate to go to the toilet! As much as you like to believe your stammering is important, if someone was to choose either giving attention to this, or to a call of nature, both you and I know which will one win.
From the 5 beliefs and the responses above, I hope you get the message I’m trying to convey. You may believe that your beliefs and views are the way things are, period. The truth is, there could be at least 10 different beliefs and views as well.
Procrastination and Stuttering
Posted on: October 19, 2011
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My good friend Nina G, who is an amazing role model for “differently-abled” people, including people who stutter, found this blog post called Procrastination: Do You Stutter or Stammer? The author tries to correlate procrastination to stuttering or stammering.
The name of the blog is Change Your Thoughts, Change Your Life, and focuses on re-framing negative self-talk into ways to make positive changes in our lives.
Good stuff! Everybody has negative self-talk that can consume us if we let it. It’s always good to find ways to re-think things so we don’t get and stay “stuck.”
Except when we find the use of the words stuttering or stammering to imply something negative, that needs to be fixed or changed.
Here’s the comment I wrote on Mike Reeves-McMillan’s post. Figured I’d put it here, in case they don’t publish it!
What about those of us who really stutter? It’s not quite so simple unfortunately. I am a fast talker and a fast thinker – and I stutter. Have since I began talking. And I am an amazing communicator. I don’t procrastinate more than the average person, I don’t “stop” and “start” with my speech. I just happen to stutter sometimes, as do 1% of the adult population here in the United States (about 3 million of us) and 1% in the UK as well, and worldwide in fact. That’s a lot of people!
We are not intellectually or emotionally impaired, nor are we nervous, anxious, shy or withdrawn. What we are is this: fed up with people who casually use the words “stuttering” or “stammering” to convey a negative connotation. Sports teams get off to “stuttering starts.” A nervous teenager on his first date “stammers” hello. Employees on interviews should take care not to “stutter or stammer” their way through the first question, or risk making an indelible negative first impression.
I am all for people such as yourself selling books to help people manage their time better or figure out what obstacles exist that result in procrastination, which afflicts all of us at some point in our life.
For those of us who stutter (as it is routinely referred to here in the U.S.) or stammer (as it is routinely referred to in Europe), it is not a routine fix. Many of us struggle every day against negative social consequences, educational and vocational discrimination and exclusion. I stutter and I am very successful! I stutter and am actively involved in Toastmasters! I stutter and help people every day! I stutter and work with youth and young adults! I stutter and live and work and play in the same world as everyone else! And it’s OK!
What do you think about the use of the word “stuttering” or “stammering” when relating it to something that can be perceived as negative?
Let me know what you think!
Biological or Psychological?
Posted on: October 18, 2011
In yet another current media article about stuttering, this time in the Huffington Post, psychoanalyst Peter Wolson suggests that the cause of stuttering may be psychological. Read his complete piece here: Is Stuttering Biological or Psychological? (10/16/2011)
In part, he writes: “There is abundant research evidence for a biological predisposition for stuttering; however, environmental stressors, such as family relations, can produce internal psychological conflicts that cause stuttering.”
There were quite a few comments, including mine. I heard from some readers in the stuttering community that their comments were not approved to be posted on the article.
What do you think? There are many perspectives on this topic.
UnTamed Tongue – Episode 70
Posted on: October 17, 2011
Episode 70 features Rachel Hoge, who hails from Springfield, TN. Rachel is 19 years old and presently attends Western Kentucky University and lives in Bowling Green. She is studying creative and professional writing.
Rachel shares that when she first started college she advertised in one of her classes that she stutters and had started a blog about stuttering. Sitting next to her in class was the editor of her college newspaper. The editor profiled Rachel and her blog, The Untamed Tongue, in the college paper. Rachel shares that other students emailed her, disclosing that they too stutter.
I saw the article about Rachel, which led me to her blog, and then to her, which led to this podcast conversation.
Rachel wrote an article on stuttering when she was in high school that was published in the Stuttering Foundation’s newsletter. We also mention the National Stuttering Association, FRIENDS and the Our Time Theater in our conversation.
