While chatting with friend Ramma, he made a comment about my good writing skills. I thanked him, and shared with him that I always thought I could write better than I could speak. I started writing long ago, when I avoided most speaking situations. I always enjoyed writing. It made me feel good to see what I could do with written words. I could string words together and make them sound magical sometimes. I thought I couldn’t do that verbally.

Ramma said maybe there was a reason I stutter. Of course, I asked what he meant. He said maybe it was God’s plan that I write. That if I was fluent, maybe I wouldn’t have had the interest in writing that I do. That made me think.  Of a lot of things. Like what really is God’s plan for me, for us. Is there a pre-determined plan? I am not so sure of this, as I haven’t really had much of a relationship with God. And I also thought that if that was indeed the plan, that I was supposed to stutter so I would write, then maybe this is why it feels so right to write!

I went to a workshop last week on Theological Reflections. A small group of us talked of experiences that have shaped us, and how we are called to see spirituality in our unique life stories. We were asked to ponder if maybe we felt any of us were called to our current work or some other passion.

I felt uncomfortable sharing this with a group I didn’t know.  I feel the reasons why I write are highly personal. Yet, I post a very public internet blog. Doesn’t make much sense, huh?

I think we sometimes develop skills to compensate for areas that we think we are lacking. For years, I thought I shouldn’t let my voice be  heard because the words came out stuttered or blocked. I thought no one would want to listen. But I kept my journals and diaries private too, for the same reason. I thought I wasn’t a good enough writer that anyone would be interested in reading my words. Funny how we get so stuck. I was afraid to let anyone hear me – either my spoken or written word.

And now I am pondering if maybe writing is part of the plan for me, in the grand universal scheme. Is this my calling, like I was asked last week at the workshop? Was this God’s plan, that I not be fluent so that I would write, as Ramma posed?  Hmmmm. Just today I read an article about a workshop being held in my community about journal writing  for healing. It is being held in a place called The Center for Integrated and Holistic Health, and the workshop will help participants channel difficult experiences into transformative ones through journal writing.

I think thats what I have been doing with this blog.

What about you? Have you excelled in some areas because you think you are weak in others? Do you think the universe designed that to be so, for us to maximize our strengths?