Archive for the ‘Posts’ Category
Introductions
Posted on: February 27, 2012
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I have been involved with Toastmasters for almost six years. I love it! It has changed my life and I tell people that all the time, especially new members and those who may be interested in learning more about Toastmasters.
This year, I have been serving as an Area Governor, which means that I lend guidance and support to several clubs. I have to visit each club a couple of times a year and provide support and feedback as needed to help the members and the club grow.
I visited one of my clubs a few evenings ago and had a great experience. Whenever a Toastmaster leader visits a club, we are always asked to speak a few minutes. I noticed there were newer members and at least one guest. I chose to include in my introduction how much Toastmasters has helped me grow in confidence and courage, especially as a person who stutters.
To my amazement, two other people in the group also stutter. After I spoke, everyone else introduced themselves. One young man, a member for only a month, shared that he could relate with me. He said it was good to hear a Toastmaster leader talk about stuttering, as he also stutters.
And then, the guest at the meeting shared that he too stutters. He is from Copenhagen, Denmark and is here for a semester as an exchange student. He stuttered openly and shared that he too was happy to hear a Toastmaster leader openly acknowledge stuttering. He mentioned he had heard about Toastmasters through the McGuire (speech therapy) program he had taken in Denmark.
After the meeting, this young man said he felt comfortable and planned to join Toastmasters and then transfer his membership when he returned home to Denmark.
This made a great impact on me that night. I wondered if I had not shared about my stuttering in my introduction, would these two young men have shared? Maybe, maybe not. They might have felt no one could understand and might have felt they needed to keep it hidden.
I felt inspired that my choice to share personal information about my stuttering might have inspired those two young men to feel comfortable enough to disclose.
And what are the odds that 3 people who stutter would end up at the same Toastmasters meeting, totally unaware of the coincidence? Something tells me we were supposed to be there that evening to encourage and inspire each other!
What do you think?
Letting You Stutter
Posted on: February 16, 2012
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This was very interesting to me. In a very succinct way, this quick comment by a friend sums up the covert stuttering experience for some people.
A friend asked how my new job was going. I started a new position in mid November, something that is quite different for me and out of my area of expertise. Part of my responsibilities include providing resources and support to 15 adult education teachers.
In an email, my friend commented, “Wow Pam, you are amazing. You have to manage 15 staff and they let you stutter the way that you do. That is very inspirational.”
To me, this spoke volumes about how we hide our true selves, and how we feel about exposing our differences at work and in professional environments.
What do you think?
She Asks For Help
Posted on: February 5, 2012
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I saw this question posted on Yahoo Answers by a young girl who was looking for alternatives she could try to help with her stuttering.
I am a 15 year old girl who stutters. Lately, I have been letting it get the best of me. Last year, I didn’t care who thought I was weird if I stuttered and if someone did, than they are an idiot. But now that I am in high school, I have been figuring out that people don’t want to be friends with someone who is different…if you understand what I mean. The sad thing is though, I understand them and frankly agree (in my 3rd person world). I took speech therapy for 13 years and it has had no effect. I was wondering if there is anything different than the speech easy and therapy? (Both haven’t worked in the slightest.) I have lost most of my friends because I am afraid to talk to them now… Katie
A couple of people recommended this young girl try practicing reading out loud, singing, or Reiki.
I posted a response to her on the Yahoo site. Rather than just reprint what I posted, (which is not one of the above ideas) I wondered what some of you might suggest to her!
Please leave comments or give some ideas for this 15-year old. What have you learned about making room for your stuttering that might help Katie?
I will try to post some of these to her original question on Yahoo in the hopes that she will see them, or link over here so she can see your comments!
Are Forums A Safety Net?
Posted on: January 13, 2012
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I had an interesting chat with my sister over dinner this past weekend. We are both on Facebook and she has been communicating with a couple of people I know through a stuttering forum.
Don’t ask how it started, but she has become friends with several people and was “added” to a forum by a member.
Some people might have a problem with a non-stutterer being a member of such a group. Personally, I think it’s a great idea that anyone interested in learning more about stuttering be “allowed” to engage and participate in group discussions.
My sister mentioned that she has chatted quite a bit with one person, including chatting over the phone a few times. This woman who stutters has mentioned to my sister that the group has been a great source of support for her.
Many of the group members have talked her through various confidence issues and encouraged her to take chances with speaking that she previously never would.
My sister mentioned that when they have talked over the phone, this woman sounds great and that her stutter is very mild, saying, “it’s like yours, Pam.”