Listen is as we discuss stuttering around close friends and family, parent and sibling support and acceptance. We also discuss what it was like for Rachel to have this conversation, as I was the first woman who also stutters that Rachel ever spoke with.
Music used in this episode is credited to ccMixter. Please feel free to leave comments or feedback for Rachel or Pam. Feedback is a gift.
** Producer/editor note: I was unable to clean up the audio properly in this episode. It sounds like I interrupted Rachel at every turn, but that is really not how it went. For some reason, the audio just did not come out cleanly and I couldn’t fix it. Remember – this is an amateur podcast production! **
Be Not Afraid – Episode 69
Posted on: October 5, 2011
Episode 69 features Darcy Galane who hails from Brooklyn NY. Darcy is at a transition point in her life. She is currently not employed and describes her transition fraught with opportunity, excitement and fear.
She went through law school and passed the bar exam, but never practiced law. She spent some time working in educational publishing, particularly with writing and editing. She describes herself as happiest when she is writing – as that is her most authentic self. She comes from a family of writers.
Listen in as we talk about stuttering vs. just being quiet, anticipatory stuttering and helpful vs. harmful therapy experiences. We also discuss advertising and covert stuttering. We met on the covert-S email group, which Darcy joined after her first NSA conference in Cleveland in 2010.
Darcy was initially conflicted about joining the covert group and even identifying herself as covert. She acknowledges avoidance behavior, but was unsure if that really made her “covert.” Proof that covert stuttering is indeed complex! We also discussed Vivian Sisskin’s avoidance reduction therapy, and how that helped Darcy look at her stuttering differently.
Please be sure to leave comments or ask questions of Darcy. Remember, feedback is a gift. Music used in this episode is credited to ccMixter.
Avoidance Reduction
Posted on: September 29, 2011
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I finally have been able to upload and edit this clip of Vivian Sisskin discussing her avoidance reduction therapy at the FRIENDS conference this past July. For some reason, I was unable to upload it to YouTube from my home computer.
And no, I wasn’t avoiding posting it!
Vivian’s approach to stuttering therapy continues to intrigue me, as it deals directly with our fears of stuttering publicly. For people who stutter covertly, avoidance reduction is key to desensitization.
Vivian gave me permission to publish. I have about 10 minutes more as well, which I hope to publish soon. Feel free to leave feedback.
Really Not Alone – Episode 64
Posted on: August 15, 2011
Episode 64 features Christine Dits, who hails from South Bend, Indiana. Christine is 22 years old, and just recently graduated from St. Mary’s College with her undergraduate degree in speech pathology.
She is looking to work in the special education field,while applying to graduate schools in the Mid-west. She wants to pursue her Master’s degree so she can one day practice as a licensed speech therapist. She has recently accepted a job as a speech therapy assistant.
I first met Christine when she was a student volunteer at the 2010 FRIENDS convention in Chicago. She attended her first NSA conference in 2010 as well, in Cleveland. We did not meet at that NSA conference, as sometimes happens when there are hundreds of participants!
Christine attended her second NSA conference this year, which was held last month in Ft Worth, Texas. In this episode, Christine talks about what her first time experience was like, and compares it to her second experience, where she felt much more comfortable and eager to meet new friends.
Listen in as we also talk about Christine’s therapy experiences, which did not start for her until towards the end of high school. We also discuss being a “twenty-something” who stutters, and what “recovery from stuttering” means for Christine.
Credit for the podcast safe music used in this episode goes to ccMixter. Feel free to leave comments or questions for either of us. Feedback is a gift.
Self Compassion
Posted on: August 12, 2011
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I just posted a comment to my sister on Facebook that there is no such thing as coincidence, as that has been told to me many times.
I started a blog post last night on self-compassion, as I am reading a great book on that subject right now, and went back to finish the post today. I happened to check into one of the stuttering email groups I belong to, and someone asked an interesting question that I responded to. And I realized that my response to him was about self-compassion.
