I have written before that I participate in a therapeutic support group for people who stutter on Monday nights. After group, I spend time with one or two student SLPs, as part of individual therapy for me and practical work for them. This program favors fluency shaping, although they do combine stuttering modification as well. I have generally resisted fluency shaping techniques, because I see them as making me covert again. Given that, I have never really internalized any fluency techniques and so never really practiced them.

I have used this time (quite productively, I think) to work on acceptance issues and explore attitudes and feelings. I have been honest about how it feels to have had changes in my stuttering pattern, which has resulted in more overt stuttering, including blocks. Which I don’t like! No kidding, right? No one likes getting stuck! Unless you stutter, you probably do not know what that truly feels like. So I have been working hard to accept this new pattern. I have tried volitional blocking, to be more aware of where I am getting stuck. It is hard enough to block, but to try and do it purposely is tough. Especially with someone watching me. I’ll get to that in a minute.

A critic of mine tells me that I talk too much about acceptance. That people who have really accepted stuttering don’t talk about it or write about it as much as I do. He says I shouldn’t be just enduring stuttering, I should be doing something to overcome it, then acceptance wouldn’t be an issue that needs talking about. No kidding? If it were that easy, parents and kids would have no problem whatsoever with stuttering, right?

So anyway, in my individual session Monday night, the two students and I got to work on attempting to feel and see where my blocks occur. Both students say they can see when I block – in my shoulders especially and even in my abdomen when I tense up and lose air flow. I did not realize that. I try to pay as little attention as I can to what the blocks look like. But I guess I wasn’t really “feeling” them either. So even though I felt very self-conscious, I allowed myself to stutter freely to “catch” the blocking. I used a word that I get stuck on a lot. “Quick”. While stuttering naturally on “qu-qu-qu-quick” and really paying attention, I was able to feel my throat constrict and felt the lack of air flow.

So then I was encouraged to voluntarily block on “quick”, and no kidding, I felt it. I really felt the block.  I was totally aware of my air flow being momentarily cut off, and I was doing it purposely! Yikes! I did it several more times, and was amazed to see that I could finally block purposely for the express purpose of feeling what it felt like. The students commented that again they could see the tension in my shoulders and abdomen when the air flow was squeezed off and I tried pushing the sound out.

I learned a lesson. I can really learn to desensitize myself by blocking purposely,and not feeling so flustered when it happens. Good friend Greg at stuttering.me has encouraged me to do volitional blocking as much as I can. I really didn’t think I could do it. But now I know I can. I need to know how it feels. Greg has also suggested negative practice, where I block as hard and as much as I can, in an effort to eventually be able to “turn off” the block. No kidding!

What do you think of the idea of blocking on purpose? Have you tried it? Can you see some benefit? Do you think it’s a bad thing to encourage acceptance?