Make Room For The Stuttering

PamEpisode 195 features return guest Aileen Quattlander, who is presently living in Washington, DC. Aileen was a guest way back in 2010, when she was a senior in high school and looking forward to heading off to college the next year. It was such fun catching up with Aileen and hearing her perspectives on where her life has gone since she was 17.

Aileen works in accounting in a real estate investment firm. She enjoys being a part of the stuttering community she has found with the DC Chapter of the NSA. She started out in the stuttering community with FRIENDS and now enjoys being part of and contributing to both life changing organizations.

Listen in as we discuss how important it has been for Aileen to seize opportunities and not let stuttering limit her the way she felt it did when younger. As an adult, she really wanted to do a reset on how much stuttering had impacted a lot of her decisions.

We talk about disclosure, handling negative reactions from listeners, and stuttering in the workplace. Aileen talks about job interviews and what she learned from being asked to lead a new hire orientation training at work.

We wrap up talking about how being vulnerable really invites others to share more about themselves, thus building meaningful relationships.

I loved this conversation with Aileen. It was so meaningful to catch up with someone who greatly inspired me when I first met her and continues to do so today with her courageous vulnerability.

PamEpisode 194 features Adrienne who hails from San Jose, California. Adrienne is a 4th grade teacher who loves traveling, karaoke and yoga.

Adrienne discovered her passion for teaching after having some amazing experiences all over the world. She has taught English in Jordan, Spain and Korea. Empowered by her success, Adrienne enrolled in a graduate program to earn her Master’s degree in education.

Stuttering was challenging for Adrienne in grad school and she says that a one year program took three years to complete. She talks about the misunderstandings and bias she discovered that exist about stuttering.

Listen in as we discuss disclosure, securing accommodations in college and her first experience at a NSA conference. Adrienne plans to attend her second conference this year and wants to help out with first timers.

The music used in today’s episode is credited to DanoSongs.

Lately I’ve given a lot of thought to all of the different places I stutter and the observations that I’ve had that I stutter differently in those places. I am sure this is not a novel thought but is one that I’ve noticed I’ve paid attention to more recently.

I stutter at work. But differently in the many roles I play. When I cover for the receptionist, I almost always stutter when I answer the phone. I always repeat a couple of times on the “R” that begins the name of my school. Sometimes that brings laughter from the caller and it really bothers me, even after all these years of being OK with stuttering.

In small group conversations with the office staff, I almost never stutter. In larger group meetings, I might stutter when called on spontaneously. When I go out to my district schools and deliver outreach presentations to large groups, I stutter, but variably. Not so much for the first one or two, but I observe much more noticeable stuttering towards the end of the day as I tire. Also, I stutter much more when reading from prepared notes or a script and much less when I am just speaking more conversationally.

I stutter at home on the phone. It doesn’t seem to matter much who I am speaking with. It happens and for the most part I am OK with it, probably because, unlike at work, the caller doesn’t laugh when I stutter.

I don’t seem to stutter much at family gatherings but I do tend to be more on the quiet side, so not as much opportunity for stuttering if I am not talking, right? That is a long ingrained habit from my childhood. I was always quiet because of the negative reactions I received from my father. I enjoy being social and chatty when with friends but still retain my quiet, reserved, guarded side when with family.

I stutter when with friends who stutter, comfortably and easily and probably even more so than when I’m at work. My guard is down when with friends who stutter as I have absolutely no fear of judgement.

What about you? What are the different places that you stutter? Have you observed this or paid attention? Do you have different feelings about your stuttering depending on where you are and who you are with.

I’m interested. Please share your thoughts.

I received a brief email today that completely surprised me and made my day. This made me grin from ear to ear and made my heart sing. I have not heard from this young woman in years. Feedback is a gift.

Hi Pam,

I hope this email finds you well!

I recently listened to the 2010 Women Who Stutter episode I was featured on and it was almost like an out of body experience to hear my 17-year-old self talk about stuttering and what was going on in my life at that point and even to hear the secondaries I had back then.

I wanted to reach out and say thank you so much for all the work you do with that podcast. It really is an inspiration to not only listen to episodes from other women and hear their journeys, but also to be able to get this glimpse into my past. Everyone has a story to share and I really enjoy the way you capture it.

 

The last day of the year offers an opportunity to reflect on where we have been and where we are going. It’s a chance to leave behind that which made us unhappy and focus on the good we can do and what will make us happy with all the new days we have coming with the new year.