My sister also went on to say that she doesn’t really understand why then this person would seem so overly concerned about talking and taking chances publicly.
I reminded my sister that there is a huge amount of shame involved in stuttering and that’s why these stuttering forums are so popular and successful with people who stutter. If you look at some of the forums, it is not uncommon to see 50 or 60 responses to questions or posts by members.
Why? Because it is infinitely easier to express ourselves in writing, behind the relative safety of a computer screen, than it is to have real-time conversations over the phone, Skype or in-person. My sister said “no, that can’t be true. Look how much back and forth there is. Look how much this woman has been helped.”
I said, “yes, but it is all through writing. It is much safer to express our self in writing. We don’t stutter then. It becomes the safety net for the huge amount of shame that a lot of people who stutter still deal with.”
My sister just looked at me and said, “I never thought of that. That makes sense. Wow, you’re probably right.”
What do you think? Do you think online stuttering groups or forums become a safety net for some people, a way to not have to talk?
Promoting Stutterer At Work
Posted on: January 6, 2012
An interesting article appears in today’s Business Management Daily about a worker who stutters who is hoping to get a promotion at her job.
She is told by her supervisor that the new manager would be brought in from another department.
When the worker asks why, she is told, “we know you work well with the other typists. They know about your stutering problem. But this is for a manager position. What about the communication skills?”
She is further told, “We simply wouldn’t be doing you a favor by promoting you into a job you couldn’t handle.”
Couldn’t handle? I stutter and speak publicly in my job every day! To managers, communications specialists, teachers, administrators.
Read the full article here. There is some brief discussion on the American’s With Disability Act (ADA.) What do you think? Is this for real, or as friend Burt suggests, written as a parody?
Good Confident Stuttering
Posted on: January 5, 2012
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My friend Devayan from India made me smile when he asked if I would be able to meet up with him and his brother when they arrive to New York this weekend.
It seems Devayan’s older brother has not been around too much stuttering, other than his brother’s, so Devayan thought it would be a good idea if he met me. As he put it, then his brother would be exposed to some good, confident stuttering.
That made me laugh when we discussed it over Skype this past weekend. We were chatting about Devayan’s pending move from Mumbai, India, to New York, USA. He had lots of questions, including how cold is it here, where could he find some inexpensive pots and pans, and does the local grocery store sell good chicken and eggs?
During our conversation, Devayan had several very good stuttering moments! It seems excitement and stress increases his stuttering, just like it does for most of us. (I had been under the impression that Indians who stutter don’t get stressed! Only kidding!)
So when he asked if I could meet them on Sunday for coffee before his brother returns home, I smiled and laughed. Devayan considers my stuttering to be of the good and confident type.
It struck me how great it was that we were able to have this conversation about stuttering – him telling me mine is confident and me telling him that he had some “great stutters.”
It also made me ask myself: “what is confident stuttering?” And it made me think he is well en route to becoming a good future speech therapist!
Confident stuttering is natural and open, staying with the block or repetition, making eye contact and smiling during the stuttering moments. I will be the first to admit that I don’t always do this, but I strive to anyway!
Maybe your definition is different! What do you think? How do you define “good confident stuttering?”
P.S. Devayan arrives in New York this weekend, and I am confident that we will both be cold and stutter well when we finally meet in person!
From Mumbai to New York
Posted on: December 23, 2011
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For the past several months, I have been communicating with a young man who stutters from Mumbai, India. His name is Devayan, and we started emailing each other in September.
Devayan learned about me after getting actively involved in the internet stuttering community. He started listening to StutterTalk and my own podcasts here and reading this blog.
Devayan connected with me by email in the fall, after realizing that I live in upstate New York, close to a college he was interested in attending. Devayan was hoping to come to the United States to pursue graduate studies in speech language pathology.
He asked my opinion on the graduate essays he was submitting to two colleges. He wanted my honest feedback. He got that, maybe even more than he bargained for!
Devayan didn’t mention in his first draft essay to The College of St Rose that he stuttered. I thought he should, as that would set him apart from other candidates. That and the fact that he is also a HE. Male SLP students are fairly rare.
So I suggested that Devayan rewrite his entire essay! He did, and soon after sending it in, he emailed me to let me know he had passed the first phase of admission. He would now be invited for a face-to-face interview.
We discussed that, and I suggested he ask if he could interview via Skype. It took a while for the college to confirm that a Skype interview would work. So in the interim, Devayan asked if we could chat via Skype. He wanted to pick my brain!
