Author Archive
Don’t Quit – Episode 72
Posted on: November 7, 2011
Episode 72 features Janet Lennon, who hails from County Laois, Ireland (which is just about an hour from Dublin.) Janet is 25 years old and works with young children in a playschool.
We “met” through a mutual friend on an on-line stuttering support group.
Janet has stammered since she was about 4 years old. Her parents got her involved in speech therapy at a young age. In 2008, Janet found the McGuire program and also found renewed confidence.
Listen is as we cover a lot of ground in this great episode. We chat about the support and encouragement Janet found in the McGuire program, working with children and the importance of having non-judgmental support systems.
Janet joined Toastmasters in 2010, so we have that in common and chat quite a bit about that. It never ceases to amaze me how universal Toastmasters is. We can be in different parts of the world and know exactly what we are both referring to!
Janet also talks about an article she was featured in about finding her voice and shares the encouragement and inspiration she has felt from this poem called “Don’t Quit.”
Music in this episode is credited to ccMixter. Please be sure to leave comments if you wish for Janet (or me.) Remember, feedback is a gift.
Never Lose Who You Are
Posted on: November 5, 2011
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I feel inspired to write this post based on two things I have encountered recently.
One comes from a discussion on the email list group Stuttering Chat. I have been a long-time member of this list. It is an eclectic mix of people who stutter, from all walks of life, different countries, different ages, and most of the regular contributors are male. Some of the comments get very . . . . hmmm, how to say this politely . . . . . they can get quite nasty.
To the point that any new-comer to the group might feel intimidated and maybe unwilling to post an experience, which then defeats the purpose of a stuttering support group, in my humble opinion.
Anyway, we often have what we call “lurkers” on the list, those who read all of the posts, but rarely, if ever post a comment of their own. For a number of reasons, including, I am sure, feeling somewhat intimidated.
This past week, we did have a young girl post for the first time, looking for support as to how best go about setting up a volunteer experience for herself to gain work experience while waiting to get into college. She laments that because of her severe stutter, she has a hard time phoning people and arranging things herself, so she is having her mom do it for her.
The young girl seemed to express remorse and guilt for “letting” someone else handle her affairs. She failed her entry exams for college and will need to retake them next year. She wants to become a doctor, but again, fears her stutter will hold her back.
She was looking for responses, which I interpreted as “she was looking for support.”
I wrote and suggested that she try to re-frame stuttering and see if she could see the strengths she has developed because of stuttering. Things like courage, compassion, effective listening, excellent writing skills (which she obviously possesses, based on her eloquent post.)
One person on the list responded to me, telling me how irritating it is for him to read posts like mine. That it is ridiculous to tell a young person that things will get better, to try to find some good from her situation and focus on her abilities rather than her disabilities.
He stated responses like mine “sugar-coat” everything and are not really helpful to young people. He suggested we tell young people how it really is – that stuttering sucks, that it is hard to be made fun of and feel like you can never raise your hand in class and make routine phone calls.
I admit, I was kind of stunned. How does that help a 17-year-old looking at her future and weighing options, based on things that have not worked for her yet? When I was her age, I was scared, lonely, and felt no one understood me. I would have loved to hear from someone older who had gone through the same experiences and survived, and had the courage to share some of that.
I think that’s important to do. To share our stories about our past with others. I have turned myself around to the point I barely recognize the scared, isolated and withdrawn woman I was merely 5 years ago. Who almost never talked. Who was content to let others do the talking, all because I hated my stuttering and feared negative reactions from others. I hardly ever risked getting a reaction of any kind from others, because I didn’t want to talk, and stutter.
Now, I could care less. A lot of things changed for me. I talk regularly now, (maybe too much) and stutter openly. And most people don’t care, because I appear confident. That’s what is different for me now. And I want to share that with others.
I don’t ever want to lose who I am or was. Because the lessons I have learned along the way can help other people who stutter, especially young people.
