Archive for the ‘Posts’ Category
My First Solo Workshop
Posted on: July 16, 2010
- In: Posts
- 2 Comments
I did a solo workshop at the NSA conference last week, and also helped with the Toastmaster Demo meeting. Both of these workshops were back-to-back on Saturday afternoon.
On Saturday morning, I worked with a small group of teens. We did some video recording, which will be posted on YouTube and the NSA website (front page, I hope, as these young people’s messages are outstanding).
I gave a speech at the Toastmaster meeting, which I really enjoyed doing. I spoke about my recent visit to England and what it was like visiting a meeting of the British Stammering Association. I thought it was great to speak about this at a US stuttering convention, as it serves as a reminder how global stuttering is.
Doing a Toastmaster Demo meeting is a great opportunity for toastmasters. We get to explain what Toastmasters is all about and the benefits to be gained by becoming a member. It is also very empowering to facilitate a Toastmasters meeting where all the roles are filled by people who stutter.
Toastmasters is highly recommended for people who stutter to gain valuable experience with public and impromptu speaking. You also get meaningful feedback from others which helps you set goals for future improvement.
This workshop was recorded by Judy Kuster’s husband, Tom. (I did not know it would be recorded until I saw him setting up the recording equipment). Judy is the guru of The Stuttering Home Page. It will be available for sale on DVD. (Eeeeks!)
The other workshop I facilitated was called, “Ch-Ch-Ch- Changes: Sometimes Change Can Change Everything”. A friend and I had talked about wanting to do a workshop like this since last year. She was unable to attend this year’s workshop, so I did the workshop myself.
My focus was on how one little change in our lives can change everything in our world. And the change doesn’t only happen to us. People around us – family, friends, co-workers, significant others – can be profoundly affected by a change we make or that happens unexpectedly. Entire families are affected when a member is an alcoholic or drug addict. Everybody learns how to cope, or deny, in some way.
And when the alcoholic or drug addict enters recovery, that change again affects the whole family. Suddenly, you have to adapt to a whole new person and new family dynamics. It’s not easy – I speak from personal experience.
Same with stuttering. I behaved and thought one way when I was covert for so many years. When I finally embraced my stuttering and let it out, I changed completely. I grew stronger, more assertive and confident, and less fearful. I grew into another person, and people in my life had to learn how to relate to this new person. Or choose not to.
Profound change happened in my life in just four short years. Change that also affected everyone around me. I discussed this in my workshop and shared parts of my personal journey that I had not shared with too many people.
Change is hard. Change is scary. Change is part of life. Change can change everything in an instant. Be ready for it!
NSA Special Moments
Posted on: July 12, 2010
- In: Posts | Video
- Leave a Comment
I was at the NSA Conference in Cleveland Ohio last week, and as always it was an exciting, magical and inspirational weekend. I plan to write about some of the best moments and provide a summary of a couple of really great workshops I attended, plus one I gave!
In the meantime, Mike Bauer put together a fantastic video that was played during the closing ceremonies. It really summarizes how wonderful the conference was, and the magic feeling you get being around so many courageous people who stutter.
Mike also presented at the Toastmaster Demo workshop and gave his icebreaker speech, and did a fantastic job. I think this was only Mike’s second conference, so kudos to him for stepping up with a presentation so soon.
I feel honored to be able to share this video here! Mike did a great job. He may have found a new volunteer job with the NSA.
Lots Of People Who Stutter
Posted on: July 9, 2010
- In: Posts
- Leave a Comment
Right now, I am at the National Stuttering Association (NSA) 2010 conference in Cleveland, Ohio. By the time you read this, I will have been here for 2 full days. It is a great time to stutter freely and openly, meet new people and catch up with many friends I have made on this wonderful journey.
I made a promise to myself that I would not spend time during the conference blogging, tweeting or updating on Face book. That takes away from the real purpose of being here – which is to connect with others who share the same experience, worries and fears. There is nothing more powerful than the support of people who get it, even if you don’t know them, yet!
