Author Archive
No Excuses! – Episode 39
Posted on: January 4, 2011
Episode 39 features Beata Akerman, who hails from Ljubljana, Slovenija (Central Europe). She is a researcher/assistant lecturer in the Faculty of Social Work at the University of Ljubljana. We first met on Facebook, and then enjoyed a video skype chat!
She completed her Masters thesis on changing public discourse on people who stammer in Slovenija. For her doctoral dissertation, she plans to research employment and educational opportunities for people who stammer.
Beata has stuttered since she was 4 years old, and suffered great humiliation as a child and young adult. She was often the brunt of cruel jokes and thought to be intellectually deficient because of her stuttering. She has worked hard on personal acceptance and raising awareness of stuttering in her country.
She has written articles, appeared on television and has even written her own children’s book about a fairy princess who stammers (see link below). Beata also started the first support group for people who stammer in Slovenija. She is the group leader and only female member who attends the group, so far.
Listen in as Beata shares her heartfelt, painful and ultimately triumphant journey of shameful stammering to acceptance. She is a woman of courage who is willing to share her story in order to inspire others who stammer in her country, especially women.
Music used in this episode is credited to ccMixter.
This is a pdf version of Izabela – A Fairy Princess Who Stammered translated into English, without the illustrations.
Also, thanks to Sachin of TISA, here is written text of an interview with Beata. She is truly a role model for women who stutter all over the world.
Your comments, questions or feedback are invited. I am sure Beata would love to hear your thoughts on her story.
Reflections On The King’s Speech
Posted on: January 1, 2011
- In: Posts
- 12 Comments
I went alone to see the movie The Kings Speech, wanting to experience it by myself. I had read reviews about the movie, and knew the story, but felt I needed to feel my feelings without worrying about how someone sitting next to me might react if I got emotional.
I sat in the back, eager to see this movie everyone in the stuttering community has been talking about. I sipped hot tea and had extra napkins for when tears might fall.
I did not expect the strong emotional reaction I had. From the opening scene, my heart pounded and my eyes welled up. When Colin Firth (playing the prince who would be king) stepped up to the microphone to speak publicly, I recognized the look on his face. The actor captured it perfectly – the panic, fear, shame and embarrassment, all etched on his face before he even opened his mouth.
And when he did open his mouth, nothing came out at first. Then, a faltering, struggled syllable, which seemed to reverberate through the stadium, and then, silence. The silences were deafening and as the camera panned the faces in the crowd, I saw pained looks, averted eyes, and then the look of shame on the soon-to-be-king’s face intensified.
This movie brilliantly portrays what it “feels like” to stutter. It shows that stuttering is so much more than what does (or doesn’t) come out of our mouths. It is those feelings that we almost never talk about that the movie poignantly illustrates.
I was transfixed right away. I won’t mention specific lines and scenes, because if you are reading this and haven’t seen the movie yet, I don’t want to be a spoiler. But I will share what I felt, physically and emotionally, as I watched.
My heart was pounding and my eyes overflowed several times. I wiped tears away that streamed down my face, unabashedly. Why was I so moved? Because the portrayal of stuttering, and the reactions of those around this man who stuttered, stirred so many of my own memories and emotions. I was reminded of what I felt as a helpless child, a child who felt like I had disappointed my parents. I was reminded of how defective I felt and how I tried for so long to hide my stuttering.
I had a knot in my stomach, as I recognized how much people who stutter have in common, irregardless of whether we are royalty or common. The people close to the King reacted to his stuttering, making me appreciate that audience members were seeing that stuttering doesn’t just affect the person who stutters, but also includes siblings, parents and spouses.
I laughed at the parts that were funny. I cheered when he put his fears aside and spoke anyway. I empathized when he broke down privately with his wife and shared feelings of failure and inadequacy, which is hard to put into words. I have felt those feelings too.
Truthfully, I was deeply moved by the whole film. It was told with grace, dignity, and was funny at times, just like life. The stuttering was not demeaning or comic. It was done in such a way that you couldn’t help but “feel something” as you watched.
People in the audience applauded at the end. I so wanted to know WHY? What did they think? Why were they moved? They don’t stutter. What did it mean to them?
