Posts Tagged ‘feelings about stuttering’
Episode 38 features Maria McGrath, who hails from Santa Barbara, California. She was born in Ireland and lived in London for a long time before moving to America just over a year ago. She trained and worked as an accountant, and has recently begun the adventure of bringing the McGuire Programme to the US.
I “met” Maria after reading a wonderful article she wrote, called “My Turn: Stifled by a Stutter”, which was printed in The LA Times. I emailed her my thoughts about her article, and invited her to tell her story here. The health section of the LA Times published her piece in conjunction with the opening of the new movie, “The King’s Speech”. (which has huge potential to increase stuttering awareness all over the world).
Listen in as Maria and I chat about her younger days and some of the purposeful avoidance situations she found herself in. Maria is a great story-teller, as you’ll easily tell. We also talk about confidence, being in control, and moving through fearful situations.
Maria is taking great leaps outside of her comfort zone with her recent work in figuring out ways to advertise the McGuire programme here in the US. Information for the international McGuire programme can be found here.
Maria would be happy to chat with anyone interested in learning more about how the McGuire programme changed her life. She can be reached at (805)727-3734 and her Skype name is mariamcgrath.
Credit for the podcast safe music, Today Then Tomorrow, used in today’s episode goes to DanoSongs.
Feel free to comment or ask questions for Maria in the comment section, and Pam always loves to hear your feedback too!
On Being Heard
Posted on: December 15, 2010
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As a person who stutters, I once believed no one would want to listen to me talk for any length of time. I had gotten “the look” too many times. You know the one I mean. When the listener first realizes something is different, and the look of surprise appears.
Their eyebrows arch, eyes widen, and then they quickly glance away. Then, maybe thinking that to be rude, they look back for a second, and quickly break eye contact again. Then they look distracted, looking at their watch, or a clock, or suddenly seem fascinated with the cracks in the ceiling tiles. They look everywhere but at me, the person talking and stuttering. Amazing how this can be read in seconds.
This week, I am pushing outside of my comfort zone in a new way. I have been a member of the Inter-Faith Story Circle of the Tri-City Area for just less than a year. I will facilitate the December circle and talk about my stuttering journey, to people who don’t stutter. Some of them may have never heard a real stutterer stutter.
I have a theme, “Stories of Trust, Leaps of Faith and Courage”. I plan to open with a reflection and tell three stories. Then, circle members will be invited to share a story of their own, if they wish. It becomes a story swap. We do not process, offer feedback or applaud. We just listen and let the stories in. As a gesture of acknowledgment, members gently rub our hands together after a story is told.
In preparation for the circle, one of the seasoned tellers offered to “listen out my stories”. We met last week in a coffee shop, and over tea, I told my stories and she listened, really listened. She had a notepad with her and shared that she might jot some thoughts for feedback after. I was a little worried about that. But I didn’t need to be. She was a seasoned listener.
As I told, I “watched her listen”. She never took her eyes away from me. She was entirely present. Her facial expressions matched my tone. She took notes without ever looking down at her pad. Her eyes showed emotion, sometimes a smile, or look of surprise, or sadness, or wonder. Mostly presence though.
I stopped “watching her listen”, and just relaxed and told. I did not gaze directly at her, as suddenly I felt so free that someone was listening with intent, that I found more passion in my voice, used more imagery to describe a memory and used my hands to gesture. When I glanced at this woman, she was totally with me, listening, feeling the emotion of my story. As I neared the end, I felt overwhelmed with what I had shared to a near stranger. I choked up and my eyes brimmed over. I looked down for a second and back up. Her eyes were also watery and it was OK.
I had never had someone listen so intently, even as I openly stuttered. We paused and smiled at each other and then she said she wanted to share with me what she had heard. She offered me “appreciations” – told me all the things that had moved her and that helped create images in her mind as she listened.
I had expected to get “feedback” such as things I should change in my stories. Nope. This woman who I did not know very well just listened, appreciated, and told me that.
What an intimate experience to have had. I felt that what we had done had mattered a great deal that evening in the little coffee shop. I felt valued and alive. When we said good night and hugged, my eyes welled up again. We weren’t strangers anymore.
