Posts Tagged ‘public stuttering’
Stuttering And Being Weird
Posted on: December 16, 2011
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This is my friend Lisa giving a talk at a local TEDx conference in Albany, NY last month. I had the privilege of being there in person to see and hear her talk, and more importantly, the audience reaction. They loved her. She was the best presenter by far, of 16 speakers.
TED talks are global. If you have never heard of them, check them out. It’s a simple, yet profound idea. Get people who have something to say to say it. Like Lisa does here.
I met Lisa a little more than a year ago, after “stalking” her (her words!) and convincing her to meet me. We found out through email and social media that we live and work very close to each other.
Lisa has a severe stutter, and works in an industry where she helps other people find their voice. As we began to get to know each other, Lisa shared that she has never talked publicly like this. Until this year. Like NOW!
She spoke at a major industry conference in LA about a week before she did this talk. I think it’s safe to say Lisa has found her voice.
I am glad I stalked her and we have become friends. She inspires me. She has also been a guest on my podcast!
Humor At Toastmasters
Posted on: December 12, 2011
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I had an impromptu moment of stuttering humor at a Toastmaster’s event on Saturday, which couldn’t have been better if I had planned it!
Once a month, our Toastmaster’s division has an Executive Council meeting, where all of the officers get together and compare notes and progress.
On this day, I was asked to present the report for our division, in the planned absence of our Division Governor.
We follow a pretty tight agenda, and each presenter gets 5-7 minutes to deliver their report. Someone “times” us, and holds up helpful flags to let us know our pace and when to wind down. Red means stop! When I saw my “red flag”, I still had a couple slides left to cover and more to say.
That is not unusual for me. I often struggle to stay within timeframes, and have demonstrated that throughout my 5 years of giving Toastmaster speeches. I have given over 50 speeches and am on track towards my goal of DTM (Distinguished Toastmaster) which is the highest rank in Toastmasters.
So I said I wasn’t finished yet, and added, “Just so you know, stutterers are always entitled to more time.” That got an appreciative laugh from the audience.
Someone immediately chimed in and said, “Pam, you are well on your way to DTM, or ‘Don’t Time Me!” That got an even larger laugh from the group.
I finished up with my presentation and sat down to applause!
As I thought about it later, I realized how great a moment that really was. In a formal meeting following formal timing protocols, I injected impromptu humor about stuttering, which was well received.
And a fellow Toastmaster felt entirely comfortable to “jab” back with a perfect little joke that everybody got and enjoyed.
Another example of the value of sharing our stuttering and making it a comfortable topic for anyone to talk about.
Be Memorable!
Posted on: December 2, 2011
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I really don’t want to be identified as the lady who stutters at work. But I know darn right well that is how some people know me and remember me.
I stutter during one-on-one conversations, I stutter on the phone and I am known to stutter when making small or large group presentations. Contrary to what I used to think, most people in my world know I stutter.
There’s certainly worse things to be known for, right?
I could be known as the one everyone hates dealing with because she never follows through.
Or I could be the one that everyone knows is always late.
Or I could be known as the one that you can’t tell anything to because she can’t be trusted.
On one of the stuttering forums I visit, someone was talking about how it’s too bad some people reach “old age” and never come to terms with the fact that they stutter.
He shared an observation that he had when he had a group of people over to his home recently. People were gathered around, talking, laughing, chiming in when they had something to contribute. He also noted that there were several different conversations actually going on at the same time.
He found it interesting to watch how people jockeyed for the right moment to jump in and add something to a conversation when they had something they wanted to contribute. Sometimes people talked over one another and interrupted.
He also mentioned that he didn’t contribute much because he really didn’t have much to say, and was rather busy keeping people “watered and fed.”
But when he did have something to say, the conversations stopped and everybody listened. Because this guy insists that he not be interrupted when he speaks. Sometimes he struggles to get his words out, so when he does want to contribute, everybody listens.
I likened this to being memorable. People remember people who stand out and say something compelling and valuable, even when stuttering while sharing their point.
A friend and I talked about our stuttering last night. He was venting how frustrating it feels to him to have conversations at work with colleagues or people in authority. He feels like no one knows who he is.
I told him what I thought about that! My take is that he feels that way because he rarely takes opportunities to initiate conversation and “make people want to hear more from him.”
