I am a reader, a lover of books. Very often, a passage or quote will move me in a special way. Such was the case when I started reading a book I recently picked up at an independet bookstore. This shop is one of those where you can get lost in the aisles for hours or even sit on the creaky wooden floor with a treasured book and the sales people don’t get upset. As a matter of fact, they encourage that. I have done that many times, and lost track of time.

In this particular instance, I brought the book called “Broken Open” by Elizabeth Lesser. It is a spiritual account of how people weather change and transition. The question is asked: “Will we be broken down and defeated, or broken open and transformed?” One of the short chapters called Open Secret begins with an excerpt from Rumi, the timeless poet who wrote poems so alive that they still glimmer with freshness even eight centuries later.

The piece that moved me is so simple:

“Learn the alchemy true human beings know. The moment you accept what troubles you’ve been given, the door will open”. (Jelalluddin Rumi).

This can apply to many things in life – job loss, disaster, death, abuse, and stuttering.

The moment, hour, day that I accepted my stuttering, doors opened, wide. I had been broken down by fear and shame, and wore my stuttering like chains of shame. (I wrote a poem called “Chains of Shame”. It is posted on this blog on 2/16/09).

It was dark and heavy, being broken by my stuttering. I was fearful all of the time, and lived in terror that someone might find out I stutter and burn me at the stake or something. I much prefer this way, being broken open. My stuttering has opened doors for me, and I am walking through them, hell, sometimes running. I am now breathless and eager, instead of cautious with pounding heart.

We allow ourselves to be broken down or broken open. The choice is ours. My stuttering has become an open book. Anyone is welcome to read it, or better yet, lets read it together.