“When I am silent, I have thunder hidden inside.” ~ Rumi

This quote really resonates with me about stuttering. Sometimes I don’t say things because I worry the words won’t come out the way I intended. 

I have always found it curious that stuttering can create such intimacy in conversation, if we allow ourselves to stutter openly and naturally. 

Stuttering is not just what we hear. It’s also about what we don’t hear.

When we block, with no audible sound or word coming out, something is still being said. There is a connection, as we, myself and my listener, wait for my words, if the listener chooses to wait.

We should choose people who choose us. That is how intimate and meaningful conversations happen – when we choose and make time and space to listen deeply, regardless of how we sound or how long it may take.

I have spent a lot of time recently reflecting upon and sharing my stuttering journey and how I’ve arrived at the very good place I find myself today.

It has not been an easy path – it’s been filled with trauma, challenge and often a great sense of helplessness. I have always been somewhat of a perfectionist and I’ve tried to control the things in life that I could as stuttering is one of those things that I could not. 

I don’t think I am a better listener because I stutter. Rather, I listen more deeply to stuttered speech and that includes stuttering that has no sound.

So much is said and shared in silence and we who stutter GET the opportunity to learn from silence and be patient and curious. How wonderful that is, to get opportunities like this.

Too often in our fast paced world, people rush to fill any moment of silence (however brief) because those moments can be uncomfortable and awkward. But allowing silence and giving space to reflect and process is the beauty of communication. There are challenges and opportunities. We can choose to stutter well. We can choose to struggle well. 

When people who stutter feel safe with each other to wait with curiosity and process what has been said or not said, that is a beautiful and intimate connection.

When I am silent, there’s a lot of thunder inside, often bursting to come out. But at this very good point in my journey, I am comfortable with silence and the very deep connections that shared silence can foster.