Lying About Cause Of Stuttering
Posted on: June 7, 2012
- In: Posts
- 3 Comments
This is an interesting story that brings up the issues of shame regarding stuttering.
Stutterer and country singer Tim Poe auditioned for the reality TV show “America’s Got Talent” in Texas this past week. Before performing his song, his pre-interview showed him stuttering. So what, you might say.
Mr. Poe is a military veteran who claims he was injured in combat in Afghanistan and suffered a traumatic brain injury (TBI.) He claims the stuttering is a result of the TBI.
Within 24 hours of his television audition, the media reported that Mr. Poe lied about being injured and that his stuttering was not the result of an injury, which would have made it neurogenic stuttering. It appears that Mr. Poe has indeed been a life-long stutterer and was so embarrassed that he felt he need to create an elaborate lie about his circumstances.
A lie that illustrates the shame of stuttering and a lie that illustrates disrespect to military veterans who have indeed been gravely injured.
I have heard of people who stutter who make up other reasons to explain stuttering, so they don’t have to admit or acknowledge the stuttering. People have coughed, cleared their throat, said they swallowed wrong, pretend to word switch.
Some people are so embarrassed and ashamed of their stuttering that they will do anything to hide it.
This example is extreme. What do you think?
His Courage Speaks Volumes
Posted on: June 3, 2012
- In: Posts
- Leave a Comment
There was some discussion on one of the stuttering email groups about this young man’s choice to deliver a rap for his graduation speech.
A comment laments the fact that this kid, Colin, might give the impression to those that don’t stutter that he had no choice but to use a “trick” to deliver his graduation speech.
I applaud Colin’s very choice to take a risk and be innovative. It shows me that he did not let his stutter prevent him from participating in his graduation ceremony.
Works For Me – Male Episode 12
Posted on: May 31, 2012
Episode 12 of the series of conversations with men who stutter features Lott Hughes, who hails from Temple, Texas. Lott served in the US Army for nine years and now works as an IT Specialist for the Veterans Administration.
Lott has a great story. As a tank driver in the Army, he felt that he was putting lives at risk when he was sometimes not able to communicate well.
His command sent him to a six-month intensive speech therapy program in Germany, which literally changed Lott’s life. It was there that he learned the fluency techniques that he needs to achieve his goal of 90-95% fluency.
Listen in as we discuss what has worked for him – facial muscle and breath control and handling his anxiety. Lott also got support from Toastmasters.
We talk about the upcoming NSA conference, and how his focus will differ than last year, his first time. Lott recently welcomed his first child into the world. He worries his son might stutter and wants to interact and learn from other parents.
I was happy that Lott shared his story with us, and look forward to meeting him in person at the 2012 NSA conference. Please feel free to leave comments or questions, for feedback is a gift.
The podcast safe music used in this episode is credited to ccMixter.
Ability
Posted on: May 28, 2012
- In: Posts
- 2 Comments
How many of us have ability that we are not using? Sometimes we don’t allow our skills and talents to shine through because we think (or fear) that our stuttering will overshadow everything else.
I used that excuse myself for a long time. I was afraid people wouldn’t see me or my ability if I stuttered openly. Of course, I also used the excuse that it was safer.
When I stayed quiet, no one had the opportunity to react negatively. In an earlier post, I wrote about choosing to be anonymous. That protects us from negative social consequences, but it also often keeps us from growing.
Never in all the years that I was covert could I have imagined that I would have a job that requires regular public speaking. And that I would also volunteer for speaking challenges through my affiliation with Toastmasters.
I knew deep down that I had ability that I purposely was not using just because I stutter. Along with ability, I also had ambition. I wanted to be successful and do the things I knew I could and not let anything hold me back. I have a voice that I wanted heard.
Recently, I heard or read something about ability which really struck a chord and got me thinking about this. I do not know the source, but I hope it gets you thinking about your abilities and ambitions.
“Ability without ambition is like kindling wood without the spark.”
What do you think?
Teachable Moments – Episode 86
Posted on: May 23, 2012
Episode 86 features Emily Gurdian, who hails from New Orleans, LA. Emily is 23 years old and a teacher. She is presently in graduate school at the University of Portland (Oregon) where she is pursuing Educational Leadership.
Listen in as we discuss a range of topics. We talk about teasing, mocking and dumb comments. We discuss being stunned into silence sometimes by hurtful comments about stuttering, and how we deal with it.
Emily also shares about what it is like to be a substitute teacher and constantly having to adapt to new kids.
Emily plans to focus her Master’s research on how stuttering affects a child’s entire academic performance. She chose this topic because it met her professor’s criteria of being interesting and important. And because communication affects every aspect of a child’s learning experience.
