Author Archive
When We Are Offended
Posted on: July 26, 2013
I participated in a discussion this week in one of the stuttering groups about how we react when we are offended. Specifically, someone started a thread about how thick-skinned we are when it comes to negative reactions to our stuttering.
We can’t account for another person’s ignorance, stupidity or callousness, but we have a choice as to how we act or react.
Do we get defensive, defiant or confrontational? Or do we take offensive remarks and behavior in stride and take an opportunity to educate folks about something they may know nothing about?
In that discussion, I shared that I “choose my battles” wisely. If a stranger mocks or laughs at me, and I’m likely not to see that person ever again, I probably will not say anything and just let it go.
But if someone I know makes fun of my speech, or someone I know I’ll see again, then I may seize the opportunity to educate and raise awareness. But that does require a thick skin and right motive.
In the past, when someone has been rude or hurtful, I would get very upset, tear up and often be too embarrassed to say anything. As I’ve become more comfortable with my stuttering, I have found the courage to disclose that I stutter and that their comment or behavior offended me.
I try not to disclose just so that someone feels bad and apologizes profusely, but will admit on more than one occasion I didn’t mind seeing the person squirm in embarrassment.
I remember the time when I was signing up for a new job and an administrative assistant laughed at me during conversation. At first, I didn’t say anything, thinking I must have misunderstood. But when it happened a second time while I was still speaking, I knew I had to say something.
I told her I stutter, and she immediately looked embarrassed and apologized profusely. She even said she never would have reacted like she did had she known I stuttered. We finished our business and before I left, she apologized again. I believe I educated her that day about stuttering and she may have become just a bit more tolerant and patient.
How do you react when someone offends you, whether intentional or not?
We Got What We Needed
Posted on: July 19, 2013
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There were many great workshops and highlights at last weekend’s National Stuttering Association annual conference. Workshops were available on research, therapeutic approaches, social media and relationships.
There were two great keynote speakers, who both actually stutter. We heard from Trumain McBride of the NY Football Giants and Katherine Preston, who recently published a memoir about her journey with stuttering.
We also heard about Cameron Francek’s 100stutterproject and Morgan Lott shared his story about how thisisstuttering came to be.
We got what we needed from this conference. There were so many people who have brought positive attention to stuttering this year and many of them were at this conference all at the same time.
In years past, there has been disappointment that keynote speakers were often people who “used to stutter” and didn’t actually stutter when speaking to us. So this year was special, in that hundreds of stutterers got to hear inspiring speeches and stories from Trumain, Katherine, Cameron and Morgan, among others, who stuttered openly and with confidence.
We got what we needed. People who stutter – especially young people who stutter – need successful role models who actually stutter to help us normalize the experience.
We also heard stories from many others – at Open Mics and at The Stuttering Monologues.
The whole point of attending a stuttering conference is to learn and think and talk about stuttering.
We got what we needed.
Reentry Can Be Hard
Posted on: July 16, 2013
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Last week was the annual NSA conference held in Scottsdale, AZ. It was a wonderful week, filled with talking, stuttering, workshops, stuttering, socializing, stuttering, and keynote speakers who stuttered.
For me it was a great chance to recharge, spend quality time with good friends and revisit my relationship with my stuttering in a healthy way.
During the year, I don’t always engage with my stuttering like I do when attending a conference with hundreds of other people who also stutter. At the annual conference, I allow myself the time to think about my stuttering, talk about it with others, both the good parts and not so good parts, and I allow myself to stutter freely.
That is one of the strongest benefits of attending a 3 or 4 day conference about stuttering. We are free to stutter openly, free of techniques if we wish. With that freedom to stutter openly also is the freedom from judgment and fear that many of us feel during “everyday life.”
After returning home from the conference, I felt like I was on “cloud nine.” I still felt the energy of the support and camaraderie from the people at the conference, and the acceptance that is fostered at such an event. I watched all of the Facebook posts from friends who were posting that they were feeling the same way.
I messaged and texted a few friends and we “debriefed” a bit and talked about the recharge and energy we felt.
And we also talked about how the reentry was. Reentry back to the “fluent world,” and the world where stuttering is the minority once again, can feel like a huge letdown. All of a sudden we’re back to reality and the “high” of the conference has dissolved and we’re back to the sometimes isolating existence of being the only one who stutters.