We coordinated the time zone difference and finally “met” over Skype, where we had a great conversation about what to anticipate in the graduate admission interview. Since that time, we have chatted via Skype a few times.
Soon after Devayan had his graduate student interview, he emailed me to let me know he was accepted. Then, in the course of just weeks, he satisfied his student visa interview and purchased his plane tickets to fly from Mumbai, India to Albany, New York, USA.
Devayan is scheduled to arrive here sometime in the first week of January 2012. We plan to meet in person soon after that, which to me is amazing and so meaningful.
It is amazing to think that one person can impact another in such a huge way that one is willing to make such a leap of faith and move half way across the world. It shows the power of connection, and what happens when we share our personal experiences honestly with another.
I don’t think either of us thought in September that we would be really planning to meet in person in January. But we are!
And the flurry of emails continues. I have given Devayan some ideas of what clothing to pack and buy for the cold Northeastern part of the USA, which is quite different from India. And he has asked me about joining Toastmasters here, as he joined a club recently in Mumbai, and wants to stay involved with that once here.
I am excited to introduce him to some of my friends here in New York, and get him involved in our monthly Chat & Chew social gathering of people who stutter.
This will be a huge change for my young friend from India. One that will change his life. And one that will likely change many lives when he eventually returns to India, armed with new tools and resources to help other people who stutter.
People who stutter can help other people who stutter, one person at a time, just by opening up, talking, sharing and connecting.
I look forward to adding more details to this story as it continues to unfold, and adding a picture of the two of us when we finally meet in person.
Stuttering And Being Weird
Posted on: December 16, 2011
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This is my friend Lisa giving a talk at a local TEDx conference in Albany, NY last month. I had the privilege of being there in person to see and hear her talk, and more importantly, the audience reaction. They loved her. She was the best presenter by far, of 16 speakers.
TED talks are global. If you have never heard of them, check them out. It’s a simple, yet profound idea. Get people who have something to say to say it. Like Lisa does here.
I met Lisa a little more than a year ago, after “stalking” her (her words!) and convincing her to meet me. We found out through email and social media that we live and work very close to each other.
Lisa has a severe stutter, and works in an industry where she helps other people find their voice. As we began to get to know each other, Lisa shared that she has never talked publicly like this. Until this year. Like NOW!
She spoke at a major industry conference in LA about a week before she did this talk. I think it’s safe to say Lisa has found her voice.
I am glad I stalked her and we have become friends. She inspires me. She has also been a guest on my podcast!
Oh Yeah, She Stutters!
Posted on: December 14, 2011
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Last night, after our Toastmaster’s meeting, some of us went to dinner to celebrate the holidays as a group. It is always nice when we can get together to socialize outside of the regular meeting. It allows people to get to know each other in a more casual, relaxed setting.
After dinner, our small group chatted and laughed about a number of things. As it got late and people began to leave, just three of us women were left and we were still chatting and enjoying ourselves.
At one point, I got stuck on a word and JC finished it for me, then immediately touched my hand and apologized. She said, “I’m sorry. I know better than that. It’s just that I am amazed each time I hear you get stuck. I say to my self, ‘ah, that’s right, she stutters!'”
For some reason, that struck me as something I wanted to ask her about. I said, “Why does that amaze you?”
JC said, “Oh, I just forget you stutter. And then when you do get stuck, it always amazes me. I guess with my ADD, I just have to remind myself, oh yeah, she stutters.”
She further went on to say, “every time I hear you get stuck, my brain sends me this reminder, oh yeah, she stutters, oh yeah, she stutters, that’s why I should have known better than to finish your word for you.”
The other woman sitting with us was just looking at us in amazement and taking in every word. I said something like, “you look stunned!”
She said, “No, not at all. It’s just amazing to hear the two of you so comfortably talking about stuttering and ADD, like it’s no big deal.”
It’s not, right? When we put ourselves out there, it’s no big deal. People then know how to respond to us, if we show our own comfort level with whatever it is that makes us unique.
Humor At Toastmasters
Posted on: December 12, 2011
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I had an impromptu moment of stuttering humor at a Toastmaster’s event on Saturday, which couldn’t have been better if I had planned it!
Once a month, our Toastmaster’s division has an Executive Council meeting, where all of the officers get together and compare notes and progress.
On this day, I was asked to present the report for our division, in the planned absence of our Division Governor.