I hope to find out. My friend Steve (who is a SLP and stutters) and I are going to do a workshop next month at our community library. We are calling it “An Un-Royal Talk About Stuttering”. We will provide resources on self-help, support, and therapy. Hopefully, we will also dispel some myths and help people feel comfortable talking about stuttering.
It is up to us, people who stutter, to raise awareness and educate others. We can’t just stand by, assuming that someone else is speaking up. Because they might be too afraid or embarassed. This movie may remove some of the stigma and silence.
If you haven’t seen the movie yet, GO. You will be moved, I guarantee it.
This article I wrote was published in today’s print edition of the Albany, NY Times Union 1/1/2011 .
Watching Yourself Stutter
Posted on: December 28, 2010
- In: Posts
- 2 Comments
I recently read on one of the stuttering forums that a good way to desensitize yourself to your own stuttering is to watch yourself stutter in a mirror. Thing is, I don’t stutter the same when I am alone with the guts to look in a mirror.
The week before Christmas I facilitated a story-telling circle with a very supportive audience. These were people who understand the value of sharing our stories, as any one story has the potential to trigger an impact on someone else. So this group were wonderful listeners. I felt very honored sharing some of my stuttering stories with them, one a very personal one that I had never shared the way I did that night.
It was very empowering for me to tell my stories, especially to an audience of people who do not stutter. And because it was story telling, which is very different from giving a speech, I did not use notes. So I wasn’t quite sure how it would unfold, as I planned to just tell from the heart.
I knew it would be special, so I had a friend record the three stories I told. I wanted to have a record of what I told. I spent a lot of time editing the video clips, as I planned to share the clips, my message, with others.
It was very hard watching the videos of myself telling and stuttering. It is one thing to hear myself stutter, like when I do the podcasts or even just hear myself talking to others. But to “see my stuttering”, it kind of brought tears to my eyes the first time. I saw how deliberate I was, I saw what my pauses looked like, I saw what mutiple-repititions looked like. A couple of times, I saw one eye squeeze closed when I blocked. And I saw some physical tension.
Watching myself tell my stories and stutter very openly with people I did not know well was very emotional, very poignant for me. I wondered as I watched (the video) what the listeners thought as they watched me.
It was not easy watching the first time. But I did watch several more times and it was easier. I caught the point where I almost choked up, but didn’t. And I realized that sometimes I stutter a lot, and sometimes hardly at all.
I don’t think I could ever purposely practice stuttering in front of a mirror. It would be contrived, not real. It would not help me be anymore comfortable stuttering publicly.
It takes a lot of guts to be who you are in the many different areas of our lives. And to look back on those moments and realize just that. Watching myself be myself in front of others can’t be replicated in private with a mirror.
Real life needs us to be ready to be ourselves when it counts. When sharing our gift of self can make a big difference.
The People In Our Lives
Posted on: December 22, 2010
- In: Posts
- 4 Comments
Short and sweet today. I have spent a lot of time reflecting on how rich my life is. And that is because of the many people I share my life with. It is so true what they say that it is not money that measures our riches – but indeed the relationships we build.
My life has been enriched by the people I come into contact with, and I truly feel I am a better person because I let my heart be open to new people and experiences.
Thank you for enriching my life!
Episode 38 features Maria McGrath, who hails from Santa Barbara, California. She was born in Ireland and lived in London for a long time before moving to America just over a year ago. She trained and worked as an accountant, and has recently begun the adventure of bringing the McGuire Programme to the US.
I “met” Maria after reading a wonderful article she wrote, called “My Turn: Stifled by a Stutter”, which was printed in The LA Times. I emailed her my thoughts about her article, and invited her to tell her story here. The health section of the LA Times published her piece in conjunction with the opening of the new movie, “The King’s Speech”. (which has huge potential to increase stuttering awareness all over the world).
Listen in as Maria and I chat about her younger days and some of the purposeful avoidance situations she found herself in. Maria is a great story-teller, as you’ll easily tell. We also talk about confidence, being in control, and moving through fearful situations.
Maria is taking great leaps outside of her comfort zone with her recent work in figuring out ways to advertise the McGuire programme here in the US. Information for the international McGuire programme can be found here.