If you have never thought of this in regards to your stuttering, I challenge you to do so. We have a whole new year, 365 days with which we can have a good relationship with our stuttering and pay that forward to others who stutter. Especially those who may not be far along on their own journey.

Quite a few years ago, I realized that I can use my stuttering for a purpose. I am comfortable enough with my own stuttering that I can share my experiences with others. I can show that stuttering does not have to define us and it can in fact be seen as the part of our whole that makes us unique and special.

For years, I did not believe that anything about me was unique and special. I hated myself and therefore had a very poor self-image. A lot of that was reinforced by messages that I had received, and not just about stuttering. Society just did not show much love to fat girls with bad skin who also talked funny.

But now I am at a point in my life where I am comfortable in my own skin and see those things about myself that make me special. It’s important now that I share that with others who might not be there yet.

A whole new year awaits for me to make a difference. I am excited with the opportunities that await to inspire change and make a difference for someone, or maybe more than just one person.

You can too. Find a way to get involved in the stuttering community. Share your story, help with a project with your local stuttering support group, dare to do something that you thought you couldn’t because of your stuttering. You can make a difference.

I had the opportunity to present about stuttering to a group of high school students specializing in neuroscience and all things associated with the brain. They are all so smart, far smarter than I ever remember myself being at their age.

The teacher has invited me to do this talk for several years and I am always up to the challenge. To keep a talk about a disorder that is limited to just a small percentage of the population interesting and engaging enough for young people is indeed a challenge.

But I did it and was just so amazed with their genuine interest and thoughtful questions. I spent about half the time sharing current research with them on stuttering and the brain and the other half of the time sharing personal stories that hopefully truly illustrated for them what stuttering really is and is not.

Today I got some feedback from each student. It really made my heart sing to read their comments and be left feeling that I really did help educate them on something that might stay with them for years to come.

Here are a few of the feedback pieces I am so proud to share here.

Thank you so much for coming and talking to us about the neuroscience of stuttering. I really enjoyed how your talk with us was so different than the other ones we have had. Nobody really talks about stuttering and the science behind it, so I thought it was really interesting. I never realized how low the statistics were of developing a stutter and not growing out of it. It really interested me how women are so much less common to stutter than men. I really wonder why. I really would like to say that the confidence you have when speaking is really something noticeable and powerful. The fact that you don’t care as much about what people think of you is really something important. Thank you so much again!

Thank you so much for coming and talking to us on Friday.  It was really interesting and illuminating to see stuttering from the perspective of someone who stutters and then to see the neuroscience behind it as well.  I never really thought of stuttering as being so stigmatized before, but after your talk, I realized how bad the media makes it seem. Now being aware of that will make me more able to communicate with someone with a stutter or even someone who has something similar.  The key to being able to better communicate with people from all different backgrounds starts with making an effort to understand those backgrounds and treating them as you would anyone else. Thanks again for taking the time talk to us.

Thank you so much – and I mean it – for coming in to talk about stuttering and the problems or lack thereof associated with it. I was able to relate with what you said even though I myself don’t have a stutter, and it’s nice to see someone so confident and well-spoken talk about something I relate to so much. Although the science was interesting as well, I will say just you talking about your experiences and how stuttering affects your everyday life was my favorite part of the rotation.

 

 

He-StuttersEpisode 26 of this occasional male series features Andy Fitzenrider who hails from Seattle, Washington. Andy has worked for eighteen years in the Identification Unit of the Seattle Police Department.

Listen in as Andy shares about some of his speech therapy experiences and why he was drawn to engage in therapy as an adult. He talks about “wishing he knew back then what he knows now.”

We also talk extensively about a program that Andy uses and has done outreach for called Speech to Speech. This is a service that anyone with a speech disorder can use. A live “Communication Assistant” answers your call and you let the person know where you wish to call. The assistant will stay on the line with you and repeat as much or as little of your speech as you would like to the person you are calling. The assistant may explain at the call onset that you are a person who stutters and then not say anything else, if that’s all you want or need.

Andy says this service has brought him peace of mind and has helped him to not fear the phone as he once did. The service is free for anyone to use and any carrier will work. See below video for more information.

Music used in today’s episode is credited to DanoSongs.

 

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© Pamela A Mertz and Make Room For The Stuttering, 2009 - 2019. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Pamela A Mertz and Make Room For The Stuttering with appropriate and specific direction to the original content. Same protection applies to the podcasts linked to this blog, "Women Who Stutter: Our Stories" and "He Stutters: She Asks Him." Please give credit to owner/author Pamela A Mertz 2019.
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