The other reason I was inspired to write about this today was that I went last night to see a magnificent, moving theater production of “The Diary of Anne Frank.”
I had asked several people if they wanted to join me. Two said it would be too depressing, two had to work, so I went alone. In a way, I was glad I did. Because then I can feel my emotions unabashedly.
I knew the story: a 13-year-old Jewish girl and her family go into hiding from Nazi Germany. They live in an attic for over two years, and just before they are to be liberated, they are betrayed and captured. The entire family, except the father, perish in the Nazi death camps.
The young girl kept a diary, which was published seven years after her death, and has been produced in movie and stage versions since then.
In one scene of the play, young Anne is talking with 16-year-old Peter, and they are talking about what they would do once they became free. Peter says he would like to experience life not as a Jew, so he can experience freedom and life free of the hardships they endured.
Anne says she would never want that. She would not want to deny her roots. She said, “I would never want to lose who I am.”
That line profoundly impacted me last night, spoken from a young actress portraying Anne Frank, a young girl who left her legacy through words in her diary.
When I got up to leave the theater at the end of the show, tears were streaming down my cheeks. The woman seated next to me turned to look at me. She too had been crying. We just looked at each other,saying nothing. We didn’t need to.
(Writer’s note: I am in no way implying here that Anne Frank’s harrowing story of being a victim of the Holocaust can in anyway be compared to stuttering. There is no comparison.)
What If You Offend Someone?
Posted on: November 3, 2011
Recently, I posted a piece about procrastination and stuttering. The topic had been discussed on Facebook after another blogger wrote about procrastination, using stuttering as an example.
Many people in the stuttering community were offended with the blogger’s comments, as they appeared to casually associate stuttering with procrastination, which has negative connotations.
This does not come as a surprise, as there are constant negative uses of the terms stuttering or stammering in the media. People who actually do stutter often get frustrated with the resulting poor perception mainstream then has of people who stutter. It is often thought we are lazy, intellectually impaired, nervous or just plain weird.
What does come as a surprise (and a pleasant one indeed) is when a blogger takes some time to reflect on how his words may have been perceived, and writes a thoughtful response on what to do if you have offended someone, whether intentionally or not.
That is the case with Mike Reeves-McMillan’s post titled “What To Do When You Offend Someone.” In this post, he writes about some of the push-back his guest post (on another blog called Change Your Thoughts, Change Your Life) got from people who actually stutter. Some of us, me included, were annoyed to see the term stuttering used in such a way that it could be potentially misinterpreted.
Mike does a great job in his post explaining what you should do when you unintentionally offend someone. He did not get defensive, he did not inanely apologize, nor did he minimize feelings. He reflected that sometimes a writer will say something that triggers a backlash, and when that happens, the best thing to do is acknowledge, validate and respond.
He also reminds us that we cannot own other people issues or feelings. That is not healthy. We have enough of our own stuff to deal with.
I was pleased to read Mike’s post, and share it here. Like I said on my original post, stuff like this keeps healthy dialogue about stuttering, and other issues, alive.
Always a good thing!
Guest Post: Positive Reframing
Posted on: November 1, 2011
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The following is a guest post written by a good friend of the stuttering community. Hiten Viyas, from England, writes regularly from his blog, the Stuttering Hub.
Hiten is known for his short, powerful posts on managing stuttering in our every day lives. He writes just enough to make us really think about the topic at hand and how it may apply to stuttering (or stammering, as it is known in the UK and other parts of the world.)
Hiten also offers his services as a Mentor/Coach for people who stutter. I am pleased to have Hiten as a guest writer today, sharing how we can turn negative thoughts about stuttering into a more positive perspective.
Hiten titled his piece: 10 powerful reframes to deal with stammering
Dealing with the emotional aspects of stammering can be tough. Sometimes you can be so ‘into’ an emotion, it feels like no way out. Below are 5 common beliefs about stammering you may find yourself in, along with different ways of looking at each one.
