I knew I would eventually get around to trying to answer this question. It’s been asked before.

There is a whole community of people who think stuttering is a gift. The guys over at Stuttertalk talk about it a lot, with guests and listeners. Russ Hicks wrote a great paper about it and regularly talks about his gift of stuttering. Anita Blom ponders whether it might be a gift or poison. When asked about it myself, I have repeatedly said no, my stuttering is not a gift. My ability to communicate effectively is the gift.

I may be re-thinking this a bit. I may have been using a  “Cop -Out.”  Maybe by saying it this way, “effective communication is the gift”, I had really just been trying to avoid relating stuttering to something good. Because for most of my life, I had considered stuttering to be something bad. And I was really good at avoiding. Avoiding is easier than dealing with something difficult. But why would considering my stuttering to be a gift be difficult?

Someone at work recently asked me, “So, do you think your stuttering is a blessing?” Instead of answering straight out, of course I asked her why she asked. (A piece of me was incredulous that someone would think that about my stuttering). She said because my stuttering seems to give me “strength and confidence, and that it creates such a presence.”

Whoa, I could hardly believe that. Presence? Stuttering? Me? I had never thought about it like this. But Heather’s question made me think about those I have met who truly do believe that stuttering is a gift. (Eric, Russ, Peter, Joe, Greg – hmmm, mostly guys!) They all have  presence. Am I finally ready to believe this about my stuttering?

I began thinking of what “gift” means, and how I have felt when given a gift. To me, a gift has always been something unexpected that has made me happy or feel special. I have always felt partial towards the non-material aspect of gifts – like someone giving the gift of time, or their wisdom, or just giving something of themselves, saying the right things at the right time. Those gifts have always had meaning.

Dictionary.com defines gift as “a special ability or capacity; natural endowment; talent.” And “something given voluntarily without payment in return; present.” Heather told me that my stuttering enables me to reach people and leave them with something.

That sounds kind of heady! But I have felt really good and special when I talk to people about stuttering and what effect it has had on my life, and how accepting a challenge makes a person stronger. It feels good when I know that I have connected with people. When I am really honest and get emotional, I can feel that connection with others, because sometimes I see the same reaction.

Like when I told my childhood stuttering story to a parents group, and I got choked up at the end. When I glanced up, I saw a couple people with tears in their eyes. Moments like that let me know that maybe “being willing to share my stuttering experience” is the gift that I can give to others.

That still sounds like a cop-out to me. A couple of people have commented or emailed about this blog that some of my honest writing (and sharing) has brought them to tears. Me too. When I write about the real stuff, it moves me to tears, because I know that by sharing part of me, I am touching lives. Some that I’ll never even know.  And that is pretty special.

So, that must be it. Sharing is the gift. The definition says gift is giving something voluntarily, without expecting payment in return.  But I still haven’t answered the question. Is stuttering a gift? Why is that so difficult for me to answer?

I will leave it to you. What do you think? Is stuttering a gift?  I remember CrickettB commented on an earlier post that maybe I am a gift, and stuttering is the wrapping. I knew I wanted to come back to that. Can our differences be the wrapping on the gift of ourselves?

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