Maria would be happy to chat with anyone interested in learning more about how the McGuire programme changed her life. She can be reached at (805)727-3734 and her Skype name is mariamcgrath.
Credit for the podcast safe music, Today Then Tomorrow, used in today’s episode goes to DanoSongs.
Feel free to comment or ask questions for Maria in the comment section, and Pam always loves to hear your feedback too!
On Being Heard
Posted on: December 15, 2010
- In: Posts
- 5 Comments
As a person who stutters, I once believed no one would want to listen to me talk for any length of time. I had gotten “the look” too many times. You know the one I mean. When the listener first realizes something is different, and the look of surprise appears.
Their eyebrows arch, eyes widen, and then they quickly glance away. Then, maybe thinking that to be rude, they look back for a second, and quickly break eye contact again. Then they look distracted, looking at their watch, or a clock, or suddenly seem fascinated with the cracks in the ceiling tiles. They look everywhere but at me, the person talking and stuttering. Amazing how this can be read in seconds.
This week, I am pushing outside of my comfort zone in a new way. I have been a member of the Inter-Faith Story Circle of the Tri-City Area for just less than a year. I will facilitate the December circle and talk about my stuttering journey, to people who don’t stutter. Some of them may have never heard a real stutterer stutter.
I have a theme, “Stories of Trust, Leaps of Faith and Courage”. I plan to open with a reflection and tell three stories. Then, circle members will be invited to share a story of their own, if they wish. It becomes a story swap. We do not process, offer feedback or applaud. We just listen and let the stories in. As a gesture of acknowledgment, members gently rub our hands together after a story is told.
In preparation for the circle, one of the seasoned tellers offered to “listen out my stories”. We met last week in a coffee shop, and over tea, I told my stories and she listened, really listened. She had a notepad with her and shared that she might jot some thoughts for feedback after. I was a little worried about that. But I didn’t need to be. She was a seasoned listener.
As I told, I “watched her listen”. She never took her eyes away from me. She was entirely present. Her facial expressions matched my tone. She took notes without ever looking down at her pad. Her eyes showed emotion, sometimes a smile, or look of surprise, or sadness, or wonder. Mostly presence though.
I stopped “watching her listen”, and just relaxed and told. I did not gaze directly at her, as suddenly I felt so free that someone was listening with intent, that I found more passion in my voice, used more imagery to describe a memory and used my hands to gesture. When I glanced at this woman, she was totally with me, listening, feeling the emotion of my story. As I neared the end, I felt overwhelmed with what I had shared to a near stranger. I choked up and my eyes brimmed over. I looked down for a second and back up. Her eyes were also watery and it was OK.
I had never had someone listen so intently, even as I openly stuttered. We paused and smiled at each other and then she said she wanted to share with me what she had heard. She offered me “appreciations” – told me all the things that had moved her and that helped create images in her mind as she listened.
I had expected to get “feedback” such as things I should change in my stories. Nope. This woman who I did not know very well just listened, appreciated, and told me that.
What an intimate experience to have had. I felt that what we had done had mattered a great deal that evening in the little coffee shop. I felt valued and alive. When we said good night and hugged, my eyes welled up again. We weren’t strangers anymore.
Guest Blogger: Bobby On Dating
Posted on: December 13, 2010
- In: Posts
- 4 Comments
A young man wrote a very poignant letter to the on-line group Stutt-l, sharing his concerns about dating and his fears that women never seem to be able to look past his stuttering. The young man ponders will it ever be possible for him to find someone who will be happy with him as he is. He doesn’t think so!
Several people responded to 27-year-old Justin, and one man in particular shared his very personal story about his own fears and insecurities. I was so moved by his share that I asked Bobby Childers if he would be willing to share on this blog as today’s guest blogger and he kindly agreed. ( These are Bobby’s words. with minor editing).
Dear Justin,
I have stuttered since I was 5 years old (I’m now 53), so I’ve been doing it so long I’ve gotten rather good at it. I started speech therapy back in the 3rd grade in 1966 and I kept at it until 6th grade. I never had many friends at school or away from school, but I always attributed that to the fact that I didn’t like people. It wasn’t until much later in my adult life I discovered that I was only fooling myself.