1. Because I stammer, it means I’m lesser than other people
Society has falsely led people to believe they need to be as good as others. It’s a comparison thing.
But is the world really like this? I’m 5’7 in height and am from England. You might be 5’9 in height and from the United States. Is there any point in us trying to compare our heights when one of is already taller than the other?
One person might speak fast. Another might speak a bit slower. Where’s the sameness in this? There isn’t any. It’s all different. It makes no sense to compare yourself to others and wanting to be the same as others, because everything is already so different.
2. Stammering stops me from doing what you want to
How does this work? I don’t think stammering would stop you from doing what you want to. What would stop you from doing what you want to, is if every time you got up, an invisible force kept holding you back. Now surely that would stop you from doing what you wanted to, wouldn’t it?
3. If only I stopped stammering my life would be perfect
Exactly how do you define perfect? Being fluent perhaps? But that’s your definition of perfect. Another person’s definition might be to get 100% marks in every exam. The point is no universal definition of ‘perfect’ exists. Otherwise we would all define ‘perfect’ as meaning the same thing. So go ahead, believe that by being fluent you will be perfect. Only please don’t expect many others to believe the same as you.
4. Every time I stammer I get humiliated
If your statement ‘I get humiliated’ holds true then surely every part of your mind and body must be humiliated right? So which part of you gets humiliated? Is it your left arm? Or your big toe on your right foot? Or perhaps the toe on left foot is feeling bad? Does one toe get humiliated more than the other? How humiliated does that birthmark you have feel? Ask it to tell you a scale of 1 to 10 how strong the humiliation is.
5. I just can’t pick up the phone
OK. What stops you? Oh, I see! You’re afraid you will stammer, so you don’t pick up the phone…
What’s the worst thing that will happen if you pick up the phone? You will stammer? OK, I can see how this works… And by stammering, what does this mean? It means the other person will become impatient? How do you know? Oh right, you don’t know?
But you still think the person will become impatient? And by the person becoming impatient what does that mean? It means they might put the phone down? Alright! And by them putting the phone down, does your life automatically come to an end? It doesn’t? Are you sure? You are? Good.
And remember the next time you sense a person is becoming impatient with you over the phone, he or she might be desperate to go to the toilet! As much as you like to believe your stammering is important, if someone was to choose either giving attention to this, or to a call of nature, both you and I know which will one win.
From the 5 beliefs and the responses above, I hope you get the message I’m trying to convey. You may believe that your beliefs and views are the way things are, period. The truth is, there could be at least 10 different beliefs and views as well.
Peacocks And Penguins
Posted on: October 28, 2011
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Several years ago I read a great book on diversity called A Peacock in a Land of Penguins. It’s one of those fables that teach life lessons about being different. The story refers to workplaces and organizations, but its lessons apply to everything in life.
This book made a great impact on me when I first read it. I bought it for work, and applied some of it to a staff workshop I did on diversity. I remember thinking I was a peacock in a land of “everyone looks and acts the same” penguins.
I hadn’t thought about peacocks and penguins in a long time. Until I found I had used that phrase in a cover letter I wrote for a job I applied to this week. I was talking about me, describing my willingness to take risks and put myself out there, even when my ideas and opinions are contrary to the majority.
In other words, being a Peacock!
Many organizations today are still run by penguins – people who all look, sound, dress and think alike. Penguins say they want creative thinkers, but actually many prefer the status quo.
Those who are different – talented peacocks with unusual flair and style – make penguins uneasy.
I went through my bookcase to see if I still had the book and sure enough, I do. I started to re-read parts of it.
I think people who stutter are peacocks in a land of penguins. We are unique. We sound different and we make people be better listeners.
Peacocks represent diversity. Think about it. In all of your groups, there are penguins. In schools, sports, media, business and government.
Penguins all look alike. They all wear the same uniform to represent their particular penguin group. You know what I mean, right?
And then one of us comes along – a PEACOCK! Loud, bold, different, unique, smart, funny and full of life. And hugely valuable. Peacocks keep the world from being boring!
