I recently found myself listening to a friend analyze how my repetitions are actually my way of pulling out of a block. He said, “when you go ‘be-be-be’ before you actually say the word Because it’s so you can release the block.” 

He went on to say, “otherwise, the block would never end and you would just go on and on and on  . . . .”

I paused, greatly, and with such astonishment. I had never considered that. Honestly! I have never considered myself as someone who stutters with blocking as my main speech pattern. (Despite my previous post where I actually talk about blocking!)

The more I thought about it, however, the more I saw that this was indeed a true possibility. Just because I’ve never thought of my stuttering to be, in fact, blocking, doesn’t mean it’s not what I’ve been doing ever since, well, forever. Almost all stutterers I’ve known and met block. So I do too, regardless whether I’ve viewed it as such.

I used to spend so much time hiding my stuttering, virtually by choosing to avoid speaking, that it never occurred to me that I’ve always blocked and that my repetition pattern is just a way to cover up that blocking.

This has given me so much to ponder, as I’ve never really thought of myself similar to others who stutter primarily with blocks. For whatever reason, I’ve thought my stuttering has been “easier” than those who stutter pronouncedly with obvious blocks.

But I see it in a somewhat different light now, since I’ve allowed myself time to actually think about this.

It seems like I haven’t given myself much time over the last months to think about stuttering. I’ve been preoccupied with other things, namely health concerns, which have been much more of a priority than just plain old stuttering.

So is that what happens? When you stop thinking about stuttering, you also stop worrying about how and why you stutter? Or how people react when I stutter?

I wonder if this will open up new pathways for me to consider stuttering, simply because it’s not at the top of my priority list right now. Will I think more about what I am doing when trying not to stutter? Because that’s what stuttering is, right? Everything we do to try not to stutter.

I owe my friend a thank you for inviting me to think differently about how I talk.