When I said this, he looked at me with this “raised eyebrow look” of his that means, “What the hell are you talking about?”
I said to him, “You have to be memorable. You stutter, so be so compelling in what you say while stuttering, that people will definitely remember you.” I had his attention. I could see his wheels churning.
There’s worse things, right?
Procrastination and Stuttering
Posted on: October 19, 2011
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My good friend Nina G, who is an amazing role model for “differently-abled” people, including people who stutter, found this blog post called Procrastination: Do You Stutter or Stammer? The author tries to correlate procrastination to stuttering or stammering.
The name of the blog is Change Your Thoughts, Change Your Life, and focuses on re-framing negative self-talk into ways to make positive changes in our lives.
Good stuff! Everybody has negative self-talk that can consume us if we let it. It’s always good to find ways to re-think things so we don’t get and stay “stuck.”
Except when we find the use of the words stuttering or stammering to imply something negative, that needs to be fixed or changed.
Here’s the comment I wrote on Mike Reeves-McMillan’s post. Figured I’d put it here, in case they don’t publish it!
What about those of us who really stutter? It’s not quite so simple unfortunately. I am a fast talker and a fast thinker – and I stutter. Have since I began talking. And I am an amazing communicator. I don’t procrastinate more than the average person, I don’t “stop” and “start” with my speech. I just happen to stutter sometimes, as do 1% of the adult population here in the United States (about 3 million of us) and 1% in the UK as well, and worldwide in fact. That’s a lot of people!
We are not intellectually or emotionally impaired, nor are we nervous, anxious, shy or withdrawn. What we are is this: fed up with people who casually use the words “stuttering” or “stammering” to convey a negative connotation. Sports teams get off to “stuttering starts.” A nervous teenager on his first date “stammers” hello. Employees on interviews should take care not to “stutter or stammer” their way through the first question, or risk making an indelible negative first impression.
I am all for people such as yourself selling books to help people manage their time better or figure out what obstacles exist that result in procrastination, which afflicts all of us at some point in our life.
For those of us who stutter (as it is routinely referred to here in the U.S.) or stammer (as it is routinely referred to in Europe), it is not a routine fix. Many of us struggle every day against negative social consequences, educational and vocational discrimination and exclusion. I stutter and I am very successful! I stutter and am actively involved in Toastmasters! I stutter and help people every day! I stutter and work with youth and young adults! I stutter and live and work and play in the same world as everyone else! And it’s OK!
What do you think about the use of the word “stuttering” or “stammering” when relating it to something that can be perceived as negative?
Let me know what you think!
Producer note: This is the third episode in the very occasional series I do with men who stutter.
As you can see, my graphic designer and friend (Daniele Rossi)provided me with a new logo. I changed the name slightly to include the word “stutter” in the title so listeners can more easily find these special episodes.
So please look periodically here on the blog for these great conversations. They will also be downloadable on iTunes.
This 3rd episode features Vivek Singh, who hails from Pune, India. Vivek is 29 years old and very active in the self-help stuttering community in India. He is a computer engineer, and leads a weekly self-help group in his workplace that is supported by his corporation. I believe this is the first I have heard of this!
Vivek is a man of many interests. He enjoys reading books that help him explore the meaning of life with a scientific basis. He also enjoys inspirational reading, and all things physics.
Listen in as we discuss how Vivek became so immersed in the self-help movement and what continues to drive him. We also discuss his mastery of concealing his stuttering, acceptance, temporary fluency, first impressions, therapy and so much more.
To learn more about Vivek, please see his 2011 ISAD paper My Journey As A Stammerer.
Please feel free to leave comments for Vivek and me too. Feedback is so important. Music used in this episode is credited to ccMixter.
On Leadership And Toastmasters
Posted on: October 7, 2011
Many of you know I have been involved with Toastmasters for over five years now. It has been a great experience for me. I have taken so many risks and expanded my comfort zones time and time again. I have given over 50 speeches and have helped to promote Toastmasters to people interested in joining.
Many people have asked me why do I stay involved? Right now, I am serving as an Area Governor for Toastmasters, which is a voluntary leadership position. I have several clubs in my area, and it’s my job to visit the clubs, file reports, provide support, help membership building and help facilitate speaking contests. It takes a lot of time! To say the least!
The sappy answer why I stay involved is because I want to give back. Having the support of an organization that pushes you to set goals and cheers for you along the way is priceless. I have done things I never dreamed I would or could. I have met great people from all walks of life who are also doing things they never thought possible.