Reentry can be hard. It’s important to stay in touch with people from the conference, through social media, texting, phone or Skype. Staying in touch allows us to keep the positive feelings of support and acceptance longer. I have been in touch with friends Annie and Hanan, which has helped me stay grounded.
How do you deal with reentry after returning from such an empowering, affirming conference?
It’s A New Life – Episode 106
Posted on: July 14, 2013
Episode 106 features Amey Herrin, who hails from McDonough, Georgia, where she lives with her husband and young daughter.
Amey has a BS degree in psychology and did graduate work in UTEP (Urban Teaching Education Program). She plans to finish her degree in counseling and become a psychologist when her daughter is older.
Amey has been actively involved in stuttering advocacy and education for many years, speaking to schools, universities and SLP groups. She takes great pride in representing the stuttering community and helping people.
Listen in as we discuss Amey’s experiences with intensive speech therapy, covert to overt stuttering, and confident stuttering. We also talk about fear and pride.
According to Amey, “we can choose what kind of stutterer we’re going to be.”
This was a great, robust conversation. Feel free to leave comments or just let Amey know what a great job she did.
The podcast safe music used in this episode is credited to ccMixter.
A Very Inspiring Woman
Posted on: July 12, 2013
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Check out this video and write up of Katherine Preston on Today Show.
She is so inspiring and represents the stuttering community so well. She was one of the keynote speakers at the recent National Stuttering Association conference.
Bravo, Katherine.
Words
Posted on: July 9, 2013
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This is the original piece that I shared at The Stuttering Monologues at the 2013 NSA conference. Several people asked me if they could have a copy. I decided to share it here.
Words
Dance silently in my head
Aligned with the stars
Pleasing to the ear
Playing to an audience
Of one or many
Words
Never much thought
Just flowing like the river
Then river meets ocean
And the words swirl around
and waves crash on shore
Words
Start crashing
No longer just silent dancing
They come alive
Now heard
Audience leans in,
Listens closely
For waves crashing on shore
Come to life
They are rhythmic and lilting,
ebb and flow
Like our words
No need for perfect cadence
The waters tell us so
They rock and roll
From our tongues and land
Right where they should
And our listeners listen and wait
For the next wave
For waves and words and sounds
Are uniquely unique
No two sounds the same
And they dance an imperfect dance
Of words, our words, all words
And in that imperfection we find perfect
Perfect word dancers
As we’ve always been.
Upcoming NSA Conference
Posted on: June 30, 2013
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I am excited to be heading off to Scottsdale, Arizona in a few days for the 30th Annual National Stuttering Association conference. There will likely be over 700 people in attendance, including hundreds of us who stutter, as well as family, friends and professionals in the field.
There are many educational and empowering workshops planned, as well as social activities to encourage talking and interaction between newcomers and veterans alike.
It promises to be a hot time – literally! Parts of the southwest, Arizona included, are experiencing record-breaking heat right now, and temps are expected to be well above 100 degrees (F) for the 5 days I will be there.
I am excited to see friends and make new friends. Like many of us, this is a special time of year for me. It is where stuttering is OK, and people who stutter are in the majority, which is a rarity. Restaurants, bars and shops will get to listen closely to stuttering as we invade AZ.
I look forward to reporting on this blog some of the highlights of the workshops, as I have done for the past several years.
I am also looking forward to relaxing and having some FUN.
Happens To Stutter – Episode 105
Posted on: June 24, 2013
Episode 105 features Erin, who hails from Washington, DC, via San Fransisco, CA. Erin has an undergrad degree in history and her master’s degree in Library Information Studies. She works in the history field, doing archival work.
Erin enjoys her dog, Eleanor Roosevelt and is an ocean person. She loves to surf.
Listen in as we discuss experiences we both had in London, mine for a brief one week, Erin’s when she studied abroad for college.
We discuss covert stuttering, speech therapy experiences, career choices and not settling.
We also discuss the value of hanging out with people who happen to stutter, but not necessarily talking about stuttering.
I unfairly did more of the talking in this episode, which will be cause to invite Erin back as a guest in the future, where I’ll shut up and let her talk. For she has a lot to say. Check out her blog Not Just Stuttering.