In the 9th grade I met the girl who would become my wife many years later. I used to see her everyday at lunch, and would stop by and tell her a really bad joke (which of course took me 3 days to tell it) and then I would run off before she could respond. I guess you could say that I loved her from afar, for many years.
I was a hard-core Moto-X racer (dirt motorcycle) from about the age of 8, so I traveled all over the southwest US racing. It was my escape from the day-to-day frustrations of stuttering and not being able to talk to anyone, including my family. When I was on my motorcycle, I could talk to anyone, but once I got off, the stuttering came back full force.
I graduated high school and went to college for a couple of years, but I couldn’t handle the stress of so many “new” people I saw and/or met everyday. Trying to introduce myself was worse than “Nightmare on Elm Street”, so I quit college! I went back home and found a job where I didn’t have to talk to people much (computers as that is what I studied in college). I kept to myself, never attempted to date for fear of being ridiculed, laughed at, etc. I kept racing my motorcycle because that was my freedom from everything.
By the time I was 27 I had broken every bone in my body, some 3, 4, 5 even 6 times and was fast becoming a full-fledged alcoholic because of my insecurities with my speech. In 1985 I was invited to my 10th High School reunion by the girl I used to tell bad jokes to in the 9th grade. I had a Citizens Band radio in my truck (I was called “The Shadow” and she was called “Rainbow”) because there no one knew who I was or anything else but what they heard on the radio. For short periods of time I could talk fairly smooth on the radio and when my speech began to falter I would get off for a while.
I went to the reunion under protest as I didn’t associate much with anyone back then and re-met the “love of my life”. She and her two kids (girl-7, boy-4) were in an abusive relationship and she was trying to get out with the kids. About 18 months later she became my wife and I became an “instant parent”. At the end of January 2011, it will be 25 years we’ve been married.
In 1999 after the son graduated high school, we all went to New Mexico State University in Las Cruces, NM and started college. The next spring I got into speech therapy at the University due to one of my professors who recommended it. The student clinicians there (I had 4 over spring, summer and fall semesters of 2000) taught me more than they were supposed to do.
They did teach me fluency techniques to help ease my stuttering, but they also taught me (I was 42 at the time) that I was more than my stuttering. I was a real person who had good qualities that I could and should share with others. I had to leave speech therapy during the spring 2001 semester as I was in my final semester and between work/school, I just didn’t have the time. But I did try to keep up with the techniques I was taught.
I joined this support group because of my student clinicians, who made a huge difference in my life. I want to give back and help others on their journey. I finally had someone to talk to that actually knew the frustrations, anxiety and pain I felt my whole life. My wife and daughter helped me understand along with the student clinicians that I really was more than my speech. Now I have 3 granddaughters (5, 12 and 15) and none of them are bothered the least bit by my speech.
You need to see that you will find the right girl out there who will accept you for what and who you are, which is not your stuttering. Don’t go after a girl with the intention of a date; instead look for a friend who just happens to be a girl. As much as I hate saying this (I’m the one who has stated for many, many years that “I hate wives, kids, cats and dogs” and of course they all ignore me…..so not fair), but women and girls seem to have a unique ability to see inside a guy’s outward persona.
Women will be able to see through any facade you present to them and will know if you want to know them as a friend or a sexual conquest. Tell them you stutter, and you have gotten good at it, but it is not the ONLY you, it is just a small part of the real you. Tell them as time goes on and you become more familiar with her, your stuttering may reduce somewhat, but it is always there waiting on the outside wings.
You will know soon enough if they like “you” or are ashamed of “you”. The ones who are ashamed don’t deserve you. Look for someone else that sees beyond the speech.
I was 29 when I got married (actually 28 and 10 months), so there is still time for you to meet the “girl of your dreams”, and she is out there, somewhere where you will probably least expect it. Once you find her, she will be your best friend for life, and will probably become your wife for life in the process.
I have been in your shoes and walked more than a mile in them. Be yourself, if you stutter, so be it, and go on. Don’t make a big issue out of it or she will wonder who you really are. Women don’t want a phony; they want someone who is real, with real flaws and quirks as they have their own. Laugh with them, not at them, and remember to not take yourself too seriously.