I feel that wave of support when I walk into one of the rooms at a NSA conference. I don’t have to explain myself or what I just did. I don’t have to worry about any of the looks, or feel self-conscious. We can talk, and listen, and share, and take as much time as we need.
I will be writing about some of the best moments of the NSA conference upon my return. It will be hard to do, as I know there will be many to choose from. I am facilitating one workshop on my own, helping with the Toastmasters demo meeting, and doing something special with teens on Saturday morning.
I am also looking forward to meeting some friends in person – Danny, Sarah, Gloria, Mandy, Cheryl – and meeting some of the folks who will be experiencing the fellowship of self-help for the first time.
Look for updates here soon!
Why Is It Such A Big Deal?
Posted on: July 3, 2010
- In: Posts
- 2 Comments
Last week, I shared with a colleague that I would be attending the NSA conference this week, for the fifth year. I was talking excitedly about it and told her a little about the workshop I planned to do.
She wanted to know why it was so important to me, and why do I keep going. She said, “you know, it’s not a big deal to us (people at work). You stutter, yeah, we all know that, but it’s not a big deal. You just stutter. Why is it such a big deal to you?”
For a quick second, I felt myself get defensive, almost like it seemed she was “trying to take something away” from me in a weird way.
Then I quickly said, “Well, it hasn’t always been ‘that I just stutter’. It has been a source of shame and embarrassment for so long, and now it’s not”.
Then she said, “Oh, I guess its like how I felt about my self-esteem for a long time. That’s why I talk about that a lot.”
I didn’t feel it was quite the same thing, but it was indeed a good thing that we were even having a conversation about stuttering. For most of my adult life, I wouldn’t have been caught dead openly discussing stuttering with anyone, let alone a colleague at work.
Life needs purpose. I truly believe part of my purpose is to share what I have learned about living with stuttering with others who have not yet made room for it in their lives.
I went from feeling guilty, ashamed and depressed about stuttering to being able to talk about it openly in many different ways to many different audiences. It helps me to help others.
That is why it is such a big deal to me!
A Mom’s Story – Fighting Words
Posted on: June 30, 2010
- In: Posts
- 4 Comments
I can’t resist posting a link to a great essay a Facebook friend posted yesterday. The mother of one of the Friends regulars is a writer and posts many of her links and articles on her Facebook page.
Yesterday, she posted a link to an essay written by Elissa Wald, the mother of a young daughter who has just begun to stutter. The article is titled, Fighting Words. The subtitle states: A stutter has emerged. Why does everyone insist it is a gift?
The essay explores stuttering literature she has researched, including lists of famous people who stutter. She also reflects on her hopes for her child, that she somehow comes to terms with her stuttering on her own someday and lets her mom know about it.
This essay is honest, poignant, hits home and demonstrates the positive and healthy attitude toward stuttering that all parents should have. I hope as many people as possible read this article and leave comments for Wald on her own site.
She got me thinking about a whole lot of things, as I m sure it will do for you too!
Getting A Handle on Stuttering
Posted on: June 29, 2010
Somebody asked me yesterday for advice to help somebody get a handle on his or her stuttering. I took that to mean whats the best way to work towards acceptance.
I was flattered to be asked. I am not a speech professional and I am only four years into my own journey with stuttering acceptance.
I found myself emailing off a response right away, with no hesitation. I suggested that a person who stutters should be encouraged to talk about stuttering when ever possible, to whoever will listen. Ask the stutterer questions about her stuttering, things like, “how do you stutter? What does it feel like? What kind of emotions come up with stuttering?”
The more a person talks about stuttering, the more comfortable he or she will feel. It is the basic premise of desensitization. The person should also be encouraged to advertise that they stutter, as much as possible.
It may feel awkward at first. If you are like me, someone who had been covert for a long time, it will indeed feel awkward. And weird. And scary. I hated it when I first tried doing it – I felt more self-conscious advertising I stutter than actually stuttering.