Feel free to leave comments or just let us know what you thought of the episode or what a great job Erin did. Remember, feedback is a gift.
The podcast safe music used in this episode is credited to DanoSongs.
Humans Need Human Contact
Posted on: June 15, 2013
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With all the social media platforms and other choices for electronic communication, there is no shortage of ways to find and communicate with people over the internet.
There are so many stuttering support groups, frankly they are hard to keep up with. But there is one on Facebook where large numbers of people who stutter gravitate.
The group is diverse – all ages, both genders, culturally and geographically dispersed. Yet, so many questions are asked – some casual, some deeply personal.
It seems that people who stutter from all walks of life are looking for connection, and I contend that connection cannot always be found with clicks behind a computer screen.
I think this 21st century group of young people who stutter who flock to these groups do so because there is no physical group to turn to.
Humans are human, and we need social interaction with each other – preferably face-to-face, at least on the telephone (or these days Skype.) We need to see and hear each other, read facial expressions and body language and feel that connection that comes from true interaction between two people.
I don’t think the future of interaction lies solely with social media and internet texting. I think we have to challenge ourselves to go and talk with a fellow person who stutters, or pick up the phone. Relationships start and then grow into friendships when we see and talk with each other in real-time.
We mustn’t lose sight of that.
Good Stuttering Experience
Posted on: June 12, 2013
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I want to share a good stuttering experience I had this week.
On Saturday, I participated in a Block Party held in my community and represented the National Stuttering Association at an information table. It was a great day – the weather cooperated and it was warm, which brought a lot of people out.
I had many visitors to my table and delighted in being able to share information about stuttering, both to those who did not know much about it and to several who did.
One of the first visitors to my table was 6-year-old Charlie who stutters. He was with his uncle. We talked about stuttering and I gave the uncle some resource material. I gave Charlie a pin, a wrist band and a chinese finger trap, which illustrates what it’s like to get stuck in a stuttering block.
By the end of our brief conversation, Charlie was stuttering like a rockstar and grinning from ear to ear.
I also met 9-year-old Taylor who also stutters. He shared with me the 3 ways he stutters – repetitions, stretches and blocks. He knew blocking very well and schooled me on it. He too left the table with a big grin.
Later in the day, the city mayor came over and introduced himself and we chatted a bit. The mayor shared that he had stuttered as a kid, which led him to be quiet. He said, “when you’re quiet, you don’t stutter.” He said his stuttering stopped when he was in his teens.
He also asked me if I knew the former mayor of another city near us, who stutters. I did and we talked about our admiration for his willingness to be vulnerable every day in his public speaking. He is no longer the mayor, but holds a different role in state government.
It was a great day to raise awareness and educate about stuttering. The two little guys who openly stuttered made my day!
Several years ago I would never have imagined that I could be out in public willingly talking about stuttering, while stuttering, just to educate others. I have grown so much in my journey.
I encourage all of you to take opportunities when you can to participate in community events and volunteer to be an ambassador for stuttering. You will reap the rewards, I promise you.
Breathe It In – Episode 104
Posted on: June 10, 2013
Episode 104 features Jessica Stone, who hails from New York City. Jessica has her Master’s degree from NYU in Mass Communication, and has been working as a copy writer in advertising for 16 years.
Jessica had set two goals for herself before she turned 30 – to get her master’s degree and to live abroad. Having accomplished the first, she set out to research the second.
She found herself leaving NYC to live in London, which turned out to be for 6 years. Through that experience, Jessica learned about networking, confidence and resilience.
Listen in as we discuss early memories of stuttering, covert stuttering, anxiety and breathing. We also talk about public speaking – both Toastmasters and Transformational Speaking – and Jessica’s experience with the McGuire program in London. And so much more.
Feel free to leave comments or ask questions, or just let Jessica know what a great job she did. Remember, feedback is a gift.
The podcast safe music used in this episode is credited to ccMixter.
It’s Personal
Posted on: June 4, 2013
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I had one of those intimate stuttering moments today. You probably know what I mean.
I got caught in a block on the “k” in the word “keep” – came out something like “ki-ki-ki-ki-ki-ki-kiiiiii-eep.”
I say intimate in that I was looking at the person I was talking to as I blocked and we maintained eye contact through the block.
