I used to love the phrase “your preaching to the choir”. A friend of mine at a previous job used to say that all the time. We would commiserate with one another and talk about how we would do things differently if we were ever in charge. I used to share my ideas of what we could do to make something better, and she would say that I was preaching to the choir.

I have never really considered any of my thoughts or ideas that I share with others to be preaching. I never try to persuade people that only my way of thinking is correct, or that everyone else is all wet if they disagree with me.

I started writing this blog a year ago just to put down on paper my thoughts and feelings about how stuttering has affected my life.  It has had such a grip on me for so long.  Putting voice to my feelings, worries and fears has been tremendously helpful and freeing. When I discovered that other people often felt the same way, and seemed to resonate with what I wrote it seemed to fuel my desire to write. I began to lose the fear I always had about my stuttering self.

This week, someone said that I should not be preaching about “acceptance of stuttering”, that my writing actually discourages people from working to overcome their stuttering. The person further went on to say that the reason I “preach” about acceptance is that I have not been able to overcome my own stutter. And what would happen if pilots, doctors, police, military personnel who stutter only focus on acceptance rather than work to overcome their stuttering. Lives would be at risk.  Promoting acceptance of stuttering is likened to putting lives at risk. I don’t think so – but everyone is entitled to their opinion.

Given that we know there is no known cure for stuttering, it makes a great deal of sense for people to accept that they stutter and may always stutter. Sure, for many people, the use of fluency shaping or stuttering modification techniques helps to manage the stuttering and help the person feel more in control. I like that too. I like to feel  in control, not the other way around. And for me, that has largely occurred because of accepting who I am, all of me, and valuing those very parts of me that I want others to see and value in me too.

We all wish we were more than we are, were more perfect “at” something or could “do” something more perfectly. Sometimes we chase after unrealistic goals or spend too much of our time missing out on opportunities because we have not accepted that part of our self that we wish we could change, or trade or make disappear.

I think it is much easier to move ahead with our life when we have accepted who we are and made a decision to love ourselves as is. When we love self, we can love others and allow others to love us. Acceptance of our stuttering is the core message of Friends, The National Association of Young People Who Stutter and the NSA, The National Stuttering Association.

Adults who stutter need to be accepting of self and show that acceptance so young people (and their parents) don’t fall into the traps of doubt and self-hate. When we accept ourselves for who we are, the stuttering just becomes a part of us and not all of us, and that is a message of hope. We need hope.

So if it sounds like I am preaching when I talk about MY stuttering and how it feels and what impact it has had on MY life, so be it. I would much rather talk about it, embrace it and share it than hide it away as something to be ashamed of that needs fixing. Because not everything needs fixing.

Right?