We follow a pretty tight agenda, and each presenter gets 5-7 minutes to deliver their report. Someone “times” us, and holds up helpful flags to let us know our pace and when to wind down. Red means stop! When I saw my “red flag”, I still had a couple slides left to cover and more to say.
That is not unusual for me. I often struggle to stay within timeframes, and have demonstrated that throughout my 5 years of giving Toastmaster speeches. I have given over 50 speeches and am on track towards my goal of DTM (Distinguished Toastmaster) which is the highest rank in Toastmasters.
So I said I wasn’t finished yet, and added, “Just so you know, stutterers are always entitled to more time.” That got an appreciative laugh from the audience.
Someone immediately chimed in and said, “Pam, you are well on your way to DTM, or ‘Don’t Time Me!” That got an even larger laugh from the group.
I finished up with my presentation and sat down to applause!
As I thought about it later, I realized how great a moment that really was. In a formal meeting following formal timing protocols, I injected impromptu humor about stuttering, which was well received.
And a fellow Toastmaster felt entirely comfortable to “jab” back with a perfect little joke that everybody got and enjoyed.
Another example of the value of sharing our stuttering and making it a comfortable topic for anyone to talk about.
My Mother Stutters Too
Posted on: December 9, 2011
Earlier this week, I visited some classes and met teachers and students that I will be working with in my new position of Adult Literacy Program Manager.
My goal is to introduce myself personally to all of the teachers I will work with, and to as many of their students as possible. I think this is the best way to navigate my way through a new position that includes programming I am not familiar with yet!
I visited one of the adult high school equivalency classes. I introduced myself, and personally shared a little about who I am and what my goal is with my new position. That is important to me, since this is adult education. Adults should know who I am and what I will be responsible for, so when they see me walking around or pop into a classroom, they won’t be wondering, “Who’s she?”
It is also important for me to be humble and acknowledge right from the start that adult education is new for me. My learning curve includes honesty and asking for guidance and for people to be upfront with me.
People seem to really appreciate that, and are more willing to reciprocate when I ask them to introduce themself to me and tell a little about why they are taking this particular class at this particular time in their life.
Adults have many different reasons for taking literacy classes. For some, it’s not easy to tell their tales. I had thought that it must be hard to “tell their tells” to a total stranger. It would be for me!
But it has not been an issue so far. Every student I have engaged with has been honest and told me stark details, in front of their classmates and teacher. It was evident to me that the teacher in this particular class did not know all of the details shared on this day.
One woman, in her late 40’s, acknowledged that she is ashamed that she never finished high school and doesn’t want to live with shame anymore. She said it embarrassed her to admit this to her classmates, all of whom were male and considerably younger. Not one batted an eyelash. It is what it is. It may have been their story too.
Another young man shared that he dropped out of school only 3 months before the end of his senior year, because he knew he wouldn’t graduate. He went to school only to leave school. He was bored and unchallenged and didn’t see any value in what high school was teaching him.
He is in this class now because he knows he can’t go any farther without a diploma and he is sick of his life being a dead-end.
I responded to some of what he shared, and got caught in a good stuttering block, followed quickly by lots of repetitions. It seemed a good time to share about my stuttering. I mentioned that I stutter (like I just had!) and that I am OK with it, and hoped they were too. I also mentioned that, like the woman, for different reasons, I used to feel shame and embarrassed to acknowledge that I stutter.
From there, I matter-of-factly moved on and asked the last student to introduce himself. Since he was last, he shared that since everyone else had been so honest, he was going to be as well. He shared a quick story of drugs, wrong crowds, bad decisions, loss and finally “seeing the light.” Everyone nodded and made eye contact, and you could tell everyone understood everyone’s stories as partially “their own.”
This last man further offered, “And you know what else? I stutter too! Not as bad as I used too, but every once in a while you can still hear it. And my mother stutters too. Sometimes her stuttering was so bad it was almost laughable. Not in a mean way, but she stutters really bad, you know. But she doesn’t let it “tense her” as much as it used to.”
He added, “me either. When I stutter sometimes now, I don’t let it “tense me” like it used to. It’s good to talk about it once in a while.”
I was kind of blown away by all that had been shared in 35 minutes. I told the class that and thanked them for their honesty, and smiled and wished them a good day before leaving. And as I left the classroom and looked back through the window, I saw the class turn their attention back to the math “brain squeeze” on the white board.
As I drove home, I processed all I had learned and shared that day. And wondered if that man would have shared that he, and his mother, stuttered if I had not shared it about myself.
Make Room For The Stuttering 
What people are saying!