Bobby
It’s Showtime – Episode 37
Posted on: December 9, 2010
Episode 37 features Veronica Lynch, who hails from Dublin, Ireland. Veronica and I share a history of being extremely covert, and then making the transition to overt stuttering. We are both contributing members of the Covert-S email group.
Veronica worked for 30 years with the Irish Airports Authority. She has recently retired, with her last position being Insights and Strategy Manager, of which she was very proud. Veronica worked her way up the ranks in her career, starting with a back room job that didn’t require much talking.
Listen in to a powerful conversation about covert stuttering, “the aha moment” and what it is like living a parallel life. Veronica and I have remarkably similar stories about how we arrived at acceptance, and Veronica shares hers in-depth in this episode. She shares about how being covert means often we have to “be on” and “act” like we are on performing on stage all of the time, which coverts know, can be just exhausting.
Veronica also shares about what the journey has been like having a child who stutters, and how helping her daughter is what ultimately helped her. Veronica also touches on the profound notion that “when the student is ready, the teacher will find you.”
Veronica has been very involved with self-help in Ireland, and is an Executive member of the Irish Stammering Association.
Podcast safe music used in this episode is ” Scott Waves to Salty Grace” by J. Lang and is credited to ccMixter.
Can you relate? Feel free to leave comments or questions for Veronica or just let her know what a great job she did!
Tug-Of-War
Posted on: December 6, 2010
- In: Posts
- 6 Comments
Remember playing this game as a kid? I never liked it. I didn’t see the point, and it always seemed I got rope burn trying to pull so hard. And as the game goes, the harder you pull, the more effort the other side expends so they can win.
Speaking of rope burn, I also remember as a kid sliding down some huge slide sitting on a burlap sack. I can’t remember where , but the memory just came roaring back. That experience was like a tug-of-war too. I remember feeling gloriously free careening down the slide, caressed and stung by the wind and having no worries during that fast and furious moment.
And then the moment at the bottom when I realized the ride was over and my butt had slid off the burlap sack and I had rope burn all up and down my legs. The price I paid for that exhilarating run. I wish someone had told me to wear pants!
I have discovered that you can also play tug-of-war with feelings. Someone reminded me that if I expect those close to me to know what I want and need without telling them directly, I will be disappointed. This is akin to mind-reading, which most of us don’t do very well.
I know this intellectually, but emotionally it is still often hard for me to be direct about my feelings and even identify what it is that I am feeling. There must be a way to strike a balance between the desire to show my feelings and pressing my autopilot button to conceal my truest self, which I did for a long time. It was my survival tactic.
Simply put, as I was gently reminded, I am not used to anyone showing care and tenderness toward me. I don’t know how to react, or how to let it in. I want to, but the feelings that rush up overwhelm me. They are a bittersweet mix of joy and sadness. Mourning, if you will, for not having felt genuine tenderness enough to know how to deal with it.
Feeling for real, and expressing how I feel, is still so foreign that I don’t trust it. I grew up thinking that if I let people know my true self, somehow they would get the upper hand, which everyone already seemed to have anyway. I have been told that this is common for children of alcoholics. There were no emotions expressed – everything real was repressed and avoided. That’s how I got so good at covering up my stuttering.
So this tug-of-war with feelings is vexing me now. It is not as easy to hide anymore. As I heal and continue uncovering and exposing my true self, people are coming in. I have been so used to holding people and feelings at arm’s length, that usually I don’t even notice I am doing it.
Maybe I can have that glorious feeling of careening freedom again, right smack into life instead of down a slide on my butt on a burlap sack . Maybe I will figure out how to avoid the rope burns. Or maybe I’ll just figure out how to stop pulling so hard.
Episode 36 features Claudia Diamond, who hails from Guilderland, NY. She works as a medical assistant. A friend of mine from Toastmasters indicated that he knew someone who I should meet. I took a chance and emailed her, we met and have become friends. Both of us enjoy meeting up at our monthly Chat and Chew Too group, which is a social gathering for people who stutter.
Claudia shares her very personal story about her parents that were Holocaust survivors, and the parallels she found with her stuttering journey. Claudia is very candid talking about shame, grief and guilt.
Listen in to a powerful conversation about liberation on many levels. Claudia shares about her childhood, being second generation survivors and dealing with depression. She also shares how it feels to be invisible and how she only lets her “real self” out with people who she is really comfortable with. Claudia also mentions how for women it sometimes feels as if we never really leave junior high!