People who stutter think they cannot succeed in Toastmasters. It’s too risky, fluent people won’t understand, I’ll embarrass myself, no one wants to hear a stutterer trying to give a speech. Well, that’s just not true. I have written about this before here and have engaged with people who ask questions about Toastmasters in several of the stuttering forums.
Toastmasters helps build better communication and leadership skills for all who choose to push themselves and get involved.
I visited a club last week and listened to a 24-year-old young man share why he joined Toastmasters. His reason made me smile. He said he thought it was high time he find a “grown up” club or activity to join.
He said he wanted to graduate from playing angry birds, hanging out with his buddies and going to the gym. Now, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with any of those pursuits, but they likely won’t help him along his career path.
Building confident communication and leadership skills will help him, and anyone else, achieve career, social and life goals. If I wasn’t in this current leadership role, I would not have visited his club, met him and listened to his story. His story that made me smile and reminded me why we must share our successes with others.
And I was there to cheer him on when he entered his club contest for Table Topics and won! He advanced to the next level, after just being in Toastmasters for several months. That’s what Toastmasters does – gives you the confidence and support to take chances. And it has done it for many years. Check out this Toastmasters timeline.
Because everyone wants to change and grow, and Toastmasters is a great vehicle for that. It’s all about personal growth and guts.
Please check out the article – I Stutter! How In The World Can I Join Toastmasters? – I wrote for this year’s International Stuttering Awareness Day (ISAD) on-line conference. The conference is “live” until October 22,2011. Feel free to share the link with anyone, stutterer or fluent, who wants to learn more about how Toastmasters can change their life.
Their First NSA Conference
Posted on: July 27, 2011
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My Flip digital recorder was a great tool to have with me at the 2011 NSA Conference. When I realized that first-timers had been asked to sum up their experiences at the closing ceremonies, I pressed the record button.
It is so empowering to hear people express how moving and significant it is to participate in the stuttering community for the first time. Both Katie and Dustin indeed did that – they both helped to facilitate workshops too! I could not have done that at my first conference!
Listen and watch as Katie and Dustin sum up their conference experiences, in their own words and their own voices. They have made room for the stuttering. Have you?
(I did receive permission from both Katie and Dustin to post this clip on the blog, in case you’re wondering!)
Please leave comments here for either or both, so everyone who tunes in to this blog can see them. Not everyone hangs out on Facebook!
Paradox Of Feelings
Posted on: July 17, 2011
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Philip Garber is such an inspirational young man. He wrote this poem, Paradox of Feelings, and shared it at the closing ceremony of the NSA 2011 Conference in Ft Worth, Texas. He concludes with stating simply, “I am so happy I stutter.”
Philip and his mom, Marin, were two of the first people I saw during my recent journey to The Lone Star state. Turns out, Philip, his mom, and another inspirational young man, Jared Gilman,and I were all on the same flight from Newark, NJ to Dallas-Ft Worth, Texas.
I recognized Philip right away in the airport, due to his hat. That’s why I offer my “hat’s off” to Philip in this video clip. I am so glad I captured this. (He gave me permission to post here!)
Shiny Eyes On Stage
Posted on: June 1, 2011
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Tonight is our awards night at school, an event that has brought conflicting emotions for me over the last four years. As some may recall, the first time I facilitated this ceremony, my boss criticized me the next morning for “butchering” the kids names. I had, in fact, stuttered. That comment stung, and obviously I have remembered it.
As advisor for the National Technical Honor Society, I facilitate the induction ceremony, which includes speaking from a script, introducing speakers and calling students names as they receive their certificates. I have long gotten over the nervousness and anxiety of this “performance”. Last year, I even advertised using humor about my stuttering, to put both me and the audience at ease.
But, it is still tough to be on stage speaking into a microphone. Reading from a script and calling out names is my most challenging stuttering situation. I stutter more, for whatever reason.
I worry if I don’t advertise in some way that parents will think I am mis-pronouncing their kids’ names. And I don’t want that perception. Names are important. For some of these students, this may be the first ever award they are receiving.
During rehearsals with the students last week, I told them all I stutter and that I may stutter more than usual up on the stage using a microphone. They were fine with my disclosure. I was glad I did it!