I am happy to be a peacock! What about you?
Episode 71 features Megan Hutson who hails from Fairmont, West Virginia. Megan is a 25 year old self described “professional student.”
She is studying American Sign Language (ASL) at Fairmont State University. Megan shares how she wants to use her stuttering as an inspiration to others who have difficulties with communication. She thinks she would be good at, and enjoy being, an interpreter for the deaf.
Megan shares an example of her teacher assigning the class to perform a song using ASL. (Here’s an example.) Megan talks about how different it was for her to sign instead of using her voice.
She recalls how when she would prepare a speech using her voice, she always prepared less material. She needed to give herself time to stutter. She realizes that this is not the case with ASL, because (as of yet) she is not stuttering while signing!
Listen in as we talk about some other unique perspectives. Megan did not start stuttering until age 17. We discuss late onset, and what it was like being fluent. Megan shares that she was actually timid as a fluent speaker and afraid to put herself out there. Now, as a person who stutters, she finds herself much more outgoing and willing to take chances!
We also chat about how she has handled negative reactions to her stuttering and Megan’s perspective that with stuttering, people have no time to prepare themselves to talk to us, like they might when a person encounters someone in a wheelchair.
This was a great conversation. Thanks Megan for being so honest and letting us get to know you. Feel free to leave comments or ask questions in the comment section.
Music used in this episode is credited to ccMixter.
Procrastination and Stuttering
Posted on: October 19, 2011
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My good friend Nina G, who is an amazing role model for “differently-abled” people, including people who stutter, found this blog post called Procrastination: Do You Stutter or Stammer? The author tries to correlate procrastination to stuttering or stammering.
The name of the blog is Change Your Thoughts, Change Your Life, and focuses on re-framing negative self-talk into ways to make positive changes in our lives.
Good stuff! Everybody has negative self-talk that can consume us if we let it. It’s always good to find ways to re-think things so we don’t get and stay “stuck.”
Except when we find the use of the words stuttering or stammering to imply something negative, that needs to be fixed or changed.
Here’s the comment I wrote on Mike Reeves-McMillan’s post. Figured I’d put it here, in case they don’t publish it!
What about those of us who really stutter? It’s not quite so simple unfortunately. I am a fast talker and a fast thinker – and I stutter. Have since I began talking. And I am an amazing communicator. I don’t procrastinate more than the average person, I don’t “stop” and “start” with my speech. I just happen to stutter sometimes, as do 1% of the adult population here in the United States (about 3 million of us) and 1% in the UK as well, and worldwide in fact. That’s a lot of people!
We are not intellectually or emotionally impaired, nor are we nervous, anxious, shy or withdrawn. What we are is this: fed up with people who casually use the words “stuttering” or “stammering” to convey a negative connotation. Sports teams get off to “stuttering starts.” A nervous teenager on his first date “stammers” hello. Employees on interviews should take care not to “stutter or stammer” their way through the first question, or risk making an indelible negative first impression.
I am all for people such as yourself selling books to help people manage their time better or figure out what obstacles exist that result in procrastination, which afflicts all of us at some point in our life.
For those of us who stutter (as it is routinely referred to here in the U.S.) or stammer (as it is routinely referred to in Europe), it is not a routine fix. Many of us struggle every day against negative social consequences, educational and vocational discrimination and exclusion. I stutter and I am very successful! I stutter and am actively involved in Toastmasters! I stutter and help people every day! I stutter and work with youth and young adults! I stutter and live and work and play in the same world as everyone else! And it’s OK!
What do you think about the use of the word “stuttering” or “stammering” when relating it to something that can be perceived as negative?
Let me know what you think!
Biological or Psychological?