So I deleted what I had written and decided to post my response to his question. This was his question: “What tips have any of you used to get turned in the opposite direction from negative thoughts and start convincing the Subconscious mind to ”Believe” in positive ones?”
Here’s how I responded to his question.
It sounds like your “inner critic” is running roughshod on you. That inner voice we all have that has been with us for as long as whatever “it” is that we don’t like or wish we could change. Mine still shows up a lot too, way more than I wish she would!
In your case, (and mine) “it” is stuttering. We hate it, we fear it, we wish it would go away. We feel inadequate, inferior, guilty,shamed, and scared of how other people will react.
People who are overweight have that “inner critic” too. In that case, the inner critic says things similar to what yours has said about stuttering:
“I don’t care how much you have learned about eating better
I don’t care how much you have learned about exercise
I don’t care that you feel better when you skip desert
I don’t care that your doctor says you would be healthier if you lost even 5 pounds.”
“We know that you are a big fat loser and are never going to change, so why bother doing any of those things? You are never going to change, no one is ever going to think you are attractive, so go ahead and eat that whole pizza or gallon of ice cream. It doesn’t matter”
It is very hard to be kind to ourselves and not beat our self up all the time. I am reading a good book on self-compassion right now, which reminds us/me that the best way to turn that inner-critic dialogue around is to literally “turn it around.”
When you begin to feel hopeless or anxious or scared or angry – try to be aware of that in the moment and try to say things to yourself like, “I know its hard for you when you stutter and you think everyone is judging you – but they are really not. It’s OK if you just let yourself stutter. You still are a good and valued person.”
Or, “it’s uncomfortable to stutter and see someone break eye contact or make a face, or even laugh. It hurts, doesn’t it? It’s OK to feel hurt once in a while. We all do. It’s OK to cry too”. (That part about crying I am still working on. I frequently have to remind myself that it really is OK.)
The more you tell yourself that you are OK and that whatever change you are attempting is going to take some time, the more practice you will give yourself being more positive with your thoughts instead of negative.
It is by re-shaping these negative thoughts into kinder, gentler ones that we are more able to accept that there are some things about us that we may not be able to completely change, but we are still lovable.
I think that is the whole crux of the matter with stuttering – we feel not good enough, and fear rejection. Being rejected means on some level that we feel unloved.
As hard as it is, allowing yourself to talk kindly to yourself, instead of letting that “inner critic” have free reign and hog up all the space, makes much more sense.
Having compassion for ourselves allows us to see that we are not perfect, and that we do not have to try to be. When we can be compassionate and gentle with ourselves, we then can be for others.
Huh! As I read this back, I was pretty impressed with how good that came out. I guess this book on self-compassion is really hitting some chords with me. What about you?
Texan Stuttering At It’s Best
Posted on: July 19, 2011
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I am so glad I had my trusty Flip recorder with me when Vicki Schutter got up to speak at one of the general sessions at the National Stuttering Association conference. Vicki tells an incredible story of selflessness and support about her good friend Russ Hicks, a long time NSA member.
Watch and listen as Vicki’s story unfolds, and then how Russ reacts.
Being part of the stuttering community means more than just stuttering support. It also means behind-the-scenes acts of love and support for the relationships that are built among people. For that’s what we really celebrate in the stuttering community – the relationships!
This story moved me, for many reasons! I hope it moves you too!
Paradox Of Feelings
Posted on: July 17, 2011
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Philip Garber is such an inspirational young man. He wrote this poem, Paradox of Feelings, and shared it at the closing ceremony of the NSA 2011 Conference in Ft Worth, Texas. He concludes with stating simply, “I am so happy I stutter.”
Philip and his mom, Marin, were two of the first people I saw during my recent journey to The Lone Star state. Turns out, Philip, his mom, and another inspirational young man, Jared Gilman,and I were all on the same flight from Newark, NJ to Dallas-Ft Worth, Texas.
I recognized Philip right away in the airport, due to his hat. That’s why I offer my “hat’s off” to Philip in this video clip. I am so glad I captured this. (He gave me permission to post here!)