My biggest concern for tonight is that I will get choked up on stage. This may be the last Honor Society ceremony that I will lead for the school. I have been informed that my current job is being abolished. I will either be doing something else within the school or unemployed at month’s end.
So it will be bittersweet for me tonight. I know I will do fine and represent the school and students well. It will be a beautiful candle lighting ceremony, solemn and emotional. Even in ordinary times, it is easy to get caught up in the emotional moments and feel the joy and pride of the students.
I will surely feel joy for the students, and sadness that it may be my last time presiding over this. Things change, times change, people change. My emotions run pretty consistent though, and it is hard for me to hide them any more.
So there is a good chance my eyes will be shiny tonight, for more than one reason. A bittersweet moment that will become another memory for me.
Getting Wet
Posted on: May 26, 2011
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I have been in Toastmasters for five years. To say it has been a great experience would be an understatement. Toastmasters values and supports individual growth and thereby fosters courage and confidence. I am proof of that!
Having a safe environment to practice different speaking situations and know that people actually want you to succeed is priceless. We don’t find this everywhere.
Workplaces can be intimidating. They may encourage you to “speak up” but sometimes an employee is fearful of the consequences of doing so. In our communities, it can be tough to be heard as well, especially if you are the “new kid on the block” or you are not a social butterfly!
And if you stutter, all of these situations can be even scarier. But Toastmasters welcomes and encourages every member to build on strengths we already have and work towards personal and professional goals. It is a non-threatening environment where members simply support each another. Sometimes, we “nudge” each other a bit as well!
I have not done any planned speeches since last summer. I have been focusing on other things and mentoring a new member. That’s also part of Toastmasters – paying it forward and passing along what has helped us to the next person. I take meeting roles and enthusiastically participate whenever I can.
At this week’s meeting, a person was to be Toastmaster of the meeting for the first time. She was a little nervous, had spent a week emailing members, getting bios together and planning. She really wanted to do well. (I suspect she is a bit of a perfectionist like me!) There were two planned speakers on the agenda. Both backed out at the last minute.
While we were waiting for the meeting to start, I mentioned that some Toastmasters talk about have “back-pocket” speeches that they can do anytime. I half-jokingly mentioned that maybe we might have to do that at our meeting. Well, our Toastmaster Annette called my bluff and asked if I would give an impromptu speech. How could I say no!
So, with only seconds to prepare, I rose to the challenge, walked up to the lectern and delivered a 7 minute speech called, “When It Rains, Get Wet”. I talked about living life to its fullest and shared the personal experience of having participated in my first team 5K walk last week. Something I never thought I could do. Something way out of my comfort zone!
Unbelievably, it seemed like one of my better speeches. I was comfortable, relaxed, animated. People commented on that in the written feedback slips we give to each other after anyone speaks. And when I finished, another member volunteered to give his second ever speech, off the cuff. Talk about risk-taking.
I share this for a reason. I was always afraid to take risks, especially speaking risks. I always feared that I would be judged as incompetent, just because I stutter. But I have learned that sometimes the best lessons are taught when we just let go and do it.
I have to share some of the feedback I got after my impromptu speech. It was so gratifying and affirming. I allowed these comments in and gave myself permission to feel good!
“Smooth, fun story, nice build-up, happy ending, a lot of fun.”
“Amazing speech! I felt your joy when you crossed the finish line. You inspired me to take a risk!”
“Great! Wonderful personal story! Engaging topic, excellent delivery.”
“Pam, you are the ultimate risk-taker! Are you sure this wasn’t planned? I wish I could be as confident as you. You did an awesome job. Great body movement and non-verbal cues. You totally rock!”
Normally, I would be adverse to share compliments like this. I often feel embarrassed. I know why – I used to feel I didn’t deserve to be told I do/did a good job!
But taking this huge risk felt great and proved that good things happen when we go way outside our comfort zone. People keep telling me to share these really good things, so I just did!
It’s In The Doing
Posted on: May 24, 2011
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“The fact is, that to do anything in the world worth doing, we must not stand back shivering and thinking of the cold and danger, but jump in and scramble through as well as we can.” —Robert Cushing.
I love this saying. My friend Steve put this on our agenda for a discussion workshop we did recently with adults who stutter. We discussed fear and shame, and how we manage our stuttering in our daily lives.