We also talk about self-help and the NSA, letting go of our past and moving forward, and the importance of humor. Claudia talks about a special collection she has and her “wall of fame” in her kitchen.
Credit for the podcast music used in this episode goes to ccMixter.
Please feel free to leave comments or feedback for Claudia or just tell her what a great job she did.
Bi-bi-bi-bi-bi-binary!
Posted on: December 1, 2010
- In: Posts
- 5 Comments
I had a big outreach presentation yesterday at one of my local high schools. I am beginning to know my material by heart and can give this talk almost effortlessly. I felt especially good because it was a morning presentation and I had more time alloted than usual. So I did not feel pressured or rushed, as I do sometimes. And I even had a remote for my multi- media presentation (a must with kids!) and found myself walking around the room with ease while talking.
I try to involve the kids in the presentations, by asking questions that I know someone will know the answer to. Trust me! This is vital self-preservation when public speaking. While waiting for someone to respond, it gives me a chance to take a sip of water. You should drink lots of water when talking for a while!
When I started talking about our Information Technology program towards the end, I could see some of the kids looked bored. I asked how many of them had studied a different language. Almost every hand shot up, and they yelled out, “Spanish, French and Japanese”. I asked if anyone knew what computer language was. No one knew. I would just tell them. Nope, not that simple today.
Computers are machines that only understand binary language – the numbers zero and one. Those numbers can be translated into something that us humans can see, read and understand.
I had the biggest block on the word binary. It just wasn’t coming. It came out “bi-bi-bi-bi-bi-bi-NARY”. When I finally got past the “bi”, I pushed “nary” out so hard I was almost out of breath. That almost never happens. In that split second, my mind raced for another word for binary. I couldn’t come up with one – I’m glad I didn’t, but my natural instinct was to try. I also remember my eye squeezing shut as I pushed “nary” out and then I kind of looked around, and the weirdest thing . . . no one seemed to even notice.
I had been in that “lost place” for those milliseconds, which seemed forever, as I pushed the word out . . . and no one even knew I had “gone anywhere” or what had even had happened.
I took a swig of water, paused and finished the presentation. What else could I do? Just let it happen and move forward, right? Right!
- In: Posts
- Leave a Comment
I was doing some cleaning up and ran across this printed piece that a student gave me years ago. She had told me that she was a really good “excuse maker”. As I read this over and reflected back (I was covert then about my stuttering), I think, “so was I “. But not ready to admit it.
I read this today and realize that I still make excuses. We all do. Take a look!
I was thinking about it but . . . I was going to but . . . I want to but . . . I wish I could but . . . These are the excuses we give for sitting on our butts. We tell ourselves we are waiting for something to happen. We tell ourselves something is missing. We tell other people we will do it, whatever it may be, but we never do. If you think what you need is not there, find it. If you cannot find it, make it. If you cannot make it, find someone who can. If you do not have the money to pay them to make it, get it done on credit. If you have no one to borrow from, ask someone else to borrow it for you. If you do not have credit, get some. If you cannot get credit, go out and do something that someone will pay will pay you for so you can pay for what you need. There are not “buts” so big they cannot be moved. Once you move the “butt”, everything else will follow.
Hmmm . . . I recall this student being 17 or 18 at the time. I thought she was so insightful for her age, having that and sharing it with an adult. Funny how its one of the things I saved and that I just happened upon today while in a reflective mood.
We cannot keep waiting for things to happen. We have to make them happen, or life will pass us by. Right? What is passing you by?
- In: Posts
- 4 Comments
I have written about friends who stutter here before. I have many friends whose names begin with J, so if you are reading this and think its you, you’re probably right!
J and I hung out the other night. It’s good to spend time with friends who stutter. We can let our guard down, stutter freely and sometimes, offer candid feedback to each other about stuttering moments. Not always a good idea with non-stuttering friends.
I went to his place and we talked for a while before leaving to see a play. We weren’t sure where to park when we got there, so I called and asked for directions. No problem making the call and stuttering a bit during the brief conversation. I stutter more on the phone, like many of us who stutter.