Encourage the person to advertise or disclose in baby steps – maybe to one person or in one situation a day. Each time it is done, it gets easier. The easier it gets talking about stuttering, the less anxious she will feel about stuttering. Less anxiety about stuttering may then translate into easier, more relaxed stuttering.
As I wrote this email out, offering my advice as a person who stutters to someone looking for a way to help someone else to accept stuttering, I realized why I was able to respond so fast. Because it is exactly how I have become more comfortable with my own stuttering in the last four years. I talk about it whenever I can, to both help myself and raise awareness for others.
Oh, and if you can’t tell, I also write about stuttering too. A lot. It helps. Thanks Ruth, for the inspiration to write about this today.
We Love To Talk
Posted on: June 27, 2010
- In: Posts
- Leave a Comment
Patrice, Pam, Bob, Steve and Joe
Getting together with other people who stutter never has to be formal with a set agenda. My friend Steve and I decided to launch a monthly social gathering for people who stutter in our area to just get together over food, drinks and good conversation.
We might talk about stuttering or we might not. What’s important is that we are getting together and feel comfortable to talk and laugh about anything.
We are calling our social gathering “Chat & Chew Too”. We have adopted the name from good friend Russ Hicks, who hosts similar social gatherings in Dallas.
So far we have met twice, and have our time and place scheduled for next month. We plan to alternate the times, days and places in an effort to keep it flexible and reach as many people as possible who want to connect in a very informal setting.
We had a great time talking a little bit about this and a little bit about that. It was nice to meet someone new and catch up with old friends as well. I would recommend fun, regular, social gatherings for anyone but particularly for people who stutter. We love to talk!
What Stuttering Looks Like
Posted on: June 16, 2010
- In: Posts
- 12 Comments
I am learning a lot more about what stuttering looks like by editing audio. And I am reminded of two experiences that bothered me in the past, which now make more sense as I actually “look” at stuttering.
Above is a screen shot of my voice recorded and captured as a sound wave in the audio program “Audacity”. Notice how some of the audio looks “dense and thick” and some is just a straight line with no depth to it. Well, if you play that clip of audio, the part with no depth is where I stutter – its a pause or block.
Looks funny, doesn’t it? I never really understood how sound could look until I started using this type of editing software.
Podcasters (both the veteran ones, and newbies like me) use this free program to edit audio, much like you would if you were editing text. You can highlight, add, delete, copy and paste. It does take a little getting used to, but not as intimidating as I first thought.
When I did a radio program on NPR last month on stuttering, of course there was stuttering. It was expected that I stutter. That was the point of the talk, to raise awareness of stuttering.
Afterward though, the show’s producer asked me if I would record a testimonial for the radio station. They ask all the guests to do it. I just had to say my name, where I worked, and what I listened to and liked best about the station.
Well, after the first time, the producer suggested I try it again. After take 2, she asked what did I think. She said we could “edit out the stutters” if I wanted. I just looked at her. She said it was perfectly fine to leave them in. I said “Of course, I want them left in!”
She asked me to do it yet again, as she said it sounded like I was reading from a script. (I was!) She wanted me to sound natural. Each of the 6 times I recorded that testimony clip, I stuttered on the exact same words and in the exact same way. We didn’t change anything.
This reminds me of something similar about two years ago. I was feeling more confident than ever about speaking and how my voice sounded. I decided to “audition” to be a reader for the visually impaired through a program offered through our public broadcasting television station.
Readers read aloud from newspapers, books or magazines,and then people with visual impairments who subscribe to the service, can hear their favorite newspapers or magazines and keep up with the news. It’s a great program, and completely supported by volunteers.
Well, I “passed” my audition. I read a couple of newspaper articles. Because of my stutter, which I did not disclose to the woman listening to me, I can often speak with good modulation and pausing, and speak very deliberately, which is perfect for this kind of thing.
But when the audition was over, she gave me some editing orientation. I was going to have to edit my own stuff. She let me experiment in a studio for a while, and let me know that I would need to edit out any “dead air”.