Guest Blogger: Bobby On Dating
Posted on: December 13, 2010
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A young man wrote a very poignant letter to the on-line group Stutt-l, sharing his concerns about dating and his fears that women never seem to be able to look past his stuttering. The young man ponders will it ever be possible for him to find someone who will be happy with him as he is. He doesn’t think so!
Several people responded to 27-year-old Justin, and one man in particular shared his very personal story about his own fears and insecurities. I was so moved by his share that I asked Bobby Childers if he would be willing to share on this blog as today’s guest blogger and he kindly agreed. ( These are Bobby’s words. with minor editing).
Dear Justin,
I have stuttered since I was 5 years old (I’m now 53), so I’ve been doing it so long I’ve gotten rather good at it. I started speech therapy back in the 3rd grade in 1966 and I kept at it until 6th grade. I never had many friends at school or away from school, but I always attributed that to the fact that I didn’t like people. It wasn’t until much later in my adult life I discovered that I was only fooling myself.
In the 9th grade I met the girl who would become my wife many years later. I used to see her everyday at lunch, and would stop by and tell her a really bad joke (which of course took me 3 days to tell it) and then I would run off before she could respond. I guess you could say that I loved her from afar, for many years.
I was a hard-core Moto-X racer (dirt motorcycle) from about the age of 8, so I traveled all over the southwest US racing. It was my escape from the day-to-day frustrations of stuttering and not being able to talk to anyone, including my family. When I was on my motorcycle, I could talk to anyone, but once I got off, the stuttering came back full force.
I graduated high school and went to college for a couple of years, but I couldn’t handle the stress of so many “new” people I saw and/or met everyday. Trying to introduce myself was worse than “Nightmare on Elm Street”, so I quit college! I went back home and found a job where I didn’t have to talk to people much (computers as that is what I studied in college). I kept to myself, never attempted to date for fear of being ridiculed, laughed at, etc. I kept racing my motorcycle because that was my freedom from everything.
By the time I was 27 I had broken every bone in my body, some 3, 4, 5 even 6 times and was fast becoming a full-fledged alcoholic because of my insecurities with my speech. In 1985 I was invited to my 10th High School reunion by the girl I used to tell bad jokes to in the 9th grade. I had a Citizens Band radio in my truck (I was called “The Shadow” and she was called “Rainbow”) because there no one knew who I was or anything else but what they heard on the radio. For short periods of time I could talk fairly smooth on the radio and when my speech began to falter I would get off for a while.
I went to the reunion under protest as I didn’t associate much with anyone back then and re-met the “love of my life”. She and her two kids (girl-7, boy-4) were in an abusive relationship and she was trying to get out with the kids. About 18 months later she became my wife and I became an “instant parent”. At the end of January 2011, it will be 25 years we’ve been married.
In 1999 after the son graduated high school, we all went to New Mexico State University in Las Cruces, NM and started college. The next spring I got into speech therapy at the University due to one of my professors who recommended it. The student clinicians there (I had 4 over spring, summer and fall semesters of 2000) taught me more than they were supposed to do.
They did teach me fluency techniques to help ease my stuttering, but they also taught me (I was 42 at the time) that I was more than my stuttering. I was a real person who had good qualities that I could and should share with others. I had to leave speech therapy during the spring 2001 semester as I was in my final semester and between work/school, I just didn’t have the time. But I did try to keep up with the techniques I was taught.
I joined this support group because of my student clinicians, who made a huge difference in my life. I want to give back and help others on their journey. I finally had someone to talk to that actually knew the frustrations, anxiety and pain I felt my whole life. My wife and daughter helped me understand along with the student clinicians that I really was more than my speech. Now I have 3 granddaughters (5, 12 and 15) and none of them are bothered the least bit by my speech.
You need to see that you will find the right girl out there who will accept you for what and who you are, which is not your stuttering. Don’t go after a girl with the intention of a date; instead look for a friend who just happens to be a girl. As much as I hate saying this (I’m the one who has stated for many, many years that “I hate wives, kids, cats and dogs” and of course they all ignore me…..so not fair), but women and girls seem to have a unique ability to see inside a guy’s outward persona.