Good Stuttering Stories
Posted on: July 12, 2011
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On the heels of the National Stuttering Association conference just completed in Ft Worth, Texas, there has been several good stories in the media. One was written by a first timer to the conference, and one features a long-time NSA member.
I had the pleasure of hearing Aman Kumar, a first-time attendee, speak at the Thursday afternoon Open Mic session. I always love open mic time, as it gives people the chance to speak freely – to take as long as they need, free of judgement and to sit down to wild applause by all listeners.
Turns out, Aman writes a blog for Psychology Today online, called Words Fail Me. His recent post, The Catharsis of Communicative Diversity, eloquently summarizes his first experience at a stuttering conference. You should definitely take the time to read this!
A good friend, Cynthia Scace, has been attending NSA conferences for years. I actually first met her at a College of St Rose Weekend Workshop for people who stutter. She missed last year’s conference, so it was so nice to see her this year and catch up, albeit for the short time we did. It is so hard to connect with all the people you really want to with over 800 people and only three full days!
Cynthia was featured in this great article in the Gazettenet, Approaches to therapy shifts with time, where she talks a bit about her stuttering experience and that of her son, who began stuttering at three years old.
Another great story appeared in the Gazettenet, featuring two young adults talking about their experiences navigating the world with a stutter. The writer, Suzanne Wilson, does a great job with both pieces. Check out this terrific story, Speaking Out: telling their stories helps people who stutter lessen their isolation.
Finally, here is a really good article from the Star-Telegram out of Ft Worth, Texas about David Seidler’s keynote speech at the NSA conference. Definitely take a look at this, Oscar-winning screenwriter who overcame stuttering delivers message of hope.
These are all good media pieces featuring real people who live life with stuttering everyday. Great to see so much coverage only days after the best attended conference yet. I still feel a bit on my high from such a great weekend, especially with meeting so many new people.
Stay tuned for summaries of some of the best workshops offered during the three-day conference. Since I can’t be in 10 workshops at once, I have enlisted the support of a few friends who graciously wrote up (or will) why these workshops so resonated with them.
Paying It Forward – Male Episode 1
Posted on: June 2, 2011
This inaugural episode of men who stutter sharing HIStories is a risk for me. I am committed to providing a unique space for women to share, since we are the minority. And I do not wish to diminish in any way that which has turned out to be so special and unique.
But I have learned that all of our stories need to be shared. So after much thought, and encouragement from others,this space for men’s stories will appear monthly.
Episode 1 features Alan Badmington, a former police officer from Wales, in the United Kingdom. I first met Alan at an NSA Conference in Long Beach, CA in 2006. We have bumped into each other virtually in many places since.
The shy and retiring Alan shares his inspirational story from troubled childhood and adolescence with a severe stutter to difficulties encountered in his police career.
During the past 11 years, Alan has turned his life around to become an extremely active and highly successful public speaker. Alan regularly addresses diverse community organizations in an attempt to increase public awareness about stuttering.
Alan has traveled extensively to fulfill speaking engagements (and facilitate workshops) on three different continents, including a keynote speech at the 7th World Congress for People Who Stutter, held in Australia in 2004 (where he also won the individual oratory competition in which every continent was represented).
Listen in to our engaging conversation laced with humor, insight, and the universal issues of acceptance and change. We even get to listen to Alan share a poem!
Learn more about Alan from two of his many papers: How Beliefs and Self-Image Can Influence Stuttering and Two Things I Wish I’d Had Known About Stuttering When I was Younger.
The podcast safe music used in this episode is credited to DanoSongs. Please leave feedback. I need to know if you enjoyed this conversation and would like to hear more stories with men who stutter.
Getting Wet
Posted on: May 26, 2011
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I have been in Toastmasters for five years. To say it has been a great experience would be an understatement. Toastmasters values and supports individual growth and thereby fosters courage and confidence. I am proof of that!
Having a safe environment to practice different speaking situations and know that people actually want you to succeed is priceless. We don’t find this everywhere.
