Make Room For The Stuttering

Yes, But

Posted on: March 1, 2009

Sometimes I am really hard on myself. I have a hard time letting things in, accepting compliments, and accepting that really good things do happen in my life. I think this comes from feeling that I was never good enough, and always feeling pretty insecure. My parents had a lot to do with that. Even when people tell me that I have done something really well, I tend to try and find something wrong. It’s the “Yes, But” syndrome. Do you know it?

Yes, I got a 95 on the test, but I should have had a 98.

Yes, I did well presenting that topic, but I should have added a section about this or that.

Yes, the dinner I cooked tasted good, but I should have added more seasoning.

Yes, its nice when someone pays me a compliment, but it feels weird too. Like I don’t deserve it.

I seem to do this all the time, even when I really want to bask in a moment and feel proud of myself. It might have to do with my tendencies towards perfectionism, it might have to do with my stuttering, or it might have to do with really bad luck. Nah, I don’t buy that one. Its not luck.

A good friend tells me that the universe is conspiring to tell me something, that the universe talks to me more than most people. I get affirming signals every day from the world, but I try to ignore them. I seem to almost want to tarnish the good with bad.

Its hard to break these habits. It helps to have someone to talk things through with, and help me see the me that others see. It’s about developing insight, reflecting on self, and being comfortable with doing that. Sometimes, I really want people to tell me I have done a good job, or way to go, or I am proud of you. I never had that growing up, and I don’t have it with my significant other.

The universe is conspiring to tell me that I need positive affirmation, we all need it, and that it is a healthy and normal part of emotional well being. These are my promises to myself today:

I will not over-analyze a compliment. I will feel it, let it in, and say thank you.

I will accept the fact that I am not perfect. It is too exhausting to try so hard to be perfect.

I will allow myself to cry when I need to and not try so damn hard to hold it back.

I will cut down on the number of times I say, “Yes, but . . . . .”

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© Pamela A Mertz and Make Room For The Stuttering, 2009 - 2017. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Pamela A Mertz and Make Room For The Stuttering with appropriate and specific direction to the original content. Same protection applies to the podcasts linked to this blog, "Women Who Stutter: Our Stories" and "He Stutters: She Asks Him." Please give credit to owner/author Pamela A Mertz 2017.