I recorded several clips and produced sound waves like above. Because she was not in the room, I spoke more naturally and had some stuttered moments. I remember they looked exactly like this clip looks. She had shown me how to drag and click, and I could “trim” out the “mistakes”. I did not want to edit out my stuttering nor did I want to trim away “dead air”.
That was me talking. Those sound waves were my voice, my stuttering. What did I do? I erased the sample clips I did that day, cleaned up my work space,signed out of the studio, and left. And never went back.
I had largely forgotten about that until recording the testimonial last month. And now doing audio file editing, where I am actually seeing what my voice “looks like” in the form of a sound wave, I get what radio or TV people who don’t stutter “see”. They just see a sound wave with dead space that needs to be trimmed away. It is totally impersonal to them. There is no connection, the sound wave doesn’t represent a person.
But that stuff up there – those different lines, some dense, some not, that’s ME. That’s my stuttering. That’s what it looks like.
And I will never edit any of that out. EVER. So be it, right?
Feeling That Feeling
Posted on: June 11, 2010
- In: Posts
- 7 Comments
Last night, I had a great talk with a very special person. It wasn’t until I got off the phone with her that I realized how insightful our conversation had been. She is aware that I recently stopped attending a regular stuttering group that I had been part of for several years. (That itself is a long story!).
We both acknowledged that I now had a void in my life, but maybe it was an intentional opening to fill it with other things. We talked about how sometimes you don’t realize how something is really supportive until you “feel” how good it feels.
Just talking with other people who stutter, or someone who really gets stuttering, is support. Whether it be online, over the phone, or in person, just feeling that feeling that the other person gets you, understands and is not judgmental, is so powerful.
Support doesn’t need to come in the form of an organized meeting, at a certain time at a certain place. It doesn’t have to be therapy based, or a workshop, or with one person filling a certain role.
Nope, it can be as simple as just talking with another person who really and truly gets it. And we can create those personal networks all over for ourselves. I don’t have to wait for a certain time to attend a certain meeting. My support comes from all of the connections I have made, and each of us can do that for ourselves.
Meeting people through FRIENDS and the NSA has created many support opportunities for me. And it has extended through social media, other people’s blogs and podcasts, Skype and the phone.
Thanks so much, Lee, for reminding me of that.
Doing It Anyway
Posted on: June 4, 2010
- In: Posts
- 4 Comments
I got through the awards ceremony at school on Wednesday night, as I knew I would. It went well, considering the people element and human nature. What do I mean?
I had instructed the students who were to participate in the induction ceremony to arrive by 4:15, so we could rehearse. I figured most would arrive by 4:30. When 5 of the 15 were a half-hour late, I had to kick in with Plan B. Re-assign some of the student roles.
This would be our only rehearsal, as the students were coming from three different programs with different schedules. By show time, the last two eased in and took their seats. I asked the students to fill-in the late comers.
I went up on stage to the podium, took a deep breath, smiled and opened the proceedings. As soon as I began speaking the scripted lines, I noticed I was stuttering more than usual. My heart was beating a little faster, but I just kept breathing and moved forward. I stuttered on the first sound of many of the scripted words, which I could not substitute, and had some stuttered moments during multisyllabic words.
The candle lighting ceremony went well, considering we only had 5 minutes practice. Only one student fumbled with the switch on the fake candles. (Not allowed to use flames in a public building).
As I called the names of each student to come and get their certificates, I stuttered on most of the names. I could see out of the corner of my eye one student begin to rise and then sit again until I had finished his whole name.
Towards the end, after three students had each read a piece on courage, achievement and not limiting themselves (which I had thoughtfully selected and conned them into doing), I decided to be bold and make a comment about my stuttering. I started by saying that it takes courage to come up on stage and speak to a large audience.
And that I was proud of the student’s courage. And that I was showing courage myself, by not allowing stuttering to hold me back from what I needed to do.
After the ceremony, our Assistant Superintendent came up to me and congratulated me on a job well done. He commented, “you were pretty nervous, huh?” I said “no, I was just stuttering.” He looked surprised and said he never noticed that I stutter.
