Make Room For The Stuttering

Trust Your Stuttering Self

Posted on: July 8, 2009

Trust who are – not who you think you should be or what you think the world wants you to be. I have heard this before and have shared it with other people. I have been in the business of counseling and helping other people for 25 years, but very often can’t see the forest through the trees when it comes to me. That’s why I sometimes feel so self-critical. “Hello, you help people every day, why can’t you do it for yourself ?”

If I knew the answer to that, I would be peaceful, balanced, secure that I have finally figured it out. And I probably would stop writing, because I would know the answer and there would be nothing left to explore.

I think I have figured a little something out lately with my shift in stuttering. I am not trusting myself to go through this change. I do not trust that it will be OK. It was like how I felt the first days after getting fired.  I was so afraid that I would fall on my face that I didn’t do anything for a while that would put me in a positon to fall. I didn’t want to, couldn’t, risk anything.

I stayed in bed for three whole days, until I just literally couldn’t anymore. Then I got up and started moving. And kept moving so fast. I think what I was doing was literally blotting out the feelings, so I wouldn’t have to deal with what had changed. I didn’t trust myself to move through the change, and just be with it, feel it, learn from it.

Thankfully, I did eventually, and learned how that experience really was the beginning of the rest of my life.

And this part of my life, this part with new stuttering, I think I have to just trust it. Just like before, if I project confidence and stay other-focused, good things will happen. If I don’t trust my stuttering self, everyone around me will know. I wear my emotions on my sleeve and face. You can tell when something is not right with me. I can tell. I can feel it.

So here it is again: Trust who are – not who you think you should be or what you think the world wants you to be. This is my challenge to you, and me! I am going to trust myself. How about you?

Copyright © 2009

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3 Responses to "Trust Your Stuttering Self"

Thank you for this entry. This past week I’ve lost a big part of who I thought I was, and I’m still reeling from it.

It’s always more difficult doing the right thing for oneself than it is doing it for others. Why, I do not know. It just is. Even though you know what to do, it’s just not possible without a push from someone or a little support. It’s hard doing things on our own basically. (For me anyway)

I wish I wasn’t so able to hide my feelings. That way I would have to speak up when there was something bothering me. But most of the time, I don’t.

You know I like your challenges Pam, but this one is a very difficult one for me. I have a tendency of looking at myself through the eyes of my “enemies”. It’s so much more believable than what I see in the eyes of my friends. I will however take you up on your challenge, and try my best to trust myself, set my own goals, and reach them. Thank you for another great post!

I trust you, Pam.

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© Pamela A Mertz and Make Room For The Stuttering, 2009 - 2017. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Pamela A Mertz and Make Room For The Stuttering with appropriate and specific direction to the original content. Same protection applies to the podcasts linked to this blog, "Women Who Stutter: Our Stories" and "He Stutters: She Asks Him." Please give credit to owner/author Pamela A Mertz 2017.