Make Room For The Stuttering

Posts Tagged ‘gratitude

It’s been such a rollercoaster year for me, as has 2021 been for everyone. I think we’ve gone through the quickest slowest two years ever.

For me personally, I’ve struggled with physical health and mental health issues and this year, everything has seemed so heightened and intense. It’s hard to live alone and experience a lot of changes. We all know that changes will occur in our lives, but I didn’t see it coming how fast things have happened for me.

I haven’t worked in over two years and have felt the strain and stress of constant worry and panic that I won’t have the means to support myself. My depression sometimes stalls me for days. I don’t sleep well at night so often sleep a lot during the day. I am always tired. Depression does that to you.

Physically, it’s been a lot harder to get around this year, as my neuropathy inflammation flares up much more often and sometimes I can’t even move my legs, as they throb from being so tingly and inflamed. So, I don’t get out much and barely exercise, even though I know it would be so good for me and help me sleep at night.

To say I have been really down is an understatement. I have not been myself. And I am one of those people who has a very hard time asking for help. I think because of stuttering I always tried to overcompensate and be a “people pleaser,” to get people to like me. I didn’t think anyone would like me because of stuttering. Silly now, but that’s what I thought for a long time.

I reached a breaking point a few weeks ago and needed help. Friends called me at the exact time I needed them to and they “talked me down from the ledge.” They probably saved me that night. They offered to help and I accepted it, with some initial shame that has now turned to pure gratitude.

These friends from the stuttering community opened their arms and hearts to embrace me and show me that I am not alone. The strength of the stuttering community lifted me up when I needed it the most. These friends dropped everything to help me and I couldn’t be more grateful.

The mission of the NSA never spoke louder to me. If you stutter, you are not alone.


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© Pamela A Mertz and Make Room For The Stuttering, 2009 - 2022. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Pamela A Mertz and Make Room For The Stuttering with appropriate and specific direction to the original content. Same protection applies to the podcasts linked to this blog, "Women Who Stutter: Our Stories" and "He Stutters: She Asks Him." Please give credit to owner/author Pamela A Mertz 2022.
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