I recently had a long conversation with one of my sisters, and among other things, we talked about stuttering. Now this is a rarity, because for many years, any mention of my stuttering was done in a cloak and dagger sort of way. Mysteriously whispered about, so my feelings would be spared.

My sister Kim and I sometimes have cautious discussions about stuttering. Cautious, because even though it is an “allowed topic” now, she will still tip-toe around it, to make sure I am really comfortable bringing it up. Once she’s sure though, whoosh, we’re talking about stuttering. It seems she always wanted to, even though no one else in the family ever wanted to talk about it. On the rare occasions it was mentioned, it was hush hush and a “we feel sorry for her” kind of thing. Kim says it would have been too awkward actually talking about stuttering, when the person stuttering seemed to pull it off a lot of the time that she didn’t stutter! (Say that three times fast!)

Kim told me that once she had been very angry with my mother’s husband Paul, when we were all gathered outside of a church the day of my sister Stacey’s wedding rehearsal. We all met in front of the church. When I got there, I said some sort of greeting to everyone, and Paul teasingly mimicked the way I said it. I remember it only vaguely. In those days, I didn’t say anything and kept the hurt to myself. Well, it seems Kim remembered it like it was yesterday.

Kim had overheard Paul’s remark, as did her son, Anthony. He had said to his mom, “why would Paul make fun of her like that? That’s terrible, and mean. He shouldn’t do that – she can’t help it.” (he was referring to my stuttering – wow – understanding as a kid).Kim told me she said something like she wanted to put Paul in his place, but didn’t, because she didn’t think I would want anyone calling any more attention to my stuttering.

I never knew that, until Kim shared it with me when we were just shooting the breeze and talking about stuff, and stuttering. That opened the door for us to talk about other stuttering related things. She told me there is a girl she works with who has a really severe stutter, and that some of the stroke patients she works with have sometimes stuttered. She told me she wished she could have asked me about stuttering and how it felt, so that she had a better sense of it when she meets others who stutter.

Having this conversation with my sister brought tears to my eyes. Just talking openly about it with a family member after so much silence was important, meaningful, had an impact. It has been one more step on my own acceptance journey, having a family member acknowledge that its OK and I’m OK.

We started talking about some of the doors that have opened up for me since I opened up about my stuttering and came out of the closet. I shared with Kim that I have loved traveling to conferences and talking and meeting with other people who stutter, and that stuttering has really allowed me to see the world in a whole new light. She jokingly said, “Boy, I wish I stuttered too”. She has no idea how good that was to hear.