Neither of us averted our gaze. Our eyes just kind of locked, until I was able to finish the word and then move on. I then glanced away for a second and then glanced back, which I think is normal eye contact. The other person did too.
So why is this a big deal?
Well, stuttering can be very intimate. In a Google+ hangout recently, David, a co-founder of Stutter Social, discussed his view of the “intimacy of stuttering.” It’s my view too.
Getting locked up in a block for a few seconds and sharing that with another person is very personal. I showed my “imperfection” in a vulnerable way.
And to have the other person share that with you, as in maintaining eye contact, until the block is over, is extremely personal.
I appreciated this person’s willingness to stay present with me, as she could have easily averted her eyes out of embarrassment or discomfort. Or even to give me a moment to “collect myself.”
Staying with me in the moment was also a deep sign of respect.
We shared that very personal moment that was important enough to me to write about this today.
What do you think? Can you relate?
The Cat’s Out – Episode 103
Posted on: May 29, 2013
Episode 103 features Rachel McCullough, who hails from Bucks County, Pennsylvania. Rachel works in government with law enforcement.
Rachel wrote an article called “When Police Encounter Persons Who Stutter,” which was published in her agency’s newsletter and was also picked up by The Stuttering Foundation. She was recognized with a first place journalism award from The Stuttering Foundation for her piece.
Rachel is also a musician, sharing that “music for me is like breathing.” Rachel is a singer-songwriter and plays guitar for the band Black Cat Habitat.
Listen in as we have a great conversation about disclosure and advertising, and how Rachel first learned about covert stuttering at her first full National Stuttering Association conference in Cleveland in 2010.
We also chat about pretending to be fluent, how the only thing permanent with stuttering is that it is constantly changing, stuttering in the workplace and how Rachel is also known as Debra.
Feel free to leave comments or questions for Rachel, as we barely scratched the surface of her great story. Or just let her know what a great job she did. Remember, feedback is a gift.
The podcast safe music used in this episode is credited to DanoSongs.
Virtual Stuttering Panel
Posted on: May 18, 2013
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Thursday night, I had the opportunity and privilege to participate in a Google Hangout panel that was streamed live on YouTube. How cool is that?
For National Stuttering Awareness Week 2013, a diverse panel discussed stuttering, feelings and myths in an effort to educate stutterers and non-stutterers about the daily reality of living with stuttering.
Several countries were represented, as well as a non-stutterer. Hearing her perspective was great!
I’m the one that’s hard to see, due to poor lighting on my end. However, seeing us really wasn’t the point – its hearing us talk about stuttering that is really important.
All of us will be posting this video on our respective social media platforms. Take a look and listen. We rattle off some real gems!
Make Your Voice Heard
Posted on: May 16, 2013
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Today’s post doesn’t have a lot to do with stuttering. Or maybe it does in some way.
Yesterday I had a conversation with someone who challenged me to find a way to make my voice heard. That was hard to hear, as I like to think my voice is loud and clear.
I am open with my stuttering, and have a voice in that community. I let my voice be heard in the Toastmasters community and my voice is certainly heard through this blog and various social media platforms.
But this was not a challenge about my literal voice. He was pushing me to find a way to have my figurative voice be present in a tough environment with a lot of pushback. We talked about the different meanings of voice, which did not include stuttering at all.
For the first time in a long time, I am considering stepping away from a tough situation, instead of “shaking it off and stepping up.” I’ve prided myself on doing that and encouraging others to do the same.
I mustered up the courage to say I think I need to bow out gracefully from a tough work situation. After much self talk, I had arrived at the decision that self-preservation and being happy was more important than the daily grind. That life is too short to be miserable every day.
But this individual would not let me off the hook! He pushed back and debated with me. He is convinced that I am supposed to be right in the thick of things and that my leadership and voice will strengthen and that I will be better for sticking it out. And that the work is important and worth it.
He challenged me to find new ways to collaborate, communicate and problem solve.
My insides are screaming that I’ve had enough, that as long as I can save face, it’s OK to bow out and still stand tall.
But I’ll admit I’m struck by this individual’s confidence in me that I can stay the course and emerge better, stronger and with new skills.
Having your voice heard means being active, not passive, which I am trying to convince myself is OK at this stage in my life and career.
My white flag was not accepted. So I have to figure out how to raise my voice another octave. And do that with grace.
What people are saying!