Posted on: October 18, 2011
In yet another current media article about stuttering, this time in the Huffington Post, psychoanalyst Peter Wolson suggests that the cause of stuttering may be psychological. Read his complete piece here: Is Stuttering Biological or Psychological? (10/16/2011)
In part, he writes: “There is abundant research evidence for a biological predisposition for stuttering; however, environmental stressors, such as family relations, can produce internal psychological conflicts that cause stuttering.”
There were quite a few comments, including mine. I heard from some readers in the stuttering community that their comments were not approved to be posted on the article.
What do you think? There are many perspectives on this topic.
UnTamed Tongue – Episode 70
Posted on: October 17, 2011
Episode 70 features Rachel Hoge, who hails from Springfield, TN. Rachel is 19 years old and presently attends Western Kentucky University and lives in Bowling Green. She is studying creative and professional writing.
Rachel shares that when she first started college she advertised in one of her classes that she stutters and had started a blog about stuttering. Sitting next to her in class was the editor of her college newspaper. The editor profiled Rachel and her blog, The Untamed Tongue, in the college paper. Rachel shares that other students emailed her, disclosing that they too stutter.
I saw the article about Rachel, which led me to her blog, and then to her, which led to this podcast conversation.
Rachel wrote an article on stuttering when she was in high school that was published in the Stuttering Foundation’s newsletter. We also mention the National Stuttering Association, FRIENDS and the Our Time Theater in our conversation.
Listen is as we discuss stuttering around close friends and family, parent and sibling support and acceptance. We also discuss what it was like for Rachel to have this conversation, as I was the first woman who also stutters that Rachel ever spoke with.
Music used in this episode is credited to ccMixter. Please feel free to leave comments or feedback for Rachel or Pam. Feedback is a gift.
** Producer/editor note: I was unable to clean up the audio properly in this episode. It sounds like I interrupted Rachel at every turn, but that is really not how it went. For some reason, the audio just did not come out cleanly and I couldn’t fix it. Remember – this is an amateur podcast production! **
Producer note: This is the third episode in the very occasional series I do with men who stutter.
As you can see, my graphic designer and friend (Daniele Rossi)provided me with a new logo. I changed the name slightly to include the word “stutter” in the title so listeners can more easily find these special episodes.
So please look periodically here on the blog for these great conversations. They will also be downloadable on iTunes.
This 3rd episode features Vivek Singh, who hails from Pune, India. Vivek is 29 years old and very active in the self-help stuttering community in India. He is a computer engineer, and leads a weekly self-help group in his workplace that is supported by his corporation. I believe this is the first I have heard of this!
Vivek is a man of many interests. He enjoys reading books that help him explore the meaning of life with a scientific basis. He also enjoys inspirational reading, and all things physics.
Listen in as we discuss how Vivek became so immersed in the self-help movement and what continues to drive him. We also discuss his mastery of concealing his stuttering, acceptance, temporary fluency, first impressions, therapy and so much more.
To learn more about Vivek, please see his 2011 ISAD paper My Journey As A Stammerer.
Please feel free to leave comments for Vivek and me too. Feedback is so important. Music used in this episode is credited to ccMixter.
What Do You Think?
Posted on: October 10, 2011
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Kudos to my young friend, Philip Garber, who is featured in this New York Times article today, A Stutterer Faces Resistance, From the Front of the Class.
I know Philip, who is 16 years old, from the NSA. I have known him for a couple of years, so have had the opportunity to see him “grow up” as a young person with a profound stutter.
I also know Philip’s mom, Marin, who is mentioned in the article. I got to spend more time getting to know Marin at this year’s NSA conference in Ft Worth, Texas. We ran into each other at the airport on the way to Texas (!), and hung out quite a bit, sharing some meals together.
When this discouraging incident happened with Philip last month, Marin emailed me and asked my opinion of how Philip might handle the matter. We bantered a few thoughts back and forth, but ultimately Philip decided how it would be handled. He is quite skilled at self-advocacy.
I suggested that Philip should do a presentation to the faculty on stuttering awareness, and am pleased that he IS going to do this at some point.
Please take the time to read this article and the many comments (355 the last I saw!) The reactions are mixed.