Be sure to listen in to this great conversation with a young teacher who is insightful and confident. Feel free to leave feedback for either of us, or let Emily know what a great job she did.
Podcast safe music used in this episode is credited to ccMixter.
Not His Fault – Male Episode 11
Posted on: May 16, 2012
Episode 11 of the series of conversations with men who stutter features Frank Stechel, who hails from Highland Park, New Jersey. Frank worked for the New York State Education Department for over 30 years, in the vocational rehabilitation field.
Frank felt it was practical for him to work in the disability field, as he was concerned that he might not find work due to his stuttering. He felt it made sense to work for an agency that helped people with disabilities as they wouldn’t discriminate against him.
We talk about being open about stuttering, and how Frank always would bring it up and invite questions during job interviews. Being open has always been most important to Frank.
Listen in as we discuss different speech therapy experiences, including the Hollins fluency shaping program. Frank uses fluency shaping tools he learned to modify his stuttering. We also discuss the variability of stuttering and how he often plays with different techniques to this day.
I look forward to meeting Frank and his wife at the National Stuttering Association conference in July of this year. Feel free to leave comments and feedback for Frank, or just thank him for sharing his story.
Music used in this episode is credited to ccMixter.
Wounded Inner Child
Posted on: May 14, 2012
- In: Posts
- 7 Comments
Sometimes I think about that sad, frightened little girl who stuttered and wish I could just give her a great big hug and tell her everything would be OK. If someone had told her that, things certainly would have been different.
She wouldn’t have grown up feeling so insecure, afraid and ashamed. Insecurity, fear and shame stays with those who don’t get early positive messages. How can we change that?
One of the earliest memories I have of stuttering is my father yelling at me to, “Stop that,” “no one talks like that,” or “Jesus Christ, shut up.” I don’t necessarily remember the stuttering, but I vividly remember how that criticism felt, stung!
I didn’t know how to cope. I was afraid of my father and his deep disapproval. He was ashamed of me. He never said that. He didn’t have to.
I wanted my father to love me and be proud of me. I never, ever felt I measured up in his eyes, not as that little girl and not as an adult.
Those feelings of hurt, of being a disappointment, and being disappointed, of not feeling loved, stayed with me a long time. Those early moments drove me to try and hide my stuttering.
I always tried to find that love and approval, which I didn’t think I could as a stutterer.
As an adult, I often still feel the pain and loneliness of that wounded little girl. The shame that still creeps in sometimes when I stutter leads right back to my 5 year old’s shame. I tell myself I am over it, but it comes back to remind me, haunt me, actually.
What can be done to ease the pain that is still there of the wounded inner child? Do you have a wounded inner child that you do not acknowledge, or tend to?
I try to be kind and gentle when she pops in unannounced! I wish I could give her that warm hug and tell her everything will be OK. I wish I could dry her tears and take the pain away.
The closest I can come is to try and embrace myself and remind myself that I am good and special and loved, just the way I am. Stuttering and all!
Can you do that?
Being Anonymous
Posted on: May 10, 2012
- In: Posts
- 6 Comments
Many of us who stutter choose to be anonymous. We don’t want anyone to know we stutter, so we do everything we can to keep our light from shining.
We don’t want to draw attention to ourselves, so we figure out ways to hide, stay quiet, keep in the background. And it’s not just with covert stutterers. Even people whose stutter is very obvious often try to remain anonymous when possible.
It’s safer (we think.) If we don’t get noticed, we don’t expose ourselves to negative feedback. We shield our self from being made fun of, teased or excluded.
But we also fail to get noticed positively, because we often make that choice to be anonymous.
I find it very interesting as a blogger to see how many people comment on blogs as “anonymous” or with just their initials. Especially on stuttering blogs. People who stutter often don’t want their name linked with anything related to stuttering. It seems to be fear based.
Fear of not getting a job. Fear of a girlfriend or boyfriend dumping you. Fear of not finding a girlfriend or boyfriend because you stutter.
Being anonymous also seems to give people a freedom to express themselves more honestly or critically, because they think it can’t be traced back to them.
I heard someone say last week that we should try to look at the light, not the lampshade. But it’s hard to do that when we’re anonymous.
Thoughts?
Saying It
Posted on: May 5, 2012
- In: Posts
- Leave a Comment
Recently, a friend shared a favorite poem as the invocation at our Toastmasters meeting. She read “Saying It” by Phillip Booth. As I listened, the first lines really spoke to me.
Saying it. Trying to say it.
Not to answer to logic, but leaving our very lives open to how we have to hear ourselves say what we mean.
The first part of this poem could have been written about stuttering. That’s not why a fellow Toastmaster chose to share this at our meeting. She was no doubt relating to how we communicate and choose our words, as that is a focus in Toastmasters.
