I had the chance to do some follow-up with Adam about our gentle disagreement that we had about whether I should consider myself a stutterer since I don’t stutter as “nasty” as him.  That’s one of the great things about stuttering – we all stutter so differently that it is really a unique situation for each of us. And, emotions – forget it, they run deep. Of course, that’s not news, but the intensity of the “credibility” issue was for me. It kind of caught me off guard.

Jamie had posted a comment on my Facebook page calling me a “Stuttering Diva” since I’ve been so open and posted some Youtube videos. Adam’s response was that I should be called “Fluent Diva” since, in his opinion, I don’t stutter. He said that he had watched one of my videos and thought I was really fluent. Based on that, he said that I shouldn’t consider myself to be a stutterer, especially since I can’t compare to his “nasty stuttering”. 

So I responded to Adam, gently reminding him that every body’s stuttering is unique and situational, and that we shouldn’t generalize the stuttering experience based just on our own. I felt defensive, but I think I was pretty positive and upbeat in my comment to Adam.

Lucky for us, Adam responded and we corresponded about this. I asked him if it would be OK to quote him on my blog, and he gave his permission. So, thanks again, Adam, for bringing this whole fascinating phenomena to light (to me, anyway – I am sure its been discussed zillions of times).

There shouldn’t be competition between covert and overt stuttering, or mild and severe stuttering. We all stutter, period. And differently. (Interestingly,  episode #111 of Stuttertalk’s podcast, featuring Jamie, talks about some of these very same issues here).

So anyway, here’s what Adam had to say.

“I hope I didn’t sound too harsh. Sometimes when I get angry and extremely frustrated with my own stuttering, which is a daily event, I get awfully mad at myself, and I have no one to take it out on. So I often take out my anger and frustration with my horrid stuttering on people who I wouldn’t normally say mean things to. It’s hard having no one to vent my anger and frustrations with.

I probably would feel so much better and happy if there was a NSA support group in my area, but alas there’s not.  I would never intentionally make others upset–I’m just reacting to my own stuttering.

And if people have good or bad days where they are more fluent than others, in all honesty, I don’t remember the last time I have had a day where I stuttered less than others. I wish I could say there have been days where the words flow better than others–but I really don’t remember the last time I have had a day like that.

But–whether your stuttering varies from day to day or not–I wish you all the best in stuttering! God, what I wouldn’t give to live with lots of stutterers!! In a world where we were not mocked, and had fun. Like a utopia- a perfect world! But darn it- there is not a  NSA chapter close to me. I’m desperate to get some companionship with others that stutter. Strength in numbers always wins!”

I let Adam know that there is a NSA self help group closer to his area than he thought, and he said it was still too far away. I suggested he consider starting one of his own. I offered to help him. I also offered to talk on the phone or skype with Adam whenever he wanted. Adam declined, saying that he has to expend way too much energy and still can’t say what he wants,  and no one would understand his “nasty” stuttering anyway. I gently encouraged him to re-think that, because we stutterers have patience and that we would both benefit. He said patience didn’t matter, he is a long way from being ready for a phone conversation.

This whole scenario really touched me. Adam’s concerns deeply resonated with me. I was reminded that there is so much more to do, and that we have to build our community, one person at a time, so that we all feel comfortable in our own skin and communicating our own way. I Do Me!

Adam – You Rock! Know that the world loves you just the way you are!