Women will be able to see through any facade you present to them and will know if you want to know them as a friend or a sexual conquest. Tell them you stutter, and you have gotten good at it, but it is not the ONLY you, it is just a small part of the real you. Tell them as time goes on and you become more familiar with her, your stuttering may reduce somewhat, but it is always there waiting on the outside wings.
You will know soon enough if they like “you” or are ashamed of “you”. The ones who are ashamed don’t deserve you. Look for someone else that sees beyond the speech.
I was 29 when I got married (actually 28 and 10 months), so there is still time for you to meet the “girl of your dreams”, and she is out there, somewhere where you will probably least expect it. Once you find her, she will be your best friend for life, and will probably become your wife for life in the process.
I have been in your shoes and walked more than a mile in them. Be yourself, if you stutter, so be it, and go on. Don’t make a big issue out of it or she will wonder who you really are. Women don’t want a phony; they want someone who is real, with real flaws and quirks as they have their own. Laugh with them, not at them, and remember to not take yourself too seriously.
Bobby
Episode 36 features Claudia Diamond, who hails from Guilderland, NY. She works as a medical assistant. A friend of mine from Toastmasters indicated that he knew someone who I should meet. I took a chance and emailed her, we met and have become friends. Both of us enjoy meeting up at our monthly Chat and Chew Too group, which is a social gathering for people who stutter.
Claudia shares her very personal story about her parents that were Holocaust survivors, and the parallels she found with her stuttering journey. Claudia is very candid talking about shame, grief and guilt.
Listen in to a powerful conversation about liberation on many levels. Claudia shares about her childhood, being second generation survivors and dealing with depression. She also shares how it feels to be invisible and how she only lets her “real self” out with people who she is really comfortable with. Claudia also mentions how for women it sometimes feels as if we never really leave junior high!
We also talk about self-help and the NSA, letting go of our past and moving forward, and the importance of humor. Claudia talks about a special collection she has and her “wall of fame” in her kitchen.
Credit for the podcast music used in this episode goes to ccMixter.
Please feel free to leave comments or feedback for Claudia or just tell her what a great job she did.
On Fatigue
Posted on: November 3, 2010
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How does fatigue affect your stuttering? For me, I can almost predict that my smooth speech will “fall apart” towards the end of a long speaking event. I hate that phrase “falling apart”, but that is exactly what it feels like when I am tired and still need to press on.
I had a bunch of presentations to do yesterday, three in the morning and two in the afternoon. I do not specifically practice any techniques, but when speaking for a long time, I do tend to be more aware of my pace, try to pause more and use vocal variety (Toastmasters strategies). I also drink a lot of water.
As I tire, I can feel my speech change, despite paying attention to what I need to do to feel comfortable. I lose the energy needed to project my voice, which helps me maintain what I consider my “comfortable speech”. The change happens noticeably – I have more repetitions, which when I notice and “feel”, I then lose my train of thought and start word finding.
It’s really not that big of a deal, because no one seems to notice but me. But I notice that I am noticing, as funny as that sounds, and I just don’t like being so aware of how my speech breaks down.
I stutter more when I am tired. Nothing profound, but I really notice it. What about you?
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I was honored to get an email from a reader of the Covert-S email group asking permission to share the article I wrote about kids who stutter on her blog. Liana shared that she does not stutter, but has friends who do, so she subscribes to several of the stuttering lists to learn more about stuttering.
How great is that? She wants to understand more about stuttering so she can better support her friends. So she asked me if she could re-post my story on her blog – Liana’s Place – A Blog About Life, Lies, Laughter and Love. Of course, I gave permission. Great to have more potential readers. And greater that she asked for permission. Lots of people on the internet just pilfer other people’s content without permission nor do they give credit.
Of course, I checked out Liana’s blog, and found it to be a wonderful place. Liana is a published author who has won awards for her romance novels. But she does more important work by writing and blogging the story of a friend’s faith journey.
She writes weekly about her friend Louis. He was a covert stutterer for a long time, but now stutters openly. Liana shared with me that my published story reminded her of things that Louis had shared with her about his stuttering. Liana’s writes on Fridays about Louis and gratitude and inspiration.
