Make Room For The Stuttering

Pay Attention To Shame

Posted on: June 23, 2014

Last night in a Stutter Social hangout, a small group talked about shame and fear, and how both can still have a grip on us as adults who stutter. While stuttering may get easier as we mature, those pesky feelings can hold on and do a real number on us.

We were talking about the times when we as adults get laughed at or someone makes a joke about our stuttering. Three of us were participating in this discussion, and we all had examples of when this has happened.

One guy mentioned that when this happens, he feels like punching the person who is so insensitive. He gets all tight and angry, but doesn’t actually act on the desire to lash out. He said he actually doesn’t do anything but feels vulnerable and ashamed.

I mentioned that I sometimes feel ashamed as well, when someone laughs or teases and I don’t do anything, for fear of drawing more attention to the matter.

We discussed how it’s important to pay attention to this shame.

When we feel shame, it’s usually a sign that we need to do something – take action – to rid ourselves of the shameful feelings.

I shared that when someone laughed at my stuttering recently and made a joke, I let it bother me for a few days. Then I decided to email her and let her know it bothered me. She apologized and explained she was unaware she had made me feel uncomfortable. I felt better after doing something and not just letting the feelings eat at me.

What do you think? Do feelings of shame ever creep in? What can you do to lessen those feelings?





3 Responses to "Pay Attention To Shame"

Shame gets at me for a few days, then I usually talk to the person one on one explainong that I do have a stutter. Most of the time they’re apologetic, however there are those select few who dont care and seek to only add more pain.

I would love to join a stutter social when is the next one?

– James

Thanks for the read and comment. Shame is one of the toughest feelings to deal with, in my book.

We’d love to have you at a Stutter Social hangout – it is so good to talk to people who stutter and not just write. You can check the schedule here,

There is one on Wednesdays at 1:30pm NY time, Thursdays at 8:30pm NY time, and Sundays (my hosting slot – that I’m partial to) at 7:30pm NY time. I co-host with Annie B – we alternate every Sunday. It’s a great way to touch base, share and learn from each other. And they are truly international gatherings. 🙂

I was wondering if I could email you. I have some questions.

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