Make Room For The Stuttering

No Right or Wrong

Posted on: October 30, 2009

“Beyond the gates of right and wrong, there is a field. I will meet you there.”  (Rumi – sometime many years ago)

When I heard this recently, it resonated so deeply. I had a friend who lived by this every day. She is no longer with us, but she was one of those special people who believed in each person’s innate goodness, unconditionally. She never judged, and never saw life in absolute rights and wrongs. She lived in that field, and invited people to join her there.

The world is full of people who judge, and who can’t look beyond something we did or said, and hold that against us. Just as the world is full of people who judge us on how we sound or how we look or how measure up or don’t. And when we are judged, it is hard not to take it personally.  At one time or another all of us may have allowed another person’s judgement of us, right or wrong, to sully how we think of ourselves. As much as we know we should not, we internalize when people judge us from what they see or hear or interpret.

People who stutter are often judged unfairly. We are often presumed to be anxious, nervous, shy, emotional or less intelligent. If we internalize that, we can come to believe that we really are inferior to others. Many myths still abound about stuttering, because not enough of us who stutter do what we can to raise awareness and educate others. Each time that we stutter openly and with courage, we are educating someone who may not understand that experience. It is up to us be upfront, explain what stuttering is, encourage questions and be assertive. That also helps tremendously with our desensitization and helps us overcome fear of stuttering openly.

If we are judged negatively, we should try to take it in stride and not let it get under our skin. I did that for a long time, let it bother me, almost let it consume me. Not just stuttering, other things as well, but stuttering was certainly part of the formula.  There is no right or wrong with stuttering. It is part of who we are and part of what makes us so unique.

Negativity begets negativity,and being positive does the same. A very wise person recently gave me some simple, sage advice on how to handle negative energy, criticism and judgment. He said:

Remain “conscious” and fully “present”.. don’t panic.  Remember, your calmness can engulf the whole cosmos, if it is “total”, if it is “spontaneous”..

None of us are perfect. We need to remember that in a world that strives to be perfect. None of us should cast the first stone. My friend is surely looking down and smiling in approval as she realizes I remember her belief in people’s goodness. Rumi said it best – lets meet in the field. There is plenty of room.

What do you do when you are judged negatively? Can you let it go, with grace? I am going to continue to strive to do that.

1 Response to "No Right or Wrong"

Great Post! Consciously or unconsciously, we judge or we are being judged. It’s part of our life’s journey.

And, on a lighter note, I loved watching the recent Desperate Housewives S06E05 episode on “Judging”. It was funny, entertaining and thought-provoking. 🙂

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© Pamela A Mertz and Make Room For The Stuttering, 2009 - 2022. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Pamela A Mertz and Make Room For The Stuttering with appropriate and specific direction to the original content. Same protection applies to the podcasts linked to this blog, "Women Who Stutter: Our Stories" and "He Stutters: She Asks Him." Please give credit to owner/author Pamela A Mertz 2022.
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