What do you think? Do you think Philip was discriminated against? Do you think that the professor was reasonable in asking that Philip not speak in class? Is the article too one-sided? What lessons can be learned from this scenario?
Here’s a video that Philip did last year to commemorate International Stuttering Awareness Day, which is October 22. Hard to remember he is only a kid!
On Leadership And Toastmasters
Posted on: October 7, 2011
Many of you know I have been involved with Toastmasters for over five years now. It has been a great experience for me. I have taken so many risks and expanded my comfort zones time and time again. I have given over 50 speeches and have helped to promote Toastmasters to people interested in joining.
Many people have asked me why do I stay involved? Right now, I am serving as an Area Governor for Toastmasters, which is a voluntary leadership position. I have several clubs in my area, and it’s my job to visit the clubs, file reports, provide support, help membership building and help facilitate speaking contests. It takes a lot of time! To say the least!
The sappy answer why I stay involved is because I want to give back. Having the support of an organization that pushes you to set goals and cheers for you along the way is priceless. I have done things I never dreamed I would or could. I have met great people from all walks of life who are also doing things they never thought possible.
People who stutter think they cannot succeed in Toastmasters. It’s too risky, fluent people won’t understand, I’ll embarrass myself, no one wants to hear a stutterer trying to give a speech. Well, that’s just not true. I have written about this before here and have engaged with people who ask questions about Toastmasters in several of the stuttering forums.
Toastmasters helps build better communication and leadership skills for all who choose to push themselves and get involved.
I visited a club last week and listened to a 24-year-old young man share why he joined Toastmasters. His reason made me smile. He said he thought it was high time he find a “grown up” club or activity to join.
He said he wanted to graduate from playing angry birds, hanging out with his buddies and going to the gym. Now, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with any of those pursuits, but they likely won’t help him along his career path.
Building confident communication and leadership skills will help him, and anyone else, achieve career, social and life goals. If I wasn’t in this current leadership role, I would not have visited his club, met him and listened to his story. His story that made me smile and reminded me why we must share our successes with others.
And I was there to cheer him on when he entered his club contest for Table Topics and won! He advanced to the next level, after just being in Toastmasters for several months. That’s what Toastmasters does – gives you the confidence and support to take chances. And it has done it for many years. Check out this Toastmasters timeline.
Because everyone wants to change and grow, and Toastmasters is a great vehicle for that. It’s all about personal growth and guts.
Please check out the article – I Stutter! How In The World Can I Join Toastmasters? – I wrote for this year’s International Stuttering Awareness Day (ISAD) on-line conference. The conference is “live” until October 22,2011. Feel free to share the link with anyone, stutterer or fluent, who wants to learn more about how Toastmasters can change their life.
Be Not Afraid – Episode 69
Posted on: October 5, 2011
Episode 69 features Darcy Galane who hails from Brooklyn NY. Darcy is at a transition point in her life. She is currently not employed and describes her transition fraught with opportunity, excitement and fear.
She went through law school and passed the bar exam, but never practiced law. She spent some time working in educational publishing, particularly with writing and editing. She describes herself as happiest when she is writing – as that is her most authentic self. She comes from a family of writers.
Listen in as we talk about stuttering vs. just being quiet, anticipatory stuttering and helpful vs. harmful therapy experiences. We also discuss advertising and covert stuttering. We met on the covert-S email group, which Darcy joined after her first NSA conference in Cleveland in 2010.
Darcy was initially conflicted about joining the covert group and even identifying herself as covert. She acknowledges avoidance behavior, but was unsure if that really made her “covert.” Proof that covert stuttering is indeed complex! We also discussed Vivian Sisskin’s avoidance reduction therapy, and how that helped Darcy look at her stuttering differently.
Please be sure to leave comments or ask questions of Darcy. Remember, feedback is a gift. Music used in this episode is credited to ccMixter.
Make Room For The Stuttering 
What people are saying!