Anything worth having is worth working for. I tell my students that all the time. Sometimes we have to make ourselves vulnerable and do things we think we cannot do, in order to achieve a goal. Then when we achieve the goal, it is often sweeter because we faced up to something we might not have dared to do.
Stuttering fits in this realm. There are lots of things people who stutter avoid out of fear or shame. For some, it might be public speaking. For others, it might be answering the telephone or placing an order through a drive-through. For still others, it might be speaking up at a meeting or answering an impromptu question.
Life is full of those moments when we have to decide what is most important. Sometimes we have to dive right in and just face our fears, so that we can feel in control, rather than our stutter controlling us.
Reminds me of an upcoming event I have scheduled. Next Wednesday is our high school awards night and our Honor Society induction ceremony.
I am the one who gets to be on stage, using a microphone, explaining the functions and what the different candles we will light actually mean. Then I will call each student’s name for their award. This is always challenging!
Even though it will be my fourth year leading this ceremony, I always feel that anticipatory anxiety. I stutter more when I am reading names.
When I read each student’s name, I repeat on the first and last name, without fail. I worry because I don’t want parents thinking I am mis-pronouncing their child’s name. Getting names right are important, especially when parents will be in the audience.
This is definitely an area that I might stand at the edge and think about the danger and cold, and wish I did not have to do this. But I will. Despite my boss having made negative comments about my performance after the first time I did it. (Not sure I will ever forget that!)
I could ask someone else to do it, but I won’t. It’s my job. It invokes anxiety for me, but I am going to do it anyway. It’s worth it to me to scramble through and do my best, for myself and my students. Even if I am not perfect.
Perfection is not the goal. Just doing it is! Right? Often, the victory is in the doing.
Can you relate? Have there been things you’d rather not do, but have done anyway? Why?
Local Blogging Event
Posted on: April 16, 2011
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Just a quick note! I am attending the first ever TechValley Blogger Tweetup event this evening, April 16, 2011, in Albany, NY. Why would anyone care?
Well, this will be my first effort to share my blog and podcast about stuttering to other local bloggers who don’t stutter. I am hoping to network with the local blogging community, put myself out there (a new concept for me, right?), and further increase awareness of a local stuttering resource.
I have been hoping my area would eventually create a local meet-up so that local bloggers could meet in person, share ideas and get our words and voices out there. One of my friends, Lisa, of Outspoken Media and Voice Interrupted will be on a panel. I am excited about attending and learning. And I have linked my blog to the TechValley blog site as well.
The more exposure, the better, right? And I seem to be landing in places lately that I should. I have a good feeling about this. I bet someone will learn something about stuttering that they didn’t know before! I hope so!
Let It Be
Posted on: April 7, 2011
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I found myself responding to someone who was thinking out loud about stuttering. She said, “I just don’t get it.” I mused she probably was referring to, “Why is stuttering so unpredictable?”
The variability and complexity of how we sound, how we feel, how one day it’s one way and the next it is completely different is quite amazing. To me, anyway. There are some who will surely find ways to describe stuttering that does not include the adjective “amazing.”
For a long time, I tried to figure things out – why this, why that, why some people react one way, why others say dumb things, why sometimes I am like an open book, and other times, I find myself with heat on my face and my heart thumping. I stopped trying to figure it out.
It is so much easier to just let things be the way they are going to be. It sounds simplistic. Perhaps it may even seem to minimize the struggle of stuttering for some.
I have an embroidered framed art piece of one of my favorite sayings, “It Is What It Is”. I used to think that even thinking that about stuttering or my reaction was a “cop-out”. Some things are just going to happen and life will go on. I have determined that to be a fact.
No matter how hard I try to analyze or rationalize or convince myself otherwise, some days I am going to stutter a lot and feel tense, and some days I am going to hardly stutter at all.
I think sometimes its harder to just relax and let my natural self be. I had become so used to making excuses, rationalizing, over-thinking, obsessing about everything. It’s what I did, all of the time. That was when I considered myself very covert about my stuttering.
Now, to just relax and be, really BE, sometimes I have to remind myself of just that – that who I am is really OK. Screw everyone else who doesn’t think so.
Yes, this is hard to do in a (perceived) judgmental world, but I guess I just have reached the point where all the needless worrying about how I will sound or what someone will think is just not so important anymore.
Just like the song says, “Let It Be”.
Make Room For The Stuttering 
What people are saying!