Profound title, huh?

I am learning more than I ever thought I would from writing this blog. I really wasn’t sure if people would read my thoughts. A couple people had told me there might not be much of an audience for this topic. Of course, there are quite a few other stuttering blogs, but I like to think mine is a little different. This is very similar to the paper journal I used to keep, but a whole lot neater, much more legible, and very honest.

To my surprise, I am getting readers. Or hits, as I am learning they are called in the blog world. I know people are reading, because they are commenting. That interaction is really helping to propel this journey. For not only am I sharing, I am healing as well, and to know that others are getting something from this speaks very profoundly to me.

But there is something else going on here. I am getting quite a few email comments from folks who are reading and liking what they read. But they don’t want to post publicly on the site. They tell me that the Internet is, well, too public.

That really speaks volumes about the complexity of the covert struggle.  Here they are, reading about a covert’s experiences with stuttering (well, maybe I am officially a recovering covert now), but they are unwilling to make a public post. Are they afraid of being seen by someone who will assume they stutter if they are found to be reading this site? Am I right? Is this a correct assumption, or I am so close to the subject that I am making too much of this?

Some of the readers are stutterers, and some are not! Are those that don’t stutter afraid someone will assume they do if they post?

Was I ever that afraid? Yes, I was and still am sometimes. I would go to great lengths to keep my stuttering a secret, my little secret. Mostly, my fear is workplace related now, and to some degree, some fear of social punishment still persists. I want to feel accepted and loved, as we all do. Its human to fear rejection.

This covert thing is really remarkable, isn’t it?  Three years ago I had never even heard of the term “covert.”  And look at me now!

The journey continues!

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