It has happened all week. Every time I have answered the front desk phones, I have stuttered on the word “help”. Every time. It is usually an easy, relaxed double or triple repetition of the “h”. No other word, just that one. And I knew I would stutter on it each time.

It hasn’t bothered me too much, because no one on the other end of the phone has reacted in any way. It has just been a little blip. But what has bothered me has been when anyone from the office has heard me stutter or someone walked by when I was on the phone and waved or something, at the exact minute I stuttered. That made me feel self-conscious. I am not sure why – it just has.

I found myself actually trying to use a speech target a couple of times. Can you believe it? I was feeling so self-conscious about it that I intentionally tried to slow down before saying “help” or gently trying to slide into the “h”. Nope – didn’t work! All week it has been “h-h-help”.

I just answered the phone now and did the usual, “May I h-help you?” I found myself rolling my eyes at myself. And I surprised myself doing that. Why has it bothered me all week? Who cares? I shouldn’t. But I do.

It is part of human nature to be aware of doing something we wish we didn’t, whether we have control over it or not. Most of the time, I am pretty OK with my stuttering, but I did find myself wishing that I didn’t answer the phone like this EVERY time this week. I did briefly think of changing what I should say, to drop the dreaded “h” sound, but quickly decided against that.

I am not going to do that. Then I wouldn’t be saying what I want or need to say. And thats what it is all about, right?

What do you think? Do you still find yourself feeling self-conscious sometimes, foolishly? What kind of conversation do you have with your self when this happens? Please share your thoughts.