J then decided he wanted to make sure the play was not going to be too “somber and depressing” for a Thursday night, (he wanted to be entertained) so he called them back. He said he would “practice his speech on the phone”, as that is when he stutters the most too.
As soon as he started talking, he started to tense up, lean forward and block. Immediately, he stood, turned his back to me and walked away as he tried to push the first word out and then move into conversation. This really surprised me. He has never reacted like this, at least around me.
Of course, I have not seen him make many calls. When he calls me on the phone, I can’t see him, only hear, and he is very comfortable with me. I rarely hear him stutter over the phone.
When he finished his call, I mentioned this. I offered that it looked like he did not want me to see his struggle. He said he always does that on the phone. He tenses, leans forward and blocks and that he needs to stand and walk to help him move through the block.
I quietly wondered aloud if he was also uncomfortable with having me actually “see” this struggle. I asked him if he was ashamed of that, and he simply said “maybe”.
We talked about it a little more a couple of days later, and he said it’s not really shame. He said that when he gets in a block, he can’t think. He is so focused on the block that he can’t think. He says anyone around him is a distraction, and that I was a distraction, that’s why he had to move, so he could think.
His blocks are silent blocks, that over the phone I am not going to hear. There is no audible stuttering. Watching him initiate a phone call really allowed me to see the physical tension he has.
It was good that we talked about it. I suggested that if he allows himself to struggle in front of people he trusts, he can desensitize himself when it really happens making calls at work. And I further offered that he is not always going to be able to move away from distractions, and that maybe he needs to think of a way to work with this.
I remember when we recently listened to one of my podcast episodes together. When he heard me stutter on a “p” sound, which I always do, I felt embarrassed having him hear it. I commented “I hate when I do that.” He said it doesn’t bother him and asked, “Why are you so hard on yourself?” I simply said, “I don’t know.”
Yes, it’s always good to talk about our stuttering with someone else who stutters.
It’s A Thing I Do – Episode 35
Posted on: November 19, 2010
Episode 35 features Tsvetana Dimitrova, who hails from Sofia, Bulgaria. Tsvetana works in academia. Her PhD is in Linguistics and she works at the Bulgarian Academy of Science in the Linguistics department.
She is the editor of a business newspaper, called the Bulgarian Daily. Tsvetana is also a member of the Executive Board of the Bulgarian Stuttering Association.
It is safe to say that this is one busy woman. I am privileged she took time late one night (to accommodate the 6-hour time difference) to share parts of her stuttering journey.
Listen in as Tsvetana shares memories from her childhood stuttering, early speech therapy experiences and family support. We also discuss public speaking,and how challenging and stressful it can be. She shares how she initially didn’t think she could succeed at speaking publicly as a woman who stutters, but happily proved herself wrong!
We also discuss Toastmasters, which is a world-wide organization to help people from all walks of life improve public speaking and communication skills. Her self-help group is aligned with Toastmasters, and all of the members are people who stutter. They record their speeches and post them on You Tube, to encourage, inspire and learn from each other. Tsvetana has also appeared on television, reporting about her experience using the Speech Easy device.
This was a great, honest conversation infused with some humor. Listen for when Tsvetana reminds us that “Stuttering is not a disease. You can’t catch it.” Words of wisdom!
Credit for the podcast safe music clip “Fireproof Babies” goes to ccMixter.
Fluent Talk on Stuttering
Posted on: November 17, 2010
- In: Audio Links | Posts
- 2 Comments
A friend of mine, Burt, pointed me to this great video he found. Thanks Burt! A guy who stutters explains what stuttering is and how it impacts his everyday life. It is a great illustration of how to raise awareness of stuttering, as well as an example of his good graphic work on the video.
He also describes this talk he did as an “Ignite Talk”, which I have heard of before, being familiar with Toastmasters. It is a fresh and fast way to deliver a presentation that only allows 15 seconds per slide. This forces the speaker to be short and concise in what he or she is delivering and keeps the listeners involved, as the talk moves swiftly along with the slides.
Credit for this video goes to John Moore, of Brand Autopsy. He has a comment section set up on his blog if you want to leave him specific comments. This is a terrific piece for all people to see, both those who stutter and those who want to learn more about stuttering.
Make Room For The Stuttering 
What people are saying!