Workplaces can be intimidating. They may encourage you to “speak up” but sometimes an employee is fearful of the consequences of doing so. In our communities, it can be tough to be heard as well, especially if you are the “new kid on the block” or you are not a social butterfly!
And if you stutter, all of these situations can be even scarier. But Toastmasters welcomes and encourages every member to build on strengths we already have and work towards personal and professional goals. It is a non-threatening environment where members simply support each another. Sometimes, we “nudge” each other a bit as well!
I have not done any planned speeches since last summer. I have been focusing on other things and mentoring a new member. That’s also part of Toastmasters – paying it forward and passing along what has helped us to the next person. I take meeting roles and enthusiastically participate whenever I can.
At this week’s meeting, a person was to be Toastmaster of the meeting for the first time. She was a little nervous, had spent a week emailing members, getting bios together and planning. She really wanted to do well. (I suspect she is a bit of a perfectionist like me!) There were two planned speakers on the agenda. Both backed out at the last minute.
While we were waiting for the meeting to start, I mentioned that some Toastmasters talk about have “back-pocket” speeches that they can do anytime. I half-jokingly mentioned that maybe we might have to do that at our meeting. Well, our Toastmaster Annette called my bluff and asked if I would give an impromptu speech. How could I say no!
So, with only seconds to prepare, I rose to the challenge, walked up to the lectern and delivered a 7 minute speech called, “When It Rains, Get Wet”. I talked about living life to its fullest and shared the personal experience of having participated in my first team 5K walk last week. Something I never thought I could do. Something way out of my comfort zone!
Unbelievably, it seemed like one of my better speeches. I was comfortable, relaxed, animated. People commented on that in the written feedback slips we give to each other after anyone speaks. And when I finished, another member volunteered to give his second ever speech, off the cuff. Talk about risk-taking.
I share this for a reason. I was always afraid to take risks, especially speaking risks. I always feared that I would be judged as incompetent, just because I stutter. But I have learned that sometimes the best lessons are taught when we just let go and do it.
I have to share some of the feedback I got after my impromptu speech. It was so gratifying and affirming. I allowed these comments in and gave myself permission to feel good!
“Smooth, fun story, nice build-up, happy ending, a lot of fun.”
“Amazing speech! I felt your joy when you crossed the finish line. You inspired me to take a risk!”
“Great! Wonderful personal story! Engaging topic, excellent delivery.”
“Pam, you are the ultimate risk-taker! Are you sure this wasn’t planned? I wish I could be as confident as you. You did an awesome job. Great body movement and non-verbal cues. You totally rock!”
Normally, I would be adverse to share compliments like this. I often feel embarrassed. I know why – I used to feel I didn’t deserve to be told I do/did a good job!
But taking this huge risk felt great and proved that good things happen when we go way outside our comfort zone. People keep telling me to share these really good things, so I just did!
Fast Forward
Posted on: May 16, 2011
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Last week I talked with a young friend of mine who asked, “Pam, does it ever get much better? Or is it always going to be like this?” He referred to his severe stutter and how hard it is for him to communicate.
He has severe blocks and is very self-conscious. He feels people should not be “subjected” to listening to him. He doesn’t mind when people finish sentences for him. He finds it a relief.
He knows I disagree with him on this. I have told him that most people will be understanding and patient once they know he stutters. He says I really don’t know what its like for him, since I communicate easily. He believes he cannot be clearly understood and its not fair to make people listen to him.
When my friend asked me if things ever get easier, I gave him the optimistic answer. Even though I cannot relate to a severe stutter, I feel confident that with the passing of time and life experiences, that things will get better for him. At least in the sense that he may likely reach a point where he is not always so self-conscious.
In a way, it seemed he was asking me to try and predict the future, which of course none of us can. But those of us who live with stuttering, no matter the severity, know it deeply affects our lives. I have heard many people say it does get easier as we mature and are better equipped to let things roll off our backs.
In my case, things became easier after making the conscious decision to stop hiding and just stutter openly.