But I heard struggle, vulnerability, and guilt. I wasn’t just listening, I was relating and processing, on a deep, personal level.
Maybe other Toastmasters heard the same, for of course it’s not only stutterers who struggle with saying what they want to say.
As a person who stutters, those simple words – “Saying It” – struck such a chord with me. Sometimes we can’t say it, or don’t say it, or change what we were going to say.
We are afraid of what the struggle will look like as we try to say it, and how we, and our listeners, have to hear ourselves say what we mean. I know I have been afraid to just “say it.” I worry about what others will think, still.
And there are times when I really don’t like having to hear myself say what I mean.
What about you? What do you think?
Being Cool With Me – Male Episode 10
Posted on: May 1, 2012
Episode 10 of the conversations with men who stutter features Landon Murray, who hails from New Orleans, LA. Landon is in school studying process engineering. He has also been the leader for the New Orleans chapter of the National Stuttering Association for the last two years.
Landon shares the story of how his fiance got him to go to his first stuttering support meeting and how that first meeting changed his life. He also talks about how he and she met!
We talk about confidence and self-image. Landon didn’t always have such an easy time, and shares how tough it was for him when he was younger. He also shares how he would sometimes “change himself” in order to fit in. And he shares about the “tons” of fights he’s had due to stuttering.
Listen in as we chat about dealing with being made fun of, educating others about stuttering, being comfortable in your own skin and acceptance.
Feel free to leave feedback in the comment section, or just let Landon know what a great job he did.
Credit for the music used in this episode goes to ccMixter.
(Producer note: There was background noise/echo in this track that I could not edit. However, the conversation with Landon was so great that I dropped my usual standards of perfection. As I’ve said in the past, sue me!)
Do We Obsess Too Much?
Posted on: April 26, 2012
- In: Posts
- 8 Comments
Yep, I obsess sometimes. I know I do. When I speak publicly and communicate very well, I almost never focus on how well I did if I also stuttered. Like many of us, I tend to focus on the one tiny little thing that I didn’t like instead of all the good things that did happen.
Take last night, for example. I was at a Toastmasters meeting and volunteered to facilitate the Table Topics section of the meeting. This is the part of Toastmasters meetings where we practice impromptu speaking.
I thought of some questions during break and proceeded to skillfully carry out this part of the meeting. I also had a couple of moments where I had an uncomfortable block. Where nothing came out for about 20 seconds and I also squeezed one eye shut at the moment of the block.
As I drove home from the meeting, that’s what I thought about. Not how great I did at filling the role at the last-minute, but what did the two visitors think of me when they saw that weird blocking behavior? I obsessed about whether I should have said anything to acknowledge that I had stuttered.
As people who stutter, we also seem to obsess a lot over the conversational use of the word stuttering when it does not apply to what we know as a speech disorder.
For example, recently on the popular TV show “American Idol,” a 16 year-old contestant sang a song called Stuttering. She has a beautiful voice and sang the hell out of the song.
The next day, the Facebook forums were full of comments from people who stutter who felt offended by the song. Many stated they didn’t like the song because it implied the wrong reasons why people stutter.
Often in the news, especially regarding sports, we will hear or read accounts of a team or player getting off to a “stuttering start.” I have heard people who stutter comment that they are offended by these casual uses of the term stuttering, as it implies negativity about stuttering.
I understand (to a degree) why I sometimes obsess about my own speech and focus more on when I have had uncomfortable stuttering moments and blocks. I always wish it hadn’t happened at that particular time.
But I don’t always understand the reactions the stuttering community has when the non-stuttering public uses “our” word for our speech in another context.
What do you think?
Don’t Stay Home – Episode 85
Posted on: April 23, 2012
Episode 85 features Jolene Bower who hails from Calgary, Alberta, Canada. Jolene works in purchasing for an oil and gas company, and is also in university, studying psychology. She starts graduate school next fall to study speech language pathology.
Jolene talks about why she wants to become a speech therapist, and therapy experiences she has had. We talk about fluency shaping, and how hard it can be sometimes to transfer those skills into “real life” experiences.
Jolene also shares about her experiences at a three week intensive therapy at ISTAR (Institute for Stuttering Treatment and Research) at the University of Alberta in Edmonton.
We talk about what it was like for Jolene to start stuttering at the age of 15, which is considered late onset. Research indicates that most stuttering starts in childhood, between the ages of 2 and 5.
We also discuss choosing not to talk, finding our identity, apologizing and reaching the point of not caring what others think!
Jolene also shares that she just recently started a local stuttering support group in her community and how that is going.
Listen in to a great conversation between two women who stutter. Feel free to leave comments or let Jolene know what a great job she did. Feedback is a gift!
Music used in this episode is credited to ccMixter.
What people are saying!