Make Room For The Stuttering

Ice Melt

Posted on: March 17, 2009

Writing helps me to be wonderfully reflective, which is a good thing. When we reflect and have the courage to share, we never know who we might impact, and that’s always a good thing.

So today, I find myself reflecting on why I have such a hard time accepting compliments and enjoying that it just FEELS GOOD when someone says something nice. I have been working on it, trying to allow myself to let the good things in and experience that pleasant rush. But its not easy for me.

I seem to have a problem practicing what I preach. Not a unique problem – we all fail to walk the walk sometimes. But it is far easier for me to give rather than take, encourage others to shake things off, and remind people to tell themselves that they are good and special.

But I rarely do that for myself. My wise friend tells me that its common for caregivers to almost never do for themselves, out of habit, and maybe even guilt. But it really is important, and for those of you reading, I encourage you to pat yourself on the back once in a while. Give yourself a high-five, go ahead and do a fist-pump. If I was a doctor, I would be saying, “Physician, heal thyself”.

So, what brought on today’s reflection? This afternoon, someone asked my advice. She was having a tough day, and admitted that she often feels that she is not good enough, and wanted to know how I talked myself out of moments like that. I reminded her of all the good things she does and of the difference she makes every day. We talked about how unproductive negative self-talk is, and how we need to replace it with positive self talk. Easier said than done!

But then she simply said, “I admire you. You are so talented. You’re such a blessing.” Did I say thank you? Noooooo. I immediately said, “Oh, I’m not that talented”. Which opened the door for her to say, “yeah you are”, and instead of bantering it back again, I just smiled and nodded.

It feels funny when someone compliments me, because for so long I didn’t think I deserved it. That emotional baggage – it can wreak havoc. I talked about that recently at a stuttering workshop that I helped present. That the stuff below the iceberg is the really tough stuff.

But we can melt some of the ice by allowing the good stuff in and feel the warmth that comes with it.

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© Pamela A Mertz and Make Room For The Stuttering, 2009 - 2017. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Pamela A Mertz and Make Room For The Stuttering with appropriate and specific direction to the original content. Same protection applies to the podcasts linked to this blog, "Women Who Stutter: Our Stories" and "He Stutters: She Asks Him." Please give credit to owner/author Pamela A Mertz 2017.