Make Room For The Stuttering

How Covert Is Covert?

Posted on: May 26, 2009

Profound title, huh?

I am learning more than I ever thought I would from writing this blog. I really wasn’t sure if people would read my thoughts. A couple people had told me there might not be much of an audience for this topic. Of course, there are quite a few other stuttering blogs, but I like to think mine is a little different. This is very similar to the paper journal I used to keep, but a whole lot neater, much more legible, and very honest.

To my surprise, I am getting readers. Or hits, as I am learning they are called in the blog world. I know people are reading, because they are commenting. That interaction is really helping to propel this journey. For not only am I sharing, I am healing as well, and to know that others are getting something from this speaks very profoundly to me.

But there is something else going on here. I am getting quite a few email comments from folks who are reading and liking what they read. But they don’t want to post publicly on the site. They tell me that the Internet is, well, too public.

That really speaks volumes about the complexity of the covert struggle.  Here they are, reading about a covert’s experiences with stuttering (well, maybe I am officially a recovering covert now), but they are unwilling to make a public post. Are they afraid of being seen by someone who will assume they stutter if they are found to be reading this site? Am I right? Is this a correct assumption, or I am so close to the subject that I am making too much of this?

Some of the readers are stutterers, and some are not! Are those that don’t stutter afraid someone will assume they do if they post?

Was I ever that afraid? Yes, I was and still am sometimes. I would go to great lengths to keep my stuttering a secret, my little secret. Mostly, my fear is workplace related now, and to some degree, some fear of social punishment still persists. I want to feel accepted and loved, as we all do. Its human to fear rejection.

This covert thing is really remarkable, isn’t it?  Three years ago I had never even heard of the term “covert.”  And look at me now!

The journey continues!

Copyright © 2009

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6 Responses to "How Covert Is Covert?"

I do wonder if people will think I stutter because of the things I post on Twitter and the people to whom I post, but I don’t really care. 🙂

I should add, though, that for a while I was a “covert Catholic” online because the groups I participated in took a dim view of Catholicism. Since I’ve been open about being Catholic, I’ve felt a lot freer, and I haven’t been directly attacked by some of the people I thought would attack me.

Pam-
I am on a similar journey and don’t think you can ever be too covert! You have reached alot of people ,including me and you should be proud of yourself!! Because of what you share, I can not only grow myself but also help my clients. Keep it going!!Lori

Also, your blog is great. Maybe one day you can teach me how to do so much technically on a blog. Computers are not my thing, but stuttering is (ha!)

Hi Pam!

Thanks for dropping by at my stuttering post. About the “covert” thing, it’s something I’ve noticed too. My blog is mostly about poetry, and most other poets who drop by leave a few words – just a comment, to say hi, whatever. But my post on stuttering, had above-average hits but only 2 comments.

It’s a really interesting phenomenon that makes you wonder. Do stutterers’ fears extend beyond talking, to any form of expression? Do people stutter because they are shy? And etc.

Anyway, have a lovely day!

Thanks for all the replies. This seems to be one that provokes a lot of thought. Kind of reminds me of people on a covert email list that very rarely post. They are fondly known as “lurkers”.

And Sam’s point; do stutterers fears extend beyond talking, to other types of expression? Quite possibly so – maybe this can be more thoroughly researched one day! Good stuff.

Some people have thought I stutter because I’m in the “stutter group” on twitter. And talk about stuttering as much as I do. And that’s fine. I don’t have a problem with that. I do tell them I don’t though, cause I don’t want to deceive anyone…

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© Pamela A Mertz and Make Room For The Stuttering, 2009 - 2017. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Pamela A Mertz and Make Room For The Stuttering with appropriate and specific direction to the original content. Same protection applies to the podcasts linked to this blog, "Women Who Stutter: Our Stories" and "He Stutters: She Asks Him." Please give credit to owner/author Pamela A Mertz 2017.