Then he asked a couple of questions, like had I done any work on my speech. And then he commented, “Oh, now that we are talking about it, I pick it up”. I think my face flushed at that. He concluded with telling me that he was glad that I do not let stuttering holding me back.
The following morning he sent me this note via email: “Just a quick note to again say ‘Fantastic Job’ last evening. I was very impressed with your advance preparation and presentation throughout the Induction Ceremony. We are lucky to have you working here! ”
The school psychologist came to me as well and said that she was impressed how I chose to mention my stuttering and tie it into the student’s theme of courage. She said it made a lot of sense to be upfront, put it out there and not leave anyone wondering.
This was the first time I had occasion to mention stuttering with these two people. It made me feel good!
With risk comes growth, right? And more and more acceptance.
Trying Not To Stutter
Posted on: May 31, 2010
- In: Posts
- 6 Comments
My school’s annual awards night is this Wednesday. Which means that I get to be up on stage, facilitating part of the program as adviser for our school’s chapter of the National Technical Honor Society.
I will be conducting the induction ceremony for the kids elected in to this prestigious club. I will lead them in a candle lighting ceremony, and then call each students name as they come on stage and receive their certificates.
This will be my third time doing this. So I should be totally comfortable with it, right? Wrong!
If you recall, I wrote about this at around this same time last year. When I did it for the first time in 2008, I felt very disrespected when my boss told me I had butchered the kids names when reading them at the ceremony. What he referred to as butchering was actually stuttering on the first letter or sound of the names.
I stuttered last year when I did it as well. But I had thrown in a quick humorous line about my stuttering to put me and the audience at ease.
So this year, it is two days away and I am feeling anxious. I would prefer not to stutter as I call the student’s names. So, I am practicing the names, to be sure I have the pronunciation correct and perhaps even a bit of timing or cadence so that it doesn’t “sound so much like stuttering”.
Ridiculous, isn’t it? I know in my head that it is ridiculous to worry about stuttering on the names, because I stutter, and it is what it is. But I do. I can’t seem to “turn off” the human propensity to worry about things that really aren’t that big of a deal. For I will probably be the only one thinking it is a big deal.
Everybody else (as they should be) will be reveling in the excitement of the night. And I will be obsessing if I sounded all right calling some names off that no one will probably remember in a day or two anyway.
So maybe, knowing that, I can just relax and get on with it and not make such a big deal out of it.
Whats the worse that can happen? My boss may call me in for some feedback again. Maybe this time, if he insults me, maybe I will have the courage to tell him how that makes me feel.
In the meantime, I am going to try to enjoy the rest of my Memorial Day holiday. Thanks to all the heroes who make it possible to even have the freedom to express myself in this way.
New Book – Hooray For Aiden
Posted on: May 27, 2010
- In: Posts
- 3 Comments
A new friend to the stuttering community has self-published her very first book. Karen Hollett has written Hooray For Aiden, a story book for children ages 4-9.
It is a touching story of self-discovery as young Aiden moves to a new town and worries about how her second-grade classmates will react to her stuttering.
At first, Aiden tries to hide her stutter from her classmates, which makes her sad. She has a caring teacher who helps her learn that it is OK to stutter and OK to be herself.
Karen is a person who stutters herself and knows first hand how challenging it can be for a young person in school dealing with any kind of difference. Karen sought advice and guidance from members of the stuttering community to make sure the book would help children, and parents and everyone else, get the message that stuttering doesn’t have to hold you back.
Hooray For Aiden has received positive reviews from professionals in the stuttering community and is sure to be a wonderful resource for kids who stutter. See some of the reviews here!
I am looking forward to hearing more about Karen’s journey with her stuttering. She will join me on an upcoming episode of the podcast “Women Who Stutter: Our Stories” . She will, of course, tell her story.
For more information about Karen and to buy the book, visit Hooray Publishing. Looks like Karen’s on to something.
Congratulations, Karen!
Make Room For The Stuttering 
What people are saying!