I am honored to be featured as a guest on Liana’s blog today, Sunday October 24, 2010. Talking about stuttering anywhere gets the word out and raises awareness. Thanks Liana and please say hello to your friend Louis for me!
Addendum: I have included some comments that I received directly from readers of the TU article, and also some comments from Liana’s blog, from readers who don’t stutter (with her permission of course).
Craig Shares: Fight or Flight?
Posted on: October 11, 2010
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This post is written by guest blogger Craig Stevenson. Craig and I “met” through the on-line support group Covert-S. His comments appeared on a threaded discussion last week, and I loved his insight and honesty and asked him to share his piece here. Craig is from Idaho and manages two recycling plants.
To me, the old saying, “you can run but you can’t hide”, may be true, but serves no purpose. I think managing stuttering is different for men than women. I went to school with the same kids for ten years. I got teased in school all the time. One kid in Earth Science class teased me so much we finally fought it out. I had been afraid of him for years. My first punch bloodied his nose and the fight was over just that fast, and he never teased me again.
There were many more fights, some I lost, some I won. I got in a lot of trouble for some! I do not condone or recommend violence as a solution to managing stuttering, but gently to suggest boys will be boys and sometimes without any other support, fighting happens. I know there are different ways of facing our stutter.
The worst part for me was getting in a shoving match between first and second periods and agreeing to settle it after school and having to go through the rest of the day thinking and worrying about what the outcome would be. Not wanting to get in trouble for fighting, we always did it after school, thinking no one would notice a black eye the next day.
For me, I learned a fight is a fight and a cousin taught me that in a fight, if you don’t throw the first punch you’ve missed half the fight. I think what he was trying to say was “meet it head on right then and there.” I never started a fight and I never ran from one either and whether I took a beating or gave one, I always felt better after. I almost always cried whether I won or lost, and I can’t remember anyone I did not become fast friends with after.
I think at some point in your life you have to make friends with your stutter. Every time you run from it, it wins. I think the way you make friends with your stuttering is to meet it head on. Some days it kicks your butt and some days you kick its butt, right? It doesn’t really matter who wins as much as knowing the fight is essential.
To put it bluntly, I would rather be dead then spend the rest of my waking moments, days and years, wondering about when I was going to die. I spent my youth hiding and I regret every day I did. The “wait till your father gets home” was much worse than what father did when he did get home. I think waiting and hoping we don’t stutter is so much worse and painful than the stutter itself is, and the really sad part is, we do it to ourselves.
Some days you’re the windshield and some days you’re the bug. But, you have to keep the windshield clean if you want to miss more bugs. I got an old green tea-shirt from a past NSA convention from Judy Kuster. It’s dark green and on the front in big white letters it say’s “I STUTTER SO WHAT?” You don’t have to wear it (although it’s a great idea), but I think it does say the right thing about how we should FEEL about our stutter.
Don’t waste time trying not to stutter! Don’t feel bad or afraid of it when you do meet stuttering head on. For me, learning how to control my fear of stuttering did more for me than trying to stop the stutter.
Please feel free to leave any messages or comments for Craig here. Thanks for sharing with us Craig!
“G” Is For Guilt
Posted on: October 4, 2010
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There is a thought-provoking article on this year’s ISAD conference about chronic sorrow. It is a personal story written by Scott Palasik. He shares how he found out that his parents, especially his mother, blamed themselves for his stuttering and carried around an enormous amount of guilt for many years.
I commented on Scott’s paper and we wound up sharing back and forth about how we had similar parent stories. I highly recommend you read Scott’s story – it resonated with me and I am sure it will with a lot of you.
I have written about guilt on here before, but not in the way that Scott’s poignant story reminded me. I know my mother has carried around a lot of guilt for many, many years. She has told me she feels tremendous guilt for what we dealt with as children. She is an alcoholic, and proudly in recovery now. She helps many, many people who have been touched by alcoholism.
She didn’t achieve sobriety until I was in my late teens. Childhood was chaotic, because mom drank all the time. We tried to act like everything was ok, but it wasn’t. My siblings and I covered for her all the time. Covertly, much like my stuttering became. My mother and I have had some conversations about the impact alcoholism had on all our lives, but those have been strained, quick, clipped.
