Make Room For The Stuttering

Posts Tagged ‘acceptance

Short and sweet today, but exciting. My sister agreed to record a quick clip of us talking about stuttering, something I have never openly done with a sibling. I took a risk and asked her if she would be willing to do this, and she said yes! It’s really cool!

So she came over, and we recorded a little bit using my very cheap microphone and my audacity software. If I must say so myself, I think the quality of the recording came out pretty good. But more important is the quality and content of the conversation we had. My sister rocks! I am really glad to be able to share this with you. I am happy and grateful that at least one person in my family feels OK talking about stuttering with me!

Be sure to let me know what you think!

Kimberly and Pam Talk Stuttering

Copyright © 2009

Today I was talking to one of the teachers at school, in a rather relaxed setting. The kids had just gone home and we were just chatting about what a long week it had been and how “ready” everyone is for vacation.

As we talked, I noticed that I broke eye contact a couple times and at least once, I did the dreaded “eye squeeze”. That’s what I call it when I know I am going to stutter on a word and I involuntarily squeeze my left eye shut, almost in an effort to squeeze the word out. I hate when I do that. It tells me that I am uncomfortable stuttering around some people.

Its funny, this topic of eye contact, because I really hate it when someone looks away from me during stuttering moments. But here I am, talking about when I do it. That’s a first for me. I must be really in tune with myself these days.

This teacher and I have have never talked openly about my stuttering, as I have with some others. Maybe there was some sub-conscious fear of judgement on my part. The good thing was, I recognized I was doing it. The bad thing was, I recognized it while I was doing the eye squeeze, which made me very self-conscious. I noticed that he looked away too.

But guess what? Its not the end of the world.

I wanted to post about this so I could own that there is still stuff I need to work on. My journey towards growth and acceptance includes being aware of some of the little things. I continue to search for balance. Sometimes, there are two very distinct parts of me competing for attention from the inner me.

Life is really a balancing act. I attempt to meet the world head on, and look it in the eye. Even when I am the one looking away.

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© Pamela A Mertz and Make Room For The Stuttering, 2009 - 2021. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Pamela A Mertz and Make Room For The Stuttering with appropriate and specific direction to the original content. Same protection applies to the podcasts linked to this blog, "Women Who Stutter: Our Stories" and "He Stutters: She Asks Him." Please give credit to owner/author Pamela A Mertz 2021.
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