My sister came to visit me today. We are both going through changes in our lives. She needed some help and I was able to provide it to her. We had a simple lunch together and shared and talked. She noticed something on my coffee table about stuttering and asked if I thought my stuttering had anything to do with the chaos we grew up with.

I told her that it is thought that stuttering is genetic and neurologically based, but that indeed environment plays a role in whether a child predisposed to stutter will stutter. She said she thought she had some of the problems she does due to the environment we grew up in.

My sister also left some books with me. She knows I love to read. I really need to get back to that. It is so pleasurable to read and get lost in the beauty of words.

One of the books she gave me is called “Daily Affirmations”. I turned to the page for today, October 31, and cried as I read this, as it fit perfectly for me today.

It resonated with me so much, I want to share it here.

On this day, I affirm what I see, what I feel and what I sense are real – I can trust myself. I validate my experiences, my senses and my intuition.

As a child, I was influenced by the “no talk” rule in my family,and I came to mistrust my perceptions. The constant denial that there was a problem in my home led me to believe that I was the one who was crazy. This pattern, more than any other, has caused me hurt and disappointment.

How many times have I disregarded my own warning signals? I have entered relationships that I knew were bad for me. I have rushed into situations that I knew were dangerous. How many times must I continue to walk into the same brick wall and bruise myself?

For years I’ve tried to move the wall. Today I will walk in a different direction. I am learning to avoid hurt by seeing people and situations for what they are – not for what I wish them to be. I am extremely capable of perceiving what is real. I will judge what lies ahead of me and make decisions in my own best interest. (Copyright 1985, Rokelle Lerner).

Wow! I read and re-read this several times. I have had many brick walls. Some I have climbed over, some are still in my way.

I recognize that so many times I have let my past, my stuttering, and fear make decisions for me. I cannot allow that. As I said in a post many months ago, I have “to do me”.  It is OK to do me. I seem to have lost sight of that. This affirmation reminded me that I need to get on course. The words tore into me and really got me thinking. Thanks Trish! (another sister I am getting a little closer with).

What about you?  Can you trust your perceptions?  Do you make decisions based on your needs or based on what you think others want you to do?