But we have NEVER talked about stuttering. NEVER. The few times I have tried, she has always quickly changed the subject. I learned from a sister, or maybe even in a hurried conversation with my mother (I don’t remember), that she always felt guilty that she didn’t stand up to my father and insist that I be allowed to participate in speech therapy.
I have often wondered what a heart-felt conversation about stuttering would be like with one of my parents. Because I have never talked with my father about it either. I have always wanted to know what they thought. Were they confused? Did they know it was stuttering? Were they embarrassed? Were they ashamed? (Like I have thought!)
Was it easier for them to pretend there was nothing wrong? Did anyone ever talk to them about it? What did the relatives think? Why was it kept so hush-hush? Was it that bad?
Have any of you ever thought about any of this?
Giant in Chains
Posted on: September 30, 2010
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In a recent chat with friend “A”, about stuttering of course, we found ourselves talking about self-esteem. We both have felt shame and embarrassment at different times due to our stuttering. And we agree that feelings of shame is a reason people who stutter try to keep it hidden.
“A” wanted to know what things were like for me earlier in my journey, when I wasn’t as comfortable with myself as I am now! In my twenties and thirties I had a hard time with general acceptance because I didn’t like a lot of things about myself. One of those things was stuttering and I always thought it was the main reason why I had such a low opinion of myself. I referred to myself as having low self-esteem at the time.
“A” challenged me to think about this another way. He likened stuttering to being a “giant in chains”. He described having felt unable to achieve his full potential because stuttering held him back.
So he wondered if stuttering resulted in low self-esteem or just an inability to realize our potential because we let the stuttering get in the way. “A” said he felt like a giant with so much potential inside him, that went untapped, because he wasn’t able to communicate the way he wanted.
I think a lot of my potential went unrealized. I let stuttering make decisions for me back then. I always wanted to be a teacher. But I let stuttering, or more correctly, my fear of stuttering, make me steer clear of that. I settled for a career that I thought would involve less talking. (Which of course turned out completely wrong!)
I also settled for a relationship that was never truly right for me. I had such a fear that no one would ever love me. And my stuttering was such a part of that.
I wonder . . . can you relate to this? Did you ever feel you had poor self-esteem when it was actually unrealized potential? And have you let stuttering make decisions for you that you would completely choose differently if given a second chance?
If given a second chance, I would definitely have pursued becoming a teacher and I would not have stayed so long with someone who was not right for me, in all the important ways!
It Depends Who You Talk To
Posted on: September 23, 2010
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Three of my friends who stutter (all male in this instance) have said the same thing in different ways about feeling free to stutter comfortably. Now this is not a profound conclusion at all. It is merely just an interesting observation!
All three have said (in different words) in the last month that they feel very comfortable stuttering when they talk to another person who stutters. Specifically, they have noted that they feel very comfortable stuttering when talking to me. Now, I wonder, is it ME they feel comfortable with, or the fact that I am a woman who stutters? Would they feel comfortable stuttering with any woman who stutters? Hmmmm . . . . . .
My friend JT and I talk all the time. In person and on the phone. He frequently tells me about what a bad speech day he had at work. He almost never stutters around me, or if he does, it is very relaxed. I have asked him about that, and he always says the same thing, “I am so comfortable around you . . . . it’s not an issue. But at work, forget it!”
My friend AA and I talk a lot on the phone and he always seems absolutely comfortable stuttering with me, to the point that he easily tolerates me gently teasing him sometimes. He thinks I purposely pay him compliments just to get him to say “thank you”, which he always stutters on. (I don’t do it purposely; he really is a terrific guy and warrants me occasionally telling him so!)
My new friend BA and I have talked on the phone twice recently and both times he has mentioned that he feels quite comfortable stuttering with me, but works very hard at being covert at work and would never stutter publicly with ease with anyone else.
I could very well be reading way more into this than what is . . . . we are all friends and friends feel comfortable with friends. But I wonder . . . . . is there anything to the gender difference? Might men who stutter feel more comfortable stuttering around women who stutter?
What do you think? I’d love to know your opinion! Or tell me honestly that I am just imagining it!