Yesterday, in a workshop about stuttering, a young mom was there to find out as much about stuttering as she could. Her four year old son has been stuttering severely since age 2. Her pediatrican has advised her he can still “outgrow it”, but she has him in therapy already. She is looking at other options, as she feels what he is currently doing with a speech therapist is not really benefitting her son.
She wants to learn as much as possible so that she can best support her son. At our workshop (Let’s Talk About Stuttering, to mark National Stuttering Awareness Week), this mom mentioned that she had never met an adult who stutters, so she was so glad to be with a group of about 10 of us. She wanted to get a sense of what life might hold in store for her child if he continues to stutter.
She mentioned more than once that seeing him struggle now, she keeps trying to “fast forward” to his future to imagine what it might be like for him when he starts college or goes to work. She appreciated hearing adults who stutter talk about feelings, worries and our successes. Two young men who are in college were in the group, and their confidence really filled this mom with hope.
She also mentioned it was so good to see and hear women who stutter. She said in all of her reading and research, she has learned about the predominance of men and boys who stutter. So she was glad to talk with women who stutter as well.
Have you ever tried to fast forward and imagine that life with a stutter might be easier than it is now? Do you agree with what I told my young friend that things will likely get easier for him as he matures and becomes less self-conscious?
And what about parents? Is it natural for parents to try and fast-forward and visualize their child’s life 10 or 20 years out? We gave this mom information about FRIENDS and the local NSA chapter leader also gave general information about support available through the National Stuttering Association.
Three Telephone Calls
Posted on: April 28, 2011
In early March, I had the opportunity to visit Milwaukee and talk about stuttering, something I rather enjoy doing. I stayed with Barb and her husband Chuck, and was treated like a rock-star. Barb is the NSA chapter leader in Milwaukee, and she had coordinated a workshop that was held at the University of Wisconsin-Milwaukee.
There were about 100 people in attendance, including professional SLPs, students, adults who stutter and several parents of kids who stutter. I “told my story” for a little while and then a 5-person panel talked about their experiences and interacted with the audience. It was a very empowering experience for all involved.
Barb had been relentless about getting media coverage for the event, and a reporter from the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel wrote up a great piece about the event, which included contact information if people wanted to know more about the NSA. You can see the article here.
About a week after the article appeared, Barb contacted me to let me know she had received a phone call from 83-year-old Jane, who had seen the article and felt inspired to call Barb. She had never talked with anyone about her stuttering, ever. She had always kept it hidden, found ways around it, and thought she had not let it limit her.
But seeing the article triggered feelings for Jane and she was inspired to call Barb and talk openly about her stuttering. She did not want to publicly”come out of the closet” or attend a meeting – she just wanted to share her feelings with someone. She did agree that it would be OK for Barb to call her again, and that it would be nice if I called sometime too.
I called her a few days later, and Jane was cordial and pleasant, and told me a little bit of her story. She also said she had made a mistake, that it wasn’t good for her to open “Pandora’s box” after all these years, and that the memories were just too painful. She asked that I never call her again.
She also called Barb and left her a similar message. Jane had initially felt it might be OK to “reveal her secret”, but she changed her mind and asked that neither of us contact her again.
Case closed. It is what it is, and you respect a person’s decision. I was just glad that I had called her and heard about this.
A third phone call came. Barb emailed me on Easter Sunday evening to let me know Jane had called her late Easter afternoon to tell her this. On Easter Sunday morning, with her family gathered, Jane chose to tell her family that she has been a life-long stutterer. She wanted no discussion or feedback from her family, she just wanted to be honest and tell them.
Jane called Barb and told her what she had done. Jane said at 83-years old, she wanted to “get her life in order” and part of this included verbally acknowledging to her family that she stuttered. And even after stating she wanted no further contact with Barb, Jane called her.
After reading Barb’s email, I called her, and we talked. Both of us were profoundly moved by this chance encounter with a woman we never met named Jane.
We will probably never hear from Jane again, but we will not soon forget this story.
Make Room For The Stuttering 
What people are saying!