It Takes A Community
Posted on: September 14, 2010
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The best thing about writing a blog, especially one that is interactive, is the chance to meet so many people who understand the stuttering experience. And through blogging and other social media, I have had the opportunity to literally meet some of these great people.
Writing and talking about stuttering has been such a rewarding, meaningful experience for me. It has been therapeutic and insightful. I wondered what I should write about when I reached this milestone. Sharing about what sharing has meant made the most sense.
This is blog post NUMBER 300, and to say this experience has been life changing would be an extreme understatement. Writing about something so personal that so many people can relate to has helped acceptance become “more real” for me.
Instead of just talking about it, I have allowed some very private thoughts to be public and invited others who stutter to share their feedback and experiences. My mind and my heart have been opened a thousand times. I have learned so much more about my own feelings and attitudes by having so many other people share their feelings.
On-line participation has become central to the self-help community. I never realized that this blog might become self-help for me, but it has, and I just wanted to let you know that and say THANK YOU.
My life has changed. We are community. And I am proud to be part of the stuttering community.
Fort of Shame- Episode 24
Posted on: September 10, 2010
Episode 24 features Mady, a student at Cal State University Northridge, in Los Angeles, California. I got to know Mady at the 2009 NSA Conference in Scottsdale, AZ. We have since become face book buddies.
Mady is studying psychology and wishes to combine research of stuttering and anxiety in her eventual doctoral program. Mady is also a wonderful writer and enjoys photography.
Listen in as we discuss Mady’s “seasons of stuttering” and how she dealt with denial and covert behaviors. She shares feelings about being secretly conflicted and broken about stuttering, and how she found a good therapist who helped her make sense of those feelings.
Mady also freely shares how she built a “fort of shame” – which she describes as hating something so much that you try to protect yourself against it. She describes how it started to corrode her.
Musical credit for the podcast safe clip “Scott Waves to April’s Salty Grace” goes to ccMixter.
As always, your feedback is encouraged and welcome. Let us know what you thought.
Baggage
Posted on: September 8, 2010
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A friend and I watched the tail-end of a show on the Game Show Channel called “Baggage” recently. It is supposedly a modern dating game. Jerry Springer facilitates a match between a person looking for a date and three potential partners. The idea is that you know what you are getting before you start a relationship and can “opt out”.
This video clip depicts Jerry Springer discussing the premise of the show. He mentions that everyone “has issues”.
Each of the three potential partners has three suitcases, each case denoting a fact or tidbit that might make one think twice about getting involved. The larger the suitcase, the bigger the baggage.
It’s one of those shows that is entertaining to watch. You find yourself wondering, “how would I handle that?” When you see a “normal” guy or woman being the one seeking a date this way, you just have to wonder what they are hiding too. Notice my use of “normal” – I am not sure there is such thing as normal!
It turns out the “seeker” does have his or her own suitcase of baggage. Once the seeker has settled on the person with the least amount of baggage, the “chosen one” then has the chance to discover what baggage the seeker has tucked away in their big bag. This reverse baggage might be a “deal-breaker” too.
My friend and I talked about it – he had really only seen the show twice, both times while hanging out with me. I asked him what kind of baggage he might have hidden in his suitcases. His immediate response was, “Stuttering – absolutely, that’s my baggage. Stuttering is a friend that has to go away. I hate it – of course my baggage is the stuttering”.
Honestly, I was surprised to hear my friend refer to his stuttering like this, as something that if found out, it might be a deal-breaker in a potential relationship. He seemed so sure his stuttering was this “dirty little secret” that if someone found out about it, they might opt out of a relationship with him. Be it a friendship or beyond.
Why was I so surprised? Because I stutter too, and I don’t see someone else’s stuttering as baggage. When I look at my friend, I see confidence, personality, playfulness, just HIM. Stuttering is not even part of the equation. I don’t see it.
I don’t see my stuttering as baggage either. I see the sometimes negative FEELINGS I have about stuttering as excess baggage. The embarrassment and shame that can creep in can be baggage that I wouldn’t want anyone else to have to carry.
Mainly that’s because I project (at least I think I do) an image of confidence and being happy with self. I don’t usually let my vulnerability be easily seen. Maybe that’s one of my issues. And my friends’. Being vulnerable. Being exposed. Not the stuttering . . . . . but the vulnerability.
What do you think? Would stuttering be one of the “issues” in your suitcase that you call “baggage”?
Episode 23 features Jade Vincent Hall, who hails from Sydney, Australia, via London, England. Jade is a 20-year-old young woman who experienced late onset stuttering at the age of 16. She now works in a call center, a job where there couldn’t be any more communication!
I was introduced to Jade through a social media on-line friend, and we had the opportunity to “meet” over Skype. Jade was very willing to share her story, and share she does. She quite honestly talks about this scary and confusing time of her life, and what ultimately helped her move forward.
Listen in as we chat about how the late onset stammering occurred and felt and what a scary time it was for Jade. We also chat about moving from the UK to Australia shortly after Jade began stammering, how her school life was affected, early therapy and the McGuire program.
Jade discusses “assertive self acceptance” and being happy with who we are. This video clip features Jade and several other young people involved in the Australian McGuire program.
Feel free to leave comments or questions for Jade, or just tell her how great it was to hear her story.
The music clip “Fireproof Babies” used in this audio is podcast safe music and is credited to ccMixter.
Bit Of A Thespian?
Posted on: September 4, 2010
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At a recent training, I found myself assigned to one of the dreaded small break-out groups where we work together on a mini assignment. I am sure you know what I am talking about. The large group counts out numbers, and all the “1”s form a group, and the “2”s and so on. We work on something and then present it out as a team to the larger group.
I have always hated these things. I think everyone does. I was with a group of teachers and did not know anyone. We had 20 minutes to work on our project and then decide how EACH one of us would participate in sharing our results with the larger group. Which meant we would all have to talk. There was no escaping!
No one was nuts about it. Even as teachers who stand up in front of a classroom every day, everyone seemed anxious. We all worry about making a fool of ourselves up in front of a group we don’t know. But, we were all in the same spot, so we just sucked it up and made the best of what we had to do.
Of course, my worry was would I stutter and how much? No one here knew me, and it didn’t feel like a place to do any advertising or disclosure. I don’t think anyone else was worrying about that.
It was a science project we were to work on and then present our findings. Me and science do not mix. There were 4 science teachers in my group, me and one administrator. Everybody set out immediately to work on the problem that needed to be solved. The teachers were busy writing and one even pulled out a calculator and began working on the numeric portion of what would need to be presented.
I was feeling quite lost and after a few minutes of observing everyone working individually, I asked how were we going to make this a group presentation. I also reminded everyone we were running out of time and had not yet decided who would do what. I took the lead, and suggested that the teachers “do” and “present”the middle part and the other non-teacher and myself would handle the intro and conclusion.
Everybody seemed in agreement, and we even decided we would stand in the order we would present. I liked that idea, and with a few precious minutes left, we all worked on what we would say. Even though this was just a simulated science project and nothing real was “at stake”, we all wanted to do well in front of our peers. I insisted we take a few minutes and each quickly review what we each would say. We did, and then it was show time.
I wrapped up our presentation with a summary and “call to action”. I improvised much of what I said in the moment. It came off sounding great, and I was relieved to have had only a few blips of stuttering. Several of my group commented that my wrap-up sounded polished and easy, and I looked very comfortable.
I attributed much of this to my participation in Toastmasters. Practicing impromptu speaking has really helped with my courage and confidence.
On the way out of the training for the day, one of the organizers also commented to me that she thought I had done a terrific job. She added, “looks like you are even a bit of a thespian. You have a flair for the dramatic. Do your students ever pick up on that?”
I told her that I think most of my students tolerate me as much as they do any other adult standing before them!
But I wondered about her comment, suggesting that I infuse a little drama into my speaking. I have noticed that as well when I do a speech in Toastmasters. When I speak in a non-conversational mode and project my voice, as in “acting out a role” perhaps, I stutter less.
I wonder if this is inadvertently a technique I use to manage my stuttering when doing public speaking. I don’t intentionally set out to “add some drama”, but evidently I do, as I have noticed it and others have.
What do you think? Has anyone had a similar experience? Maybe I am courting a new career . . . . . . .
Make Room For The Stuttering 
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